July 2016 Moms
Options

Family members and L&D

2»

Re: Family members and L&D

  • Options
    @jlgriff11 I don't know if this is just a thing for the hospitals out by me but they will not let in any children under 12 who are not siblings of the baby. Just something to look into before your 2 and 6 year old nephews/nieces get stuck not being able to enter.
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    We have already informed our entire family that DH and I will be the only ones allowed in the delivery room and probably even the hospital. I assume I'm going to be much too tired to keep track of and worry about visitors coming and going. I see this as crucial time to recover and bond with baby.

    I told everyone that of course, they are all more than welcome to stop by and "hang out" (cook and clean for me ;) ) anytime after we get back home. No one has made a fuss yet so....

    Pregnancy Ticker



  • Options
    You guys are making me think about things I am not ready to think about!  
    I'm sure my whole extended family (siblings, aunts, grandparents, etc) will be in the waiting room.  My big fat greek family, that's unavoidable.  
    My husband will be in the room of course but I have no clue if someone else should be since he doesn't speak English well yet. I could have my mom bc she is nice and easy and did this herself 4 times but I almost feel bad for her to see me like that. I feel like would stress her out. 
    MIL is overseas and will probably come stay with us for a while when I go back to work. I think it's probably going to be like a month which is a little much but it's such a far and expensive trip that I feel bad complaining about it.
  • Options
    This is already a source of a lot of stress in my relationship with my mom. Our plan is to have my husband and that's it with me during the birth, and we've agreed that nobody will know until after the baby is born. Our midwife suggests that you take three days with no visitors to bond and figure out which side is up. Once I get into the 3rd trimester I'm planning on emailing all of our parents and telling them in no uncertain terms that they are not welcome before, during, or immediately after the birth. Hopefully that will prevent my mom from getting in the car around my due date. 

    Since we're converting the guest room into the baby's room, I'm telling people that we won't be able to host anyone over night. I'm not sure how our parents are going to take all this, but I don't really care. I'm not willing to make those first few days/weeks more stressful than they already will be, so our family will just have to manage. 

  • Options
    With our first, we were overwhelmed with visitors the next day. We had the baby at around 4:30 and due to high blood pressure I was not admitted into a room until 9:00. So, while we had 12 hours or so to ourselves in the room, we were exhausted the next day. People started showing up at 9 and didn't stop until 9 that night. The only good thing was that once we got home, everyone had already seen the baby, so we had a few days by ourselves before people started calling to come over. So, we got everyone out of the way in one big swoop!. This time around, I think we will wait until we are ready to call people with the news so we don't have people showing up before we are ready.
  • Options
    Am I the only one who wishes they could do L&D completely alone? I'm having a midwife who already understands I want the most minimal, hands-off care they'll allow. I'm hiring a doula because I think DH will need her as he passes out at the sight of blood. Also I really don't think I'm going to want him trying to coach me so I want the doula to moderate my wishes and maintain the silence. If I could be 100% alone in a dark, warm tub with music and aroma therapy I think I'd choose that, but this is as close as I could realistically get. Family all lives out of state and won't be alerted until after baby is born to even begin making travel plans. I've already told everyone no visitors until 2 weeks and they need to book a hotel, no one is invited to stay here while we have a newborn. I'm mean and an introvert... I'm basing what I want on extreme physical activities I've done and other times I've been seriously injured or in too much pain to talk- I like absolute silence over coaching or distraction, I hate being touched or disturbed in any way, and I prefer lots of space to breathe and work through pain until I'm able to talk. I hope this works out somehow. There have to be other women who hate being touched or disturbed during labor right?
  • Options
    I plan on just DH.  I'm totally weird about the idea of my IL's waiting around outside my door to push something out my vagina.  I'd actually be okay with my mom, but she's actually a big supporter of "this is a husband and wife event."  I'm pretty sure my parents snuck in and had me and then told everyone later!

