September 2015 Moms

When to say no?

I realized tonight that Violet has probably never been said 'no' to despite hair pulling, throwing toys, and not sure what else.  Obviously we see these things as cute. Oh look, she's pulling the shit out of my hair.  Hahaha.  I know that if she is near danger I will say no, but with these small things, when do you start guiding their behavior versus seeing everything they do as the cutest thing ever.  

Re: When to say no?

  • At 5/6 months I don't think babies can even understand no, so the best of thing you can do now is just offer a toy when she's pulling your hair or just ignore the toy on the floor after your sick of picking it up for the 50th time. Not positive on this but my guess is around 1 or 2 years old is when they might start to understand. I honestly don't even think that DD realizes that my hair is attached to my head and it's just something different for her to grab. I don't think it's cute, but I know she's way too little to even come close to understanding that it isn't as fun for me
  • Redirection/distraction is a great tool that works well all the way up to age five (at least).

    Or you can always say stuff like, "hair is not for pulling, ouch!" and show her how to "be gentle" while patting her own head gently, etc.
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  • I say no. im not sure if he's too young- but I say it and will continue to tell him no when he does something I don't want him to.
  • I'm not sure if they understand it or not, but I have been saying it.  Usually I'll say "No Ma'am".  I'm not sure if I'm saying it for her or if it's more for me, so that I'm used to it, can be firm etc, when the time comes. 
  • Even if they don't understand the word 'no,' they are at an age where they can understand your tone and body language. And actually, reacting to a scolding tone is a very early recessive language skill. So I gently tell my baby 'no' and then redirect him. 
  • I stop the behaviour and say "no" and redirect. If you do use the word no, replace it with other words when your LO starts talking, or it'll be their favourite thing. After experience with my nieces/nephews, I only used 'no' for very serious things when DD1 was a toddler.
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  • I say no as well. My twins are @ that stage where they just want to be with me @ ALL times. When it comes time to put them down they start poutting & crying & i firmly say "no, no crying you have to sit here for a while." they look @ me & calm down. Not saying they fully understand. But since i say it to them so often & in a firm tone. They know i mean business. They have to learn @ some point. & I've always said kids are really smart. The earlier/more you introduce them to things, the faster they catch on.
  • Even if they don't understand the word 'no,' they are at an age where they can understand your tone and body language. And actually, reacting to a scolding tone is a very early recessive language skill. So I gently tell my baby 'no' and then redirect him. 
    This is what our pediatrician told us at her six month checkup. 
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    #2 EDD: 1.13.2019
  • I use a high pitched voice and say ouch! When she does something that hurts and redirect. We also use natural consequenses: ie: you chuck the toy it's not coming back. I was reading super nanny's toddler book and she is a big proponent of not using no and don't if you can avoid it. Ie: rather than don't stand up the the cart, sit on your pockets please. And putting baby down and walking away if she is hitting. My friend uses these techniques on her 5 and they are really well behaved (at least while I'm around). 
  • I agree with @missliz53 We use directions much more than "No".  For starters, I honestly can't think of anything DS2 does at this age that really deserves a "no".  If he hits me its because he is still learning how to control his hands, when he pulls my hair its usually because it gets tangled in his fingers.  He doesn't do it on purpose.  I've also realized that my toddler listens to "no" because he doesn't hear it very often.  When he does hear it, he knows Mommy means business. I firmly believe that when children hear the word "no" constantly it begins to lose its meaning and it's effectiveness.  Instead I'll tell him "that's not nice" or "we don't behave like that", my current go to phrase is "use your words".  


  • I know that I have been telling ds2 "not in the mouth"  he loves to put anything that he can grab in his mouth, and he has been starting to respond (or at least thinking twice ) before e sticking things in his mouth. 

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  • I've been using "no, be gentle" and re-directing, or showing her the correct way of doing something, like petting my poor long suffering cat instead of gripping his skin and laughing maniacally... Omg is my baby evil? Lol
  • I started it already. When LO hits, scratches, or something of that nature I'll say "no, that hurts" in a calm tone and remove his hand from my hair or redirect him to something else.
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  • I have always used the approach to not make things negative. I worked in a Montessori school. Ages 16 months to five years old. Example: instead of 'don't drag your coat on the floor when you walk', we would say ' carry your coat over your arm so it's off the floor'. They like you to avoids the 'no' and 'dont'. Another great example:  instead of saying 'don't stand on that chair', you say, ' chairs are for sitting'. Kids really respond to it. Instead of making it about something negative, you are directing them to what they are suppose to do, instead of what NOT to do. 
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