don't f-ing grab my baby!! (RANT, obviously)

kwaldy

Rant time...

Visiting family. I knew DD was going to get passed around a bit. I get it. It's exciting to have a new baby in the family. Most are pretty respectful of washing hands and asking permission to hold or touch, but there are a few whose manners don't exist. I had just got done nursing her and I walked into the kitchen to talk to DH. Immediately I hear "let me hold her" and before I have a chance to respond, baby is being snatched from my arms. DH had to hold me back and calm me.... but I'm losing it. This is not the first time. And to top it off, they don't hand her back when she's fussy.

This is not the first time and it's driving me insane. You DO NOT grab an infant from its mother without express consent. And if they tell you no, you respect that. Why are people such assholes?! I will stab someone...

Lolo427

I've been hardcore struggling with this as well. It's hard to ride the line of 'Give me back my fucking baby' and 'oh yeah your my in law and I have to keep a respectful relationship with you'. It's really really frustrating and trying to set boundaries is obnoxiously tough. Here's the thing I don't get. We aren't abnormal for feeling this way so why is it so hard to respect parents with thier babies? I have a New Years party next week at my Inlaws in which I told them that DD will NOT be getting passed around- no how no way in which MILs response is 'Well I gotta let my sister hold her.' .....Ummmmm last I checked DD came out of my uterus. Not your baby, not your say.

With you

Edit:autocorrect

kwaldy

@Lolo427 seriously, the struggle is so real. I'm trying not to be rude... but when you yank my little one from my arms, I want to snap your fucking neck. Haha. Mama bear instincts are real. And then when diapers are dirty and I ask for my shrieking child back to change her... you tell me "I know how to change diapers"... CONGRATS. GOOD FOR YOU. I'm still changing my baby's diaper.

mcdoug211

My mother in law did this last week while visiting when she was fussy and I was making a bottle after I said " I got it we do it every day" in a happy tone. I was so livid I wanted to cry. We're going to visit in a few months and will have a big family get together I've never met any of hubby's family except his parents I will actually lose it if strangers do it. Or if his mother doesn't let me hold my baby.

taykerslake

I think the most frustrating part about all of this is that they only do it while they're babies. I know that once Arlo gets a little bit older they won't be so excited and not as many people are going to want to spend all this time with him. Which is unfair. He's going to be just as cute and awesome when he's older. Why do you need to go crazy while he's a baby

RaisingJulian

taykerslake said:

I think the most frustrating part about all of this is that they only do it while they're babies. I know that once Arlo gets a little bit older they won't be so excited and not as many people are going to want to spend all this time with him. Which is unfair. He's going to be just as cute and awesome when he's older. Why do you need to go crazy while he's a baby

Yep! My mother used to take my 3 yr old for sleepovers! Now ask me how often she sees him now? Just because he's older doesn't mean he doesn't want his grandma

mamavbs

It's SO annoying when they don't give a fussy baby back. It's like pouring fuel on a fire... First you take my baby then you upset them but don't let me comfort them. I flipped at MIL, DS was clearly hungry- we all saw it. She even says "Oooh who's a hungry boy".Instead of giving him back, she just jiggles him for 15 minutes which obviously makes him worse and more frustrated. I said about 3 times, "ah let me feed him" but was ignored. Eventually I shouted "are you going to breastfeed him then?" And she finally gave a fake laugh and my son back.

Tbf i wouldn't even put it past her psycho ass to try and feed him :-/

sadyy131

My SIL does this EVERY FRICKING TIME I see her. She just takes baby out of my arms. No permission asked or granted.

angelinthepit23

The only person I've had an issue with so far is my MIL, but we haven't been around many people. Christmas Day LO was napping in his new RNP, apparently he opened his eyes for a second and she was like "he's up!" and took him out of the RNP. I was in the kitchen and heard my FIL yelling at her to let him sleep. We are going to a birthday party for a friends kid next weekend, I think I might break out my baby carrier to help with the grabbing.

