Freaked out

052612

Any other FTMs just freaked out in general about having a kid and life changes?!? I'm happy and the pregnancy was wanted but as February approaches I'm just really scared. I'm afraid my life is about to be over and I'm only going to be living for them. I'm scared because I just left my job to finish renovations to make room this last month and I hate that loss of independence. I'm scared that since I suffer from depression he will have depression and that's my fault. I know these are all selfish thoughts but it might be my last time to be selfish? Am I alone? STMs were you scared with your firsts?

dtaded13

All normal thoughts! I have OCD and anxiety with occasional depression and was really worried about it with my daughter. Surprisingly since having her I have been able to be more mentally in charge of myself if that makes sense. I've been able to understand my thoughts/feelings and deal with them better. I still get selfish occasionally and need alone time on a regular basis in order to function (introvert) but it's been the greatest thing in the world and I just love being a mom

Kiek

I was so scared. But after I had her I almost felt like I had more clarity about what is really important. She was like this little blessing that brought a lot of healing to my life. I hate when people tell new parents their life is over when they have a kid. Your life isn't over. It is changing and it's okay to grieve the change. But it's such a good change! My husband and I often wonder how we were ever happy before she was in our lives

thisusername

I feel you on so many levels!! Especially the depression thing! I always find myself getting nervous over whether or not she will be stuck suffering because of me. My mom and I both get horrific migraines too, I'm going to feel like such a monster if she has them. I'm also nervous because I'm on medication for my depression and I'm not on a very large dose or anything and am weening off before my due date but I don't want her to be moody when born.

Plus the loss of independence? Yup!! I actually like working ridiculous hours and being able to jump whenever an oppurtunity comes but I know I won't be able to now. I'm already picking up after DH and dealing with our animals all alone and that makes me even more nervous! How do I juggle that and a newborn?!

Our pregnancy was very much unplanned. Of course that doesn't change the love we feel for her. You are not alone in these feelings! I don't find this selfish thinking at all!! Thanks for this post. You made me feel a lot less alone too!

SU1989

I feel the exact way that you do. It is such a mix of emotions for me right now. We tried for just over a year for me to get pregnant and I want this so bad and I'm so excited to be a mom and to watch my husband be an amazing dad. But I'm scared shitless! I have anxiety, depression and OCD and it has gotten a lot worse with the pregnancy. I had to go off my medication when I found out I was pregnant because what I was on was not pregnancy safe. So I went Med free first trimester to try without and by second trimester it was so bad I was put back on and am also seeing a therapist. It has helped me a lot, but I worry every single day that me being on this medication and having these issues is going to affect my little boy. I tell my husband all the time that I won't forgive myself if something comes of it and I will forever blame myself and my medication I was on. We are also the first out of our group of friends to be married and to have a child. We are 26 and none of them are even close to settling down so it makes me feel like we will be shut out from our friends because they will feel we can't do anything anymore because we are parents. There is so much that goes through my mind but I am so excited to be a mom and to hold this little boy when he comes! Just know you're not alone and we are all here if you need someone!

robinj716

Yes, I suffer from anxiety and went off of my medication when I found out I was pregnant. I have been ok throughout my pregnancy, with an occasional meltdown here and there a few times in the second trimester. Now that it's getting close and I still have a list of things to buy and get finished, I'm starting to have anxiety again. I'm stressing over what I actually need and the things I need to make sure I have here for his arrival. I tend to stress about finding stuff for the cheapest price and I am driving myself insane trying to price compare and shop with coupons. All of the thoughts about how I'm going to handle no sleep are keeping me awake at night now! I have thoughts about being a good mom, being a good significant other, how is this new phase of life going to affect my SO other and I, etc. I'm feeling a bunch of different things. I mostly feel unprepared, even though I have the big items purchased. I keep wondering if I have too many 0-3 month clothes or not enough long sleeve onesies, do I have enough diapers and lotions, do I need more socks!?--These are my daily questions.

shupertj09

STM here, I was actually a little sad as my due date approached when I was pregnant with DD and both of my babies are rainbow babies (DD and this pregnancy) so of course I very much wanted both of the pregnancies. I was worried about how my relationship and time with DH was going to change. I am not feeling that so far this pregnancy although I am trying to cherish these last weeks with DD as an only child.

