Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Urg, Christmas.

Hi ladies.

I don't know about anybody else, but as the day approaches I am dreading Christmas more and more. It's a crazy busy time of year for us. Dinner on the 24, dinner on the 25 and dinner again on the 26 and again on the 29. What can I say, our family is huge.

Normally I love this. Spending time with family, eating turkey, enjoying the little things. But this year I find myself feeling more and more anxious as the day creeps closer. Christmas Day and Boxing Day are/is the one month anniversary since I lost my baby. It was a two day process after starting the cytotec.

I don't know what to expect for those days. I already partially feel that I'll just want to be alone, but I just really don't know what to expect. Am I putting too much emphasis on this 'anniversary' and making things worse for myself?

I don't know if I'll be able to deal with family saying 'just get pregnant again'. It took us 15 months to get pregnant the first time, I don't think I can 'just get pregnant'. Also I find that comment so insensitive, I don't want to 'just get pregnant', like my pregnancy was no biggie.I'm not ready to just get pregnant again. Urg. I may snap, that won't be good. (Sorry, that was a but rant-ish).

Tell me I'm not alone with this. How do you guys plan on dealing with/getting through Christmas/the holidays?

------------------------------------------------------------
Me: 26 DH: 28  
TTC #1 since 06/2014
BFP #1 09/23/15. MMC discovered 11/24/2015
BFP #2 08/24/16 EDD 05/08/17


Re: Urg, Christmas.

  • PeggyOlsonFTWPeggyOlsonFTW member
    edited December 2015
    Heavy drinking.

    ETA:






    LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs








    BFP #1 12/2012, DS born 8/2013
    BFP #2 7/2015, MMC and D&C 9/2015
    BFP #3 11/2015, CP
    BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016




  • It's super hard- and plenty of people not going through a MC hate it just because- add an emotional stresser and it's a miracle I am getting out of bed everyday.  

    I'm having my D&C tomorrow- so it's super fresh.  Add to that my first pregnancy's due date was New Years of last year- so I'm now grieving for both pregnancies.  At least I can drink (and plan to drink pretty heavily) and eat as much raw cookie dough as I want.   I feel you on wanting to be alone though- I wish we hadn't already made plans to spend Christmas with my in laws (and drive DH's cousin and her bf home too).  I would love to book a vacation for DH and me and just spend next weekend on a beach where nothing is reminding me of how happy I'm suppose to be.

    As hard as it sounds try to make the best of it.  Try to remember what you loved about Christmas before all of this happened.  Try not to focus on your loss too much- and when you need to step away and bring out the wine(or whatever you drink).  When your family starts pressuring you to start trying again- tell them firmly that you will not be talking about it during Christmas.  And do not feel pressured into starting to TTC again by anyone- you will know when you are ready to try again.  You are in control of your own happiness- and if you feel like you can't handle one of the dinners- leave.  You are entitled to be alone if you need to be.  

    AND I COMPLETELY agree the try again comments are insensitive.  You lost a pregnancy not a thing- somethings are just not able to be replaced and thinking about it in that way makes it feel like a new pregnancy will replace this last one.  It won't.  Having had 2 pregnancies- the second didn't replace the first- it was just a new possibility.  
    me 35/ DH 39
    married 8/22/2015
    BFP#1- 4/2014 edd 1/1/15 mmc/d&c 6/2014
    BFP#2- 10/2015 edd- 6/29/2016 mmc/ d&c 12/2015
    BFP#3- 4/30/2016 DD1 12/27/16
    BFP#4- 9/26 edd 6/5/18

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  • I am dreading the holidays too. Right now I just want to hide under the covers and sleep through the week. My DH's Aunts are always asking where the baby is and nagging me that I'm getting older. I need to start. We haven't told them of the struggles we had to get pregnant nor that I'm in the process of going through this misscarrage. In their culture I look like a failure of a wife for not being pregnant within a year of the wedding. I'm also in that waiting period of seeing if the baby will pass naturally. I'm already in so much emotional pain I can't imagine the physical pain that will come when that happens.
  • Also dreading this. I started losing my baby yesterday, and don't quite know how to cope. I just want to hibernate, to curl up under the covers in the corner of my closet and cry for a couple of weeks. I think I would like to have some family close. They may not understand, and say things that can hurt--but I feel like the majority would at least have kind intentions. As it stands I have my husband, and he has been a Godsend... but please for those of you with large families, please try to enjoy it.
  • KDHB13 said:
    Heavy drinking. ETA:


    Ditto. Haven't even physically lost the baby yet, so I might try to take cytotec over Christmas because at least I'm off. I told DH that Christmas is cancelled.
    TTC #1 since June 2015
    BFP #1 Nov 2015 ended in MC Dec 26 2015
    BFP #2 Feb 2016, EDD Nov 8 2016




  • I am also waiting to miscarry. Hoping to do it without interference. It's an awful time of year. My dads house will be hard, 50 family member, 6 of them who know. I worry about needing to go to emergency or just breaking down in tears. I'm playing every scenario in my head so I'm prepared. No matter what you all choose to do for the holidays, hope you are healthy and have chocolate.
  • Had my D&C yesterday. Holidays stress me out every year anyways, so I'm really glad we had already decided to stay home instead of traveling this year (we live states away from our families). I also have to work on Christmas Day, but fully intend on using unhealthy coping skills and drinking the evening away with friends. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I'm also dreading it! My husband works on Christmas this year... My plan is to tell my family's I'm going to different places, stop by my husbands house for a while and chill at home! I don't want to go to his side without him and my family doesn't do anything till January normally anyways...

    What I'm most dreading is his cousin just announced she's due in July. I'm so happy for her, slightly jealous, and dreading that I know the follow up questions will be when are you guys having babies... Don't know how I'm going to respond knowing two days later I go in for a D&C...
  • ceuceu member
    I know what you mean.  I'm so sorry.  We were going to announce the pregnancy at Xmas, since that would have been the first day of our 2nd trimester.  I didn't even get to spend xmas with my husband while I cried thinking about how special I thought that day was going to be.  He stayed with his family in SD, while I was in CLE taking care of my mom who has cancer.  Fuck Christmas.  Fuck New Years.  I'm super bitter!  I want not to be, but I AM PISSED.
    Married 4/2011
    TTC since 4/2015
    bfp 7/14/2015 EDD 3/22/16 m/c 7w0d o:)
    bfp 10/2/2015 EDD 6/22/16 d&c 9w0d o:)
    Status: Benched
  • I completely sympathize-- I found out on 12/7 that there was no heartbeat at my 12-week appointment. The holidays have been a gray fog this year. I took cytotec but then on the 28th discovered the tissue had not passed, 2 more doses, still nothing, and now I have a D & C scheduled for Wednesday (eek--dreading that). 

    The holidays have been so hard--I struggle with seasonal depression and have been off meds due to pregnancy, so it was like a double whammy; on the 23rd I felt like I was barely functioning. My mom did give me some advice though-- to brace yourself for insensitive comments and to think of a happy thought to go to when you start to feel sad. My boyfriend and I also participated in a candle light mass on Christmas Eve and privately dedicated our candles to our babe. I personally have found opening up and sharing is making it more tolerable too. 

    I know the holidays are over, but I hope you found some peace during this busy time. We will have happy Christmases once again! This just wasn't the year for it. Best wishes to you!
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