Pregnant after a Loss

MIL diagnosed with cancer. We need this baby.

Friday we learned that my mother in law has cancer. It's in her liver, lower spine, and ribs. Father in law came over today to let us know it doesn't look good at all, and he doesn't think she will make it through the summer.

DH's family doesn't know about our loss or this pregnancy. We were thinking about maybe telling everyone next weekend, but now we are even more convinced to tell everyone. I'm only 7 weeks and due in mid October, but I think it will hopefully provide a bit of good news in a very sad time. This would be the first grandchild/niece or nephew on all sides, so it is such a bitter sweet thing.

Knowing this news about MIl fills me with even more emotions about being PGAL. I now feel desperate for this baby to arrive safe and healthy...even more so than before. Our family needs this baby. We need the hope. Plus I know everyone will want MIL to have a chance to meet her first grandchild. I already feel guilty for losing the first one, which would have been due in August. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but it just feels like that loss could have been the difference between MIl meeting her grandchild or never getting that chance. Now this baby means either a glimmer of hope for the whole family or another loss that adds to the grief. It's stressful thinking that all of that is riding on this pregnancy. 

I just wanted to vent to someone, but if anyone has any advice...that would be greatly appreciated. 

Re: MIL diagnosed with cancer. We need this baby.

  • So sorry for your awful situation. Not sure if you're spiritual but my little one is in heaven with their grandfathers.... I dont have any advice. Just wanted to say sorry. 
  • I am so sorry your family is going through this. My MIL was diagnosed with cancer right before Christmas and we decided to tell them at Christmas for the same reason (to give the family something happy to think about) even though i was only 5 weeks at the time. My MIL's outlook is much better but I do think it has been a welcome distraction from treatments for her. I try to time sharing things with her (I.e. I heard the heartbeat, etc.) to around when I know she needs it the most. Perhaps the news will give your MIL something a little more to fight for. One of my good friends dad was battling cancer and he fought long enough to spend a few weeks with his twin grand daughters. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty for not having the baby sooner, I was worried my MIL would feel that way or say something to that affect (she had been vocal about wanting us to have a baby for a while), but I've been surprised, she is just overjoyed that we are having one now. Hugs!
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  • I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Cancer is such an evil thing. I'm sure the news will be a bright spot for the whole family. You can't feel guilty for a loss. I know it's hard. Sorry I don't have any great advice. Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers!!
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope the pregnancy brings joy to your MIL. Hugs.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • I'm so sorry prayers for you and your family.  I'm also not sure what you believe in, but when I miscarried one of the only things that got me through it was the fact that I had so much family on the other side already that I knew they would look after our angel until I could join them and get the chance to meet our loss.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • My goodness. I'm so sorry you have all of this on your plate at once, and want to extended hugs, T&P to you and your family. Wishing you and your family comfort and joy from this pregnancy in this hard time.
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