Trying to Get Pregnant

cold feet

Hi all. I've been lurking for a while :-) anyway I'm Karli. Im 27. I married my middle school sweetheart (aww). We got married after college and after he finishes grad school. Here we are a year and a half after marriage. We always had in the back of our mind that we wanted to start trying early 2016. We decided on April. Ive been so excited doing everything right. My husband just out of nowhere said he was ready he is waiting on me. Ever since he said that I'm freaking out...like having second thoughts type freaking out. Now that it's more real i am scared. It will be our first. I sit here and think ok...maybe nexy year. But the other part of me says no! Im excited. I did say i wanted to stick with the plan of April because we are traveling to NYC to visit his cousins and see the city...also a wedding. I really don't want to be sick so that's the only thing holding us back. But is this second thoughts cold feet thing normal when hubby is finally ready??? I'm terrified i am going to screw up. Our relationship is so strong and i am terrified a child is going to change us. Anyone else?.sorry for any typos. Doing this from a phone. 

Re: cold feet

  • KarliQ88 said:
    Hi all. I've been lurking for a while :-) anyway I'm Karli. Im 27. I married my middle school sweetheart (aww). We got married after college and after he finishes grad school. Here we are a year and a half after marriage. We always had in the back of our mind that we wanted to start trying early 2016. We decided on April. Ive been so excited doing everything right. My husband just out of nowhere said he was ready he is waiting on me. Ever since he said that I'm freaking out...like having second thoughts type freaking out. Now that it's more real i am scared. It will be our first. I sit here and think ok...maybe nexy year. But the other part of me says no! Im excited. I did say i wanted to stick with the plan of April because we are traveling to NYC to visit his cousins and see the city...also a wedding. I really don't want to be sick so that's the only thing holding us back. But is this second thoughts cold feet thing normal when hubby is finally ready??? I'm terrified i am going to screw up. Our relationship is so strong and i am terrified a child is going to change us. Anyone else?.sorry for any typos. Doing this from a phone. 
    Of course it's normal to be nervous about becoming a mom. I think everyone has those thoughts sometime. As far as the ttc process goes I would say just know it can take a healthy couple with good timing up to a year to get pregnant. So even though you have a plan to start in April to have perfect timing for your trip, that might now be the case! Also, if you truly think you aren't ready don't force yourself into it just because hubby is ready. 

    Me: 28 DH: 29
    Married: August 2014
    TTC #1 Since March 2015
    Diagnosed with PCOS March 2016
    SA results normal April 2016
    3 rounds clomid + trigger + TI = BFN
    3 rounds clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    Uterine polyp removed July 2017
    Round 1 IVF January 2018




  • Hello and welcome to the board.

    Feelings about trying are different for everyone, obviously, but it's pretty common to have some moments where you're like "Are we really doing this?! Is this a good idea? Are we ready?" I think that is pretty standard for any decision that will result in a major, and permanent, life change. Since all of us are here actively trying we all clearly decided that yes we're doing this, it's a good idea and while we may or may not be ready we're at least as ready as we'll ever be and we're going for it. :)

    I can understand wanting to wait till you're done traveling for the wedding to start trying to avoid the possibility of morning sickness during traveling. I would suggest, however, that you start planning for when you are ready to try.

    I suggest learning about your cycle and what to expect when you're ready to try. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility has tons of useful information.

    I'd also suggest that you start temping and charting. It's very common for the first month of checking CM and taking temps to result in some charts full of user error that are less than helpful. I know it took me till my second cycle charting to start really feeling comfortable with it. And longer than that to start feeling sure about my assessments of cervical position/texture and such. The sooner you start temping the charting the sooner you'll start to learn what's "normal" for you in terms of when in your cycle you generally ovulation, how long your luteal phase typically is and all sorts of other useful information.
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • KarliQ88 said:
    Hi all. I've been lurking for a while :-) anyway I'm Karli. Im 27. I married my middle school sweetheart (aww). We got married after college and after he finishes grad school. Here we are a year and a half after marriage. We always had in the back of our mind that we wanted to start trying early 2016. We decided on April. Ive been so excited doing everything right. My husband just out of nowhere said he was ready he is waiting on me. Ever since he said that I'm freaking out...like having second thoughts type freaking out. Now that it's more real i am scared. It will be our first. I sit here and think ok...maybe nexy year. But the other part of me says no! Im excited. I did say i wanted to stick with the plan of April because we are traveling to NYC to visit his cousins and see the city...also a wedding. I really don't want to be sick so that's the only thing holding us back. But is this second thoughts cold feet thing normal when hubby is finally ready??? I'm terrified i am going to screw up. Our relationship is so strong and i am terrified a child is going to change us. Anyone else?.sorry for any typos. Doing this from a phone. 
    So, DH and I were also mostly ready at age 27, but I wanted to take a trip to Europe first, and we needed to save a little more money. So we waited another year, and getting KTFU isn't happening as quickly as we expected, and *TW* I've also already had a loss. TTC can be a rocky road for many people, and I honestly wasn't expecting it to be based on how fertile the rest of my family is. If I'd known it would take this long I would have started trying earlier. But hindsight is 20/20, and unfortunately there's really no way of knowing how it's going to go until you actually start trying. 