Note: I would never snatch up someone's baby, I've always waited to be offered the baby. I don't know why this is such a strange concept for people. They are little humans not toys!

mmmynyx

I HATE VISITING MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY FOR THIS REASON. Especially his mom.
95% of the time Eris sleeps on car rides. When we get to our destination she's usually still asleep. My MIL tries to wake my DD up just to hold her! She shakes her (gently) trying to wake her up and just grabs her even shes still asleep. It pisses me off so much...luckily my husband is sometimes good at letting his mom know when she needs to stop. He knows it pisses me off.
His family is just too much sometimes and I'm beginning to do everything I can JUST to avoid seeing them...

Lolo427

QueenSloth said:

I HATE VISITING MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY FOR THIS REASON. Especially his mom.
95% of the time Eris sleeps on car rides. When we get to our destination she's usually still asleep. My MIL tries to wake my DD up just to hold her! She shakes her (gently) trying to wake her up and just grabs her even shes still asleep. It pisses me off so much...luckily my husband is sometimes good at letting his mom know when she needs to stop. He knows it pisses me off.
His family is just too much sometimes and I'm beginning to do everything I can JUST to avoid seeing them...

So I just read this to my husband- this is what I complain about to my friends and experience to an absolute t. It drives me up a wall. Last time I finally spoke up to let her sleep and MiL acted like a kicked puppy after.

mmmynyx

@Lolo427 UGH forreal! They act like you've just disgraced their ancestors! Jeeze sorry for wanting my LO to get some sleep? I tell my husband everytime we plan to go to his families house that he needs to tell them something or else I will. I don't want to ruin the relationship I have with them by being blunt (since I've tried to be gentle with my words and it's never worked) but as a FTM I'm quite over protective of my little girl.
Sorry not sorry.

rubirubi89

QueenSloth said:

I HATE VISITING MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY FOR THIS REASON. Especially his mom. 95% of the time Eris sleeps on car rides. When we get to our destination she's usually still asleep. My MIL tries to wake my DD up just to hold her! She shakes her (gently) trying to wake her up and just grabs her even shes still asleep. It pisses me off so much...luckily my husband is sometimes good at letting his mom know when she needs to stop. He knows it pisses me off. His family is just too much sometimes and I'm beginning to do everything I can JUST to avoid seeing them...

lucky you! Apparently I birthed the only baby that HATES car rides. He screams bloody effing murder with purple crying unless someone sits back there talking to him. I have not gone anywhere alone since our last fiasco. 

Jeenyus

I straight up walked out of my in laws house on Christmas Eve with baby in carrier because of this. Went to the car, and told hubby he could grab the rest of our things because we were leaving.

MIL grabs baby out of my arms, sticks her face 3-6 inches from babies and talks in a loud voice. Baby screams, and she won't give her back to me, saying"I just love that newborn cry, it's so cute" while baby is red and has tears streaming down her face. I tried to ask for baby back, and she told me to let her hold her. When I tried to take baby out of her arms she actually held her harder and turned away!

When baby finally fell asleep, she woke her up repeatedly, and when I was changing her diaper she was right there, inches away from her face again.

After baby was changed I let her hold her, and when she started to root she again wouldn't give her back, telling me that I feed her too much and I need to get her on a 4 hour feeding schedule and give her pablum to make her go longer between stretches.

I agree with you all, I wanted to scream "Just give me my freaking baby!!", but instead I just took her from my MIL, packed her up and went to the car to feed her.

rachswi

Both my mom and mil have been pretty invested in holding LO. My mom especially. She won't put him down and rarely lets others hold him. But she's at least pretty good about handing him to me if he's obviously fussing for food/change. Although she's kind of a baby whisperer it seems - she can get him to sleep with 10 minutes most of the times she holds him (which is usually great except for when she keeps getting him back to sleep and he could use to be up for a while). I let her feed him a bottle though (which had 6oz in it - way more than necessary but she was going to watch him for a while and I wanted to make sure she had enough just in case)... She fed him the whole 6 oz so he slept for almost 5 hours during the day (food coma) then screamed bloody murder that night because his belly hurt.

