So I complain about my SO a lot. I am upset that he doesn't seem to have a strong connection to our son, I feel like I do most of the taking care of our son and I feel disrespected when he doesn't help out with the daily house cleaning like he used to. He tends to check out and dick around on his phone for hours when he gets home and if/when I do give him our son to look after and he starts crying (the baby, not husband) DH won't do much to help smooth him so he ends up holding a screaming/crying baby in one arm and his phone in his other hand. Everytime I confront him about this he raises his voice and says he's trying. (Baby doesn't seem to see dad as a soothing presence) So I feel like DH is trying to continue with his pre-baby life and let me handle everything else (groceries, laundry,house cleaning) because his job and school are more important than mine. Well, trying to talk to him is like talking to a brick wall and I need to "watch my attitude" so I usually just hold it in until I break and lash out. Today I told him that my attitude stems from other things like the fact that I do most of the care for the kid. He lost it. He was pissed.
Maybe be he will end up realizing that I'm right and he should step up all the time instead of when it's convenient for him. The days he helps it's mostly great. He will cook dinner but leave me with dishes, bath time, and bed time.
I understand that he is stressed (finances, no sense of accomplishment, no feeling of self worth) but I am really getting tired of trying to be happy enough for the both of us. And if I mention counseling/ depression he just states he's not depressed and doesn't need it. ( Afghan war vet, avid gun lover, PTSD verified)
Its just frustrating that the only time he seems to actually hear me is when I'm pissed off and yelling or when I say he doesn't help with his kid. I know I hit a nerve since his fear is to be his dad who wasn't there for him. But I just said what I saw. Holding your kid for and hour while your wife makes dinner or tries to get ready for work doesn't feel like being an active part in the Childs life right now.
It seems like me stating what I feel and being angry will make my husband leave.