    Anyway, like @MamaMunn said, don't start trying until you are really mentally ready. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I agree with PPs. I had moments of "are we really ready for this?" but I'm the type of person who freaks out prior to a big decision and once I've officially decided thats what I'm going to do then I'm all in and don't look back. I agree with @MissAmeliaPond, if I had known that I wouldn't have gotten KTFU as early as I thought then I would have tried sooner. I think your best bet is just to have as much information as possible (temp, chart, read TCOYF) and make sure you have good discussions about all of this with your DH so you can be confident that this is what you truly want and that you both are on the same page. I know thats what helped me when I was going back and forth initially. GL! 
  • Thanks all. I didnt know where to post this. I thought this would be good because you've all been through this initial start period. We have discussed the possibility of it happening right away or year from now we are ok with it. We have nothing planned after this wedding in NYC in april. We will take it as it comes to us. I do fear it wont happen as soon as we want. I have several friends dealing with infertility issues so there is fear of that.  I've been keeping an eye on CM...sounds very typical that people describe when fertile. But i realize there are other factors than that. Anyway thank you all. April will be here before we know it. 
  • As with PP, I have worries and doubts.  A couple of weeks ago we thought we might be having a BFP (which turned out to be a false alarm), and right after the excited/anticipatory conversation, we were both like, "oh shit, what did we do?"

    I think it's totally normal.  This changes everything, and it would be a little insane not to be at least a tiny bit scared.  I think if you were worried about the stability of your relationship or something really substantial, it would be a lot more to think about.  But your fears are totally normal and okay to have!
  • We are also going to start in April. This will be #2 for us. The first one was wasn't planned at all. In the end you do what you have to do, ready or not. Obviously, you shouldn't feel pressure and it is totally up to you to try or not. But, totally prepared or not, you will figure it out and things will be ok. Hooray for April! I am so excited and also nervous, especially when I remember the newborn stage and no sleeping. But, definitely life changing, for the better. Good luck charting and getting ready. 

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I was TOTALLY nervous when we started TTC last month, despite also being ready. Still am, a little bit. It's a huge step! H and I decided to start trying before our big trip coming up, although I know that's not the right choice for everybody. I do feel nervous about being sick on the trip, but I also know I could want that time back if things don't go quickly for us. I'm the type of person who really needs to just jump in with two feet, and now, despite the nerves, I can't wait to see that positive test. 

    In any case, what's right for me isn't necessarily what's right for you, but you're not alone in your feelings. At all. 
  • I'm terrified as hell for a BFP.  But if you feel this really isn't the right time then that is something to address.  Let it be right.  
    DD born PPROM preemie at 36 weeks on 10/1/17 after over a year TI, 
    then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.

    Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
    because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • Can I just say that I love this thread? I completely agree with everyone's thoughts. I think it's only natural. Starting a family is a huge responsibility and lifestyle change. I have so many moments when I get nervous about it all.

    Me: 28  DH: 28
    TTC #1 since Nov. 2015
    Dx: Both tubes blocked, PCOS, DOR, RPL
    IVF Cycle #1 Dec. 2016 - 11R·11M·5F - Transferred 2 - BFP - Miscarriage - 0 Embryos Left
    IVF Cycle #2 March 2017 - 5R·4M·3F - Transferred 1 -  BFP - Miscarriage - 0 Embryos Left
    Instagram: KateDoesIVF

  • I'm so happy you all feel the same. All my friends seem so excited to start their families with no fear. So i was thinking it wasn't good or normal to be feeling this. I'm the type that's very cautious with big decisions and hate change. I do it anyway and it always turns out fine. I think we will continue on with our plans and roll with whatever happens. 
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