    After delivery, I'd love for my mom to come for a week or two, and then my MIL.  I DO NOT want to figure out breast feeding around my MIL.  I love her, but I'm very private, and don't want to whip out boobies for everyone (I know, I know, that will change once the baby is here...).  My MIL is super kind and very patient, so I would love for her to come and help, I just don't want it to be those first few tearful days.  Also, I yell and tantrum when I'm stressed/upset (yes--I'm a toddler).  My DH and mom have seen me at my "finest", but I don't want my sweet little MIL to see me ugly cry and swear and be mean to everyone---since I'm sure it will happen at some point!  
  • Options
    I have been stressing over this like crazy. I have zero family drama or strained relations, which is wonderful, but I absolutely do not want anyone in delivery except DH. I didn't even consider that being an issue until I found out people actually care about being in there! My mom hasn't said anything about it yet, but I bet she assumes she'll be in there and I can't figure out how to bring up that I don't even want her in there without making it seem like it's personal. I just don't even understand why people WANT to be in there!!!! It's bloody and gross and can get scary if things go wrong...why is that a place anyone but those directly involved want to be? Come see the baby when he's cleaned up and my lady bits aren't hanging out. I am so worried now that my mom's going to be offended, especially since she was a nurse and will not see the big deal with witnessing the gross part. I don't want to be witnessed in that state, thank you! I don't like to be comforted or fawned over either, especially when in pain, so that would just stress me out even more.
    Married 6/1/13
    BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
    BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
    BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
    BFP #4  4/2015 MC 7/1/15
    BFP #5 10/21/15  EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow! 
  • Options
    @noelietrex I could go for nobody being there. They told me to let them know when I felt the urge to push. I *almost* considered not telling them.... But I wanted them there in case. I didn't end up liking my midwife, she got on my nerves and didn't just let me be. I hated every stupid comment she made.
    I would never kick my DH out,but oh my he stresses and gets me all worked up! He was such.a.frickin.grouch. after DD was born and we had to stay an extra night. I'm hoping to convince him (if everything goes according to plan) to be with me while on L&D, bond with baby, all that fun stuff and then take DD to a motel room to spend the night. We live an hour away from the hospital so I know he wouldn't go all the way home!
  • Options
    edited December 2015
    I'm planning on just having my husband and my mom. My dad would probably come to the hospital but not in the room and, fortunately, my MIL lives overseas. I'll also ask my husband for his thoughts about things as well.
    Me: 33  DH: 31
    Married: 8/9/2010
    3 Furbabies - Kumo, Mal, and Lynx!
    Started TTC August 2014
    BFP #1 - 12/16/14 EDD 8/22/15 - MMC and D&C 1/23/15
    BFP #2 - 7/10/15 EDD 3/20/16- chemical pregnancy, ended 7/16/15
    BFP #3 - 11/12/15 EDD 7/21/16 - wishing and hoping for a sticky little bean!

    July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:



    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker


  • Options
    FTM here. But it will just be me and DH. DH is useless in crisis/medical situations so we will see how this goes. I may just keep sending him on errands. All family will want to come right away, we will most likely not tell them until after delivery and clean up as all family lives about an hour away. (I may be hoping for a middle of the night delivery so that I can tell everyone the next morning)
  • Options

    @noelietrex I could go for nobody being there. They told me to let them know when I felt the urge to push. I *almost* considered not telling them.... But I wanted them there in case. I didn't end up liking my midwife, she got on my nerves and didn't just let me be. I hated every stupid comment she made.
    I would never kick my DH out,but oh my he stresses and gets me all worked up! He was such.a.frickin.grouch. after DD was born and we had to stay an extra night. I'm hoping to convince him (if everything goes according to plan) to be with me while on L&D, bond with baby, all that fun stuff and then take DD to a motel room to spend the night. We live an hour away from the hospital so I know he wouldn't go all the way home!

    My mom could not stand the sound of my dad's voice during labor. In all of her labors.
  • Options
    I did not tell my parents I was in labor until the baby was here with #2. With my 1st, I had a scheduled induction so we weren't able to keep her from being there but she wasn't allowed in the room for more than a few minutes. She and my dad and the in laws hung out in the waiting room. The only people allowed in my room during delivery with both babies were my husband and my sister (who acted as my doula). MIL lives close and she watched DS1 for us when I went into labor and then brought him to the hospital the next day to meet his baby brother.
    image
    imageimage

    image"AlternaTickers">image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Options
    Read this, it might help: https://www.xojane.com/issues/childbirth-is-not-a-spectator-sport

    I was one of the people who learned the hard way after the birth of my 1st. The 2nd we needed babysitting so we had to tell our parents, which we would have preferred not to, but what we ended up doing to make up for it was NO VISITORS AT THE HOSPITAL! It was AMAZING. My husband dealt with everyone at our house while they watched our daughter, and I was able to spend 2 days at the hospital without the tornado that is my "outlaws."

