April 2016 Moms
ivyvines6
member
Rant/I need a hug
ivyvines6
member
So I'm pretty stressed the hell out from tonight... About a month ago my fiancé's truck was repossessed and we've had to share a car this whole time. It hasn't been as big of a deal, and we've been making it work. However, tonight we got pulled over leaving his job for a minor traffic infraction. (Which isn't even an actual law in FL mind you... I looked it up when we got home.) While we are sitting there waiting for the cop to bring back his license the baby starts freaking out and doing violent aerobics so I had fiancé rub my stomach until he calmed down. Cop comes back asks my fiancé to step out of the car, and arrests him on the spot.
According to the court system his license was revoked in December due to not paying tickets from the year prior, which he DID pay all of it off in November. My mom took him and made sure he paid the entire balance, and not just set up a payment plan. It was part of her Christmas present to us to pay the entire bill. So I got to see my fiancé get arrested this evening... I went into the gas station where we pulled over and bought a cooler to put all the meat and dairy I bought right before picking him up (I just went grocery shopping for the next two weeks -.-) and some ice, then followed the cop car to the jail. My phone dies on the way to the jail, and I don't have a car charger, so I'm stuck using my fiancé's phone, and he has no idea...
Next I get to spend the following three hours calling a number to see if he's been processed yet, setting shit up with a bail bondsman, calling his parents and having them drive over to take care of that. (funny thing about not being married, AND currently being unemployed... They don't just give those to anyone apparently) So he got arrested a little after 7. I went and got food while I was waiting, and the second the food comes out I get a call from the jail, it's him obviously, he has me set things up with a different bondsman, and starts crying on the phone because he thought all this was taken care of, and they made him wear bright orange crocks, and he hates crocks. I haven't even let myself become emotional about any of this yet, and I just got off the phone as quickly as possible to take care of it. (After I ate, because I was shaking from low blood sugar at that point...)
After calling the different bondsman, he insisted that because it was a felony, and not a misdemeanor, we would have to have a property owner cosign for it. I literally don't know a single person who owns a house. No one. At all. I called his mom, again, this time bawling my eyes out, and explained everything going down. They called the guy, and because they've been at their jobs for so long he made an exception. So they come over, and after driving around the courthouse for like twenty minutes trying to find parking they finally get all that taken care of. Fiancé gets released, we come home, and I'm so exhausted at this point I cried myself to sleep.
Now I'm wide awake, freaking out, because we live 45 minutes away from the hospital. His court date is 5 days before my due date, and he won't be able to drive this entire next month. (Due 3/26, court date 3/21) I can't drive myself to the hospital, his parents live almost an hour away from our house, my parents live fifteen minutes past the hospital from us, and I'm assuming that I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE WHEN I GO INTO LABOR! I am so stressed out now, and can't go back to sleep.
According to the court system his license was revoked in December due to not paying tickets from the year prior, which he DID pay all of it off in November. My mom took him and made sure he paid the entire balance, and not just set up a payment plan. It was part of her Christmas present to us to pay the entire bill. So I got to see my fiancé get arrested this evening... I went into the gas station where we pulled over and bought a cooler to put all the meat and dairy I bought right before picking him up (I just went grocery shopping for the next two weeks -.-) and some ice, then followed the cop car to the jail. My phone dies on the way to the jail, and I don't have a car charger, so I'm stuck using my fiancé's phone, and he has no idea...
Next I get to spend the following three hours calling a number to see if he's been processed yet, setting shit up with a bail bondsman, calling his parents and having them drive over to take care of that. (funny thing about not being married, AND currently being unemployed... They don't just give those to anyone apparently) So he got arrested a little after 7. I went and got food while I was waiting, and the second the food comes out I get a call from the jail, it's him obviously, he has me set things up with a different bondsman, and starts crying on the phone because he thought all this was taken care of, and they made him wear bright orange crocks, and he hates crocks. I haven't even let myself become emotional about any of this yet, and I just got off the phone as quickly as possible to take care of it. (After I ate, because I was shaking from low blood sugar at that point...)
After calling the different bondsman, he insisted that because it was a felony, and not a misdemeanor, we would have to have a property owner cosign for it. I literally don't know a single person who owns a house. No one. At all. I called his mom, again, this time bawling my eyes out, and explained everything going down. They called the guy, and because they've been at their jobs for so long he made an exception. So they come over, and after driving around the courthouse for like twenty minutes trying to find parking they finally get all that taken care of. Fiancé gets released, we come home, and I'm so exhausted at this point I cried myself to sleep.