I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

ashton2190

Also feeling conflicting things right now (FTM to a little girl, 34 weeks tomorrow). I've had a history of anxiety/depression and I'm worried about PPD and possibly her having the same issues I did. Mine were the result of an undiagnosed thyroid problem but I don't want her to go through what I had to. I'm worried that I'm not mentally prepared for a baby and that I'm not going to be able to handle it, especially since I'm 10.5 hours away from family. I'm worried that my relationship with DH will never be the same and that I'll regret having a baby just over a year into our marriage. I'm worried about putting her in daycare at 12 weeks old and someone else essentially raising my child, especially since you never really know what's going on there. I'm worried that my idealistic thoughts of breastfeeding and a natural delivery and having a happy, healthy baby are not going to come true and I'm going to lose it out of frustration.

I just try and remind myself that women have been giving birth for a bajillion years and for the most part, we all turned out halfway decent. And if there's something we need and don't have, there's a 24 hour pharmacy and Walmart just down the street and we're financially stable enough to be able to run out and buy it

name1109

I think your feelings are completely normal. I think I had PPD with #1. I the biggest thing is to get help, talk to your doctor and get connected with other moms. I stressed so much that my life would be gone. We found a great babysitter and went out twice a month. We met first time parents through a parenting group on www.meetup.com. Your life will be over only if you choose. It is healthy in my opinion for parents to get out. As to childcare and working... Again my opinion but you know the saying it takes a village to raise a child? My village includes daycare. She's loved it and thrived there too. If you are at peace... I think it is internalized by the child. Change is scary but completely doable.

thisusername

@ashton2190 wow we are really alike! DH and I have been married just over a year as well. Huge huge huge fear of mine that things will change between us. He's been the only stable and helpful thing in my life.
You might be moving during your maternity leave right? That's so stressful. You are definitely not alone in being concerned!

052612

Thank you all for sharing! I feel like I'm losing my mind and then I'm feeling guilty for it. Reading these posts and learning that I'm not alone has been really comforting.

thisusername

052612 said:

Thank you all for sharing! I feel like I'm losing my mind and then I'm feeling guilty for it. Reading these posts and learning that I'm not alone has been really comforting.

Thank you for creating this post!! I have just been keeping it all bundled in but now I know I'm not alone

ashton2190

thisusername said:

@ashton2190 wow we are really alike! DH and I have been married just over a year as well. Huge huge huge fear of mine that things will change between us. He's been the only stable and helpful thing in my life.
You might be moving during your maternity leave right? That's so stressful. You are definitely not alone in being concerned!

Yeah we've pretty much all but decided to move back to the Midwest while I'm on leave so I don't have to take any more time off since I would be transferring to a different office with my company. We'll have to do a house hunting trip with a baby that's less than a month old to make sure we have enough time to close and it's all pretty overwhelming!

MississippiCatfish

TTM and I'm terrified again, for the third time. It's normal. Hugs.

thisusername

@ashton2190 you should contact a realtor and see if they will let you do some virtual tours before going to narrow it down. It might help! At least you'll be back by your family in the end of it though. Focus on that part! Good luck, by the way!

A&Lmommy

My biggest pieces of advice would be to go with the flow of everything (if you want a natural birth but need meds, you still have the rest of the baby's life to prove yourself as a mom), don't be afraid to ask for help and don't try to be superwoman and do everything yourself (take time to recover, get enough to eat, dont think your less than if you need help) and when you get overwhelmed, take a moment and write it all down. I used to complain and cry to my husband and it just confused him and made him walk on eggshells around me. Once I wrote it all down, I was able to figure through my thoughts but still get it all out.

