GTKY: Resolutions for Other People

LittleMissTimeLord

It's that time of year! The time when everyone starts pretending we're going to be better people or eat healthier or whatever, until we give up, unceremoniously, in February. But I'm not interested in your resolutions for yourself. Let's talk about the resolutions you want to make for other people in your life. They probably need some help. Isn't it so nice of you to think of them?

My resolutions this year?

This year...
My husband will learn how to pee inside the toilet instead of on it.
My sister-in-law will think twice before sharing her offensive opinions with everybody.
My friends will spend more time posting on social media about their families than about their latest MLM schemes.

Go ahead ladies, snark on.

mrsdee15

For DH, he will learn that he is less than stellar at making baskets with his dirty clothes in the hamper, and the little sock/man-panty hamper moat is not a cute look for the bedroom.

For my mom, stop telling everyone she introduces me to that I am trying to have a baby. I really don't like that every new acquaintance is informed that I actively partake in unprotected sex with DH.

PeggyOlsonFTW

DH will learn to clean up after himself.

DS will stay on a consistent sleep schedule and stop pooping when he sleeps.

Dog will bark less (fat chance).

My parents will STFU about everything they complain about.

SIL will realize the error of her BSC ways and stop posting ridiculous severely right wing articles on Facebook and stop instigating and acting like she has a PH.D. in all complicated subject matter.

My uterus will cooperate.

housewifehobbyist

DH will clean up after himself, all the way (he has a habit of putting dishes in the sink, but not the dishwasher, and putting dirty clothes on TOP of the hamper)

That's really all that I want TBH.

britters314

My cat will stop throwing up in the middle of the night. (I took him to the vet - don't worry, he doesn't have any medical issues causing this)

CopperBoom86

For DH: To clean up after himself, which seems like a common theme around here lol. He has what I like to call preposition problems: He doesn't know the difference between IN and NEAR. Dishes, clothes, trash... you name it... it's all NEAR it's proper place, but not IN it. So annoying. 

For my BSC mess of a SIL: To stop. Stop with all the poor life choices. Stop posting ridiculously long, mushy-gushy love posts about your POS boyfriend on Facebook every single day. Stop trying to have another child until you learn how to properly care for the two you already have. Stop stealing things (one felony charge is enough for anyone). And most importantly, stop parading around Facebook like your life is perfect. EVERYONE sees right through you. You're just embarrassing yourself. 

For my MIL: Learn how to text. Voicemails are annoying. 

MrsDho11

Ha!  I normally don't like resolutions for the reasons you stated, but I can get on board with this.

I've got another DH who needs to learn to clean up after himself!

For MIL, she either needs to get over her refusal to fly/travel to see us OR stop bitching about not seeing us enough.

For Cat #1 (Troy), he will NOT bite me when he wants me to pet him and I'm ignoring him.

For Cat #2 (Abed), he will STOP waking me up at ridiculous hours in the morning!

FiancB

My H does keep things pretty clean, but then he wants a medal for it and ignores the stuff that I do. So, that. 

The ferrets should poop in their litterbox. 

My parents should stop watching Fox News. 

Everyone should stop sharing bullshit fake crap about Mark Zuckerberg/Bill Gates giving away money/ 52 free thoroughbreds/ that fake crap about the wolves/ the "deaf mute" girl riding bareback and bridleless that is actually just a really accomplished and amazing rider- isn't that good enough without her being deaf and mute which wouldn't affect her riding anyway? Facebook is the new chain letter. 

Donald Trump should finally say HAHA just kidding I'm not really running for president! He is going to, right? Right?

SLou24

I LOVE THIS!! 

My boss will stop showing up to work hungover (or calling out on Mondays because she's hungover). 

My boss will stop being a "one-upper" in every conversation. 

(notice a theme here?) 

DH will be come a liiiiiiittle bit more laid back/go-with-the-flow-ish

My friend will stop pretending like the pyramid scheme she's a part of is going to make her a billionaire. And she will stop posting about it on FB (for the love of God). 

