Things DH Should Not Have Said.

ginger819

To preface my DH's comment I DO work around 28 hours each week all on the weekend in long shifts which I have never called into and during the week I DO take care of DD all day while he is at work. I have not been cleaning as much as usual (though the dishes have been done, which I'm insanely proud of) and have spent a fair amount of time on the couch napping when DD naps and watching TV in an effort to make the time go by faster until the nausea goes away. 
We started having a little fight about a stupid pizza, which thanks to a good dose of hormonal anger and tears turned into a big fight about how much I have stopped doing around the house. Normally I do the vast majority of cooking and cleaning as I am the one at home during the week and would rather spend time with DH than watch him clean. The cooking has come to a complete halt and the cleaning is only barely being done. Now what my husband said that sent me into a complete rage (which for some odd reason he did not understand) was and I quote: "I'm sure it must suck being pregnant but I guess my hardest thing to get over is that I have seen two girls at work be pregnant and they came to work everyday and got their sh**t done, and I wonder why it isn't the same here." Did he really just compare me to other pregnant women? Who he's only seen at work? Who probably went home exhausted and plopped down on the couch? Who don't work in the same department so he probably wouldn't have noticed even if they had taken sick days? I'm still just wondering why he thought that would go over well. The fight is over and we are on good terms again, though the thought of this comment gets me irritated all over again.

Anyone else's DH say something they probably should never say to a pregnant woman?

nanner26

DH has also made a few comments about me laying on the couch more than normal. A few weeks ago he said "You can't keep using this pregnancy thing as an excuse." That was the first and last time.

searchingforameaning

My dh made the worst comment about me wanting to take a full 12 week maternity leave and how lazy that is... " most people go back to work within 6 weeks after abdominal surgery".... Could have shot him for that stupid comment! How quickly he forgot what it was like after first two were born!

amandazap

I feel that domestic violence is the only answer to your situation.

Samm116

I just shared this with DH as a what not to do! Lol

tmk0325

My SO other said to me last night (after talking about how I can be the pontoon driver this summer), well you are going to be as big as a pontoon! I was like uhm, yeah I'm growing a human here! He said it jokingly but I could of smacked him. Lol

MSUgrad12

DH keeps joking about how fat I'm going to get. I'm cool with it for now, but have made it clear that he should stop as I get further along.

I also shares this with DH and he laughed and was like "oh shit!"

DDRRT1982

So, my DH made an asshole comment about my cleaning and laundry habits.  You know what happened?  I hired people and we now pay for a maid and someone to do our laundry.  If he wants to whine about things getting done he can help me a little bit.  He chose not to.  Like you, I work weekends and stay home with the kids during the week.  My job is not easy and neither is yours during the week.  This is a partnership and until my DH realizes that it's coming out of his pocket. 

ramoseecology

I'm growing a whole other fucking being. And this is a super critical stage for development. I'm resting when I feel like it, complained about feeling like death when I felt like it, and my husband is either picking up the slack or he can buy frozen pizzas. I would not tolerate that shit at all. Sorry he's acting a fool. I totally support DDRRT1982's approach, for real. 

edit:spelling at 8am

bananers

Last pregnancy DH and I were doing yard work and I had to stop because I was dizzy. He said to me "some women run marathons pregnant."

:death glare:

mouse1029

With our first my DH actually asked the OB if I was legitimately exhausted or if I was just trying to avoid laundry. It might have been the least of the stupid things he has said while pregnant.

karaszoo1

Mine hasn't said anything incredibly stupid yet tho he did say " remind me not to knock u up with a girl again , all the extra estrogen is making you bitchy" I laughed at That cuz it's kinda funny and I had just called him a half ass for picking up toys but not organizing them the way I do (control freak much..)
. I did read him some if these and he said "these dudes must have a death wish.." lmfao
Edited because my phone doesn't like the word ass

charmedlifex3

He walked into the bedroom today, while I was getting dressed, his eyes got big and he said "Wow! You can *really* tell you're pregnant now." ... I glared and he responded with a hand motion "round" in front of his belly. 

