Babies: 0 - 3 Months

"You don't do anything special as a mother"

I don't remember how the argument even came up, but it ended pretty hurtful. What I remember is laying in bed, crying as my husband told me I don't do anything special as a mother. My baby is my life. I love her to death. Don't care if it's 9pm, 12pm, 2am, and 5 am to feed her, I will always get up to tend to her needs. I give her a bath so she's squeaky clean :) love to make her giggle and smile. I'll buy her new cute little clothes and take a picture of her everyday so I can make her a scrapbook.

What he said was just so hurtful and untrue. Why would he tell me this? Because I'm not a single mother like his mom and ex? Quite honestly, it just made me love him less. Since then, our relationship has gone downhill, and don't know if I want to save it. He's called me lazy, selfish, even tried to kick me out. Am I wrong for feeling this way, to give up on our relationship?

Re: "You don't do anything special as a mother"

  • I would feel the same way if DH undermined my role as a mother like that. I have tons of help with my baby, my mom and grandma both come by almost everyday for a few hours to see the baby and help me out and my husband also helps out despite working full time. That being said, the fact that I have help does not make me less of a mother than if I was doing it alone. I think that to imply a woman isn't "enough" of a mother for any reason is horrible. Before giving up on your relationship I would express how you feel to your partner, maybe he didn't mean it the way it sounded or was speaking in anger. But if he really undervalues you as a mother and is going to stand by that statement I know I would have a hard time moving forward. I expect the father of my child to respect me as a mother, you deserve that as well. 
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  • My husband has done the same thing to me and it's the worst feeling in the world when they undermine you as a mother. He has also tried to kick me out and has said very hurtful things. I suggest as PP said maybe try counseling if he is willing to go. Mine will not, this ending into a divorce. It will be better to try to nip it in the bud before it gets worse. 

    Sometimes itnis  is better to take that step out of being emotionally and mentally abused and be the great mother that you are without that in your life. 

    Im sorry you're going through this and I hope you can work things out for the best for your family. 

  • I agree with @taysun, sounds like there are some underlining issues that need to be discussed. If my husband tried to kick me out I would likely leave but I'm pretty bullheaded. 
  • I feel as though there must be much more to this story but you are right, that statement is incredibly hurtful and untrue on so many levels.
  • 4N6s4N6s member
    Communicate with him and tell him how you feel. 
  • That attitude is not acceptable from the father of your child. Getting to the root of why he feels this way is key, maybe he doesn't realize how hard it is to constantly be tending to a little one, while caring for the house and other things going on. If he is degrading you calling you names etc, that is verbal abuse. Stand up and make sure he knows that you will not take that. Counseling may help, but if he's as closed minded as he sounds he may not be open to it. Sometimes people are not who you wish they were. So sorry you are dealing with this.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Tonight, I just told him it was hurtful and if he ever told me that again, I would leave him. So he told me to leave. he said I wasn't half the mother his mom is and that I was lazy. Divorce.
  • I feel so sorry for him. He must be an idiot. I'm so happy you value yourself and your child enough to go find a better life. I promise you will find it. You are so brave and a GREAT mom.
  • How awful! I can't even imagine! I am so sorry you are dealing with that!! 
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  • I know this thread is a bit older but I am wondering how everything worked out for you OP?
    Me:28 | DH: 28
    Married: 07-2014
    TTC #1: Since November 2015
    Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
         due to previous issues.
    BFP: 11/4/2016
     BabyFruit Ticker

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