Major family drama...help me... :(

kbequette08

I'm getting sick of this. So my mom was wanting to throw us a baby shower a bit later because we are in the process of finding land to put our mobile home on. She wanted to wait until we got everything settled and was going to throw us a housewarming party and then later a baby shower so my side of the family could afford gifts after the house warming. Well my husband's mom was planning on flying up next month during her spring break and was wanting to give us a baby shower then. My mom hates this idea. She wants to have one later. Well talked to my mom today and apparently she spilled the beans that my husband and church were planning me a surprise baby shower next month that he was trying to keep from me. My mom, not knowing this was a surprise baby shower, spilled the beans because she felt like she was left out of this. Now I've had a huge argument with my husband because he's furious my mom was butting in and kept saying it was none of her business and he's mad she told me. He's also mad because he talked to her and she just said, "fine do whatever you want." I'm sick and tired of all of this. I don't give a flip if I even have a shower or not because I'm sick and tired of my mom and my husband always butting heads. Its stressing me out and my husband yelled at me prior to clocking back in from lunch and I just feel like I want to disappear right now...

Goocran17

Family drama sucks, sorry you're dealing with this! This may be an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of having a housewarming and baby shower so close to each other, especially if the same people would be invited. Maybe that's a regional thing, but that's not anything that is done where I'm from. I didn't even have a wedding shower because I had just bought a house a year prior and had what I needed. Maybe to make things more separate, your MIL could throw your baby shower, and your mother could do a housewarming shower later on, that way everyone gets to do something, and the same group of people aren't attending 2 showers. Or possibly just combine the two into one large shower for both the house and baby with your mom and MIL co-hosting? Either way, you need to tell everyone what it is you want, and they should abide by your wishes. It's your pregnancy and your shower, so it shouldn't be a stressful time.

kbequette08

When we got married we never had a bridal shower because the place we live in was way too small to store anything. We live in a studio apartment. My mom felt since we never had one that she would throw us a housewarming/late bridal shower when we move into our new place. She then wanted to have a baby shower closer to my due date to give family time to afford more gifts.

Rosehip15

Goocran17 said:

 This may be an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of having a housewarming and baby shower so close to each other, especially if the same people would be invited.

Agree with this. 

Also, I may be reading this incorrectly, but are we discussing potentially THREE baby showers plus a housewarming?  Just too much all together.  I'd shut most of this down, and stop discussing it with all parties involved.

MamaNicoleof3

Ugh. Family drama is never fun. Although I have to say I side-eye when moms/MILs host showers like this. I get it, but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to that stuff and it's not something we do here (upper Midwest/plains). If it's stressing you out, just say "thanks, but no thanks." Not worth it, IMHO. 

Huskerfanz

kbequette08 said:

When we got married we never had a bridal shower because the place we live in was way too small to store anything. We live in a studio apartment. My mom felt since we never had one that she would throw us a housewarming/late bridal shower when we move into our new place. She then wanted to have a baby shower closer to my due date to give family time to afford more gifts.

But how much more space will you have in a mobile home?  I know some can be bigger.  I kind of think you are past the appropriate time to have a bridal shower/home warming type thing.  Especially with the multiple baby showers and same guest list.

Why does your mom need to be involved with the planning of the showers?  I think you need to have a talk with her and tell her nicely to butt out. 

kaitielynnrichardson

If your mom and MIL could agree on it, I would see if they could just co-host a shower together for you.. If not, and you truly don't want one at all, say that.. But I would be 100% certain that you don't want one before communicating that.  Showers, in my opinion, are more about family and friends coming together to celebrate an occasion (whether it be a new house, a marriage or a new baby) than the gifts that come along with it (Although they are nice!)... you don't want to miss out on the overall experience.. I wouldn't make any final decisions until you have had some time to take some deep breaths and decide what's best for YOU.

purplefan1

I must have missed the boat on the house warming party. And my bridal shower had 8 ladies at it and not all of them brought gifts. And I can't even imagine 3 baby showers.

totsabounding

Ugh, this makes my head hurt just reading it. It always kills me when showers, which are supposed to be a celebration and a time to honor/show support for someone, end up causing drama and stress for the guest of honor like what is happening in this case. Fighting/yelling/hurt feelings are pretty much the antithesis of what the spirit of the event is supposed to be.

I'd be tempted to say no to your mom and MIL throwing showers, unless they can work together on it and have just one (and it's true what a PP said, that some folks consider it a faux pas for a family member to throw the shower...but this isn't as hard and fast a rule as it used to be...). If you decide on no shower from either MIL or mom, I'd have your H to make sure they get invited to the church one, so they are included. And I'd skip the housewarming party altogether, especially if it's going to be the same guest list. 

Good luck!

Boonhilde

I'm sorry your H and mom don't seem to be getting along. 

So your H yelled at YOU because he was frustrated with your mom? That doesn't sound particularly fair. It's hard to please everybody when you're in the middle, especially when you don't really care what happens. I say call off the house warming party and just have a shower. 

adiaz132003

I had something similar where both my mom and MIL wanted to have a shower but my mom didn't want to share and said she'd rather not be in olved than let my MIL help.  I. The end my MIL won because she was the one who had my best interest at heart where as my mom wanted it to be about her.  Now my mom wants to throw a sip and see for the "ones that won't go to the shower". I was like " OK mom whatever" lol maybe something like that would work for you since your mom wants to have it later. Maybe push it back to after the baby is born. And have people over to welcome the new baby.

likeabel

Why is your mom throwing you a house warming party? I've never heard of this. Any housewarming party I've ever been to has been attached to a house party ex. St. Patrick's Day and come check out MY new house. A few have had a priest there to bless the house but nothing past standard hostess gifts (bottle of wine, plant, maybe a dish towel) have been given. 

Let MIL throw your church baby shower and your mom can host a family shower. 

jlgriff11

No to a house-warming. No matter how far apart it'll still be too close together for people. People don't like to be repeatedly asked for gifts.

I'd tell everyone to STFU. Do you have a best friend or something who would host for you in everyone's stead? 

alysemci

I totally want to have a house warming party (we've been unable to live there and it's been under construction for over a year) but I don't want presents. I want good friends and family to come check it out while I provide lots of food and alcohol and we all just hang out and have a good time 

Rosehip15

alysemciver said:

I totally want to have a house warming party (we've been unable to live there and it's been under construction for over a year) but I don't want presents. I want good friends and family to come check it out while I provide lots of food and alcohol and we all just hang out and have a good time 

Yes to this.  This is the only kind of housewarming I've been to.  It's thrown by the new homeowners, and people bring token hostess gifts - wine, a Christmas ornament, etc.

mar101483

I moved into my house in feb and had a housewarming/Cinco DE Mayo party. No one gave me gifts, well some brought food and booze, but those were shared. I think a party like that would be ok, but I wouldn't have a belated bridal shower, right before baby shower. I get wanting to have one, but I feel that ship has sailed. Good luck though with whatever goes on.