Family rants and raves - December — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Family rants and raves - December

What's going on with your family units this month? With the holidays upon us, this should be a juicy thread this month!
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lovethatcolosun
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Re: Family rants and raves - December

  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    ^^ MILs. They suck, usually. Some of you are lucky enough to have good ones

    ETA - in this case, not yours @ElRuby ... But some people's
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  • My IL's Rock, they can't speak English and I can't speak there language. So it's just smiles and awkward laughs for a week every year. My mother makes up for it 300%.

    My Aunty is in ICU on life support, she's responding when we talk really loudly to her just by blinking or smiling. She's severely disabled to if she passed away it wouldn't be devastating as she would finally have some peace but my mum almost seems to be wishing for it, it's so strange. The doctors aren't talking about death just how much she may/may not recover and lasting impacts but all mum asks is what's her chance of relapsing and dying. We were there last week, my Aunty opened her eyes and smiled at LO. An hour later my mum and her aunty are talking about the funeral and what to do with her body. Seriously have you no shame? Not only can she hear you taking about burying her or donating her body there is other families around us where death is an immediate probability and that's the last thing they want to hear. So fucked up

    So now I'm just hiding away biting my tongue because if I see her I'll probably ruin everything from my big mouth.
    MouseMama817
  • @mishmardhiono is it possible your mom knows that her sister (I'm presuming its her sister and not your dad's sister) would not want to live in that state but the aunts husband or whomever won't let her go? I'm not sure how it works in Aus, but here if we are married and cannot make medical decisions, our spouses make them on our behalf. So if I were your aunt and my husband couldn't bring himself to make that call to let me go, my sister would be left hoping I would just die, too.
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    ElRubyalcrimmins
  • No she isn't married, she lives in a group home. The reality death would be a better option but I'm not sure you should be encouraging/wishing for it over the persons body. If it was my sister I would have turned off the support but if I didn't and she made a recovery I wouldn't keep hoping for a relapse
  • @mishmardhiono yeah, talking about it right next to her is poor taste. This is a sucky situation to see, I'm sorry. My thoughts for your aunt
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    lovethatcolosunalcrimmins
  • @mellymar, I've been trying to confirm what blocked people can still see and it sounds like you may be able to confirm for me.  So if you post something and your DH (who is facebook friends with your MIL), your MIL can't see it.  Do you happen to know if he posts a picture you're tagged in, or a post that you're tagged in, can she see that?

    Also, so not a fan of passive aggressiveness, like when your MIL tells you she wants that pic of "my grandson" instead of just referring to him by name.

    @mishmardhiono, that's such a sad, terrible, stressful situation for you all.  I can understand some people would almost look to death as an end to suffering for their loved one.  But I wouldn't want to talk about it in front of them unless it was to try to find out from them what they'd want to do (like if the doctors let us know it may be time to prepare ourselves, or if it was inevitable at some point in the somewhat near future).  People have so many varied reactions to loved ones suffering.  I never could really understand why someone would withdraw and not visit a loved one if they knew that person was dying.  I'd think, this is your last time to see this person and talk, you need to take it!  But there are lots of people who cope by hiding from it.  Just an example of something I experienced/witnessed in my family some years ago. 
    MommaswizzMouseMama817mishmardhiono
  • @enigmaticjj I asked DH about this and he didn't know the answer. But I was curious, so I did a bunch of googling and found this. So I'm interpreting this to read that if my DH posts a photo and tags me, she can see it. But if I post a photo and tag him, she cannot, because I am the originator of the post / photo
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  • I have to say, I'm one that ended up lucky in the MIL department. She is really sweet and has never offered advice which makes it so easy to be around her. My only issue is with her husband. When they got married, the family had only met him once or twice, so none of us got to know him first and her previous husbands and boyfriends have been mostly creeps and/or abusive, so we didn't have very high hopes for him. Turns out he is actually good to her and loves her dearly so I'm very happy for her, so that's most important. But I feel like it's going to be a long road for us as LO grows up bc even though he's great to my MIL, I just don't know him and from what I've seen, he gives me the creeps. I can't tell if he's a creep or if he's just pretty ignorant to what's an appropriate way to relate to kids.. He told my 16 year-old SIL that when he introduced my MIL to his wrestling fans (oh and there's that - he's a wrestler), he gave her a lap dance in front of everyone (which makes me feel nauseous). And he dresses up in these really scary looking wrestling outfits with scary makeup or really skimpy tight outfits...which unfortunately have made their way to Facebook forcing me to see them :( Anyway..so my FIL is very strange and creepy so it's gonna be interesting..
    alcrimminsklkonwi
  • ashleymc09ashleymc09 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2015
    @cait7425 Yeah they will never get to keep LO, so he will only ever see her at family events, so maybe 4 times a year tops. That's too much though for me, bc I don't ever want him to touch her but I also don't want to hurt MIL's feelings about it or make everything awkward and dramatic...bc I don't have a ton of evidence as to why I don't want him around her, just a gut feeling, like you said. I wish there was a way to never have to say something about how my DH and I feel... I envy some of you who have distance between you and your IL's...