MRSCORKER

@FiancB I'm pretty sure Trump is going to announce that he's an actor playing the role of the WORST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET. 

My NY resolution for DH is that he will learn how to budget money instead of pretending he has a trust fund.

mrsdee15

Ohh, I'm with @FiancB and parents watching Fox News. If they would stop that, that would be super.

LittleMissTimeLord

bornmommy

This year my sister in law will stop being an all around twat waffle. 
This year my DH will understand that when he feeds the kids candy and doesn't keep them on schedule, they will be be twat waffles.
This year my mom will talk less about money, stress less about money, and stop acting like money is the best thing in the world. 

Lulucooks

MrsDho11 said:

Ha!  I normally don't like resolutions for the reasons you stated, but I can get on board with this.

I've got another DH who needs to learn to clean up after himself!

For MIL, she either needs to get over her refusal to fly/travel to see us OR stop bitching about not seeing us enough.

For Cat #1 (Troy), he will NOT bite me when he wants me to pet him and I'm ignoring him.

For Cat #2 (Abed), he will STOP waking me up at ridiculous hours in the morning!

But if he doesn't wake you, you may miss the morning show!!!

MrsDho11

FiancB said:

My H does keep things pretty clean, but then he wants a medal for it and ignores the stuff that I do. So, that. 

The ferrets should poop in their litterbox. 

My parents should stop watching Fox News. 

Everyone should stop sharing bullshit fake crap about Mark Zuckerberg/Bill Gates giving away money/ 52 free thoroughbreds/ that fake crap about the wolves/ the "deaf mute" girl riding bareback and bridleless that is actually just a really accomplished and amazing rider- isn't that good enough without her being deaf and mute which wouldn't affect her riding anyway? Facebook is the new chain letter. 

Donald Trump should finally say HAHA just kidding I'm not really running for president! He is going to, right? Right?

So much yes to the bolded! But also, I installed the Donald Trump filter to my Google Chrome today, and I'm wondering if you mentioning him is why I couldn't open this thread on my computer anymore. If so, woooohooooo! Suck it, Trump! You no longer exist on the Internet from my computer.

MrsDho11

Lulucooks said:

MrsDho11 said:

Ha!  I normally don't like resolutions for the reasons you stated, but I can get on board with this.

I've got another DH who needs to learn to clean up after himself!

For MIL, she either needs to get over her refusal to fly/travel to see us OR stop bitching about not seeing us enough.

For Cat #1 (Troy), he will NOT bite me when he wants me to pet him and I'm ignoring him.

For Cat #2 (Abed), he will STOP waking me up at ridiculous hours in the morning!

But if he doesn't wake you, you may miss the morning show!!!

I was trying to find a "Troy and Abed are in mourning!" GIF to use in response, but I found this instead. LOL. I need this GIF in my life every day, I think.

CoonMom

I've got a couple:)

DH will help around the house more. (Every time I bring this up he says he does enough and gets really defensive. He cooks and mows. I clean (two stories/2.5 bathrooms), mostly take care of the dogs, and cook, yard work. His cooking is usually take out/easy spaghetti or other simple things). 

My in-laws- less noisy/in my face. I LOVE them; however we always have to do dinner/things on their terms not ours. They are both retired and don't understand busy time at work.

My mom to be more supportive. When I told her of my miscarriage her response "At least you have your fur babies". She didn't understand why I didn't attend our extended family Christmas a week after my MC when 10 babies/toddlers/KU cousins were there.

DH to be more understanding/supportive.

I could go on but I'll stop for now and spare you all.

Lecool

This is my favorite thing ever.

My Resolution for my coworker: To start doing actual, productive work that he is paid to do for at least six hours out of an eight hour day, if not the full eight hours.

My Resolution for DH: To learn how to properly rinse dishes and load them into the dishwasher

My Resolution for my Hometown: To fill in the giant potholes that are just waiting to blow everyone's tires.

Ash9614

FiancB said:

My H does keep things pretty clean, but then he wants a medal for it and ignores the stuff that I do. So, that. 

The ferrets should poop in their litterbox. 

