Donor sperm

MrsMMcConnell101014

After lots of doctor visits and opinion after opinion from different doctors my DH and I have finally came to the decision to go with a sperm donor and an IUI to try to conceive. Any and every little thing having to do with babies makes me tear up. After looking at some of the websites our doctor recommended I am overwhelmed. I am hoping this process will be easier than it has been so far. Sorry for rambling. 
Any ladies going through this same process?

tvh1982

Hi @MrsMMcConnell101014, I am using donor sperm as well. In my case I am single, so due to lack of husband I have not many other options. (or I could wait of course to meet a SO, but maybe that one pops by when I'm 50!)

I found it very difficult when browsing through websides looking for a good candidate. They all seem nice, cute baby pictures, and are aware of what they do when donating. And they became real persons. Which frightened me a little bit. 

Due to the lack of partner I did not had to look for special characteristics, as I don't need to have my child to look like my SO. Which makes the search a little easier I found. 
I did opt for an open donor (one that is contactable when the child is 18) as I do not feel like it is my decision if they should be able to contact the donor or not.
This is something you need to figure out. Will your child know its biological from a donor or not. And would you like a contactable donor or not.

My cousin and his wife used a donor too, and used the same donor for both children. (again something you need to think about..do you want more that one child with one donor) They found a donor that resembled my cousin, so that they could look like they are his. 

Lots to think about. Take your time. You will end up finding a donor and you'll both be like 'yes, that's the one'.

GL with your journey!

smdrodgers

We are using a donor also, and are in the middle of IUI #2.  Like @tvh1982 we are using an open (or ID options as our clinic calls it) donor.  We thought it was important for our child to be able to reach out as an adult.

The process can definitely be daunting to figure out what you want, but we are really happy with our choice.  We looked at lots of donors (someone who resembled DH and with no cancer in their family history were our main goals) and it is hard to pick someone, but you'll find someone that works for you!

Best of luck with everything!

KLake42

I'm using donor sperm, but it's because I'm gay-- I always knew that was going to be part of it.

And yes, it can be overwhelming, but try to take it in bite-size pieces.  Just get to know a few sperm bank websites, see how they're set up.  Check out the search features, and see how the profiles are set up.

You will also want to find out whether you are CMV negative.  If so, you will want to restrict your searches to donors who are also negative.  If you are positive, you can look at everyone.  But also consider your blood type. If you're Rh negative, you might lean towards donors who are also Rh negative, to reduce the risk of Rh incompatibility. 

Once you've sorted that out, you'll find that the process is a lot like internet dating.  You find a few characteristics to search by, and then you just start reading profiles to see what personality is appealing.  I can TOTALLY see how this would be awkward to do with your husband, but maybe if you both enjoy a couple glasses of wine, you can find a way to approach it with a light heart, which will help carry you through this easier.

If your goal is to find someone very similar to your husband, you might be surprised-- we found someone who is incredibly similar to my wife.  Blond hair, blue eyes, with a prominent French nose and an appreciation for art.  We paid for the full profile and got to listen to the interview, and he was such a flirt, charming the pants off the person conducting the interview!  Also, very outgoing and high energy-- all characteristics shared with my wife.  We don't know his name and we may never meet him (though he is an open donor, so the child might contact him at age 18), but we're very fond of him, and of course, incredibly grateful.

I know that we approached the sperm donor search from a different place than you are, but I wanted to share my experience in hopes that it maybe makes the process a little more real, a little more normal.  I know that every time we face a disappointment in our own fertility journey, it feels like an impossible obstacle, and I understand that this is very hard for you.  I wish you and your husband strength as you proceed on your path.

MrsMMcConnell101014

@KLake42Thank you so much for sharing your story, reading it has definitely helped me. We did blood work on Wednesday but have yet to hear back from the office about the CMV test. The past couple days I have been really looking into the different sites and have decided which bank we are going to go with now the process of finding the perfect donor is in the works. We are planning to start the process in August as we have to make sure we have enough set back for everything. 
Again thank you for sharing! 
Good luck to you and your wife. I send all the best wishes!

MrsMMcConnell101014

@tvh1982 Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences, I will definitely need the support from as many ladies that have gone through this process as possible. I wish you all the luck with your journey! 

MrsMMcConnell101014

@smdrodgers Thank you for sharing your experiences. I greatly appreciate it. I wish your ALL the luck with you next IUI!!

RB1234

@MrsMMcConnell101014 
Did you end up conceiving through donor sperm?If so, will you reveal to your baby about his/her genetic origin, in the future? Curious. DH and I are in the talks about using donor.