*Loss Mentioned* Not sure what to do

thejessicanicol

I was part of the October/November IVF group. That was our first round and only treatment we have ever tried. We got a BFP but the Endometrin was causing a lot of bleeding so I switched to PIO. First ultrasound went great, even heard the heartbeat! Second ultrasound there was some type of band thing going partially around the baby. Our RE suggested we see a high risk OB and asked if we had any frozen embryos so I guess we kind of saw the loss coming. Yesterday we saw the little baby but with no heartbeat. Tried to listen to it just in case and it was silent. Worst experience of my life. OB said it was the placenta that separated and it was caused from a chromosomal abnormality so nothing we could have done to prevent it and nothing we did to cause it. But I feel totally responsible. Our RE told us numerous times to get the PSG testing done but I convinced my husband that because I'm in my early 20's there's no reason to spend the extra 5k. I guess in my mind at the time I told myself younger people don't have unexpected issues pop up? 

I have the option to miscarry naturally. I should be 9 weeks and 5 days today but baby is only measuring at 8 weeks 1 day. Because it is so small I also have the option to do a D&C. I know this is such a hard question but for the ladies that have been through this, which route would you recommend going? Part of me wants it over quickly but part of me wants to hang on to the baby a little bit longer.

We have three frozen blasts left. My OB said 1 in every 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage due to chromosome issues so maybe our other 3 are fine but we're leaning towards doing the chromosome testing. Has anyone frozen their embryos, then unfroze to do the test, then refroze to do a transfer and had success? I don't want to lose the 3 because we're messing with them so much.

Thank you all so much. I have always felt good coming to this board.

2015dee

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I've been there (similar timing) and it is so heartbreaking to go through. I went ahead with a d&c because the baby had passed two weeks prior and my body still had not miscarried naturally. ALSO, a d&c will allow you to do testing of the fetal tissue that would give you a more definitive answer related to possible chromosomal issues. In my case, there was no chromosomal issues, which was reassuring in a way, I guess. On the other hand, it might be safer to miscarry naturally or with cytotec, because a D&C can result in some scar tissue. So, it is definitely a difficult decision. I am really uneducated on PGS, so I can't comment on if you can thaw, do PGS, then re-freeze. Your OB is correct though, chromosomal issues are common, even in younger people. I guess if it were me, and I had 4 frosties, I might try a FET before considering PGS. That's just my initial inclination, but I see justification for either decision. I'm so sorry for your loss.

amos1417

I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I do not have experience with any of this first hand, but my doctor told me on Monday that even with PGS, there is no guarantee that the embryo will stick. Personally, I do not think I would risk thawing and refreezing as you also risk the embryos not making it thru the thaw and then not making it thru the refreeze. Will keep you in my prayers.

thejessicanicol

Thank you so much guys. I'm just so afraid of unknowingly transferring embryos that aren't chromosomally perfect. I really don't want this to ever happen again. We met with our RE today and because my HCG level is so high I guess my body thinks everything is still good. RE suggests the D&C so I'm not waiting around for it to happen naturally, which he says could take weeks. RE and DH think we should do a FET late February but I know I won't be emotionally there yet.

Thanks for your answers!

knklein10

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I can relate-- I miscarried for my second time in September and then had a chemical pregnancy right around Halloween. I am starting my first IVF cycle right now, actually, and although suggested by our RE to go with PGS, I decided against it for reasons similar to yours. When I talked with the genetic counselor about trying PGS "next time" if need be, she seemed like she was steering me away from freezing and unfreezing and testing and transferring. I hope that helps a bit. I actually am starting a repeat pregnancy loss and IVF blog and would love for you to check it out. My goal is to start a little community of women who are experiencing these similar struggles through this blog: ThreeLittleBeans.com

Positive vibes headed your way! 
Kelly  

AmyReneeF

@thejessicanicol I am so sorry for your loss.  I can relate and have been through the same thing with a spontaneous pregnancy.  I let my body handle it naturally and it only took about a week after it stopped growing.  It really was not as bad as I expected.  More emotional than physical pain.  Do what feels best for you.  You know your body better than anyone else.  Personally, I would not thaw and refreeze, just to do the PGS.  That seems like too much for the embabies, but follow the advice of your RE.  Don't blame yourself for not doing PGS.  You did what you thought was best and with your age, I would have made the same decision.  Take time to heal and the next steps will become clearer.  My thoughts are with you.  So sorry.  hugs! 

mtpbadger

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you are dealing with and these tough decisions.

While I haven't had much experience with IVF, when I met with my RE to discuss moving onto IVF, she highly recommended AGAINST PGS based on my age (31), even though I have had two chemical pregnancies with IUI. She basically said that out of all my eggs, those two just weren't it based on the odds of 1 in 4 being abnormal and didn't have any major concerns moving forward.

It's not an easy decision to make (nothing in this process is) especially since if you polled 100 women going through IF and 100 REs, you may get 100 different perspectives and reasons why to do or not do something and their experience. Sometimes you have to just go with your gut and do what feels best to you. Just know that you are doing everything you can to have this little one and don't beat yourself up over any one decision. Your little one is very lucky that you are already so concerned about their well-being, even at the embryo stage!

thejessicanicol

@knklein10 Thanks I'll check it out! I've turned to blogs a lot through the entire process. I also started my own to cope with the rollercoaster of feelings.

Our RE said it wouldn't be a good idea to do the test now that they have already been frozen. Not doing it almost makes me want to not even use the frozen ones we have because I don't want this to happen again. Now we know DH and I can at least get a BFP together so that is somewhat comforting.

knklein10

@thejessicanicol Always find the comfort in this chaos   

If you are publicly sharing your blog, I'd love to check it out. Let me know! I just added the option on my page to follow via Email, or I am on Twitter if you'd ever want to connect. @2015dee I see you are planning to start the IVF "adventure" soon, too. Feel free to "live vicariously through me" my first cycle this month. 

Blog: Threelittlebeans.com 
Twitter: @ThreeLittleBean (no S!) 

mskeenan

Hi there . I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss . My heart breaks for you . I don't have any experience with your specific situation so I'm sorry I can't offer advice there but I agree with previous poster that it would make me nervous to thaw to test and re freeze . I've experienced a very early loss and was told it was likely a chromosomal anomaly . I am not doing PGS with my current ivf cycle because it is just too much money . I am willing to accept rolling the dice again even if it is hard . Everyone's situation is unique though so just do what feels right for you . I wish you luck and will pray for you !!

thejessicanicol

@knklein10 You can find me here  https://thejessicanicol.com/  There are a ton of us with blogs. It always makes me feel a little more at ease knowing I'm not the only one.

@mskeenan We had the money to do the testing which makes me feel worse. I truly thought it was unneeded. Both our OB and RE agree that it ended because of a chromosome issue. I would much rather have gotten a BFN or known to not use this egg. It is a pretty big added expense and I know a lot of women that don't do the testing and have no issues. We just happened to not get so lucky. Just another bump in the long road though!

caitiemae

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Definitely don't beat yourself up about not getting PGS, I never would have thought that was necessary for someone your age.  I was 27 when I started IVF and my RE never even uttered those words to me, even with my husband had CF. 

Whether or not you use your frozen embryos is definitely a very personal decision.  Odds are the worst news you would get is a BFN and won't have to go through this again. Then again, so much of these tough decisions have to be based upon your own emotional health just in case there is a worst case scenario.  

Thoughts and prayers with you and your husband during this rough time.