I had PPD but didn't figure it out until my daughter was a year old. Now that she's 2, I realize it was something I went through but doesn't define me or her now. This time around, I realize that babies are completely unpredictable so you take each day at a time, celebrate victories and shrug off mistakes.

Remember, so far, you've survived 100% of your worst days. You're doing great!!!

Ktjennks

http://thestir.cafemom.com/celebrity_moms/194428/jada_pinkettsmiths_advice_to_moms


The video is at the end. But I just think it's some really wise words to consider. To sum it up if you don't feel like clicking. Take time out to take care of yourself. What are your needs? What makes you happy? If you can't make yourself happy how will you make other's (your family) happy. Being a mom doesn't mean you have to lay down your dreams.

Cheryl Renee

This is my 2nd and all normal thoughts.    don't freak out!  I've had thoughts of concern recently simply because I'm a stay at home mom and my 2 yr old is super attached to me.  I'm worried about how she will handle not getting all my attention.  I'm worried about if I can adequately balance a baby and her.  I love her so much and I don't want to lose the connection we have.  But you know what?  I think it'll all work out.  We are all kinda freaking out right now probably.  Its just hitting everyone that babies are coming...and soon!  I've got 5 weeks to go!  Your little one will change your life, yes, for the better!  And you'll think, what did I ever do without him/her in my life?  

skschnake

I am right along with all the FTM. Being 30 I would think I would have all my emotions and feelings in check... Ha, not so much. For as long as I can remember longing to be pregnant and having a baby. I can say that the pregnancy hasn't been what I expected it would be. I was thinking rainbows and sunshine and hat hasn't been the case. My little girl is due in about a month. I'm so very excited and very scared. It still doesn't seem real to me. How will I know what she needs? How will I handle the sleep depervation? My life will change more than I can imagine and that is scary. I honestly pray every night for guidance thru this process.

Rodkey2007

I've never suffered from depression at any other time in my life than right after both my children were born. I remember being stressed about finances (I was off because of a cesarean and my husband was laid off from construction due to bad weather for an extended period of time) I remember thinking "all this kid does is sleep- I don't need to be the one here watching him/her- I need to be working!!" Once I talked my doc into letting me go back to work (two weeks after the first and 9 days after the second) I was much better. Listen to your inner self and talk to your doc- things will work out!!

meg+on+the+DL

I feel like I'm on the bipolar train... I go from "I'm having a baby!! Yay!!" to "Will I be a good mom? Can I do this? OMG, I'm could go into labor soon?" It's been way more of a roller coaster this month than any other month.

Last night I kept having dreams that I was going into labor. And then I'd wake up and think that any twitch or pain was a contraction. Then I almost got up to pack my hospital bag (haven't done that yet) because I don't want DH to do it. But then I would have had to do laundry because I wanted to wash some of the new pajamas I got for Christmas. Ugh! It's all so exhausting.

I have two showers coming up on the 16th and 17th. I want to make it at least until then. Plus I only get 6 weeks off work and I don't have daycare set up until April, so she can't come too early.

It's all so much going on in my brain! I'm not sure how to settle myself but I know I just need to keep on keepin on!

Good luck to all you ladies! We are in the home stretch.

PS... sorry for the rant. My mind goes a million miles a minute! Too bad it can't burn calories while doing that!

MaybeMab

Terrified with my first.
Terrified with this one

lilqt3929

MaybeMab said:

Terrified with my first.
Terrified with this one

+1. I think I'm terrified about different things this time around since I know kind of what to expect with delivery and a newborn. I'm terrified of life with 2 LO's and how we'll all adjust to our new normal.

RRC216

Ftm here and personally I'm excited. It couldn't come sooner! I feel like my life it just starting! I can't wait for my life to change!!!