Etiquette question

AmadorRose

I know there's a showers board, but I already know y'all so I'm asking here.

My mom and sisters plan to throw me a shower about four weeks after LO arrives because I will be back in my hometown for a sister's wedding and mom's family is big on wedding and baby showers. Since I intend to have the things I will need and don't want a bunch of extra crap, would it be appropriate to have my mom relay to her sisters, the majority of attendees, that this is more of a meet the baby celebration? My only other thought, if gifts are insisted upon, would be to have my mom ask my aunts to contribute a book to LO's library because many of them are in education and they'd like the idea contributing in that way.

So...would you consider either of these options rude? If no registry info is included on the invitation, the guests will call my mom and ask anyway. Is it worth discussing or should I just accept that I will probably return or donate 90% of gifts I'll receive?

Missingchampagne

I wouldn't leave it to chance. Some people may not see the registry info, and just decide to get whatever they think is cute (i.e. tons of clothes). Then you'll end up at a returning spree. You can register at Target or create an Amazon Wishlist for books for the baby, so you are sure you'll get what you need.

AmadorRose

@nola520 what would be an appropriate title? Or could the invitations just say something along the lines of "Help us welcome Elena into the world" at such and such date/time/place?

sarahufl

I wouldn't call it a shower- but I would have a registry prepared anyway. Because if I was coming (shower or not) I would want to bring a gift and I would rather buy you something you want than something totally random.

spicedice

For my baby shower, part of the invitation said to bring a children's book instead of a card. I put in some examples of books in my baby registry to cover all of the super popular books so that I didn't get 10 Fox In Socks.

Many people have showers after the baby is born because the mom doesn't have time beforehand. It also gives you an idea of things that you didn't buy but need.

AmadorRose

fbanke42 said:

For my baby shower, part of the invitation said to bring a children's book instead of a card. I put in some examples of books in my baby registry to cover all of the super popular books so that I didn't get 10 Fox In Socks.

Many people have showers after the baby is born because the mom doesn't have time beforehand. It also gives you an idea of things that you didn't buy but need.

I've seen the book in lieu of cards and I liked it so much that I do that now for everyone. Cards get thrown away and books are awesome! The only things I can come up with that I'd even put on a registry would be a convertible car seat, diapers, and nipple cream. I can't decide if it would be worth the weirdness to ask 70-year-old women to buy me stuff to put on my nipples.

K&Elizabeth

How about a Sip and See? Those are geared more toward meeting the little lady instead of gifts.

imrachellea

Yes I was going to suggest the Sip and See terminology. It could be really cute with fun cocktail options (and you can PARTAKE then!!!), appetizers, all the fun of a shower without actually being showered with gifts.

AmadorRose

I had mentioned a sip & see but I was shot down; I had never heard of it before joining TB but I was just browsing Pinterest and saw an invitation that said "meet and greet" rather than "sip and see," so I think I'll pitch that terminology instead. That way, my family can focus on my sister's wedding without worrying about shower games and other traditions I don't particularly enjoy, plus meeting baby can be laid-back and allow for some unstructured time to just pass LO around and catch up, since I don't get to see my family often.

Also, I saw an idea for a mimosa bar while browsing Pinterest, so I'm sold.

sarahufl

We had a mimosa bar at my sister's shower- it went over really well

K&Elizabeth

Oooo, yes to the mimosa bar!

imrachellea

My friend is having a mimosa bar at my sprinkle next month...she bought alcohol free champagne for she and I (she's 5 weeks behind me). I'm pretty excited...

rebelone

I'm just calling mine a cookout and inviting people over. I'm going to say, "Come on over for a cookout and say hi to our newest family member!"

JadaBlue

I would give your mom some directions on gifts regardless (registry, diapers, books, whatever) since some people will want to recognize your daughter's birth with a gift. Otherwise you'll get a lot of clothes you may or may not be able to return.

sprocketsngadgets

It doesn't hurt to set up something like an Amazon baby registry. That way you can put books and things for when LO is a little older like sippy cups or utensils that you wouldn't necessarily buy right now. There's also a good chance that people will want to get you something before your meet and greet so you can also have items you would purchase anyway, like say a rock and play/tummy time mat/A&A swaddles. At least that way there is the option for people to get you things you actually want, but you are also set up for a completion discount. Otherwise, you may be looking at a whole lot of pink clothes.

thaisac1

I don't think asking for books only is a bad idea at all!
The other thing you can consider is diapers only. Since your baby will already be with you, you may have an idea of what brand of diapers you prefer. Then you can tell guests to just bring diapers from brand X. This is very common in Brazil, it's called a "diaper shower"- exact same concept of baby shower, to celebrate the baby and the parents, but bring diapers instead of gifts.

spicedice

@imrachellea I hate being pregnant at someone else's pregnancy celebration... I went to a baby shower while I was pregnant with DS and felt terribly awkward the entire time because everyone kept trying to compare the two of our pregnancies. The other mom wanted me there and I wanted to be there to support her, but everyone kept fussing over me since I was two months behind the person they should have been paying attention to...

@thaisac1 I've debated turning our housewarming party into letting my MIL host a diaper party, since I do not want a baby shower, nor do I need one. I've already started saving diapers, but you never seem to have enough. DH and I made a point with DS to start buying a pack of diapers each time we went to the grocery store before he was born. We just started doing that again in the past month.

dayj11

My work insisted on one for my third. I asked the hostess to have a book party. I had everything I needed already and thought a book collection would be awesome. Everyone got me a book it was great they all signed the inside with a note to the baby which was sweet.

dragonfly321

Lurking : @AmadorRose in regards to the gifts, I think the best way to go about would be to have your mom let gift askers know that if they want to bring something, a treasured childhood book would be perfect. It allows them to still put thought into your gift, but won't overwhelm you with stuff you already have.
Of course, people will do what they want. If you have way too much of an item and can't return, consider donating to a women's shelter. They can always use baby stuff!!!
And a meet and greet with mimosas sounds perfect

yodiggity

mmmm mimosas... 

AmadorRose

I definitely put some Sierra Mist in my OJ this morning. Not even close to the same...but man it made me excited to have this little girl in my arms instead of in my belly!

spicedice

AmadorRose said:

I definitely put some Sierra Mist in my OJ this morning. Not even close to the same...but man it made me excited to have this little girl in my arms instead of in my belly!

DH kept having me hold his wine the other night... One sniff and I was about ready to die. I've been craving red wine like there's no tomorrow. April needs to hurry up so I can do all of the things I'm currently not supposed to do. Like wine. Also tattoos.

imrachellea

@fbanke42 I'm not too concerned about that happening, the biggest reason being that I actually don't know any of her friends! Probably because I'm one of the few friends we managed to save our friendship when her relationship with her first husband went south (who I'm actually still friends with, it gets complicated, but oh well). Secondly, she's actually hosting a sprinkle for me a month earlier I just love that I have a girlfriend around to be pregnant with! I was all by my lonesome aside from some coworkers before.

jkffx7

What about a diaper shower?  Can never have enough of those   I guess if you're traveling it would be hard to get them back... just a thought though  

spicedice

@imrachellea I didn't know 99% of the people at her shower, but DH did, since the mama-to-be went to high school with him. It was a coed shower, so we spent most of the time catching up with his old classmates and having all of them try and compare my pregnancy to the other mom... If felt so bad... If I had known I was going to be such an attention leech, I would have stayed home and sent DH. I don't like stealing the spotlight on another persons day. The event is about them, so people, stop making it about another person or yourself! If everyone had let me be and showered the other mom, I would have been happy and not felt super awkward.