    ETA that yes, he will not touch her...like ever... So no one has to worry about that, I'm just not looking forward to the day that I or DH have to tell MIL and her husband that...
  • I posted a while ago about my mil. The girls are now 6 months old. My mil didn't attempt once in their first 5 months of life to come meet them. She's not a grandma at all. My ds, who is 3 doesn't even know who she is! She's a complete stranger. Well about a month ago, we got a letter from her lawyer! She's taking us to court over grandparents rights, stating that she tries and tries to see the kids, but we refuse. WTH! She's never tried! We've briefly seen her twice since, and is been horrible! She peeks at the girls and has never even asked to hold them. She looks at them and then acts like they're not there. Our ds asked her who she was and she told him she didn't know. I'm just floored by this whole situation!

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  • aj1327aj1327 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2015
    @KarasTwin I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. Like others have said, that's the last thing you need! Hopefully your counselor will give you some tips on dealing with him. I also agree that healthy mama=healthy baby. You are a great mom for realizing what you need and taking care of that. Don't lose sight of that or let anyone make you feel otherwise. Hugs to you!

    ETA: @DolphinLover2002 that's crazy! Seriously. Grandparents rights? Is that even a thing?!?
    MommaswizzKaLikeAWind
  • @DolphinLover2002 Sorry for being nosy, but I'm interested in your situation with your mother-in-law. As a juvenile attorney, I've heard dozens of grandparents talk about "grandparents rights" but never in my career have I seen a successful case, and I wouldn't be surprised if I never do. There's a well-known Supreme Court case which makes it extraordinarily difficult for a grandparent to do the type of thing that your mother-in-law's trying to do. Have you actually been served with the summons? Or just a letter from the attorney demanding some kind of contact with the kids?
    Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
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    jessieR358Mommaswizz
  • @KonaCoffeeBean and @mellymar so far it's just a letter from her lawyer demanding contact. I believe she's trying to bully/scare us. However, I don't put anything past her. She hates me, and I feel she'll do anything to try to hurt me. Like I said, we've seen her twice since, but she doesn't really seem interested in the kids at all. We just sit there in awkward silence. So I'm really not sure what the future holds.

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    KonaCoffeeBeanMommaswizz
  • Thanks, ladies! The appointment went well, but I'm going to have to see someone else from no own because she's out of network for our insurance.

    @DolphinLover2002 what a bitch. I don't even think grandparents rights should be a thing. Next it'll be aunts and uncles rights. Nobody other than the parents should have rights to a child. Based on @KonaCoffeeBean's experiences, it doesn't sound like she has a leg to stand on.
    KaLikeAWindksimo6MommaswizzLaurenAnn0405
  • jessieR358jessieR358 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2015
    @DolphinLover2002 what does your husband think about this? Your MIL is crazy. Mine would never see my kids again if she pulled that.

