MIL's Grandma Shower..

bankssl1

So my MIL has told me a few times that she was planning on having a Grandma Shower and I never really thought much about it, other than thats kinda weird. Well my SIL is throwing my shower and wanted a guest list, I told her to her with her mom(my MIL) for the family she wants to invite because I know she frequently likes to invite more people than necessary. SIL told me that MIL didn't want to invite the same people to my shower that she will be inviting to her Grandma Shower.. which would be fine except she is inviting her whole family to her shower! It would be one thing if she was going to keep my son when I went back to work but she isn't. Its SO not about the gifts, I'm upset that all of the people we love won't be able to share this awesome time with us..  Am I crazy for thinking this is crazy and being upset with the whole situation?

MeganF08

WTH is a grandma shower? Is this a real thing that I have never heard of or am I just out of the loop?

BabyboyS2016

I don't know what that is either. 

bankssl1

ITS NOT A REAL THING! I've never heard of one before either, her cousin is throwing it for her and MIL is over the moon about it. I don't really even know what they will get her?? I already bought her a car seat, she has a rocker and my mom is giving her a bassinet.

RNfromMN

This is my 4th child. I belong to a decent amount of online mommy groups. 

I have never heard of something so ridiculous & attention seeking in my LIFE as a grandma shower. I can't even give you any advice my mouth is hanging so wide open. 

Good luck with a MIL like that, really. 

DeePaddy24

Um, no...you're not crazy. She's being crazy & unreasonable. I'd be upset, too. It sounds like she's being a bit of an AW & not understanding that a shower is about showering a MOM-to-be with love, well wishes, & yes...gifts. A "Grandma Shower" is not right...she's had her time, it's your turn now!

Lyette1206

This is ridiculous. You should get first pass at guests, seeing as how you're the one growing a human. She can invite more distant family or those who you choose not to invite (not that I think it is reasonable to have a grandma shower. What an attention grab. If she wants to celebrate being a grandma she can have a lunch or a tea, but not a shower!!). Some of my husband's grandmothers friends gave her gifts for our first, which she passed on to us. These were friends I've never met, and it wasn't as a shower, just as a congrats you're going to be a great grandma. 

NicknShan

Your MIL is crazy.  You send a guest list including your family and friends to your SIL.  

As for your MIL, especially if she is hosting her own shower, she is ridiculous, self centered, and crazy.  My MILs book club friends through her a "Grandma Shower" and it was adorable.  They all just got her children's books to have at her place, and sat around at book club and had coffee and chatted like they normally do.  In this instance, I found it adorable.  As for your MIL - tacky and awful.

Reading this makes me angry for you.

ahernandez16

WHAT. What does she even NEED a shower for? What do they even do at those things? WHY.  

She's totally trying to steal the attention away from you. She doesn't need gifts. She's not having a baby. I hope you're not expected to show up. I wouldn't and if my mom or MIL tried to have a full blown baby shower (lunch with a few friends to celebrate becoming a grandma, okay) for themselves, even if someone else offered to host, I would probably literally laugh in their faces. 

ETA: My mom WILL have my son while H and I work and even so, I'd still hate if she had one. It'll be our responsibility to provide her an extra carseat base, pack n play, whatever she'll need to watch him... not her friends. Your MIL didn't start a registry, right....? 

bankssl1

NicknShan I thought the same thing, if it was her sunday school class, or her coworkers--totally cool!! 

After I called my mom to vent last night I thought to myself, if this lady registers for her Grandma Shower I am going to freak out. I mentioned to DH what was going on over the phone, he was working last night, and he didn't sound too surprised. He said we would all talk about it Sunday when we go to MILs house to watch the Super Bowl. 

almostpriceless

What a rude old lady. I feel like one of your hostesses should ask her who is going to come celebrate with you if everyone is going to her shower. I'd also probably be the person who would tell her that this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I'm kind of a dick though, so there's that...

