Husband says Im spoiled about baby..

runner76

So here is was what happened. The other day I found out I used all of my sick days recovering from my laparascopy/tube removal. I was hoping to start the IVF process in April or may .. Money is a huge issue for us so not getting my income for a few days of me having to miss for RE appts, retrieval, transfer etc would be really bad.. I lost it at work and was crying and just so down. I texted him how idk how im going to wait now till june to do retrieval and July transfer .. ( I work in a school so ill be off) I said I can't take the waiting and the emotional aspect of all this. I was so excited to start earlier. Not to mention we are spending money every month on a second insurance for this as we wait.  So once we got home from work I was in bed upset, He came in and  hugged me and all and said just take whatever days ,, we can figure out the money.. Then in a nice way he smiled and said your so spoiled... I was like huh?? He said your spoiled.. your so impatient.  I actually got kinda mad inside,.. I said its been a year and a half and one miscarriage.. how am I spoiled and impatient??? He tried to lessen it than and just said Im good to you. YOu knew you were gonna just take the days off anyway. why torture yourself.. Idk but I hardly think wanting a baby is a spoiled thing.. ugh just kinda annoyed that's how he sees it and wanted to vent.

BrightenMySky

I would be pretty annoyed by that.  I'm taking all kinds of meds and waking up early to go to the fertility clinic to get poked and prodded (and we also had a loss--I am sorry for your loss), so we can (hopefully) get the baby that we both want.  My husband's role in all this is pretty easy, by comparison.  You are not "spoiled" by getting to take days off work so you can go through IVF.  Ugh.  

srh18

I agree-I would be soooooo irritated!! I feel in my situation at least that my husband sometimes forgets how big of a deal this all is--not because he doesn't want a baby (he definitely does), but because he's not really having to do anything (to be fair, he goes to all of my appointments, but I'm still the one doing everything/having everything done to me). He makes blasé comments like "this isn't so bad" and then gets confused when I get ticked off. Haha. He means well but it doesn't always feel like it. I imagine that's what your husband was doing, too--thinking he was making a light hearted joke that was actually offensive. Guys. So irritating. Haha. 

mtpbadger

You have every right to be irritated! I agree that the guys can forget how much we go through, physically, mentally, and emotionally sometimes. As in tonight I was getting anxious about my hysterscopy tomorrow morning and complaining about not being able to eat breakfast and he goes all cheery "at least you don't have to make your lunch for work tomorrow!" I got irritated and snapped back that I would much rather be going to work than having my body poked and prodded more and having to be sedated. 

I think we all know exactly how you are feeling and your feelings are totally normal!! Men, ugh!

BrightenMySky

@mtpbadger I hope the hysteroscopy goes well this morning.

tvh1982

I might be not the favourite person right now..but I feel like I have to agree with the DH side.

They way I read it, I don't think he meant you are spoiled in waiting for a baby, but you are spoiled in that he will give you anything you want no matter what. That he would of course be on your side that you can take the days off and not get paid because you used up all your sick days.
I doubt it that he, in any way would have meant you are spoiled by being impatient and having to go through miscarriage.

lin681

DHs can be irritating during this process esp when we are vulnerable and sensitive.  I don't think I would be that irritated w DH if he said that doesn't sound like he was being mean - kinda playful.
Good luck w your IVF cycle.  Happy you wont have to wait till summer

dragonfaerie

Sometimes it's hard for the people in our lives to know what to say to make us feel better. A lot of times they say stuff, hoping to make a joke and lessen the tension, and it just falls flat. It's important to be able to talk about it with them, let them know that you didn't think it was funny and how to better help you. It's easy to be upset and annoyed when people make seemingly flippant comments, and it's okay to feel upset, but you have to talk it through with whoever upset you so they don't do it again. Most of the time I can joke around and be okay with things, but when my best friend said something that seemed like it was brushing off some concerns I had, I took a step back, examined why I felt that way, then talked to her. She apologized, we moved on. I'm sorry that your DH upset you, and I hope that things are a bit better for you.

PCOSat25

I'm with @tvh1982! This is the way I see it: you got news that things were not going to go exactly the way you wanted, you got upset and maybe threw a bit of a fit (totally not judging! We all have some much emotional baggage during this process that it does not take much to set us off!). Anyway, your husband trying to be LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE decided that your happiness and desires were more important to him than the money. He encouraged you to just take the time! You are spoiled! He is spoiling you! He WANTS to spoil you! LET HIM SPOIL YOU!!! 

Please please please do not punish him for it

runner76

I do see what you mean.. and i can understand how he said it now.. in the moment it really ticked me off though lol! theres just so many emotions to all this!

tvh1982

Its not easy having all them hormones running around and not succeeding at once with what your heart is yearning for. 
I hope you feeling a little better and that you have come at ease with the whole IVF bit, when to start, to do PGD testing or not and all that comes with it.
Once you can give it a place in your live and are happy with how it all is planned (as little as it lets itself plan) you will be able to deal with it a little better.
Just keep using us women to vent and ask questions!