    Mine made me feel really guilty for not traveling to their house for thanksgiving. We went the Weekend before for one day bc I only had thanksgiving off and traveling late at night with a baby that doesn't sleep is just way too exhausting for me. We're not going for Xmas for the same reason. I told DH Santa will always come to our house and we aren't traveling on the 25th.
    I'm working full time and haven't slept in 5 months. Don't tell me I should just deal with being exhausted bc y'all are more important. Oh it made me livid.
    MouseMama817mishmardhiono
  • Oh and also his wrestling (pronounced "raslin") name is Jungle Jim. Just throwing that out there.

    I'm crying from laughter over here! All I can picture is hulk hogan in a jungle type outfit!
    Yep you put a curly white beard on him and you've got the picture! Lol!
    KaLikeAWindalcrimmins
  • I posted a while ago about my mil. The girls are now 6 months old. My mil didn't attempt once in their first 5 months of life to come meet them. She's not a grandma at all. My ds, who is 3 doesn't even know who she is! She's a complete stranger. Well about a month ago, we got a letter from her lawyer! She's taking us to court over grandparents rights, stating that she tries and tries to see the kids, but we refuse. WTH! She's never tried! We've briefly seen her twice since, and is been horrible! She peeks at the girls and has never even asked to hold them. She looks at them and then acts like they're not there. Our ds asked her who she was and she told him she didn't know. I'm just floored by this whole situation!

    Wow, she really thinks a nasty letter is going to get her access to grandchildren she has little interest in? What happens to these people once their sons get married/have a baby..
    virginiaunicorn11
  • LO is 16 weeks as of yesterday and I can count on one hand the # of times my in-laws have come to see her. One of those was because we needed an emergency baby sitter so I could go to the hospital so it doesn't really count. They have another granddaughter who lives 2 hours away and because they rarely get a chance to see her, she's very shy and stand off-ish towards them which always makes my FIL super offended and my MIL cry. I thought things would be different now that they have a granddaughter 20 minutes away but it's the exact same. My MIL calls my husband every day saying how much she misses DD and requesting a thousand pictures. But when DH asks her when she's going to come see her she always has an excuse:
    1. "I have a headache."
    2. "We don't have any money for gas." When DH offered to give them gas money, she still said no.
    3. "The car isn't working properly and we're worried it's going to break down." A few days later they showed up for a visit at DH's work. When he asked about the car: "Well, this is closer to home so if we break down it's not a big deal." Huh??
    4. And my favorite: "Oh you should've asked us to come over earlier! We've already left the house to go out to lunch." Um, I thought you had no money and your car was broken? Ugh.

    I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying not having to see them all the time but I feel really bad for DH. He wants his parents to be apart of LO's life and it's just so irritating to hear her do her woe-is-me bit about missing her when we're always inviting them over. I told DH when Lexie gets older and doesn't feel close to them, I don't want to hear shit about it and if I see one tear I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.
    DolphinLover2002
  • my family doesnt branch out when it comes to food at all and its so frustrating because my mom always asks what to make and ill give her a boatload of suggestions that are healthy (since pretty much everyone wants to lose weight) but she will just turn them all down.
    millereliz13
  • I am so thankful my parents had 3 girls, because God help any woman who would've tried to date or marry a son of my mother's. She would behave precisely how many of you describe your MIL's. Thankfully although she has her moments of crazy, it's easy to put her in check and DH probably wouldn't even notice a backhanded comment because he's a man.

    I'm pretty sure she keeps a log of how many hours she gets to spend with LO compared to my in laws which drives me insane. I double checked holiday plans with her (we spend Xmas eve with my in laws and Xmas day with them) and she said "oh you're not going to be running off to (DH's family) during our time together are you?" and I lost it....crazy lady.

    Our mums sound so similar, how do you deal with her? I can't deal with mine so I normally say what I think which she then totally spins and turns it into a massive thing. Do you just pacify yours or do you also try being her back to reality
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