Sydvicious08

Have yours before hers lol. Invite the people you want.  Petty? Yes. But she is majorly out of line

bankssl1

I really don't know why I'm surprised she is doing this, she likes to be the center of attention constantly. I have been pretty annoyed with her this whole pregnancy, Idk if y'all remember my post about her feelings being hurt because I didn't invite her to my 20 week sonogram. She just always thinks its about her. Also.. her grandma name is Mam. I hate that it pretty much sounds just like mom.. It was supposed to be Lolli and my FIL was going to be pops, and I LOVED that. 

meggyme

Tell her she's being ridiculous. I've been invited to 1 grandma shower for a lady at work whose daughter I've never met. Maybe convince her to do a "joint" shower and include make her your MC since she clearly wants the attention.

mrsschmity

Are YOU invited to the "Grandma Shower"? I'm just trying to wrap my head around this clusterfuck of an idea. My MIL hosted a bridal shower for me (separate from the one that my mom did), but she didn't call it a "Mother-In-Law Shower". It was just two separate showers where different sides of the family attended. This sounds like she is literally having her own separate shower and not including you?

I would probably let my bitch flag fly when you go over to her house for the Superbowl and nonchalantly ask her what she plans on doing at her "Grandma Shower". Maybe try out some new dentures? Do some knitting? Hold a contest to see what grannie name sounds best? Honestly though, if it were me I would straight up ask (or have your H do it) if she plans on registering for or accepting any gifts.

This is just fucking weird. I just don't get it and didn't realize this even crossed some people's minds.

MrsAlliKat

Like @NicknShan I've heard of a lunch or something with a book shower and i think that is adorable, but a full on baby shower for the grandma? No way!  I think that you should let your SIL know which family members from that side you want to invite so that you can celebrate with them. 

bankssl1

mrsschmity she is most certainly expecting gifts.. because she will be watching him soooooo much. NOT. And I have not been invited, I don't think I will be--which is great bc I wouldn't go anyway. 

CourtJack

Ok. This is absolutely insane. And is there any chance she just means a shower she is hosting for you? Or is she hosting a shower where she is the person that is being celebrated? I am just looking for anything to make this seem even remotely plausible. 

And if she is indeed throwing herself a shower- good god you have all my sympathies. 

gray51015

OH geez!! Your MIL sounds like a joy to be around *sarcasm* I don't have anything to offer that others haven't already said, but I just want you to know that I hope you win this round. Showers are about the mom-to-be and welcoming her into motherhood. They have nothing to do with Grandma.

colesmom33

This is terrible!!  I hope this isn't a sign of things to come!  This is one of the only times in your life where it should be about you, not your MIL!  I agree that you should send invites to the whole family.  Most likely, they are going to think the same way you do about the Grandma shower and would rather come and celebrate you!

BabyboyS2016

Man, I thought I'd heard of all the crazy crap, but this is WAY out of line. My H said your H needs to step up to your defense and draw the line. 

btorgers

That is strange, I have never heard about that.  Also, I find it strange that she is putting herself in front of you and inviting everyone to her party and dictating who you can/can not invite to yours. I definitely would invite who you want to your shower. I am sorry that you have to go through this. 

ahernandez16

bankssl1 said:

mrsschmity she is most certainly expecting gifts.. because she will be watching him soooooo much. NOT. And I have not been invited, I don't think I will be--which is great bc I wouldn't go anyway. 

Wow. Don't invite her to yours, lol. 

alysemci

Ya that's weird. If she really wanted to do something like lunch with her closest friends like a little celebration id be all for it. It should never interfere or take away from yours though. Yours is priority number one and hers should be a fun little thing with her friends 

bankssl1

jaceyannie this is def a sign of things to come. I knew it would be pretty awful but I had no idea it would start this early. 

CourtJack It's a shower for her! For things to keep at her house.. The thing is, she won't be watching him much!! Shes a school teacher so I will be on maternity leave while she is on summer break.. when I got back to work so will she! So confused.

shannonrnbsn I am hoping DH sets her straight on Sunday, but he is a mommas boy.. so I'm a little worried.. I am very laid back and hate confrontation but I may have to stand up to her for once. 

alysemci

Also yes to PP above who said your husband needs to draw the line. It's his place/job/duty to speak up when something goes awry 

mrsb8244

Wow...just wow. I can't even wrap my brain around this. I would totally flip my shit!! 

BabyboyS2016

My H's exact words were "he needs to sack up." It definitely sounds like he's let her behavior slide before. 

WinniethePoohsPants

That is the most attention seeking thing I have EVER heard of. If I were you I would try to have my shower before she has hers- and if that doesn't work out I would STILL keep my family members on the guest list. And I wouldn't attempt to have a joint shower with her, seeing as you are the one giving birth, not her! Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. PLEASE give us an update after both showers! I'd LOVE to know how  hers went down.

bankssl1

shannonrnbsn yes, the whole family lets it slide. But honestly.. the whole family is also more on the crazy side than they would probably like to admit. My poor hubby is by far the most normal. 

