Unwelcome comments — The Bump
June 2016 Moms

Unwelcome comments

Anyone else get unwelcome comments about being pregnant over the holidays? Post here.
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Re: Unwelcome comments

  • @Rawa1416 and @ahernandez1983 ;that kind of thing makes me so angry!  I'm pretty slim normally and the other day my dentist (who annoys me in the first place) was going on about how I was so small I probably wouldn't even get a noticeable bump, complimenting me on how non-obvious my bump was etc.  Bumps are BABIES!  It's okay to get bigger when you're pregnant!!  It's honestly not okay to comment on a woman's weight in any context.  I had anorexia years ago and I find any comments on my physicality extremely triggering.  Grrr! 
    Rawa1416UseTheTriforce94lynnernon
  • A slight spin on this thread but when we told my in-laws that were are adopting, my MIL's comments did not sit well with me AT ALL.  I still am not okay with it a week later.  One in particular comment she made was that "she was wondering when we were going to stop throwing away good money on something that was never going to happen."  O.M.G.  How can someone say something like that?  She was referring to our IF treatments.
    TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
    Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
    DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements
    Sept '11-April '13 ~  Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
    January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
    February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! 
    March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
    July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
    Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
    New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
    January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
    April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
    DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
    July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
    7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
    7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
    7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers


  • Wow @Love4Labs326 that's truly terrible! So sorry you had to hear that.
  • I want to hulk smash all these people for y'all. ESPECIALLY @Love4Labs326 MIL. Whyyyyy???
    HBamama2BUseTheTriforce94
  • @Love4Labs326 that may be one of the worst things I have ever heard. I'm so sorry!


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  • Yeah-these are all hulk smash but most especially @Love4Labs326 . I mean wtf? Like going through the trauma of IF isn't enough. Your MIL is a freaking piece of work. I'm so sorry.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • Wow! I can't believe the horrible things families are saying to you all. My family has been great but a coworker really pissed me off. I started a new job about a month ago, right after I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't planning on telling them for a few more months, but I was feeling very faint and had to sit, my supervisor asked if I was pregnant, just in concern, but when I fessed up this older lady said something like "this is a tough job, I don't know how you are going to be able to do it. You're on orientation, and we are slow right now, but once things pick up, you won't be able to just sit when you have to". Screw her. I'm glad those feelings passed. I was also told by coworkers she's been backstabbing in the break room.
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  • @Love4Labs326 that is probably the most terrible thing I've heard in a really long time. I'm sorry that you had to even hear that come out of the mouth of someone who should be one of your biggest supporters. What a jerk.



  • Wtf at all these terrible comments and people. I am so sorry for all of you that you have to deal with such miserable asshats. 
    UseTheTriforce94
  • So sorry for all the comments being said. People are stupid and say stupid things and clearly don't have much consideration for the impact of their words. SMH...

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  • I've only had one rude comment so far. I did the eyebrow raise and long stare. I'm trying to prepare myself for a lot of awkward interactions in public and once I go back to teaching in January. I don't want people touching me or being rude, and I'm looking forward to putting people in their place once it happens. Although I teach kindergarten so I will have to teach them what is polite to say.
    Rawa1416UseTheTriforce94
  • Good grief. WTF to all these a-holes making such rude comments to y'all.

    Holy hell, @Love4Labs326, what your MIL said was truly horrible, mean-spirited, classless, and downright cruel. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the hardship you and your DH have gone through trying to concieve, and I think it's wonderful you are adopting. My friend once told me something that stuck with me: "it doesn't matter how you have a baby, you're still a mother all the same." Your MIL can eff the hell off as far as I'm concerned.
  • I've had two of my cousins tell me "I can't wait for you to get fat." I'm tall and thin but I'm very conscious of my diet and I watch what I eat & I exercise.
    My one cousin is obese and my other has always been bigger but I never considered her fat.
    It's like, thanks!
    I hope to shove that comment back in their face over the next five months!
    samsonatorUseTheTriforce94
  • I've had two comments that stand out. One that really upset me and one was just like, are you serious?

    1) First thing FIL/ MIL said after hearing we were pregnant: "You couldn't have told us in person?" And then "Well, don't tell anyone because you'll probably miscarry."

