Rough week — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

Rough week

I know dear diary entries are frowned upon, but I'm feeling a mix of emotions that I just have to get out.

1 year ago this week our baby's heart stopped beating unbeknownst to me.  While I am so grateful to have this little girl inside me kicking and prodding me and I'm so happy that she will be 38wks this week and we are nearing the end.  I can't help but think about the one we lost.  The baby who would have been 6 months old this month.  I know no two women's stories are the same and others struggled and continue to struggle more than I have, but my heart is so heavy this week thinking we have been here before.  I'm also scared to death that somehow being so close I wont make it to the end.  I am so quick to panic when I don't feel her for a little while, and I've been in the position where I thought everything was fine and it wasn't.  I know the chances of having a loss at this late in the game are slim, but I also hate that it is the first thought in my head when I don't feel her.

Anyway just needed to get that out.  I just want to cuddle my little on the outside now where I can see that she is fine.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"

Re: Rough week

  • @bntfroggie Milestones are rough.  I'm quickly approaching the day my son would have been 6 months and I'm not sure how I will feel.

     It's very natural to be thinking about the child you lost while also being excited for the one you are having.  It's a very real struggle many women have.  Just take it one day at a time and try as hard as it may be to focus on the positive.

    I think also, most moms first thought is to something terrible when they don't feel their baby move.  It's called being a mom you worry and will continue to always worry for them.  Try not to beat yourself up over that emotion it's normal.
    bntfroggieSynnovusProf=Mom
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  • @bntfroggie , sending hugs to you. Don't feel bad for feeling these things. I haven't been as far along as you, but I can imagine that the worry never goes away. You'll be holding your little girl in your arms soon! I know it's not the same as holding the baby you lost, but I hope that you can find some comfort in that you've made it this far and are near the end of pregnancy. Hoping your anxieties are eased a little leading up to birth.
    bntfroggieSynnovus
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  • Hugs @bntfroggie! Milestones are never easy. I'm sorry it's a rough week... Hang in there. Try to focus on the positive, and that in two weeks you should be cuddling your little girl. You can survive anything for two weeks! (This is something I tell myself when time drags... I can survive anything for XX days).
    bntfroggieSynnovus
  • ((Hugs)) Milestones are so tough. Sending you love and strength this week.

     

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    bntfroggieSynnovus
  • I'm sorry you're having a tough time this week. I'm sure this pregnancy has felt like a very long road...you're almost there, and we're all rooting for you! Wishing you some comfort as you think about the baby you lost as well as the little girl you'll soon meet!
    bntfroggieSynnovus
  • Hugs. Feel all the feels. There's absolutely nothing wrong with mourning what could have been. But know that in just a short amount of time... You'll be holding what's meant to be! And she's going to be just delicious!!!
    bntfroggieSynnovus
  • ALC08ALC08 member
    Hugs to you @bntfroggie!! I have those fears as well! It's so scary to think something could happen especially this late in the game. I just can't imagine! I also recently had a milestone, my 1st would have been a year old the begining of the month. It's so strange to think about. You will meet your sweet girl soon though! Hoping nothing but good days for you from here on out. 
    bntfroggiePlleriti1Synnovus
  • Sending you lots of hugs @bntfroggie! It's a confusing mix of emotions to deal with both grief over what could have been and the excitement of the new life growing inside as well as being scared of the thought that maybe something still could happen. 
    bntfroggie
  • *hugs*  we just hit a milestone ourselves and I have no idea how i will feel when the EDD milestone arrives.  It's hard.  FX for good days ahead!
     
     
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • ((Hugs)) I'm right there with you @bntfroggie I've been feeling the same mixed emotions. So you are not alone in this journey. I love that you planted a tree! I think I will do the same, it gives you a place to go when you need to reflect or talk to her and I can watch it grow. Thanks for sharing. We are almost to the end, think of how far we've come this past year. 
    Plleriti1ALC08bntfroggie
  • So many hugs to you @bntfroggie <3

    I feel very similarly right now. The worry over this baby and the guilt (is that the right word? Idk) of not having the other are so tough to deal with at the same time.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
     ♥ 
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

            
    [Deleted User]
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