I threw a pillow. 

jacmkelley

I'm mad just reading all of these lol. Men can be so insensitive!

1faceinacrowd

Does anyone else wish there was some sort of drink or shot we could give them to experience exactly what pregnancy feels like, just for one day (or week)? Men are the biggest babies when they have the sniffles; I cannot imagine a man feeling nauseous, dizzy, emotional, exhausted, and achy 24/7 the way many of us do.

ZedPM3

Mine has said on a couple occasions how he doesn't know how I'm going to manage being pregnant when we have a toddler, all because I've been napping a lot and don't always feel up to doing laundry or making dinner or helping him with the vacuuming. I think he's been tired/grumpy both times, but still, wtf (we both work full time, too). I'm hoping I get my energy back soon - I don't like being exhausted.

Stephanie7693

I've been tired and lazy lately, slacking on cleaning of all kids and cooking has become pretty rare. So far my hubby hasn't bitched, but I feel like he will if this continues. But now that my second trimester is starting I hope I get some energy back, though headaches have started. My hubby has also been interested in what I eat lately. I think he's afraid I'm going to gain too much. I have gained some weight in the last couple years, and his buddy's girlfriend is due in march and was told a couple months ago she was gaining too much weight. I think that combo is worrying him. I explained to him why it's dangerous to gain too much weight during pregnancy, and reminded him that I weighed the same when I got pregnant with our son as I did this time. And that I have only gained 2 pounds in the first trimester which is well within accepable. And that my ob was not worried about weight gain for me at all. He feels better now, but likes to know how much water I drink lol.
Men can be clueless, insensitive, and just plain worried about us. Not only because of the effects on them, but because they want us to be and stay happy too. And sometimes they're just being an ass. Like when I was in labor with our son and on the way to the hospital my husband asked how long this was going to take. I could have slapped him, but he was driving lol

lucypod

My husband and I have definitely had some arguments about how little I've done around the house.  I've tried to explain the random but intense exhaustion I'd been experiencing during the first trimester but it's hard for him to relate.  It's easier to get into defensive mode and try to explain to him why things are the way they are instead of making promises I (probably) can't keep.  He works SOOOO hard and is able to muster up the energy to get done what needs to get done, so sometimes I feel guilty for not being able to do the same.  I didn't have any morning sickness so I feel like the extreme laziness/exhaustion was what I got hit with the worst.  Now that the 2nd trimester is about to begin I'm really hoping this big burst of energy I've been hearing all about is real and the nesting bug will hit sooner rather than later.  As much as I'm trying to give myself a break I hate feeling completely useless and unproductive. 

jamiesc58

My dh is a stay at home dad. I work full time so I feel like I should be allowed to chill out on the couch for a little while after work or during the day on the weekends. The other day he made a comment about me napping too much and how I am "pregnant not handicapped". That did not go over well. First of all, how is sleeping being handicapped? And second, if I was a stay at home mom, I would be expected to do all of the cleaning, cooking, and laundry so he can do something!

bananers

I will say, one thing that's helped me put how I'm feeling into perspective for DH is telling him the first tri kind of feels like being hungover every single day for 3 months. I pointed out to DH that when he's hungover he naps on the couch all day. I think he finally got it.

jwittwer

DH asked me if I was going to be hormonal the whole pregnancy. 

ETA: gif fail

Stephanie7693

@bananers .. exactly! I compare it to the day after having a stomach bug. Not just tired, but my body is tired. I swear some days cleaning the kitchen is enough to need a nap afterwards

sully1109

bananers said:

I will say, one thing that's helped me put how I'm feeling into perspective for DH is telling him the first tri kind of feels like being hungover every single day for 3 months. I pointed out to DH that when he's hungover he naps on the couch all day. I think he finally got it.

Yes! My husband hasn't said anything about my pregnancy laziness but I feel hungover everyday and was wondering why I was craving McDonalds 2 cheeseburger meal the moment I got pregnant (my hangover cure). 