    (Sure it was true that the odds were against us, but you just learned you're going to be grandparents...smh.)

    2) And a coworker I only vaguely know who asked: "is this an oopsy baby?" My response: "we did IVF so no..." (Why would you ever ask someone you don't know well that? Or why ask it all? Same coworker that tried to touch my nonexistent belly. Awkward intrusive turtle)
    UseTheTriforce94
  • I don't even like to hug my mother! The only person I actually feel comfortable touching is my husband and I have my supervisor touching my nonexistent bump already!
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  • Geez, it's unbelievable how rude and hurtful the people who are supposed to be supporting you can be!

    This is pretty mild compared to others, but my MIL is somewhat shallow (she once bought me heels because she didn't want me to be shorter than my bridesmaids at my wedding....wtf) and has commented on my weight and her other DIL's weight. When we told her we were expecting, she said "yea, I was going to say something the other day, because I was wondering". Basically meaning she thought I was gaining weight and was going to ask if I was pregnant. I mean...can't you just keep your negative comments to yourself? Why is that your first response to hearing such good news? Why do you need to say anything about my weight at all?? What if I was just gaining weight? What did you expect to come out of that conversation? "Gee thanks for noticing that I've gained some weight...what's your point?"

    Me - 33, DH - 33
    Married - May 2014
    DH - Low Count/Motility/Morph - Varicocele vein x 2 - surgery (8/11) - success!
    BFP - 10/10/15, EDD - 6/20/16 - It's a BOY!
    Baby #1 - 6/29/16 - Lucas Christopher, 10 lbs 3 oz, 22.25 inches
    Baby #2 - TTC May 2017
    BFP - 9/10/17, EDD - 5/26/18 - It's a GIRL! - RCS May 22nd

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  • Geez, it's unbelievable how rude and hurtful the people who are supposed to be supporting you can be!

    This is pretty mild compared to others, but my MIL is somewhat shallow (she once bought me heels because she didn't want me to be shorter than my bridesmaids at my wedding....wtf) and has commented on my weight and her other DIL's weight. When we told her we were expecting, she said "yea, I was going to say something the other day, because I was wondering". Basically meaning she thought I was gaining weight and was going to ask if I was pregnant. I mean...can't you just keep your negative comments to yourself? Why is that your first response to hearing such good news? Why do you need to say anything about my weight at all?? What if I was just gaining weight? What did you expect to come out of that conversation? "Gee thanks for noticing that I've gained some weight...what's your point?"

    My first thought: "Well, my body's making room for a human, what's your excuse?" :blush:

    Terrible. What is it about pregnancy that makes others think they have every right to make invasive comments and ask otherwise inappropriate questions?
    Rawa1416childcaremamasplsmama2016UseTheTriforce94
  • People are so rude and hurtful. Love4Labs326 I am sorry you had to deal with that :(    When we told our family everyone was so excited....except my aunt.  She was the last one to show up and DD walked up so proudly to show my aunt her shirt (I am going to be a big sister in June).  She looks at DD and says "You are a big sister already!" and then looks over at the table of people with shocked faces and says "Well I already knew because you are wearing a maternity shirt!"  No I was just wearing a long loose shirt with leggings. 

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  • edited December 2015
    Thank you for the support.  Yes, my MIL is a piece of work for sure.  She's only gotten worse since we were dating 8 years ago.  There was a point, prior to when we were married, that I gave my husband an ultimatum.  I actually took my engagement ring off, placed it in the middle of the dining room table after the four of us were sitting around talking.  I got up from the table and told DH he had a decision to make, Me or his mother.  She was utterly shocked.  Obviously, DH made his choice so I always know I have his support.  It was touch and go for a while prior to that incident.  Now I try to ignore my MIL's comments but sometimes they still get to me.
    TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
    Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
    DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements
    Sept '11-April '13 ~  Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
    January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
    February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! 
    March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
    July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
    Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
    New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
    January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
    April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
    DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
    July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
    7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
    7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
    7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers


    almostpricelessUseTheTriforce94
  • @Love4Labs326 ugh. So sorry it's that difficult. It will be a long road, but it's nice to hear your husband is on your side!
  • @HBamama2B I don't understand why people think it's okay to ask if a baby was made "on purpose" or not. EVERY ONE we told asked us that nearly immediately after hearing the news. Granted we just got married in May of this year, but still! It's so inappropriate to ask unless it's offered up.

