Job vs. Baby vs. Both

mollsagni

Hi guys!

First, I'm sorry not to introduce myself. I have lurked on the board for a while and used to post with a different name but I couldn't remember my old password or email. Yikes.

So I have a question for you ladies. For three years, I worked a high-stress business job. I quit this fall and started teaching. I have been teaching in an inner city trade school for Reading. I don't hate it, but I'm not sure I love it. Which leads to my dilemma.

DH and I have been married for a few years, together for almost ten. We've paid down the debt I wanted to pay down before we got pregnant. I'm getting itchier and itchier to get pregnant, especially since job satisfaction has been all over the place for me. But now I have all of these questions... should I teach again next year? If I do, I need to get a teaching certificate in addition to teaching since I'm not technically certified.

OR Should I just leave teaching and find a more flexible job (nannying, in-home daycare, retail job where I can work nights and weekends) and get pregnant since daycare is so expensive that even if I teach I may need to take time off to get through newborn phase anyway? Should I just get pregnant, teach one more year, not get certified and then do the "odd" job?

I honestly don't know. I want a baby so badly but also feel like I can't get pregnant until my job situation is more clear. My DH works in education and he loves it. He thinks the time off and benefits longterm will pay off even though the thought of getting through the certification process makes me want to die.

What about you guys? What jobs do you do? What jobs do you plan to do when pregnant? Do you plan to pay for daycare? Let me mention that I don't have family support to watch my kids so it's daycare or me at home with a nights/weekends job, but family watching our baby will not be an option.

I'm just honestly looking for assurance that it will all work out and any input you guys have based on how you're planning to handle the transition to TTC!

Thanks,
Mags

maddaddam

It sounds like you've got two separate issues here. What would you do with your job if it took you 2-5 years to conceive? Don't assume it will happen right away. Make a decision based on what would make you happy whether you got pregnant quickly or not, since you can't know and you don't want to be stuck doing something you hate. 

I understand the what if-ing. I'm a big fan of that strategy, too, but I think you might be banking on baby so much that it's clouding what could otherwise be a simpler decision. If you hate teaching and can financially afford to stop, find something else. 

If if you do decide to get a new job, I would consider the physical toll of whatever it is and how that might affect potential issues like morning sickness. This is coming from someone whose family has a long line of women with their heads in toilets for the first three months. I don't know if it's legitimately genetic, but I'm counting on just in case. Something to consider if that's the boat you think you might be in. 

My husband and I left our day jobs and started a company for this same reason a few years ago, so if that's something you're interested in and have the ability to do, I think working from home and/or for yourself is a best case scenario. We don't have anyone else to watch our future kids and we wanted to be able to do it ourselves (plus daycare is a nightmare here), so here we are. But what fits my life isn't relevant for everyone. Just do what is right for you first and plan for potential babies based off of that.

OhPandabear63

I agree, make sure you don't base your decision on the baby alone, pick whatever you love and enjoy. If you end up being able to stay home with your baby, but are doing a job that you don't like, that really benefits no one in the long run if you aren't happy doing what you're doing. 

I'm an artist and I run my own little business from my home. Which is something I love and have been doing since before I even remotely had babies on my mind. But now that we're going off on this journey to start a family, it works out perfectly. We don't have any family near us, so if we got pregnant in the near future, it's great that I can be home to take care of our kids and still bring in income. However, at the end of the day, I continue to do what I do because I absolutely love it. Not because it might make our life with kids a little easier. 

KarliQ88

I'm a nurse. I'll tell you working nights doesn't help us any. My husbands fear is being home alone with baby at night. He relies on me for things like that (i.e. when the dog was sick he sas afraid for me to be gone incase something happened). So we need to work on his comfort level with tje baby and being able to handle it while I'm gone. And you still need child care during the day while you sleep. I need just as much as anyone else working the day shift. I know you wanted assurance but i work all nights and I'm just telling you how it is. People think our sched is great since someone is "always home" yea but....i don't see my husband that much. When i work weekends i miss out on alot. Working weekends you will miss doing things as a family,just remember that. I only do it once/month but even then it sucks. 
Our plan is daycare. We just accepted it.

