So my relationship with my family has always been somewhat distanced, but dh in true mediterranean manner is very close w his fam. His mom has requested to "help" after delivery now which I declined bc its my first baby, I want to get to know her and I don't want to feel responsible for my mil when Iget home from the hospital, probably Iin pain, probably sleep deprived. Dh freaked out and said his mom had a right to be there. Long story short, theyll be there 5 days straight the moment I get out of the hospital. Am I overreacting or would you be stressed out about this as well? Can't sleep right now bc the thought of having to make conversation and being observed allthe time is killing me.
Re: mil wants to help after delivery
Does your DH realize how physically and emotionally draining having a baby is? Also, if you're stuck with them coming anyway, does he have a plan for how they'll help so that you aren't stuck entertaining/talking/fending people off for a week?
Edited typos
Is your husband willing to reconsider, and perhaps let them visit after you've had a week or two to settle in? I understand he's close to his family, but his wife's needs should come first.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
Play up the fact that you'll be recovering and that you want time alone with him and the baby, that you like his family a lot - and cannot wait to see them all ... in a week.
Good luck!
Do I have to add my mil never worked during her pregnancies? Easy to be joyful when you just hang out at home everyday. Can't wait to hear their opinion on my parenting now. Lol
My MIL was/is in charge of helping with the older kids, meals, and cleaning. As much as MIL can be annoying, it was really good to have her there so I could get a lot of bonding time with the DD2 and not have to worry about meals or the house and having some else to go to the store if I needed something and entertain the other kids if I just need the nap. That first week with the baby is amazing and brutal at the same time
Long story short: it may not be as bad as you fear if you make sure she knows what things she can help with beforehand that you are ok with (and it doesn't have to be baby related tasks) and she understands it's not about her, it's about helping you.
Your husband had better be home while they are staying - and he can be the one entertaining his family! They better cook and clean for you!!
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
It's funny how different my mom's generation is. She asked me who was going to help me when I come home from the hospital. When I said "my husband" she said "oh, he won't be interested in that." Thanks, mom.
You really think FIL is going to be helping with food and meals while you sit around and nurse your baby all the time in the comfort of your own home?
You think MIL isn't going to want as much of that new baby and new baby time as possible as well since she "came all that way"?
If while they are visiting things get too much and your DH can't or won't shut MIL down to her entitlements to your special bonding time and recovery time you can take your LO and go to a hotel while everyone visits and DH caters to his guests while you are recovering and taking care of a newborn.
This is an essay about people visiting you after birth and staying with you
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this
This link leads for a forum called dealing with the in laws. You might find it empowering to learn how to deal with in laws who are criticizing, judging, and pushy as it really ramps up after a baby and also how to deal with your DH, who is putting his parents wants and his wants to cater to their wants above you during what will be one of the most difficult, demanding, exciting, and precious times of your life.
You are not overreacting for wanting to protect that scared time after birth from people you know little about but do know they have criticized and judged you already and caused your DH to dismiss your feelings completely about your own birth of your own child and your own home and your own recovery after 9 months of carrying your baby.
https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation
A good book to read is
Toxic In Laws
by Susan Forward
It gives you an idea of your rights as a person and also how to deal with overbearing in laws.
https://www.harpercollins.com/9780060507855/toxic-in-laws
I don't think you are overreacting at all! Someone linked this a week or two ago and I bookmarked it. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this
It was a good read and made me aware of things I didn't even think about or know about! Give this to your DH to read and maybe he will get it . . .
I had similar feelings regarding my MIL and my husband and I just spoke to her about our wishes to have a private birth and to be alone for the first 2 weeks after baby is born. It was hard for her to understand at first. She lives close by and would want to be at our house constantly. I am not okay with that so my reasons for privacy were wanting to establish good breastfeeding routine with baby and also to minimize her exposure to others since we are not vaccinating her till later. These reasons seemed to help my MIL understand (although she stated it will be really hard for her!). I assured her if we needed any help from her we will call her and she can come over to help with chores.
Good luck with everything and hang in there!
My mom stayed with us for 10 days after our first son was born and I don't know how we would have done it without her. House was clean, dinner was made, naps were taken. She was a blessing.
Just make sure with your husband that that's what she intends! But I cannot imagine, having had a kid, that she will expect you to be on your feet and catering to her within 5 days of giving birth.
This is our 4th baby and we live 10+ hours away from our family. I'm making sure that this time around any in law coming to visit will be staying at a hotel. My SIL mentioned coming out to "help" and she is the biggest mooch plus that would mean her staying at my place with her to children (7 and 3 yrs old). I already have a feel of how much help she'll actually be, basically -5 on a scale of 1 to 10. My mom and maybe a sister or 2 will be the only ones "allowed" to stay with me here and that's because they would technically be staying at my little brothers place just right around the corner.