She drives my dad crazy though because Zeke will squeal or squeak and my mom will go "oh he must want grandma!" And snatches him out of the arms of whoever has him. When my mom is around, no one else gets to hold the child

My MIL I know was just trying to help because LO was screaming and crying and didn't need food or anything (the problem was most likely gas), but she wouldn't give him back to me to calm him - she just kept walking him and bouncing him. In retrospect I'm glad she did because his crying was making me sad for him and she was more level headed but at the time I felt like she was saying I was sucking at mom-ing and she could do it better.

gkfk

All of this is why i said NO to inlaws overnight visit for christmas. DS missed 2 feedings in the hospital bc of my rude MIL, that was enough for me for good!

hlaverett88

I went into work to visit some friends and the owners had been dying to meet LO and one of the owners walks I the door and literally snatches him out of my hands. I was furious!! First off you DO NOT just walk in the door and take MY son out of MY arms!! Her sister realized I was pissed and was about to go off and took him back and handed him to me. Wtf is wrong with people!! Do I walk up to you and rip stuff out of your hands!? Do I take something you value more than yourself away from you without permission!? NO! Ugh!! Okay I'm done.

chelseaepley

Me and my mil had it out the other day. She tried to put karo syrup on his paci and give it to him because he "needed to poop". Hes EBF and only poops about once a week, maybe twice. I was telling her this and she flips out saying this is NOT normal because her FF babies pooped everyday. Anyway, dh tells her no karo and she continues getting out a plate and squirting some on it. I put ds in his seat and get ready to go. Here she comes with his paci and before I notice she's moving his cover over and trying to shove it in his mouth. I kinda turn around and said I don't think you need to do that. She then grabs the side of his seat and says yes I am hes crying. So I gently put my arm in front of her and say "no,I am the mother and you're not giving him that" so she pushes me against the door and tries to put the paci in my mouth!!! I was LIVID!!!!!!!!! then me and dh got in a huge fight because he sees this going on and walk so outside. I told him until she understands boundaries and I get a sincere apology we will not be taking our son back over there. I'm still shocked that she would do this!

doodleoodle

chelseaepley said:

Me and my mil had it out the other day. She tried to put karo syrup on his paci and give it to him because he "needed to poop". Hes EBF and only poops about once a week, maybe twice. I was telling her this and she flips out saying this is NOT normal because her FF babies pooped everyday. Anyway, dh tells her no karo and she continues getting out a plate and squirting some on it. I put ds in his seat and get ready to go. Here she comes with his paci and before I notice she's moving his cover over and trying to shove it in his mouth. I kinda turn around and said I don't think you need to do that. She then grabs the side of his seat and says yes I am hes crying. So I gently put my arm in front of her and say "no,I am the mother and you're not giving him that" so she pushes me against the door and tries to put the paci in my mouth!!! I was LIVID!!!!!!!!! then me and dh got in a huge fight because he sees this going on and walk so outside. I told him until she understands boundaries and I get a sincere apology we will not be taking our son back over there. I'm still shocked that she would do this!

That's awful!!! I'm glad you stood up for yourself! In laws are hard.

chelseaepley

She has been so horrible since day 1. She walks ALL OVER ME. Dh always tells me to stand up for myself and I finally do and we pretty much get in a fist fight. I'm not mad about it, I'm just so hurt that she wants to push her beliefs on me so hard because that's the way she's raised 3 kids and she knows better than me since I only have 2 kids, so she says. I just wish shed accept me! She hates me for taking her "baby" from her. I've overheard her say it to get daughter.

angelinthepit23

@chelseaepley omg that horrible! I just don't get these MIL, did they forget how to raise kids or did they just do a crappy job raising theirs?