    Obviously we've decided to have a baby, we're telling you about it, so yes. We're having this baby on purpose.



    26pointrunningfor2HBamama2BUseTheTriforce94noelietrex
  • I've gotten the "on purpose?" comment a few times, but mostly from the college students I teach. Each time I explain to them that I've been in a relationship for 11 years, married for 5, and I'm turning 35. Yeah, it's planned, Kid.
    I'm willing to forgive a 20 year old, but the nasty family comments y'all are receiving are unforgivable. 
    Rawa1416UseTheTriforce94noelietrexlynnernon
  • I had a co-Worker tell me how lucky I am to even get pregnant at my age much less with two!
  • Ugh. I've had people ask if all of our kids were "oopsies." WTH? They were surprises- AMAZING surprises, but what the heck business is that of yours?! God decided to add to our family, and WE support and raise them, so whyyyyyy the need to ask?!
    gmanraeraeUseTheTriforce94Rawa1416ladybugmomma8
  • I haven't gotten anywhere as bad as many of you, just questions of whether it was planned because "you probably wanted to wait a bit longer after you were married to have kids". Yeah we got married in June but we've been together 7 years and were engaged for 2 because we wanted a specific time of year and place for the wedding. Just because we're on the younger side (25 and 26) and fairly newly married doesn't mean we didn't plan this.





    HBamama2Bahernandez16Rawa1416
  • @huskypuppy14 bwahahahahaha! Great response!
    goldie987NLewis1
  • @huskypuppy14 that's awesome! I wish I would've thought of that. 



    goldie987
  • This is why I'm glad I'm not really showing yet. My family and friends have been fine but I'm worried about rude/intrusive comments from strangers
    UseTheTriforce94Rawa1416
  • I haven't gotten anywhere as bad as many of you, just questions of whether it was planned because "you probably wanted to wait a bit longer after you were married to have kids". Yeah we got married in June but we've been together 7 years and were engaged for 2 because we wanted a specific time of year and place for the wedding. Just because we're on the younger side (25 and 26) and fairly newly married doesn't mean we didn't plan this.

    I went through the same thing with my first. We dated for four years, engaged a year, got married in late February and preg in June. I was 24 and DH 32. We planned it but people still try to calculate whether we got pregnant before we got married and ask if that's the reason we did. Wtf?

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  • Sorry about the rude comments ladies! I've gotten a few too.

    One super blunt lady I know (who drives me nuts) said in front of a room full of my friends and family "yah, I thought you were looking less anorexic than usual." Gerrr.

    Another asked me "did you actually want a third?" I've gotten a lot of comments like that.

    My dad "congratulations, I guess"
    My mom (with raised eyebrows) "you're brave"

    So many this time around, it's hard to keep track
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    UseTheTriforce94Rawa1416
  • jennk0118jennk0118
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer Photogenic
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    edited January 2016
    I did have a elderly woman ask me if my son and my baby have the same dad. I was annoyed with my son at the time.. He was just being naughty because he was getting tired and I really had no other time to finish CHristmas shopping. So I was not in the mood for asinine people. I looked at her and said well, around the time this baby will be born, I'll be married to my husband for 5 years.... So I have my fingers crossed, I said with both hands fingers crossed!



  • I've had coworkers blatantly call me fat. I'm only 16 weeks. I've gained 15 pounds. But one woman in particular makes it a point to ask things like "did the doctor tell you you're too big or are you the right size?" That was her response when I showed her my gender ultrasound a couple days ago. Personally, even before I got pregnant...I'd never bring it up to any woman who is pregnant. I don't think having a child is reason to discuss someone's weight regardless of their size. Unless you're their doctor, you shouldn't care. Sometimes it's tough hearing those comments, I was a runner and big into working out. Now I walk and do easier workouts. But it doesn't make me immune to assholes haha. Sorry for the language but some people are plain malicious.
    UseTheTriforce94almostpriceless
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