I will talk to DH tonight, and maybe explain it more so he can get ticked off with me! I just mentioned it in passing last night right before we got off the phone. 

bankssl1

@WinniethePoohsPants I will keep y'all updated! My shower will be pretty early, March 20th, because my SIL wants to do it on her spring break. So mine will be before MIL's for sure! 

SoEnamored

Does she have a group of ya-ya sisterhood type friends who she can have a grandma's tea with - maybe they could make it a thing, to celebrate the next grandma that way.  Not being able to invite family to your shower is odd.  I could see you having a shower just for that side of the family, if there'd be enough people to warrant that.  My mom's colleagues held a grandma shower for her at work.  She gave me all the gifts, except the book that she's supposed to fill-out about her life and give to baby one day.   It was a really nice gesture by her colleagues to celebrate something dear to my mom.  But, still, a bit odd.  I felt so bad receiving the gifts having not attended, been invited or known these people well.  I made sure to stop by to see them all once baby was born and to send a thank you.

mkemommy

bankssl1 said:

I really don't know why I'm surprised she is doing this, she likes to be the center of attention constantly. I have been pretty annoyed with her this whole pregnancy, Idk if y'all remember my post about her feelings being hurt because I didn't invite her to my 20 week sonogram. She just always thinks its about her. Also.. her grandma name is Mam. I hate that it pretty much sounds just like mom.. It was supposed to be Lolli and my FIL was going to be pops, and I LOVED that. 

This whole Grandma shower thing is so much....






I don't know why you are putting up with the above bolded either.  I would just introduce your child to her as "Lolli" and conveniently "forget" about "Mam" EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU SEE HER.  If she corrects you, laugh it off and 10 minute later say "Oh you love your Lolli don't you?" when baby does something cute.  If she corrects you again, insert a "Lolli is so silly, isn't she?".  Rinse, repeat.  Passive aggressive? Yup. Only thing that works with self-centered folks like this sometimes? Also yup.  

ETA - I assume you've told her you don't like Mam already, correct?  If not, start with that before the passive aggressive tactics obviously.  

VikingGirl12

Haha. A grandma shower.
 

heathersaysso

JFC.  I thought I was having a rough time with my sister.  I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap during what should be a 100% about you situation.  I hope your husband is able to see your point of view and stand up for you.  If he doesn't see why it's an issue, send him here and I bet we can set him straight.  Good luck and keep us posted!

bankssl1

mkemommy I did very nicely tell her that I actually liked Lolli way better than Mam and she said well I guess its your baby so its up to you.. Then continued to tell everyone she was going to be Mam. The reactions are pretty awesome though because its an awful grandma name. There are SO many options, I just don't understand why this is a winner. Apparently Mam is Mother is Welsh. Well she's not Welsh and she's not the mother! 

HBamama2B

Post the link to this thread on her FB invite to the AWGMA Shower and call out that crazy. Jk. Lordy.

A) hugs. That sucks, she's awful. B.) I don't know what the answer is- I have a crazy MIL as well, but that's some next level sh!t- but I hope you find a solution. Her BSC plans should not detract from your legitimate celebration.

goldie987

Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh she's being crazy.  

Grandma showers are really weird and when they do happen, they're usually the grandma-to-be's friends who don't know the mother-to-be enough to be invited to the actual baby shower.  I wouldn't tell her that she can't have her own shower thing, but I would make it clear to her that her side of the family WILL be invited to your baby shower and if she doesn't want to double invite, then they're coming off of her list, not yours.  Best of luck with her, she is everything I fear my MIL will become (but fortunately hasn't yet).  

bankssl1

I am so thankful everyone agrees she is nuts! I had actually almost convinced myself that it was no big deal and to just let her have her moment even if it did affect me. 

MsBeachNJ

My face reading this:  

and what my reaction would be to her... 



This is YOUR time, YOUR shower, YOUR guest list... she has no right to say who can be invited to yours, people will think its UBER tacky to receive an invite to her shower after yours and will obvi favor yours... this is honestly the most attention grabbing wacky thing I've ever heard of... I'm sorry you're dealing with it but you really need to speak up here - YOU are having the baby... not her!

bankssl1

Update! My SIL just informed me that the host (MIL's cousin) of the Grandma shower said to invite all of the family to my shower just like I normally would. At least someone is thinking normal-ish.