My parents should stop watching Fox News. 

Everyone should stop sharing bullshit fake crap about Mark Zuckerberg/Bill Gates giving away money/ 52 free thoroughbreds/ that fake crap about the wolves/ the "deaf mute" girl riding bareback and bridleless that is actually just a really accomplished and amazing rider- isn't that good enough without her being deaf and mute which wouldn't affect her riding anyway? Facebook is the new chain letter. 

Donald Trump should finally say HAHA just kidding I'm not really running for president! He is going to, right? Right?

I say that exact same thing every time I hear Donald Trump's name and "President." No way Americans elect a racist, sexist, blowhole as POTUS...right? The thought causes me anxiety.

PeggyOlsonFTW

@FiancB Those Facebook Zuckerberg/Gates/claim your free gift card/Facebook is going to start charging/Facebook is going to share all your info unless you copy and past this, etc. etc. statuses are the freaking worst. Every time one of my friends posts one of those things I want to unfriend them.

joyful08

I love this thread!

That some of my clients would respond to my emails. I totally understand if my custom cakes are out of your price range but the least you could do after we've been emailing back and forth for days is say "no thanks". Instead of leaving me in the dark.

That my MIL will quit calling me every time there's an accident anywhere within 45 minutes of us. I'm fine.

That MIL could smother us a little less every year. It's getting old.

That my sis will realized how lucky she is to have her two kids and spend actual time with them. She only has two days a week of with them and still manages to find something else to do besides be with them.

And 100% what @PeggyOlsonFTW said... That my uterus will cooperate!

_darth

1) Ditto on the cooperative uterus thing.

2) Nobody will drop the hypothetical baby.

5) MIL will conveniently relocate to a more suitable climate - someplace where shrieking at the top of one's lungs, rising from the deep to destroy a neighbouring metropolis, and getting into the occasional bitch fight with Mothra is culturally acceptable. I think that would be a good fit for her.

NovaSaysNo

I just want my mother not to be a crazy person.

Co-workers bringing me food randomly would not be turned away.

linnea625

I would LOVE for DH to stop nagging me about how I'm not "feminin" enough (wear more make up, dress nicer, work out more so you have a flatter stomach, wear high heels more - you're the only one who complains about them being uncomfortable...).

He does a decent job of cleaning up after himself and does almost all of the cooking, so I can't complain there!

LizaKate1213

@linnea625, I am so sorry, that is awful! I can't imagine it is easy to have your husband saying such things. I have tried to type out a million responses but can't find the words. I hope he is able to see deeper and make this very important change for you.

For my resolutions..

DH: decrease your work hours and spend more time with family

Sister: stop letting your husband bully you and your kids. Your DS is turning into a twatwaffle because of his dad's "manly" behavior and I can see your confidence disappearing.

MIL: stop believing everything you read on the internet then sharing it on your fb. You are spreading stupidity like the plague!

maxinelund

linnea625 said:

I would LOVE for DH to stop nagging me about how I'm not "feminin" enough (wear more make up, dress nicer, work out more so you have a flatter stomach, wear high heels more - you're the only one who complains about them being uncomfortable...).

He does a decent job of cleaning up after himself and does almost all of the cooking, so I can't complain there!

Have you talked to him about this yet? I sincerely hope he does stop that shit and apologize real soon. I'm having a hard time holding back all my thoughts on this topic, so I'm just going to say this. You are beautiful and worthy, no matter what you put or don't put on your face or feet.

maxinelund

MIL: Stop being so manipulative! We can see through your attempts to control every situation. You would probably get more of what you wanted if you didn't use such shady tactics. Even my 2 year old doesn't get what she cries for every time. What makes you think it will work for you?

Kay6519

For my gross coworker who shares my office: I resolve that she should stop openly and unabashedly fart and burp as loudly as possible. No more forced burps or randomly yelling "Farty, Farty, Fart, Fart...." when I am trying to work.

For DH: I resolve that he will be better about telling me when he has plans or is trying to plan something. No more bitching about my plans which have been listed on our calendar on the fridge and on Google calendar for weeks happen to overlap or clash with plans you made no mention of.

