Short Nap Trap/Failure Mom :(

chimirossi

I feel like such a failure. My 3 month old LO hasn't learned how to self-soothe or to go to sleep. We didn't know about putting him to sleep groggy but awake, so he's been rocked to sleep every night and every nap since he was born. Now, I come home from work daily to an exhausted husband and an overtired baby who is whiny, cranky and irritable. He takes 4-5 naps a day, but (other than the first one, which is generally 2 hours) they are all 30-40 minutes. He doesn't transition to the next sleep cycle by himself, and wakes up still tired, needing to be put down again in another 45 minutes. ALL. DAY. LONG. Our lives revolve around his nap time, and we are just exhausted. It has taken nearly all the joy out of our days with him, as he's always tired and mad. I read about other babies who might go a whole day without crying. Mine isn't collicky. He's just overtired every single frickin day, and I feel as if it's all my fault. I am so stressed out that I have a huge cold sore on my lip, swollen lymph node, and I feel like I'm going to cry at the drop of a hat, even at work. It's not PPD, but it does feel like it sometimes. I'm just so tired from nursing him all night and then dealing with an angry baby when he is awake during the day. I feel like we are trapped by his short naps. I know he is young, but it feels like we messed him up and we don't know how to fix it. CIO isn't an option---12 hour roadtrip with him last week where he was up for nearly 9 hours straight being fussy showed us that CIO wouldn't even really work for him. Any suggestions how to lengthen the naps? How to wean from rocking? How to get my sanity back?

MomofEv+1

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and can sympathize completely because my first was very much like this. I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound abnormal. Most babies at this age nap for short amounts of time and need help transitioning during naps. Longer naps take many months to develop. As for rocking, I have done this for both my children. There are a lucky few who can put their babies down groggy at this age. You haven't done anything wrong and it's not your fault. Just do what you can to survive at this point and I hope you feel better soon.

sharonholck28

I didn't know about the groggy thing either. My LO only falls asleep by nursing to sleep. She hates pacifiers, hasn't quite found her thumb yet either. And while I do get occasional good 1-3 hour naps, the majority is 20-40 minute naps if I'm holding her. She used to nap really good in her swing but now she doesn't even really do that so I feel trapped to the rocking chair not moving cause if I do the beast awakens. I don't think you've done anything wrong either. I am amazed at the groggy but awake children cause if I put her down groggy she awakens immediately. I would just keep trying different things. The swing, go for a car ride, we still swaddle too. We also have let her start sleeping on a boppy in her crib cause it's easier to slide out from under her. Walking/baby wearing. White noise machine or AC. I hope you get some rest soon!

laurabwalker

Yes my baby at 3 months has been doing this, I only get one slee cycle, and usually maybe two naps a day, until today I always got a morning nap within an hour of getting up, but not today! Wouldn't even do the morning. I've tried everything. My baby will never go to sleep drowsy, I have to put her to sleep. Basically I have stopped trying to nap her hourly. It made me insane. I only nap in her in a dark room she's not an on the go napper, she loves to see the world lol. I used to bounce rock shush pat for up to 40minutes, I'm not doing it anymore, 20 is my max. 

Mizuiro007

Like @MomofEv+1 said, you haven't failed at all. We knew about groggy but awake and it never worked with DS. We were rocking him until he was just over a year old and just before DD was born and heaven forbid he woke up moving him to the crib.

DD started out doing groggy but awake. She has found her thumb and can self soothe. She also fights sleep and has to be held and rocked with her blankets and her music. She has about a thirty minute nap every 2 hrs and is cranky most of the time in between. It's completely normal. It sucks but it does pass. Just like they get more efficient at eating and burping, they get better at sleep and falling asleep. It'll get better and worse in waves but it always gets better.

My first would only sleep doing skin to skin in the beginning, then a swing, then rocking. After a while it felt like we had to trick him and convince him we weren't trying to get him to sleep so he wouldn't fight it and just start screaming. DD is just a picky little princess and must have things just so. What's worked with her lately is since we've been giving her gas drops regularly, and treating her reflux so she's more comfortable, and I bedshare with her for naps as much as possible and just hold her when it isn't. Far from ideal but it keeps her from waking up too soon so she's more rested. I'll also dreamfeed her some like I would at night. Her brother is on a routine and she seems to have started fitting her naps in with it. So her naps usually happen around the same time each day and we can plan for them.

kdoak2015

Yep completely normal, I struggled the first few days this happened and once I did my researched and realized sleep cycles are now developed and she can't transition on her own I also felt like a failure and I still do when I can help her transition into the next cycle but I just stop beating myself up over it
and deal with it. These phases eventually pass and they sleep longer. I think it just happens on its own. 9 hours awake isn't good for babies this young though. My DD generally isn't grouchy just looks tired. By 6:30pm she starts to get grumpy after her bath and it's a quick bedtime. Good luck, keep your head up and you'll make it!!

lalg28

I'm in the same boat. I am doing the up and down method with moderate success...it's a battle.

kdoak2015

What's the up and down method, I could Google but don't feel like it lol.

andreaAL11

@kdoak2015https://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/pick-up-put-down-technique

JulieK79

You are definitely not a failure. My son almost never took a nap that was not 40-45 minutes. He finally started taking longer naps that were 2 hours long around 5 months when he could roll over and sleep on his tummy. I feel like I spent my whole maternity leave trying to get him to nap longer. I tried every trick in the book and nothing worked. My doctor told me at the time it was typical at that point for babies to only nap 30-45 minutes. I remember always thinking, "Either sleep longer or be able to stay awake longer. I don't care which one - you take 4 or 5 naps a day." My happy thought going back to work at the time was that I'd get a break from putting him down for naps all day long. Im sorry it's been so rough for you guys. Is it warm where you live? There were a lot of times I'd just stick him in the stroller and go for a walk or stick him in the car seat and go run errands because I knew he'd sleep for a decent amount of time and I wouldn't have to deal with the short naps all day long. Hopefully once your little one gets a bit older he'll sleep longer!

millieb14

You're not alone and like others have said, I gave up and just stopped trying. I swear the day I decided to give up forcing naps was the day she decided to nap LOL. 