SkiChic626

DH gets annoyed that I don't want to eat dinner, or just want a bowl of dry cereal or something.  Last night I was actually eating enchiladas that he made and were delicious, but I came across a piece of chicken fat that I couldn't chew and that completely turned me off and I couldn't eat it anymore.  He got so angry and annoyed, I was like "You don't know what it's like to be pregnant!" 

Abfisher

Reading these posts makes me extremely thankful for my husband. I work 12 hour nights and I am in grad school. He also works full-time as a marine. When he is home, he will not let me do anything. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, etc. He wants me to nap as much as needed and never complains about my lack of doing. He actually gets frustrated with me when he thinks I am doing too much work. I must say he really has things in perspective. Everyday, he thanks me for what I am doing. Sounds like these men need to be whipped into shape. 

carolinw

Pregnancy has "gifted" me with the nose of a blood hound. The smell of our pantry sends me straight for the bathroom right now, so DH and I have had multiple conversations about trying to keep the pantry door closed at all times.

The other night, he was snacking in front of the pantry (with door open) and I casually closed the door with my foot. He flew off the handle and gave me the "It's not that bad!!" Pregnancy hormones gave him a death glare and he quickly apologized for the outburst.

https://https//images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=AwrB8qAamaZWgmkAug0unIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTI0c3V1aWJ1BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1nBG9pZANkMTZmYTcxNTBmN2E3ZmQ4YmUxMDQ2MGU4MjQ1MjM0MgRncG9zAzEwMQRpdANiaW5n?.origin=&back=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Ddeath%2Bglare%2Bgif%2Bmean%2Bgirls%26n%3D60%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dyhs-mozilla-001%26fr2%3Dsb-top-images.search.yahoo.com%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla%26nost%3D1%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D101&w=500&h=281&imgurl=i.perezhilton.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F03%2Fmean-girls-main-gif.gif&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fperezhilton.com%2F2014-03-12-lindsay-lohan-mean-girls-reunion-tina-fey-no-sequel&size=498.5KB&name=%3Cb%3Emean%3C%2Fb%3E-%3Cb%3Egirls%3C%2Fb%3E-main-%3Cb%3Egif%3C%2Fb%3E.%3Cb%3Egif%3C%2Fb%3E&p=death+glare+gif+mean+girls&oid=d16fa7150f7a7fd8be10460e82452342&fr2=sb-top-images.search.yahoo.com&fr=yhs-mozilla-001&tt=%3Cb%3Emean%3C%2Fb%3E-%3Cb%3Egirls%3C%2Fb%3E-main-%3Cb%3Egif%3C%2Fb%3E.%3Cb%3Egif%3C%2Fb%3E&b=61&ni=288&no=101&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=12l5b0aeb&sigb=162hdokjo&sigi=124vt15u5&sigt=11jcdh3kk&sign=11jcdh3kk&.crumb=cspcmz3bQZg&fr=yhs-mozilla-001&fr2=sb-top-images.search.yahoo.com&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=mozilla

I'm considering myself lucky at this point though! He's been super understanding about my lack of help around the house.....

carolinw

Mer....gave my first shot at a .gif and failed. Also can't figure out how to edit my original post. Shameful.

greendogs1993

We were at the store on Saturday and it was the one day I could wear a shirt that wasn't ridiculously flowy to hide the belly. We were in the mirror aisle and I said, "oh look you can actually see a little bump." And his response was, "It just looks like fat." I have gained 3 lbs and am in no way fat right now but it still hurt. Instead of being excited about the little bump, he had to make a negative comment. After I told him how much it hurt me 3 times he finally tried to explain that "to other people it just looks like fat." I think it still hasn't sunk in for him that I'm pregnant since we still haven't made the pregnancy public. You think after 11 weeks he would catch on.

