3rd Trimester

Grandma, no pink & frilly, please

My husband and I are really laid-back and our style of clothing is very similar: black, grey, white, brown leather, etc. (neutrals). Since we're having a baby girl, we didn't want to follow a dumb gender style, like pink and frilly just because she is a girl. Much less, because that's not what we like ourselves. Most of the things we have already bought for her are light grey, mint, beige, neutral baby colors ^_^ and it's really cute!

My mother is just as excited as we are (first grandchild) and has bought her some blankets, socks, beanies,...in hot pink!! >.< why mom...after I told her the colors we chose for her room, outfits, etc. (and I don't have to, because she knows me well). As much as I appreciate how much love she has put into her gifts, we don't like it :/ and I know it's mean, but I think we would pick out the things we chose for our baby, rather than things we don't like. She shows me the things she bought her. I can't fake excitement or "aw, how cute!" and gets mad, calls me unappreciative, because I don't like it. Um, sorry mom, but you know I don't like that...what did you expect :(

This might be a white whine, but has anyone else experienced this? Did you suck it up, or stood your ground? I know, our baby isn't an accessory ^_^ but she is our little mini me

Re: Grandma, no pink &amp; frilly, please

  • I have a similar aesthetic in mind for my baby girl, and some family members, including Gma-to-be, have deviated from this scheme.  I have taken the time to explain to my mom the reasons I am more attracted to a gender neutral palette, including the reasons I'm not a big fan of gendered clothing and toys.  Having a conversation about why this is my preference has helped her understand and be a little more cognizant of some of the choices she's made shopping.  But at the end of the day, it's a gift, she means well, and I will graciously accept whatever she buys.  The baby will grow out of most of the clothes before you ever even have a chance to despise them.  The blanket can come out when your mom comes to visit and stay hidden or be used as a back up in the interim.  They are all useful items, regardless of their taste level.  People are going to buy you things you do not like for her in almost any scenario, and the polite, tactful thing to do, especially if you can at least get some use out of the item, is to thank them and leave it at that.

    I'm not sure if you've done a registry and had a shower yet, but another thing I did to help gently push people in the direction of my personal aesthetic was to register for accessories (blankets, bibs, swaddling and burp clothes, etc.) in my preferred color scheme, so that if people decided to go off registry, they would at least have some frame of reference as to what style I was interested in maintaining.  If they don't get the hint, I'm sure I can still put whatever they give me to some use.  It's not like my baby is going to care, so I don't too much either.

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • While pink might not be your thing, hot pink atleast is a bit edgy, compared to pale pastels. So maybe it can mix well once in a while with black or grey?

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  • What I wanted to say has already been said. I'll add that there are a ton of boards already created and discussed about people who purchase unnecessary/unwanted items for our LOs. I suggest looking at those boards for more advice.
  • Save them for when you visit gma's or pack them as spares in your diaper bags and trunk of your car (you can never have too many spare outfits with a newborn). If you see your mom often enough it will be worth it to keep a few pieces to 'show her off' in, or say you are leaving a few at her place for when LO comes over.

    Like pp's said you can't control or dictate what other people gift you. Just say thank you and appreciate their thoughtfulness.
  • I received plenty of outfits for my first child that were not my style at all. I thanked the people who bought them and put them in the back of the closet. A few times I had nothing clean and was happy to have something to put him in for around the house. I understand when something is totally against your style it makes it hard to put it on your kid, but I would still graciously thank the person and keep the things for a little while. 

    Also, I have a friend that was adamant about not putting her baby in girly things, she even took some of my boy hand me downs because she wanted so many neutrals. Now that her daughter is here more often then not I see her in PINK and I have never seen her wear anything I've handed her down. She still isn't into super frilly stuff, but she said when she had her little girl she softened a little to the girly stuff, so you never know how you might feel. 