Now I'm wide awake, freaking out, because we live 45 minutes away from the hospital. His court date is 5 days before my due date, and he won't be able to drive this entire next month. (Due 3/26, court date 3/21) I can't drive myself to the hospital, his parents live almost an hour away from our house, my parents live fifteen minutes past the hospital from us, and I'm assuming that I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE WHEN I GO INTO LABOR! I am so stressed out now, and can't go back to sleep.
Re: Rant/I need a hug
DH and I will be taking a cab to the hospital as we don't have a car or any of our parents near us, or perhaps you can ask a friend if they'd like to help you out?
I'm so sorry! That sounds terribly stressful!
I'm hoping everything gets cleared up quickly and the judge pretty much just does a WTF am I here for face. I would find any and all paperwork that you have for the payments that were made in November and bring those with you to court. If his license was revoked, they would have sent some form of documentation. The lack of it sounds like a complete failure on their part, so hopefully the judge takes that into consideration as well. Mind you, I'm not a lawyer and I have no legal background, so my suggestions may not get you much of anywhere. The system sucks. It's stupid and broken, in my opinion.
hopefully you go into labor after!
I wouldn't stay with your family, but see n if there is a friend/neighbor who would help you out or be willing to be on standby around you DD just incase.
I agree with PP about getting your paperwork together showing proof of payment - not just the receipts you received when your mom paid, but also any bank or credit card statements showing the charge/check went through. Is there any way to call the court and request an earlier court date? I think your DD is good grounds to request faster processing, especially if you have slam-dunk paperwork showing fiancé is in the right.
As others have said, try not to stress about delivery but have a backup. Cab, uber, friend on-call are all great suggestions.
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
Mainly, don't stress mama. You are close to the finish line. I know this is a little scary but things will work out. You can PM me if you have any other questions and I'll try to help.
I would definitely dons one legwork and find all the proper documentation and petition the court system. I k ow it's hard to hear but sounds like you need to handle as much of this as possible.... maybe DF isn't quite able to do the follow thru. ...
I would definitely play it by ear as far as staying with parents around the due date IF you can't get this sorted out.
Most of all... just know this sucks all the way around but at the end of the day... it just has to get handled. Then we can focus on little baby full of life and happiness
@linzoirv I might message you if I have any specific questions... I'm just so aggravated that we had all this taken care of months ago and now it's randomly not -.- So Frustrating!
Can you hire someone to sort out the paperwork and to-ing and fro-ing with the police and whoever needs to be involved? You say you have all the paperwork - the only thing is I'm not sure who'd have to pay the legal fees afterwards WHEN you win. In the case above, as the insurance company were at fault they footed the whole bill.
definitely play the pregnancy card with the courts/police and get the parents to help out as much as possible - is getting a doctor's note around your health/pregnancy helpful with anything? I don't know how the US legal system works, but any cards you can play, use them. You've said you're not at fault here, and this is a time when you should be winding down...not getting ready for battle.
Hang in there - hugs x
At any rate, he is convinced he needs to hire a lawyer to represent him because of how many times he's screwed up with getting traffic tickets (which OMG HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CONSIDER YOUSELF A BETTER DRIVER THAN ME AFTER I'VE SEEN THIS???!) and his failure to pay them on time, multiple times. W/e. We can afford it with the month he's had sales wise.
As far as the me potentially going into labor thing goes, my brother is going to come stay with us during that week since he's homeschooled, doesn't have a job just yet, and has his license. I would ask my mom to, but she is a religious vegan, and would spend the entire time stressing me out between veganism, Christianity, and the cleanliness of my house... My brother doesn't care about the first two, and would clean my house for pennies and pizza lol.
Not how I'd anticipated spending my last month of gestation, but I'm glad we're having this type of issue, vs an issue with the baby. Thank you all for the support when I had to get all this info out... Clearly not something I want my social circle to know about!
I am sorry this is happening to you. And glad your brother will be able to stay with you.
But what type of tickets are these, that they are considered a felony? It doesn't seem logical that police would arrest him, for a felony, for a partially paid late ticket. It seems like there is more to this story/ his driving record. If it is a felony, then I would agree that he needs a lawyer.
However, I completely agree that his license should be suspended. He has had five (six?) tickets already. Sounds like he needs time to reflect on some poor choices and take some defensive driving classes.
**** Formerly Snoflakes4eva****
From everything I can tell from his public record it's looking like a clerical error. The only tickets he's had were minor driving infractions, which he religiously doesn't pay on time. He ignored them for so long his license was suspended back in August or September, and my mom went with him to pay it all off and get his license reinstated. All of the tickets he hadn't paid within that county are at $0 balance according to the public record's website. The other county (where we actually live) has zero balances on all but one ticket, which was driving without a seatbelt, and he paid a portion of it, but still owes $23 for it, from back in 2011. I'm not sure how he was able to get his license reinstated if he still had an outstanding balance at all, which is why I'm leaning towards the clerical error on this whole situation.