My MIL came over yesterday. LO has been having nap issues so he was super cranky pants and she just kept getting all in his face and overstimulating him. Then when he starts the cry of death "well I don't know why he's upset, what does he want?" He wants you to leave him the F alone so he can try and sleep! She thinks once I'm back at work she's just going to come over here all the time. Uh no, my sister has been given strict instructions to not open the door to anyone! The last thing I need is her over here undoing everything I've accomplished with him.

RaisingJulian

chelseaepley said:

Me and my mil had it out the other day. She tried to put karo syrup on his paci and give it to him because he "needed to poop". Hes EBF and only poops about once a week, maybe twice. I was telling her this and she flips out saying this is NOT normal because her FF babies pooped everyday. Anyway, dh tells her no karo and she continues getting out a plate and squirting some on it. I put ds in his seat and get ready to go. Here she comes with his paci and before I notice she's moving his cover over and trying to shove it in his mouth. I kinda turn around and said I don't think you need to do that. She then grabs the side of his seat and says yes I am hes crying. So I gently put my arm in front of her and say "no,I am the mother and you're not giving him that" so she pushes me against the door and tries to put the paci in my mouth!!! I was LIVID!!!!!!!!! then me and dh got in a huge fight because he sees this going on and walk so outside. I told him until she understands boundaries and I get a sincere apology we will not be taking our son back over there. I'm still shocked that she would do this!

That is horrible! I don't care how many times my MIL apologizes I would never speak to her again after that. That is something u do not do.

Knottie84786369

I'm so glad I'm not the only one!
I've had major issues with this. I'm a first time mom and I had an emergency c section and everyone else got to hold my baby before I did for about an hour and a half. So I didn't really feel bonded to my baby. I got back to my room and held him for like 15 minutes and everyone was already demanding to hold him again! I was astounded!
So then the first night home the mil came to visit and stayed the night! She could clearly tell I didn't want her to. I finally locked me and baby in room to breast feed him. She finally left after I told her I didn't need her.
Oh and people do the same thing to me! They all see and even say he's hungry but then proceed to try to comfort him. It makes me insane! My husband is actually getting better at taking him back from people when he sees me about to freak out. They tell me I'm "hogging" my baby. I finally ended up yelling that he's my baby and I can "hog" him all I want.

angelinthepit23

Yesterday at our pedi appointment I was telling her about DS napping issues. She attributes it to the holidays and my grabby MIL messing up his schedule. She said next time she comes over to tell her the pedi said he needs to nap and if she has a problem with that she can call her! LMAO, love this woman!

Caffrey54

Ya my in laws are the same way. They are the ones that tell you they can do whatever they want because they are the grandparents. I'm just like no you will do what I say or your not going to see him anymore. It's very hard with them because my husband is the youngest and his brother has always been the favored one(like if we are all together my bil's kids are more important than mine) unless they need something from us then we are good enough or if they don't get their way the love to guilt trip him until he agrees to what they want even tho my husband has promised me it's not going to work. But I guess we'll see in a couple weeks how that goes with my sons baptism because they can't stay here because I'll have a full house and they won't see him until that Sunday so I'm sure there will be a guilt trip and if there is I'm probably not holding back anymore and going to fly off the handle lol.

laswett

MIL has Fridays off and insists on bugging me and LO every week. She won't hold his head, no matter how many times I ask her to. She just looks at me like I'm stupid. They're also guilt tripping me into a visit to their home this weekend, where they both smoke indoors so he can meet his cousin. I've already said I'm not comfortable bringing him there. They didn't hesitate to light up whenever I was there pregnant. I had to step out every time. This woman also frequently tells me I worry too much and I listen to the Dr too much and would offer me drinks while pregnant. They've even Googled my arguments to see if I'm being rediculous.

mcdoug211

https://m.youtube.com/watch?sns=fb&v=tlFbYb55ORs

This Steve Harvey clip is hilarious! I can see myself acting this way to get even family away hahahha