JackJacktheCat

My baby is one of those that rarely cries, but she will not nap on her own, ever. I hold her & nurse her & rock her to sleep at night & for every single nap. Then I don't dare put her down, even after she's asleep. At night she goes 6-12 hours for the first stretch (I know I'm lucky with that), but daytime naps.... 20 min usually, and that's with me holding & rocking her. If she gets a 2 hour nap it's because I put in work! Rocking, patting, pacifier, boob, more rocking. I'm really touched out by the time my husband gets home because I've literally held her for 9.5 hours striaght. If it takes him 15 min to unwind from work & be ready to take her, I am angry & resent him, because I need to pee & eat & do stuff I can't do when she is sleeping on me for half the day. I really don't know how to put her "down" for a nap.... She wakes up almost instantly. Maybe 10 min -15 min. I've tried everything. I'm giving up & holding her & working my way through Netflix. I clean & shower & pump after she goes to bed. I don't know any other way. It's really affecting my marriage though. My husband wants to be affectionate but I can't stand him touching me when he gets home. I just want to hand over the baby and be by myself in a different room for an hour before its time to get her ready for bed. 

ksrkim

I had these similar emotions last week when I worked all week to help DS nap better and got absolutely nowhere. Plus he is still up every two hours at night to the point where I stopped nursing him and am giving him formula at night. That didn't even help. 

I have no advice but know that you are not alone. 

chimirossi

Thanks for all of your support. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. My husband and I get so frustrated because LO gets SO whiny all the time when he's only been up for an hour, and then it takes so long to get him to nap. It's just discouraging when he wakes back up so soon and is already cranky from being overtired. I want to be able to relax and enjoy this age, but it's hard!

nrayyes

Hi. Have things gotten any better? Just wanted to say, I feel ya! You're not alone and not a failure. Our son is the same. I went back to work last week and I feel bad that my husband has to spend all day basically trying to put him down for naps. Spending 40 min. putting baby down for a 30 min. nap! he also takes 30 min. naps - 4 or 5 of them a day. It's crazy, and SO frustrating.  I'm hoping it will pass, too.  If you are nursing all night can you try cutting out some of those night feedings, so you can get some rest?  rock him or do whatever you have to at night to get him to go back to sleep w/out eating (if you can). our pedi says they should be eating once in the motn at this age (once every 6 hours or so).  Ours still eats usually twice. but he does wake up at other times wanting to eat.  However, if it has only been 2-3 hours since he last nursed, we put him back to bed without feeding. ( of course you need to be sure your baby is big and healthy enough).  It's not easy. he does cry, but with the pacifier we eventually get him back to sleep.  good luck!

kdoak2015

My DD started taking longer naps but i basically have to nap with her or hold her and help her transition to the next sleep cycle.

poupoule

My baby is 4.5 months old (end of november) and she used to be nursed to sleep at night. Well this week she does not want to anymore. She eats then talks loudly to me so I can place her in her crib, where she falls asleep by herself, the first night it took me an hour to figure it out, second night I put her down as soon as she started to babble loudly and she was gone! I was really not expecting it.
I hope your baby will do a similar transition too. She takes two 1:00/1:30 naps during the day and two 30-40 min ones. It is normal and she is not overtired (at the end of the day she is tired more quickly though). 

missphil

My son napped pretty well before but recently the naps have gotten shorter and shorter. We introduced white noise (waves crashing) for the first time yesterday- it seems to be working.

aaaand he just woke up as I am writing this

at least it was an hour long nap 

lnadler519

https://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/babies/teaching-your-baby-to-put-himself-to-sleep I found this to be a helpful way to wean off of rocking we rocked our son to sleep and then I started to do this. It took about 3 weeks and now I have been putting him down for naps and let him cry for a few min and most times he falls asleep on his own with 5-10 min of fussing.

nrayyes

lnadler519 said:

https://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/babies/teaching-your-baby-to-put-himself-to-sleep I found this to be a helpful way to wean off of rocking we rocked our son to sleep and then I started to do this. It took about 3 weeks and now I have been putting him down for naps and let him cry for a few min and most times he falls asleep on his own with 5-10 min of fussing.

This sounds like an interesting approach. We do use a pacifier sometimes to help him sleep, which I'm afraid is a bad habit.  I was just wondering -- what about at bedtime? Do you not feed right before bedtime? If you do feed before bedtime (which we do) is that negatively reinforcing the sleeping/sucking association? Thanks. 

chimirossi

none

kdoak2015

Umm an hour and a half is way to long IMO to let a baby cry. Especially this young. They need to develop these skills on their own. Eek I would suggest doing some research and picking a sleep training strategy is this is something you are serious and admit about doing. Bouncing all over the place is only going to confuse your baby!  

Knottie65841689

You try crying for an hour and a half and see if you are not all worked up. Thats an awful long time. Im sure the cry it out method specifies stretches, not 90 minutes. >.<

kdoak2015

Knottie65841689 said:

You try crying for an hour and a half and see if you are not all worked up. Thats an awful long time. Im sure the cry it out method specifies stretches, not 90 minutes. >.<

I agree how fricken brutal! I'm crying for the child!

kdoak2015

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