*Our* decision?

kaylanpolk

Okay. I need to preface this with the fact that I love my husband and he is wonderful. He and I have struggled since baby, because of normal things. But today I'm feeling the need to rant and its long and annoying.  

Recently ive been thinking/talking about/wrestling with the decision to switch to all formula. I can't nurse at all except in the middle of the night when DS is asleep because of nipple confusion (didn't know it was a thing and Doctor told me to bottle feed before 2 weeks, thanks a lot) so I've been pumping. But it's hard and I never have been able to pump enough to keep up with my very hungry baby. 

Anyway on top of that, DS still wakes up every 2.5 to 3 hours (at best) at night and I'm beyond exhausted. I get up at 5:30 to go to work and get to bed early enough that my mom is te one putting baby to bed and I hate it, but I need the sleep. Well I mentioned trying to move DS into his own room so that every little grunt wouldn't wake me and my husband's response was "I think it's a little too close to our decision not to breastfeed to make any calls". Now yes, we talked through much of my decision together, but since I'm the one with the boobs and I'm the one waking up all night, why does it get to be *our* decision? Then he said that he would take the baby at night and sleep downstairs so I could sleep because I'm "so unhappy without sleep". But then I wouldn't be doing anything. Not getting baby up, not getting him dressed, not putting him to bed, not getting up with him at night, not feeding him. And I can't handle that. So now he thinks I'm not respecting his authority because I won't just let him take over. 

I guess what I'm saying is... Eff that noise. I get to be exhausted and weepy and I get to make sacrifices and decisions that he has to respect because I'm mom. Right?

breezypip

Why does he think he has authority over you that needs to be respected? Eff that noise.

ATolentino89

Ok, I'm a little confused. You told your DH that you want to switch to formula because your not pumping enough to feed your LO and he doesn't want you to?? And you told him you wanted help so he offered to handle all the night feedings so you could get sleep. What about switching thru the night feedings? So you still get time with your LO and longer stretches of sleep? 

Im sorry, but respecting his authority? It's a partnership. No one should have authority over another. 

thatgirlree24

I think it's nice that he's trying to support you breast feeding for as long as possible but at the same time, it's your body, your breasts. Have you tried exclusively pumping instead of nursing or are you supplementing with formula and nursing at night? 

angelicac06

Juat because you're a mom no. He is just as much of a parent as you are. Responsibilities should be 50/50. I agree breastfeeding isn't his choice however. Also formula won't necessarily have your LO wake up less. I EBF and my LO only wakes up once around 5 am to nurse. While formula digests slower, its up to your baby how often to wake up this young despite of type of milk therefore you will most likely wake up the same amount. Perhaps take turns getting up? I hope you and your DH come to an arrangement that works for the both of you.

Holdmomma

Let him take the nights. I guarantee you that he will last all of 2 nights before he realizes how hard it is. 

kaylanpolk

I guess it is confusing. He's okay with my (our) decision to stop breastfeeding but he wants to wants to wait to have a discussion about moving DS into his own room because it's two big decisions right next to each other. 

@thatgirlree24 we supplement during the day and I nurse at night but the last couple of days I tried giving him a bottle at night to see if it helps him sleep longer since he's not very good at nursing. It didn't help so nursing is easier and I'll probably keep doing that. 

@ATolentino89 I suggested something along those lines but he was basically all or nothing. He's trying to help I know but it's not very helpful. Haha 

kaylanpolk

@holdmomma thank you. I told him that he can't handle it (in a delicate way) but he keeps insisting that he will do better because I need more sleep than he does - which is true, but he's no spring flower on low sleep either. And when he takes over in the morning he is so groggy and confused that it's almost concerning. 

Holdmomma

kaylanpolk said:

 And when he takes over in the morning he is so groggy and confused that it's almost concerning. 

@kaylanpolk Yes! My husband, who is great in many ways, is a total idiot in the middle of the night. He tried to help in the MOTN with our first and I would get so frustrated that I ended up getting up to fix things. This time around I do all the nighttime feedings. I'm lucky because our second is a good sleeper, but I would do it anyway. 

Mizuiro007

Let him try it. Hubby actually loved when he was taking overnights and he's not much better on sleepthan anyone else. Needing a CPAP we worried more this time that he'd be able to wake up for DD since he sleeps more deeply with it.  He said overnights felt like his special bonding time with the babies and additionally he felt good giving me a break when he could see how much I do and how exhausting it is.

My point is, he might actually be able to do it and since he's willing to step up, I'd let him. It sounds like if you're not needing to go to bed as early to get the rest maybe you would then be able to do bedtime.

My thinking is a little different on I vs we. Yes, my body my choice to breastfeed but it does affect hubby as well. EBF is a me thing. I nurse and unless I pump he's left out of the feeding process. Switching to formula completely changes that. It suddenly makes him an equal part. He's always supported my decision but I've always included him in it and his opinion matters to me as my partner.

I also understand not wanting to make too many changes at once. When we moved DS to formula we didn't move him to his own room right away. It ended up that it made sense to though. He was a light sleeper and we were waking each other up all the time. Plus we had to leave the room to make bottles and his room is right by the kitchen.  

taysun

Did anyone else think about South Park when reading this? 

cedixon2

My twins are formula and breastfed. They eat about every 3 hours around the clock. My DH is a great help because he will take the last feeding of the night and stay up to about 1030 or 11. After midnight is my shift, which means I get up two or three times in the wee hours. I go to bed at 8pm because of how we handle the night feeding. I just make sure my boobs are drained before I go to bed. The babies stay in the living room unless one is inconsolable. 

It it does seem unreasonable that there is an all or nothing approach (maybe I misunderstood?) I don't think you have to give up breastfeeding to help your baby sleep. Maybe instead of dropping it, you can take shifts at night like we do. You will be amazed at how calm and relaxed you feel after an uninterrupted 6 hours of sleep... Followed by 2 more catnaps before the sun comes up!

ColoradoHiker

I EP specifically so DH can help me with overnight feedings.  I suck at low amounts of sleep, and he has been essential to my sanity since Rhys was born.  We swap feedings, and it has worked out great.  No reason for it to be all or nothing.