Snaps816

I need to vent!! My husband just stuck his foot in his mouth big time and I'm fuming and hurt. We had our ultrasound earlier this week and we planned that if everything looked so good so far, we'd start telling some more people. I'm 10 weeks now. I told my parents and brother at 5 weeks because we had plans for a ski trip. Anyway, the US was good, and so the obvious next people to tell are DH's family. But he doesn't even seem excited to tell them! He said he was going to call them tonight but I keep reminding him and he isn't doing it. He's like "you know I'm not much of a phone guy," and when I pointed out that this is kind of a big deal he said, "I don't know, I mean we already told your parents, and now it's just kind of lost its luster."

I just stared at him, dumbfounded -- the fact that we're having our first child has lost its luster? I was so excited to tell my family, and I don't understand why he is so "meh" about the whole thing. The baby isn't even born yet and apparently he's over it. The next 18 years should be a real blast then. We were also going to tell some close friends today at a kids' birthday party (DH is their son's godfather) and despite the fact that we had numerous opportunities he didn't say anything. When I asked why afterwards he said "I figured you'd bring it up"...but these are his long-time dear friends, much more so than mine. Of course he should be the one to tell them.

This whole thing makes me feel like he doesn't view this as good news and doesn't really want this baby. 

texasmama2014

@Snaps816 it sucks that he said that, but I always have to think that pregnancy consumes me. I am carrying the baby, having cravings, feeling sick, my body is changing. He isn't experiencing this, and it might be a bit harder to come to grips with the weight of the situation and excitement. He will probably be much more excited when the baby is something tangible he can hold, or even when he can feel kicks. Right now is kind of a limbo part of pregnancy. I think it will get better, hang in there!!

Snaps816

Thanks for the kind words! I know what you mean - the pregnancy is on my mind nearly all day every day. But one thing that makes the pregnancy fun (despite the discomfort, nausea, weight gain, etc) is the excitement factor! Which is why I'm bummed that he doesn't seem to be sharing it too much lately. 

bananers

I read somewhere once that men become fathers when their children are born; women become mothers as soon as they get pregnant I think there's some truth to that. FWIW, DH didn't get very excited when I was pg with DS and he's an amazing dad. 

ginger819

I agree. DH has been excited about both pregnancies, but especially in the early weeks when he can't see or feel the baby he's kind of indifferent except when he gets to go to an appt and gets to see an us or hear the heart beat. Even that excitement pales in comparison to the excitement of getting to hold DD for the first time. I don't think he ever got as into the pregnancy as I did or felt how real it was until then. 

satto_takai

@Snaps816 - My Mamma has been around babies, childbirth, and the whole pregnancy process for years.  She said it really doesn't become "real" to men until the baby is large enough that someone can feel baby move from the outside.  Aka - if he can't put his hand on your belly and feel baby from time to time? It probs doesn't feel too real yet.

My husband did complain early on about my utter exhaustion and lack of housekeeping. I work a 55 hour week right now. Despite it being deskwork, I am exhausted nights and weekends, and the nausea doesn't make me wanna be up any longer than I have to be. I mostly sleep Saturdays. He was worried at first, but I think hearing how bad pg hormones can be for other women, he seems content to just let me rest more now without thinking I am lazy. Pregnancy hormones make it so my nose (which was already sensitive) is really sensitive to smells, so the kitchen is o-u-t for me.

He still grumbles from time to time about doing all the work, but he tries to keep it to a minimum. One time he said out loud and meant it, it made me burst into tears and I blubbered about being a horrible wife and mother (that was a fun day *sarcasmsarcasm*).

Maybe they should do what these guys did: Video Link (Heads up - there are five of these "Try guys" and motherhood videos, this is a link to the first. I found them pretty funny.)