To the bolded: actions have consequences. 5 or 6 tickets from 2011- present is ALOT, no matter how 'minor' they might be.
I hope it is just a clerical error but if I were you I would be livid with my H for getting yet another ticket. You have mentioned your financial issues in several threads. Now your fi has to pay for another ticket, possibly a lawyer and for the likely increase in his insurance premiums.
**** Formerly Snoflakes4eva****
Contrary to what you and PP believe my fiancé is not a piece of crap, and as I've mentioned SEVERAL times now, he thought this was all taken care of so he could go about being a responsible person/driver. If this was something to be mad at him for I would be.
He paid all of the fines for all of the tickets he hadn't paid months ago, he pulls out of the dealership, where there is no stop sign, and a cop pulls him over because he didn't fully stop before entering traffic. Out of the blue he is getting arrested for driving on a suspended license that he had reinstated months ago and no new tickets in the mean time. Was I supposed to just leave him in jail? Or am I supposed to make him figure out a different way to work?
I'm mad at him for not doing the dishes. Im not mad at him for this happening, because as I said, this is looking like of a clerical error than him actually doing something wrong. I didn't open this thread to be chastised for this happening, or to have my fiancé attacked for something out of his control. When I screw things up, he helps me take care of it. When he screws things up, I help him take care of it. I thought that's how relationships/marriage worked?
I can see where my past posts make our life look that way. It's not easy to paint the full picture in posts online, and not just the emotional, one sided version that I tend to show.
Helping each other out of a bad situation is absolutely an important part of marriage/relationships. When my husband had his license temporarily suspended for failing to mail in proof of insurance with the payment for his speeding ticket, I chauffered him around. When he forgot to pay a bill to his dermatologist, I'm the one who finally opened and envelope, figured out what was owed, sent in a check and paid the late fee. Currently, I'm having some work issues, and he's spending his time and energy figuring out what he'll need to do to keep us afloat if I lose my job. Neither of us gets mad at the other for it, even though these things are direct results of real fuckups, and I don't think you have to get mad at your fiance for what happened this weekend.
That said, another important part of marriage/relationships is working towards protecting one another. Once something like this happens, the party that screwed up has a responsibility to work towards making a real change, because helping each other fix mistakes doesn't give us carte blanche when we do something that has a negative impact on the other person. My husband and I had a long talk about speeding, and he slowed down. We had a conversation about opening bills and paying them in a timely manner, and he's made a better effort to go through the mail (and to keep me appraised of bills that are coming in and payments going out). I've made a conscious effort to do better at work, because if I lose my job, the consequences for Joe are intense and he doesn't deserve that. I'm really hopeful that your fiance is making the same kind of effort to clean up his act and prevent the same sort of mistakes in future; if he's not, I'd encourage you to talk to him once the raw emotions of the past weekend have settled down a little and have a heart-to-heart about what can be done differently in future so that you don't have to fall asleep crying over this kind of thing or fret about the logistics of getting necessary medical care. He loves you, so he should be willing to see how this impacts you and make the changes he needs to make to protect you from now on.
@Knottie9983816 I was going to add, but this basically covers it. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and couples are better together when they use each other's strengths. No one here knows what your fiancé is like or how your relationship works, and obviously we hear more about your frustrations than his. Things seem to have gotten better between the two of you since his financial wake-up call, and I hope they continue to improve. Perhaps this will be another wake-up call to be a bit more responsible; its way better for this to happen now than after Jackson gets here. Also, no matter how amazing a man is, they don't mature as quickly as women. Mike is a decade older than I am and I'm the one responsible for paying bills, running the house, and researching products for LO because otherwise everything would be done late or very last-minute. On the other hand, he is going to be amazing with Ellie and I have no maternal instinct. He is where I turn for career advice and to qualm my fears about motherhood. This works for us, but it probably wouldn't for most. If your situation with your fiancé works for you, as long as you're safe, loved, and fulfilled, it doesn't matter if it would work for any of the rest of us.
Also, I'm really glad that you were able to get to the bottom of everything so quickly. Self-imposed bed rest does have its benefits! Try not to stress too much, you're in the home stretch and I don't want to see a picture of your son for another couple of weeks.
My H is an adult and I don't ever feel like I have to take care of him. Or monitor the things he does. It isn't normal. Support is part of a relationship, but not mopping up after someone when they repeatedly let you down. In the months I have been reading your posts, you almost never say anything good about him. You just complain that he screwed up or let you down AGAIN. Our loved ones make mistakes, but it shouldn't be a constant.
Part of being an adult is knowing when and how to pay your bills, doing household chores and generally taking care of yourself and those around you. What happens when the baby gets here and these types of behaviors just keep continuing?