SLEEP KID! Am I a Terrible Mom?

cgood1

So the past two weeks has been terrible. My husband is gone for work and hasn't been around to help at all. I mean gone gone in another state can't even use his phone. I feel like I'm on mom island. My son doesn't let anyone take care of him at night or put him to bed besides me. Even when people offer to help overnight it's a waste he won't have it. I have my mom and aunt to help me with the LO but overnights have been terrible. On a good night, He is waking every hour or so for a paci. You put it in his mouth, put your hand on him, and rock him and he is back out. He wakes to eat around. On a bad one, he could be up screaming like a banshee every ten minutes and never let you put him down. I have been doing everything to try to help him sleep. Swing, new swaddle (since he rolled back to front he can't use the old one), letting him sleep in my bed even (which I am totally against, please save the lectures, I just am if you aren't good for you to each their own) I am so sick of hearing people say you will know what to do and how to help him, do what you think, because I don't and I'm out of ideas. I am coming to you for help....I have given everything I have to try to help this little guy. Last night he was up from 1030 to 130 crying off and on and just being a total pain. Went down finally and woke every thirty minutes after that. Is anyone else going through this? Is my thought of I should just let him cry and forget about him until morning normal? Does every new first time mom think they are terrible because they can't get this sleeping thing right? I really struggled last night thinking I had postpartum because I literally thought to myself I can't do this I freaking hate this kid so much at night. And get anxiety before bed time. Anyone have any useful suggestions, or insight? Is this the 4 month wakeful stage anyone else going through this? any support or ideas? Thanks! 

lindsay897

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Have you looked into the baby merlins magic sleep suit? It has really helped us alot. It was really warm here last week and I tried a night without it, big mistake! Well worth $40. 

vamomtobe

I'm so so sorry, we went through this for about 7 weeks and thankfully LO is starting to turn the corner and sleeps well for at least a portion of the night.  Your LO will, too, but in the meantime it is so hard.  I had fallen off the cliff, and was not myself, and you're not  yourself either.  You're not terrible, you are sleep deprived.  We tried all kinds of things while we were going through it - having my husband get up and give her a bottle if she wouldn't go down at all, getting a sound machine, elevating one end of her mattress, swaddling, not swaddling...in the end it was just waiting her out, none of those things actually made a difference.  We also resorted to bringing her into bed with us so we could at least get rest if not deep sleep.  Not at all what you want to hear, sorry.  If you have support (your mom or aunt), even if LO is not having it, please consider for your own sanity having one of them take care of LO for at least a 4 hour stretch so you can get one good chunk of sleep.  You desperately need it.  Hugs to you!  It wouldn't hurt to try @lindsay897 's suggestion, I've heard good things about that and also the zipadee? zipadoo? zip-a-something or other.  We didn't try those but in your situation anything is worth a shot.  

amwright33

My baby just started this wakeful period. I put her down at nine and she usually sleeps through the night. The last week she was been getting up at 3 am or 4 am. Last night every hour. After she got up screaming at 3 am I gave her a warm bath a snack and she slept til 8:30 am when I woke her up to keep her on schedule. Well usually we get up at 7 am. I needed the sleep lol. 

Oh I gave her the snack swaddled, and put her down that way. I don't know if that made a difference. I know it's a phase and I just try to stick to routine. I'm going to move baths to every night before bed and not keep her out pass 7 pm. 

KristynLee15

Im so with you!! DH has been gone for a month and will be for another month. LO is also up every hour. I have resorted to taking her into bed with me at 430 so i cant get 2 hours before i have to be up for work (im also against this) 
 
I want my good sleeper back!! We used to get 10-6 every night and a nap 12-2. Now she will only nap while i hold her. Needless to say nothing is getting done in my house!  

Its hard to feel like a single mom when youre really not. 

Prayers we all get through this with a shred of sanity! 

allowe

You should try sleep training. I read a book called baby wise, and have used it since day 1, although you can start anytime, it's been wonderful!! 

oceanlove13

You probably need to read up on the different sleep training methods and find one that you are comfortable with.  I know what you are going through and it is very hard.  My first baby I didn't teach to sleep until 14 months when I was at the verge of breaking.  I had similar feelings as you towards nighttime. Started feeling anxious and wanting to throw the baby after hours of crying and rocking...Hated it!  I'm a very calm person. He had a strong sleep association with nursing.  Every time he woke I would run in and nurse him and/or rock him back to sleep.  Our 4 month old, I used "the pause" concept.  When he would wake at 10 mins after putting him in his crib or after an hour or two,
I would wait 10 mins before going in.  If the whining/ fussing/ crying was tapering  I would hold off longer and often times he would fall back to sleep.  If it was escalating, I would go in.  I would try to not take him out of the crib and pat his back.  If that didn't help I would take him out and rock him, etc.  It took me four weeks and now he sleeps
through the night most nights.  Each week I saw improvement.  He now puts himself back to sleep in between sleep cycles.  I don't think buying swaddles and suits, etc will make much difference if your baby has a pacifier sleep association, etc.  Try clipping the pacifier to the clothes so maybe the baby will learn to reach it and put it back in himself.  Trust me I tried it all with my first child.  Hope that helps.