Edited to remove video thumbnail and put the "edited" info.

cait5413

@Snaps816 It can be really hard for dads to wrap their heads around a pregnancy--he doesn't feel any of the changes you're feeling; a lot of dads don't bond with baby until a little while after he/she is born, especially if they don't have a lot of baby experience. Ultrasounds help, but depending upon the kind of US you had, the first one may not have looked like much, or like an alien instead of a baby. Give him some time, but tell him you want your in-laws to know by the end of the 1st trimester--would it be possible to skype them, so you could both tell them face to face and see the reaction? 

brittanyns5

My SO makes comments here and there but mostly as soon as I say "umm I'm growing a human inside me" that's the end of the converstation lol. 

pelorunningmama

@Snaps816 One thing my husband said with our first is that he did not really feel connected with the baby until we found out the gender. So much of it was really only happening to me, it was hard for him to connect. We found out gender pretty early on and then once I finally started to show he felt more connected. Maybe he just needs things to feel more real to him if that makes sense? 

Snaps816

LWC1112 said:

@Snaps816 One thing my husband said with our first is that he did not really feel connected with the baby until we found out the gender. So much of it was really only happening to me, it was hard for him to connect. We found out gender pretty early on and then once I finally started to show he felt more connected. Maybe he just needs things to feel more real to him if that makes sense? 

Thanks for all the kind words! As an update, he called them all this afternoon and it was great! I think hearing the excitement from his family helped him feel more a part of this. Like, they weren't just happy for me, the pregnant lady, they were happy for him. 

michelle_shelle

@Snaps816  I love try guys. Best laughs! I wish they had more videos. Unrelated, but their leggings one is pretty good to if you haven't seen it yet.

Jengle77

Awesome post....as I am in the midst of a full on battle with mine!  But for the opposite reasons.  He works late and usually gets home around 9:00.  And he wants to talk and talk and talk.  I am usually ready to pass out by 8:00, so those extra two hours KILLS me!  I am cranky, sick, and irritated and all I want to do is sleep.  He has started to get MAD and IRRITATED at me for wanting to go up to bed before him.  WTF!?!?!  He says "But I just wanted to spend time with you.  I miss you."  BLAH!  Sleep is more important.  And he gives me a look when I head up to bed and is then pissy all night.  It is totally irritating me and I feel like I am being punished for growing a baby and dealing with everything.  He thinks I should be grateful that he actually wants to be around me.  UGGHHH...can you tell I am still totally mad!?!?!

jacmkelley

I'll chime in. My husbands parents moved into a new house last weekend so of course he went to help move. We have a very busy few weeks ahead and so family time is pretty important to me right now on the weekends. My giant grew up running around 24/7 he's a VERY busy body. I however, grew up where weekends were for tv and lounging and getting what's needed to get done, done. But we never planned out each and every minute like his family did. So it's been adjustment for the both of us to make sure we are equally fufilled in our free time. 
Since thanksgiving this last weekend was our first warmer weekend in awhile. I had a big group of family members going camping and I thought this was the perfect way to both relax and be outside/activity filled. Begged DH to wrap up the moving early with his dad and he didn't. He is one of three sons 24 and up. And he was the only to help. So I said just get the basics done and let's get out there. I was anxious because I wanted plenty of time in the sun and warm weather before the evening cooled off again. Long story short we got there later in the day so not a lot of excitement for him. Everyone was drinking at this point and winding down and he wants to play horseshoes or some sort of activity and they weren't feeling it. So as the evening comes I start having some reactions to allergies out there. I get a horrible headache and I'm on my third bladder infection of this pregnancy. So my back hurt and I was going downhill fast. 
We get home and by 11 pm I've got a full blown migraine from whatever was in the air out there. My throat is hurting and I'm exhausted. This lasted all night- and the headache didn't shake. I literally laid in bed all morning until about 2:30 in the afternoon. 
So around 3 he says to me, "I'm not mad, I'm just adjusting to you and how you like to be in bed all day."  Are you kidding me?! Hahaha I will admit I lost it. 
My head was pounding, I was nauseated from the headache, my throat hurt I had congestion. I needed to pee every ten minutes which really I just had he feeling but didn't need to and my back was killing me.
I told him if he wanted to carry this baby and take on the migraine and bladder infection I'd be happy to trade. And then we could hop in the car and do whatever it was that he wanted to do! So insensitive!!!!!
we laughed it off later, but I was taken back. Glad to get that off my shoulders lol