Hubby scared to catch

crazyliblady

My DH and I agreed that he would catch the baby when I deliver, but he is getting more and more scared of dropping LO as the day gets closer.  We've discussed that he doesn't have to, but he really wants to if he can.  However, this fear is getting debilitating.  Do any of you or your partners have insight to share with him (he does read all my stuff on here and will be following this thread, I'm sure.

amandac12581

I don't have any experience as I am a FTM, but maybe the Dr or one of the nurses can assist him if he's afraid of dropping the baby.  I'm pretty sure someone would be close by just in case they need to jump in anyway.  Tell him don't be scared, he's got this!

AGK2015

Have not yet been there done that (I too am a FTM), but a few things strike me about your situation:

A. At some point, he's going to have to hold the baby for the first time, and there's a good chance that in that moment, whether someone is approaching him to put baby in his arms or whether he's getting ready to catch LO himself, he's going to have a brief flash of fear about dropping or hurting him. Even if he decides not to catch, that fear is still likely to be there... so if that's the only thing he's worried about, it seems silly to change your plans over it.
B. If that's not the only thing he's worried about, or if he can't work up the courage, there's no shame in just acknowledging that he's not comfortable with it. My husband loves me, is extremely supportive, and he's super excited about our little girl.  All the same, his response to the idea of catching the baby or cutting the cord or even watching The Main Event from down below is "Thanks but no thanks." Doesn't really matter why; he'll be an incredible father either way, and it has no bearing on his love or devotion to me and to her. Much like water births or placenta eating just aren't my thing, getting up close and personal with the gore just isn't his thing. 

mojomama6

This fear has always seemed weird to me, because I've never given birth in a position where it would have mattered even if someone *did* drop the baby. Then I remembered that people may be envisioning giving birth like a turtle on its back in the classic lithotomy position, with the breakaway table, so dropping is a valid concern. That seems more likely than people envisioning a standing birth, anyway (although I've met one woman who does prefer to stand, Captain Morgan-style). 
So after remembering that, I have two thoughts. The first is, if you care about your lady bits, don't give birth like that. Even if you have the epidural, you can be positioned in a sitting or even a semi-squat position, both of which are better birth positions, and more relevant to this conversation, don't involve having anywhere for the baby to drop *to*, since it will basically be born directly onto the bed. Secondly, yes, newborn babies are slippery, but not that slippery. Even juggling my fourth child, in the water, to untangle her cord (which in the moment appeared to be at least ten feet long, as it was wrapped around her neck twice, then her shoulder, then her waist, and then around one leg), I didn't feel like there was any danger of me dropping her. They're more durable than we generally think of them as being, so you can get a pretty good grip. 
All that said, it seems unlikely that in a hospital setting the doctor would actually, like, step away and let the dad be completely in charge. The doctor will be right there at dad's shoulder, and will certainly step in if s/he feels the baby is in any danger,of falling or anything else. 
And in the end, if it turns out not to be your husband's thing, nbd. My husband is quite keen on catching, but doesn't want to cut any cords. It's whatevs. 

NMort

My husband caught our third baby. We weren't planning on it, but when it was time for her to come out, the doctor told my husband to let go of my leg and come towards him. Being caught off gaurd, he did what was asked of him and ended up helping deliver her. Honestly, it was a really cool moment that we both still talk about. My suggestion is to go with the flow. Let the doctor know that your husband would like to catch the baby if possible and then just go from there. If it happens, awesome...if not, no biggie. Good luck!

AmadorRose

If it's a fear originating from not having any training or experience, when I m got my EMT-basic license, we were told that literally all you do is catch. You don't guide, you don't make extra room; you stand there, put your hands out, and let mom push baby into your hands. 

olivemomma

I would maybe let your husband talk to your ob about it at one of your upcoming appts and express his concerns to them. They may be able to give you both the reassurance you need either way. Honestly, I don't think catching the baby is for every dad. They can put a lot of pressure on themselves and instead of enjoying the birth may just be freaking out the whole time about their impending task. And I do think there is a big difference between holding baby for the first time and catching them. The baby is really slippery when it comes out and dropping is a legit concern. Heck, doctors can drop a baby (although very uncommon). If he wants to do it I think that's awesome, but I wouldn't push it.

KelBelleBaby

I never even thought about this. My SO wants to cut the cord but it never occurred to either of us that catching him would be an option! My doctor only does scheduled C-sections now so I will be delivered by one of the 3 OBs at my hospital. I have a hospital tour in 2/7 and I now plan to ask my SO if he would want to and L&D if they allow it!

ivyvines6

My fiancé has less than zero interest in catching the baby or cutting the cord. He's worried about the way the placenta smells, and mentions it quite frequently. Apparently two of his friends have made a big deal about how stressful labor is and told him that the cherry of it all is how horrible the room smells after the placenta is delivered. He told me this and my reaction was a mix between raised eyebrows and you've got to be kidding me.