For my family: No more manipulative assholic behavior. I'm not a child and have been living on my own and supporting myself for the last ten years. You have no right to control or try to control every aspect of my life.

To my MIL: I resolve that she will finally accept that DH and I are married and won't be splitting up anytime soon. It's time to accept that your "baby boy" is grown up and is starting a family of his own; hence why we bought you a puppy and frequently bring your "grandfurs" to visit to help with your empty nesting syndrome.

Ally0221

Lulucooks said:

MrsDho11 said:

Ha!  I normally don't like resolutions for the reasons you stated, but I can get on board with this.

I've got another DH who needs to learn to clean up after himself!

For MIL, she either needs to get over her refusal to fly/travel to see us OR stop bitching about not seeing us enough.

For Cat #1 (Troy), he will NOT bite me when he wants me to pet him and I'm ignoring him.

For Cat #2 (Abed), he will STOP waking me up at ridiculous hours in the morning!

But if he doesn't wake you, you may miss the morning show!!!

I was totally going to post a Troy and Abed in the Morning gif but you beat me to it! I love your cats names @MrsDho11!!!

MrsDho11

@Ally0221 - thanks! It's always a fun way to identify fellow Community fans!

Ally0221

For got to add resolutions...

MIL- Stop being so amazingly oblivious and stupid. Like seriously, stop! And stop smiling all the damn time! Plastering a big, creepy, fake grin across your face doesn't make your irresponsible and negligent behavior any more acceptable!

...That's actually the only one I have right now since she's currently in my house effing everything up with her clueless nonsense.

gardeniagirlknits

Dh: stop being more excited than I am for me to take an hpt... It just makes me more sad when it's negative.

To fil: stop saying things like "well I only want to go to granny's (his moms) house if the grandkids can go... It makes us feel worthless that because we don't have kids, it is somehow Unacceptable for us to go without my BIL and SIL and kids. He makes EVERYTHING All about the grandkids. hello... Your son that doesn't have a child would like to feel like a person too!!!!!

To my best friend: dump the loser bf. Your so much better than that. Really. How does a beautiful smart woman get mixed up with that?!

To the SIL: just... Don't... Talk.... Ever. That all.

If you knew her you'd understand.

gardeniagirlknits

linnea625 said:

I would LOVE for DH to stop nagging me about how I'm not "feminin" enough (wear more make up, dress nicer, work out more so you have a flatter stomach, wear high heels more - you're the only one who complains about them being uncomfortable...).

He does a decent job of cleaning up after himself and does almost all of the cooking, so I can't complain there!

This breaks my heart!!! You be YOU!!! I HOPE that 2016 brings him peace about who you are and not more hoping for what he wants you to be

gardeniagirlknits

Oh and I forgot... Ditto... Cooperative uterus would be nice. And if cancer could just stay the eff away from me, that would be great. The nightmares about it coming back every night...? I could do without those as well.

LittleMissTimeLord

linnea625 said:

I would LOVE for DH to stop nagging me about how I'm not "feminin" enough (wear more make up, dress nicer, work out more so you have a flatter stomach, wear high heels more - you're the only one who complains about them being uncomfortable...). He does a decent job of cleaning up after himself and does almost all of the cooking, so I can't complain there!

This makes me want to reach through the computer and give you a big hug and give your husband a reality check. Like other ladies, I'm holding my tongue on a lot of thoughts here, but I think some communication is warranted here. If you do any of those things, you need to do them for you and not for him. Even when I'm wearing something that my husband thinks is hideous (we have very different fashion senses hah), he loves it if I feel confident and sexy in it. A confident wife is a happy wife (and a giving it up wife heeyyooo). 

Also, you're not the only person that complains about heels. I only wear heels for very special occasions. I spend my life in chucks, flats, and boots. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO SQUISHED TOES. 

LittleMissTimeLord

gardeniagirlknits said:

To the SIL: just... Don't... Talk.... Ever. 

This. Except multiplied by all of my SILs. CAN YOU JUST NOT?!