FatPony

I bought a LaZboy recliner, so on really awful nights, I could try to sleep with LO on me. 

I agree w pp. even if your LO only responds to you, I'd ask someone to come help to allow you to get a solid 4 hr stretch of sleep. 

Knottie35278873

https://www.sleepsisters.com/bedtimes-by-age/


https://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/parenting-articles/sleeping-and-soothing/how-much-should-a-4-month-old-sleep


My son has basically reverted back to sleeping like a newborn since this whole sleep regression thing hit. He had gotten to where he would sleep a big 6-10 hour stretch each night. But for a couple weeks there he was waking every 3 hours again like back when he was first born. My sister's son (born 5 days before mine) is going through it too and she sent me these links. I've read them and just read literally everything I can and have tweaked to make it work for me and my son. I try to wake up between 8 and 9 each morning now. Nap starting between 11-11:30 and (hopefully last until) 12:30-1. Then another nap at 3ish until 4:30 or 5 (of course these naps don't always go as planned, like today my son didn't get sleepy until 5 and then fought me until 5:45 when he fell asleep). And then I try to have him in his crib again by 7 or 7:30. And then he usually wakes to eat once or twice each night, but falls asleep quickly. One thing I've noticed is that if I don't start trying to put him to sleep right as he starts running his eyes and yawning, he will end up over tired and end up sleeping no length of time. So the second I notice sleep cues, I go swaddle him (either in a swaddle blanket or in the Halo swaddle sleep sack) and rock him and turn on white noise and lay him down and turn on his mobile. Sometimes I have to get him back up and start rocking again (like today when he took 45 minutes to get to sleep, I had to pick him up like several different times because I'm personally not into crying it out). 

Also, I love this woman's blog. Maybe read this article and try what she does -   https://www.a-blessed-nest.com/2016/02/best-of-nest-cradle-coach-sleep.html?m=1   


Really just do trial and error, and hope something eventually works. It's hard work. I'm also in the process of transitioning my son from sleeping in my bed with me to sleeping in his crib in my room so that's making this 4 month sleep regression stuff even harder lol



****Lurking from N15

Littlehummingbird

Maybe make an appointment with your pediatrician in case there's a medical reason he isn't sleeping. My little guy turned out to have an ear infection and since starting antibiotics he's sleeping like a dream!

posey1005

My son was / is going through the regression and something that has helped him stay asleep is our white noise machine. I didn't really use it in earlier months because it didn't seem to help him fall asleep, but after reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block," (which has some good tips for calming and keeping baby asleep that could serve as alternatives to CIO) we started leaving it on, and he stays asleep for a few hours, sometimes throughout the night again.

KekseyM

You are not a terrible mom!  I went through this around 2 weeks ago, and I  realized he just didn't want to be swaddled. I didn't think it was that but I just left him in his crib one night and he cried for 5 mins and fell asleep with a soft blanket touching his cheeks. Maybe your LO is ready to get out of the swaddle ? Hope that'll help you, it helped me a lot! Now I go 4 hours without a feeding at night.

Rikki_5

I feel like I could have written this post myself.  I am getting so frustrated and have tried everything except cry it out.  Just now he woke up for the 6th time since 7pm and I just sang him back to sleep in his crib.  I'm not comfortable just letting him wail on and on...sometimes I'll let him cry for a couple minutes but I can't let him cry longer than that even though I know I probably should. Pediatrician says its find to but I dunno, I just can't right now.   My DH says to wait until he's 6 months old to try cry-it-out.  He's 5 months old now and goes to bed at 7pm he wakes then every two hours all night long until 4am I just bring him in bed with me so I can get a few hours of sleep.  We usually get up around 8 am and then he takes a short 30 min nap at about 11, then about an hour nap at 1 and then I try to get him to sleep longer for the afternoon nap but he will not.  I can tell he's overtired and not getting enough sleep during the day but cannot force him to nap when he refuses.  Not really into co-sleeping though because I'm paranoid and can't really get into a deep sleep when he's in bed with me.   I don't know what to do but at this point I don't really care.   I've resigned myself to the fact that he's not going to be sleeping anytime soon on a regular basis.  Another month I will let him cry-it-out.  In the meantime, I try to nap when he naps and when my DH gets home from work I give baby to him so I can get a break for an hour or two.  I dunno how single moms do it.  It's so draining.