SLGILL1978

I agree with your husband. Being a teacher or working for the school district is a flexible job. I work for the school district. I almost quit after my first year to find a different job, but then I found out I was pregnant. I stayed because I had already built up a lot of sick and personal leave. I qualified for FMLA and short term disability was offered for free by my district. As a secretary at one of the elementary schools, I used to get subs for my teachers. I now work at the district level, and still get subs on an emergency basis for all elementary teachers (we don't have an online or phone system). 
If you're a teacher, you generally get the best of both worlds. You have all sorts of time off like Winter, Spring, and Summer break. Generally you only work about 189 days out of the year depending on your district's calendar. This is one of the most flexible jobs I have ever worked. I have been with them for six years, five of which, I was at an elementary school. I now work for our district offices. 
There are all sorts of daycare options out there, you just have to decide which you want, can afford and/or what's best for your family. 

maddaddam

Something to consider relating to what @SLGILL1978 said above - do you plan to be a stay at home mom full time once you have kids? If you plan on going back to work, you should consider your resume and what will work for you long term. Doing an odd job here and there matters a lot less on paper if you don't plan to continue working once you start having kids. 

With that being said, you mentioned that the certificate process you'll need to go through to continue teaching makes you want to die. I'm sure you're exaggerating at least a little, but I'm a firm believer that anything that makes you say something like that should be gotten rid of at all possible costs. It's not worth the emotional toll it's taking/will take, which brings me back to my original advice that you should take yourself into account first, baby second.  

MrsFL2015

Please do not stay in this position because it's easy for you right now/flexible.   Too many teachers do this and it only leads to stereotypes that teachers get into the profession for all the vacation time.  I'm a teacher and I get overwhelmed/frustrated too; however, I have a passion for the profession.  I've been told I'm a natural in the classroom and I feel this is my true calling in life.   If you don't feel this way, then don't continue in the profession. It will only start to negatively impact your teaching and you feelings/actions towards the children.  Kids, especially the most at-risk/low-income, deserve someone who is there because they are dedicated to them.  It's better to get out now.    
 
Would you want your future child's teacher to be in the classroom because it's "flexible" or because she has a passion for education and your child's success? 

bmo88

I firmly believe that you must be happy with yourself before you can be happy with others. Having a child might seem like it will be bring joy (and it will), but it will not solve your job satisfaction issue. That is something to really think about it, especially if you have to work after you have a child. You don't want to have the added stress of raising a child, the extra expenses and dislike the job you have to go to. I would urge you to focus on what you want to do and what will make you happy, before you jump into parenthood. You don't have to figure it all out, but at least identify a path and start working toward it. Now, if you are going to stay at home, that might change things.

Personally, I work in education and I run a school. My job is stressful, demanding, long hours (60-70 a week) and at times frustrating. But I 100% love what I do. It's exciting, challenging and my passion. I have been in education for the past 4 years and took on this job last July. We plan to start TTC next January and when we have a child, I will continue working. Will my priorities change a bit? Probably. But I know I am a career driven person. My plan is to work at building a support system around me and luckily my husband supports that too. 

Kay6519

You may also wish to consider the insurance implications as well. With some jobs and insurance companies, you have to have been employed with them for a specific amount of time before you qualify for maternity benefits.

mollsagni

Now that I've been teaching longer, I realize that I really love it. I was just scared I think since my last job went so, so badly in the end. I let the certification process scare me questioning if I could handle teaching, the certification process, and a pregnancy, but I've decided to tackle the process dead on and let the rest happen when it is meant to. I am going to start by getting this paperwork ironed out! 

@MrsFL2015 I agree with you whole-heartedly about the importance of teachers, and really any public servants, loving their jobs, which is why I was unsure about staying in it unless I was positive I could see it through. But now that I realize that getting certified isn't unrealistic, maybe intense, but not too much for me to handle. I just needed to get proactive about the process of getting certified rather than let the weight of it hang over me and my classroom routine. I've also stared focusing on the gains with the kids rather than the bureaucracy of the system and realize how much I really love seeing these students succeed.

Anyway, sometimes time and meditation help bring your true feelings to light. I was worrying about pregnancy rather than the big picture. I was letting fear charge my decisions rather than my enjoyment day-to-day. I feel much better now and whether I start TTCing this summer or next, I believe that I'm in a job that will make me happy whether I am pregnant or not.

I really appreciate all of your input and the sincerity of your answers.