Pregnant after a Loss

I don't normally do this.... But I could use some guidance....

Back in February my husband and I lost our son at 32 weeks, and I gave birth to my stillborn Isaac. I'm pregnant now, it's been going on 10 months since we've lost him, and I feel like I'm in a much better place to handle being pregnant with our second child. But how do you stay calm? And not worry? I'm almost out of the first trimester, doctors say I'm 8w6d but that will be determined by the ultrasound I have next Tuesday, and with Isaac I didn't give that sigh of safe relief until I was finally into my third trimester. I'm scared something will happen again though we've had to kind of throw it all up to what happened being a fluke in Isaac's DNA. We didn't get any results back from any testing they did on him. The doctor who delivered Isaac told me that she didn't believe that this would happen a second time and we can't do any genetic testing until we've sadly lost another child. I've been told that I'll be high risk and see a high risk doctor by not only the doctor who delivered but also by the doctor I was seeing during my pregnancy with Isaac, but I'm afraid that they're going to tell me because they didn't find anything wrong with him that they'll want me to go through this as a normal pregnancy. I've already had spotting and went to the ER twice because I was scared. I was told Monday that it was just hemorrhaging of the placenta and that it should resolve itself, well I haven't had any spotting since then which is a positive. But I'm just scared. My husband is military so we're dealing with base doctors.

Sorry this sort of sounds like I'm rambling. I'm just one scared hormonal momma waiting on her mac n cheese to cook. lol

Re: I don't normally do this.... But I could use some guidance....

  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss.  I had two losses, but much earlier than that.  I thought that I was going to lose this pregnancy twice already.  My doctor had me come in for an u/s on Tuesday at 5w2d.  I had to go by myself to the same u/s room where I was told my first baby no longer had a heartbeat.  It was really tough, but I'm feeling better now.  No heartbeat yet, but they said everything looked as it should and my hcg is very high. 

    My next u/s is scheduled for 6w5d and I asked if I can also come in before Christmas, at 8+ weeks to confirm everything is alright before I announce to my family. (The last two times, I told them the day I found out. How things change.) Anyway, he agreed to the u/s.  So I definitely recommend asking your dr to see you more often because of what you've been through. It can't hurt to ask.

    I wish I had a magical cure for the worry, but perhaps just knowing you're not alone will help.

    By the way -- I was planning mac n cheese for dinner.  :)
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • I'm so sorry, I can't imagine your heartbreak.  I think this really struck me because I have a little boy named Isaac.  I'm on pregnancy #4 and hoping all will go well this time after two miscarriages.  I know they won't do genetic testing on you but can you opt for the  blood test at around 10 weeks or the sequential screen at 11-14 weeks and then again at around 16 to get more information?  I know it won't completely resolve your fears, but perhaps it would help?  Mine is covered by insurance because of my age but even out of pocket might be worth it if it would help calm some of your fears?  My friend opted to pay for the blood draw screen at ten weeks and it was about $300 out of pocket.  I know military healthcare is obnoxious but perhaps you could just go to a lab and have the results sent to your dr? 


    It's so hard to hear them say it's unlikely to happen again when that does nothing to ease the anxiety and fear.  I'll hope for the best for you!

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  • Yeah, I definitely plan on having them see me more often, just for my peace of mind. I've had three ultrasounds so far, one last Wednesday, one Saturday and they decided to do another one again on Monday and everything shows that it's fine but part of me is still just so scared. I wish I could just make it be July already. lol

    And knowing that I'm not alone definitely does help. Thank you. ^_^

    This mac n cheese is amazing. It's like I haven't had anything better on Earth. :)
  • I was scared the whole time, too and all I had was a MM. I can't even imagine how you must feel, I'm so very sorry that happened to you.

    I finally found a fertility specialist will billed my insurance as if I had more losses. He said, Has your period ever been late? I said, Of course it has. He said, That could have been an early loss, a chemical pregnancy. Then he tested me.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't had a loss past 12 weeks but I am anxious all the time. I've had 2 out of 6 successful pregnancies so far. I really am only at complete ease when I'm at an OB appointment and everything is fine in that moment. My only advice would be to take one day at a time. If you're feeling particularly uneasy just call for a check. They should totally understand. My Drs nurse said any time I need to come in and just be checked for reassurance I can just call. That made me feel better.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 2 early mc's (7w5d) I now go every week for a scan. I am 11 weeks. I was at the dr yesterday and after talking to my dr about how I basically convince my self every week before the scan that I've mc'd again. She said I most likely have ptsd and prescribed me a low dose of Zoloft. Hopefully this helps and I can enjoy this pregnancy. I found out I have MTHFR so I'm still at a higher risk for another mc. Congrats on your pregnancy and best wishes for a happy and healthy 9 months!
  • I would look into the book, Pregnancy after a Loss. Also, there is a miscarriage and postpartum anxiety handbook. I'm working with a therapist who specializes in this stuff and these are her recs. I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know if there is any easy way through it. Hugs.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!

  • I'm so sorry for your loss of baby Isaac. I lost my son at 22 weeks this summer and am currently 4weeks+2days, so I have a good idea of what you're going though. I've only known I'm pregnant for a week so far, but when I find myself getting really anxious, I try to do 5-10 minutes of meditation (I found an app!) and it actually really helps. I also keep saying to myself "today I am pregnant and all is well." Just 250 more "todays" to get through! Good luck!
  • Wow. Your the first person I've found that has a situation very close to mine! I lost my daughter Lillian at 28 weeks and nobody can give me any explaination as to what might have happened. We went ahead and did an autopsy and just recently got the results back that everything was completely normal. I was told for my next child I would be considered high risk and had an appointment scheduled for pre-pregnancy counselling. They cancelled on me 3 time so I spoke with my family doctor and decided to get pregnant anyways. Now I'm 18 weeks along with no issues so far but next babies due date is two days before Lillian was born and that is extremely stressful to me.
    The closer I get to the 28 week mark when I lost my daughter the more stressed I get... No movement so far, and I never felt movement once with my daughter, and to me this is extremely alarming. But no doctor seems to care.
    Sorry for my rant .. Just amazed that you don't have much of an explaination for Isaac's death either, and I think the unknown is much scarier :/ I'd rather them KNOW what went wrong so they can try to fix it .. But that's not the case.
    As for my advice, don't take any bullsh*t from the doctors. You ARE high risk and don't let them change their mind. You deserve just as much close attention as anyone else with an obvious condition. And try to relax, I don't think I just curl up on the couch enough and take a breather . Good luck girlie. Praying for you and your little one <3
  • I am so, so sorry for your loss.  I had two miscarriages before my current pregnancy, and I haven't really found any foolproof way to cope with the anxiety. One thing that helped me was borrowing a doppler so that I could listen to the baby's heartbeat once a day up until the point when I could feel him move. It's so hard, and I can't even imagine a loss at 32 weeks.  Best of luck to you!
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