    The hospital: What they don't tell you is that the baby needs some tests and will be taken from the room at random times. The nurses come in to check your blood pressure and other things all throughout the day and night. The baby needs to EAT, which means you have to be comfortable breastfeeding (if that's what you're doing) in front of whoever is there - and trust me they show up at inopportune times. Sometimes the baby is sleeping and you just want him/her left alone, but everyone barges in demanding to hold the baby, pass it around like it's a toy - it's aggravating if that's not your thing or you don't like the visitors. You feel like crap and a million bucks at the same time, but if the visitors suck the life out of it, all you can focus on is the pain you're in and that the baby you only just met is now a fun prop and toy and no one cares about you as more than the vehicle for the fulfillment of their dreams. Does that sound pessimistic? It's what happened to me. Fun times. Anyway.....

    My in laws showed up at the first birth and made it all about themselves. It was disheartening. But even worse, they made very insensitive comments to me right after I'd just gone through emergency surgery to have my baby. Then they acted like the baby was theirs, and made sure I knew the baby came from them too. Ugh, really? No congratulations, no how are are you feeling etc. So if you have people in your life like that, just don't tell them anything until after your baby is born. It will save you a lot of grief.
    Baby#3!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Options

    @noelietrex I could go for nobody being there. They told me to let them know when I felt the urge to push. I *almost* considered not telling them.... But I wanted them there in case. I didn't end up liking my midwife, she got on my nerves and didn't just let me be. I hated every stupid comment she made.
    I would never kick my DH out,but oh my he stresses and gets me all worked up! He was such.a.frickin.grouch. after DD was born and we had to stay an extra night. I'm hoping to convince him (if everything goes according to plan) to be with me while on L&D, bond with baby, all that fun stuff and then take DD to a motel room to spend the night. We live an hour away from the hospital so I know he wouldn't go all the way home!

    My mom could not stand the sound of my dad's voice during labor. In all of her labors.
    That's hilarious and awful all at once! I hope I don't get to that point while actively in labor, but I definitely made up reasons for DH to go get something (air!) After DD was born.
  • Options
    megth said:

    The baby needs to EAT, which means you have to be comfortable breastfeeding (if that's what you're doing) in front of whoever is there - and trust me they show up at inopportune times.

    This happened to me a few times. We told our visitors the baby needed to eat and they could wait in the family waiting area. Most of the time they took it as their cue to leave.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    We have no family here and my mom flew in. I had a planned c-section so she knew when to be here. Just DH and I in the delivery room. My mom was there in the recovery room. She brought us whatever we needed at the hospital. She cooked and cleaned for us for those first two weeks. She is a crazy health but though and asparagus soap wasn't really what I wanted haha, breastfeeding makes you ravenous!

    That all said my mom has boarder line personality disorder and that comes with its challenges. I was constantly having to apologize for the stupidest shit. She was alway fighting with my DH. I mean she was mad at us because we didn't need more help with the baby. I think we would have been good with her staying for a week but two weeks was too long!
  • Options
    @noelietrex I hear you on the not wanting to talk or be touched. It's not typical for me to curse outside of the car, but when my mom was stroking my arm during a contraction before I got my epidural, I swatted her hand away and told her, "Don't f****ing touch me." DH was sitting about 6 feet away and said after the fact that he hoped I didn't see him because he was trying his hardest not to laugh. He can never take me seriously when I'm mean "because it's not [my] nature."

