More baby shower etiquette questions

peregrinefalconx

So, I'm a little planner. And I have waited SOOO long to get to where I am at, like I am having an actual baby. A baby shower was a right of passage that I couldn't seem to get to. I had been waiting for my mom or sister to bring it up. Neither of them have, and when I talked about it with my mom today, she told me that it is tacky for a close family relative to host because that's like you are trying to get money and gifts for the family, and that it is supposed to be hosted by a friend. About 2/3rds of the showers I have attended are thrown by moms and MILs/close family. I looked it up, and her views are the older traditional views that are no longer "taboo". That being said, they live 800 miles away from me and it would be difficult for them to plan anyway (my mom and sister lead very hectic lives, and frankly, both are kind of depressed and completely flat out due to their own lives). They don't really exhibit excitement for me and my mom still is fearful over joyful about this baby. I get it. But I have moved beyond it. I don't want to live that way anymore. I would also like to stress that I view this shower as a celebration of this baby's life and a thank you for all of my loved ones who have traveled on my journey with me. Also, we never did any of the engagement/marriage related showers--so this is kind of my first one ever.

That being said, I have now received offers from several friends to throw me one (but it would prob be at my house, which is fine). My concern is that they are super busy with two babies a piece, and money is tight (which I just know from their lives, not bc they said anything). So my questions:

1. Is there someway to tactfully offer to fund stuff? (I've already made it clear that simple is better. Baby clothes as decorations, I have beautiful tableclothes, etc)
2. Should I drop the thing with my mom? She said she would come down for the party. I think she would want to be there.
3. I have received a very generous amount of 2nd hand baby clothes from 0-3 months (only). Can I tactfully say "due to the generosity of friends and family," we're stocked for that age group?
4. Should I be a normal person and try and control things less?

Katm89

1. Since it is at your house. I feel like its perfectly acceptable to ask if you can help in any way. Then if they would like help they can choose what you help with.
2. I think if your mother doesn't want to host then don't force it. My mother lives 3 hours away so I never expected her to host it. My MIL is hosting it at her house and since shes hosting I have taken a step back and chosen to ask little to no questions about it as to not pressure her.
3. I think you should definitely not say that about the clothes. Most people will provide a gift receipt and babies r us will take things in exchange without a receipt.
4. Yes... control less.

charmedlifex3

1. I talked with my besties about it, and requested they use my home. I gave the excuse "I don't want to have to cart gifts home after." - But this saves the expense of them renting out anywhere. I also have most of the décor left from my wedding shower, so I offered that up as well. My wedding colors were blue and white, and we're having a boy... Why not reuse it! If you have things they can use, no harm offering it up.

2. Who ever does end up hosting, you may want to ask them to keep your mom in the loop, but I think you've done your good daughter diligence.

3. You can put a note at the top of most registries. But, at the end of the day, people are going to get you what they get you. My husband was 24 in  at birth, so we aren't looking to buy any NB and not much of 0-3m, but I know we'll get some.

4. You're excited. But, I promise by the time this rolls around, you'll have so much else to think about, you will be GLAD someone else has control (read responsibility) over this.

 

WinnieLou82

1. Yes, "Thank you so much for hosting! What can I do to help? I have this, this and this thing for the shower and would be happy to contribute to food costs too."
2. Drop it, invite her to the shower or for that weekend to visit.
3. No, do a nice and broad registry and return/donate anything you won't need.
4. Yes, excited is great and offering to help defer some shower costs. But don't micromanage. Ask your hosts what they need help with and then let them do the planning.

WinnieLou82

1. Yes, "Thank you so much for hosting! What can I do to help? I have this, this and this thing for the shower and would be happy to contribute to food costs too."
2. Drop it, invite her to the shower or for that weekend to visit.
3. No, do a nice and broad registry and return/donate anything you won't need.
4. Yes, excited is great and offering to help defer some shower costs. But don't micromanage. Ask your hosts what they need help with and then let them do the planning.

PinkLady2015

WinnieLou82 said:

1. Yes, "Thank you so much for hosting! What can I do to help? I have this, this and this thing for the shower and would be happy to contribute to food costs too."
2. Drop it, invite her to the shower or for that weekend to visit.
3. No, do a nice and broad registry and return/donate anything you won't need.
4. Yes, excited is great and offering to help defer some shower costs. But don't micromanage. Ask your hosts what they need help with and then let them do the planning.

This

peregrinefalconx

Thanks, ladies. I am excited and I just want everyone together in the same room to be excited with me. I think my SIL is also going to chip in, so that might take away some of the awkward money stuff. Going to try and let it all roll with the punches and try not to get overwhelmed about duplicate gifts and stuff (we have very limited space and I'm neurotic anyway about waste). Just need to let it unfold. And probably getting the house clean before and after will be all the work I end up wanting to take on--ugh, barely want to do it now!

taysun

I just want to add, people are going to buy clothes. I didn't register for any clothing because I knew I'd get it anyway. Lo and behold almost everyone gifted me exclusively clothing (and baby blankets, I received 20+). DD has a full wardrobe up to 12 months and I've bought her approximately 3 outfits. 
Return what you don't need, use the money for baby items you need or put it on a gift card to buy clothes in the sizes you need when the time comes.