Doesnt bother me that he doesn't want to do either of those things though. As far as I'm concerned, his job is to be my partner and "love" me through this experience. Dr is going to handle that end of it, and we all have our parts to play. (Guess what my job is! Lol)

Ready4theParty

DH was pretty concerned about cutting the cord with Dd but was pretty excited to do so after the dr pretty much made him.  It's something he talks about all the time and is looking forward to this time around.

Catching, well I understand being nervous and it's an option I know DH will pass on.

Somersky

This is my favorite thread in a while--great feedback, ladies! I think DH and I might talk this weekend about the possibility of him catching. Good to know there are others here who've done it or are hoping to do it this go-round.

cmjenkies

I'm kind of surprised that if you deliver in a traditional hospital setting that they would allow anybody else to catch - liability and all. On the flip side, I honestly would not particularly *want* DH to in the first place, so I'm glad it's never been a topic of discussion in our house.   

emgee27

Knottie9983816 said:

My fiancé has less than zero interest in catching the baby or cutting the cord. He's worried about the way the placenta smells, and mentions it quite frequently. Apparently two of his friends have made a big deal about how stressful labor is and told him that the cherry of it all is how horrible the room smells after the placenta is delivered. He told me this and my reaction was a mix between raised eyebrows and you've got to be kidding me.

Doesnt bother me that he doesn't want to do either of those things though. As far as I'm concerned, his job is to be my partner and "love" me through this experience. Dr is going to handle that end of it, and we all have our parts to play. (Guess what my job is! Lol)

Apologies for my frankness, but isn't it pretty much a guarantee that, at some point, we will sh!t ourselves?  I'm more worried about the smell of THAT. I didn't even know the placenta smelled! Off to google!!

ivyvines6

emgee27 said:

Knottie9983816 said:

My fiancé has less than zero interest in catching the baby or cutting the cord. He's worried about the way the placenta smells, and mentions it quite frequently. Apparently two of his friends have made a big deal about how stressful labor is and told him that the cherry of it all is how horrible the room smells after the placenta is delivered. He told me this and my reaction was a mix between raised eyebrows and you've got to be kidding me.

Doesnt bother me that he doesn't want to do either of those things though. As far as I'm concerned, his job is to be my partner and "love" me through this experience. Dr is going to handle that end of it, and we all have our parts to play. (Guess what my job is! Lol)

Apologies for my frankness, but isn't it pretty much a guarantee that, at some point, we will sh!t ourselves?  I'm more worried about the smell of THAT. I didn't even know the placenta smelled! Off to google!!

I don't think EVERYONE does, but it is a possibility, yeah. Not one that I've shared with him, mind you

ashdawn24

My husband and I had sincere talks when our daughter was born about the possibility of him fainting and not being able to be in the room. He hates body fluids and is a germaphobe, and he was scared he would pass out and make a big scene. We agree that if he needed to leave, it was fine, and our plan was that he was going to stand at the head of the bed with his back to the action so he could be there but not really see anything (except me screaming! ). Turns out he was right in the action and wanted to touch our daughter's head as she came out, and cut the umbilical cord and everything. 

My advice is that you don't force him to do anything, but in the end he will probably want to anyway.

momofmanyinthemitten

Most likely, the doc will stop you from pushing when baby's head comes out, so it's not like baby will come shooting out (unless it's like my 2nd VBAC without an epi, and I couldn't stop pushing when he asked me to). DH had to catch ours because my OB wasn't even gloved, as it took only 2 pushes. He was planning on catching anyway.

nikkinbonnie

My husband has a deep dislike for blood to the point of a phobia. I've seen him go pale at the sight of a cut finger. So he will be staying at my head and supporting me from there. Some people have tried to convince him of how he doesn't want to miss this but I tell them to stop that talk immediately. He will still be her father if he doesn't see her come out. 

aweiss1011

I didn't realize this was something to even worry about? Haha I figure as long as the baby is "caught," I'm okay with it.

mojomama6

Qbf, but to those asking about pooping ourselves, it's definitely not a guarantee. It didn't happen to me until my fifth baby. Ymmv. 

momofmanyinthemitten

mojomama6 said:

Qbf, but to those asking about pooping ourselves, it's definitely not a guarantee. It didn't happen to me until my fifth baby. Ymmv. 

My first VBAC practically produced more pounds of poop than my ~9 lb baby. There was significantly less was my 2nd, which correlated with the length of the pushing phase.