    I was also very angry with everyone checking me in to the hospital. When I got to the front desk of the women's center, they asked, "And why are you here?" Well... let's see, I'm hunched over in pain... I look like a beached whale... huffing and puffing in a wheel chair... and I look like I peed myself because my bag of waters continues to leak everywhere. Why do you THINK I'm here??? I had to talk as fast as possible because when I was having a contraction I didn't want to speak at all.
  • Options
    @noelietrex You are not alone. When I was in labor, no one was allowed to talk to me. My husband was the only one that I wanted near me and he was scared shitless so he didn't even make a peep. When I'm in pain, I don't want anyone to touch me or try to "fix" what's wrong. I can handle my shit on my own.
  • Options
    Both of our families live out of state. My mother has only met our 2 yo son a handful of times anyways so I'm expecting the same level of enthusiasm (or lack there of) for the birth of our second child. So, only my DH will be with me obviously. I have no idea what we are going to do with our son when we're at the hospital though...I hate relying on friends for things like that. Consider yourselves extremely lucky for having involved family members/people who even WANT to be there for you, because we don't have that at all.
  • Options
    @noelietrex I'm also in the don't talk to me; don't touch me camp (I only made an exception when I had the worst back labor ever but DH's hands weren't doing what I hoped so then it was back to no touching, lol)
  • Options
    Am I the only one who wishes they could do L&D completely alone? I'm having a midwife who already understands I want the most minimal, hands-off care they'll allow. I'm hiring a doula because I think DH will need her as he passes out at the sight of blood. Also I really don't think I'm going to want him trying to coach me so I want the doula to moderate my wishes and maintain the silence. If I could be 100% alone in a dark, warm tub with music and aroma therapy I think I'd choose that, but this is as close as I could realistically get. Family all lives out of state and won't be alerted until after baby is born to even begin making travel plans. I've already told everyone no visitors until 2 weeks and they need to book a hotel, no one is invited to stay here while we have a newborn. I'm mean and an introvert... I'm basing what I want on extreme physical activities I've done and other times I've been seriously injured or in too much pain to talk- I like absolute silence over coaching or distraction, I hate being touched or disturbed in any way, and I prefer lots of space to breathe and work through pain until I'm able to talk. I hope this works out somehow. There have to be other women who hate being touched or disturbed during labor right?
    @noelietrex I am similar. To be honest I barely even remember DH being in the room, I was just in my own little world. Given, I took every single drug they offered me, so part of not remembering DH being in the room is probably because I was totally loopy...

    Have you told your DH what you want/need? Be totally honest with him and make a plan for ways to tell him in the moment if he needs to back off or be more involved. Try to prepare him so he won't take it personally if you ask him to give you space.
  • Options

    lcking82 said:
    I plan on just DH.  I'm totally weird about the idea of my IL's waiting around outside my door to push something out my vagina.  I'd actually be okay with my mom, but she's actually a big supporter of "this is a husband and wife event."  I'm pretty sure my parents snuck in and had me and then told everyone later!

    After delivery, I'd love for my mom to come for a week or two, and then my MIL.  I DO NOT want to figure out breast feeding around my MIL.  I love her, but I'm very private, and don't want to whip out boobies for everyone (I know, I know, that will change once the baby is here...).  My MIL is super kind and very patient, so I would love for her to come and help, I just don't want it to be those first few tearful days.  Also, I yell and tantrum when I'm stressed/upset (yes--I'm a toddler).  My DH and mom have seen me at my "finest", but I don't want my sweet little MIL to see me ugly cry and swear and be mean to everyone---since I'm sure it will happen at some point!  
    @lcking82  I breastfed until DD was almost 18 months. I am totally all about breastfeeding in public, wherever, whenever, in front of whoever, covered or uncovered (depending on mom and baby's preference), but I was more comfortable subtly covering myself up (with a receiving blanket or nursing cover, a scarf, layered clothing, whatever). Once I had nursing down I could subtly nurse her while having a conversation with the person never knowing what I was doing unless they looked closely, but that came  later. In the beginning - it was boobs out. Both because DD and I were clumsy, and because my boobs were so sore that it felt good to let them air out. I would not have been comfortable doing this around anyone but DH and maybe my mom. While it's true that I lost all modesty in front of nurses, doctors, and DH through labour, delivery and breastfeeding, I still felt modest in front of extended family and friends. You know yourself and your limits so I think it's smart to give yourself space until you see how comfortable (or uncomfortable) you feel!
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"