    Another thing - you may have your own "grown up" style, but just prepare yourself that your child will most likely go through a phase where she loves, pink, sparkles, lace and tutus and you might end up fighting a lot of unnecessary battles if you plan to dictate her wardrobe away from "girly" things. Her grandma will simply become her favorite person to get clothing from and you'll be outnumbered! :) This happened with me and some awful sponge bob square pants attire that my MIL bought and my son's adored! (think fur covered crocs with giant sponge bob heads on them!) I now pick my battles. If we are at home or just around town or going to MILs they can wear it. If we are going somewhere special that I feel is important, then I pick the outfits. 
  • I don't care for super gendered clothing either and that's one reason we chose not to find out the sex. However, I'm sure after the baby is born his or her grandmas and aunts will go crazy with pink or blue. It's not my style, but I'm just grateful for the support and it saves me money. I'll buy the clothes I like and use what we are gifted, because at the end of the day they will all get pooped and barfed on.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Oh not at all :) our plan is to let our baby be her own person and grow her own personality! "Oh, you like pink, baby...then you wear the hell outta that pink!" lol I wouldn't want to hold her back, especially not because of a color I don't like

    And, I completely understand where everyone is coming from: "at the end of the day they will all get pooped and barfed on." It just bothers me that she gets upset because I don't like, yet completely ignores what I DO like.

    Sigh..mothers ;)

  • Seriously. It is just clothes. Both grandma's have bought some funky clothes. Not might style, but whaterver. It will all be puked on in the end.

    Just pick your battles.

    Once baby in about a year to 1.5 years old, they will start telling you know THEIR style. My youngest will run up to anything frilly or tutu in stores. That is what she wants. 

    This is not about you any more. Wear you grey, black and white. No one is stopping you.
  • I have a different style from my own mother and MIL. They both seem to think I'm a hippie when really I'm not (think vintage and punk and 80s Madonna). So far I haven't seen what they have bought for baby girl but I'm just going to say thank you and have her wear them around them.

    That's how my mom raised me-even if neither of us like the clothes we are gifted we at least try them on (so if they honestly don't fit/work we can say so). A gift is a gift-smile and say thank you.

    At the end of the day there is only a short amount of time before my daughter gets to choose her day to day outfits-who's to say what she will like.

    The only thing I won't put on my child is Winnie the Pooh branded items-but my family knows my feelings on that as do the in laws. Just can't stand that bear. If someone gifts me it I'll hold onto it for emergencies till it's too small and donate later.
    DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior <3
  • I am not a fan of pink, either, but I'm well aware that having a girl most likely means that I will have to put up with pink, frilly stuff being gifted to her from time to time (read: probably more often than not).  Accept the gifts graciously and humor your mom.
  • I also completely expected you to flip out after reading this thread, but as PP said you replied really maturely which seems to rarely happen on these kind of forums. I salute you!
    I have had a few outfits for my little boy that I think are gross, but to be honest I'll be grateful for them when he's pooped on everything else and the washing machine has blown up or something... I've got the problem of far too many clothes - I've had to tell people to stop buying him outfits because he will just never be able to wear them all in time!
  • I don't like most pink stuff, or anything that's gender specific colors. Most people know that about me since I'm pretty outspoken about not adhering to society's gender norms in general. I even said that to my MIL but she couldn't help herself and bought some hot pink stuff for the baby. She apologized though and laughed about it. She said, "I know you don't like pink but I couldn't help myself. Just indulge me this once!" I laughed and said ok. 

    I HATE, however, clothing that says "Daddy's little Princess" and crap like that. It's so gross to me. We only got one thing like that and we'll just use it as an undershirt or something. Ugh. 
  • Meh, baby clothes are going to get pooped and puked on regularly lol. I think it's important to always be gracious to people that take the time to something out for your child. It really doesn't matter they are wearing at the end of the day. What matters is your child has people in her (or his) life that love and build them up. Everyone is so obsessed with the external stuff and then we wonder why our kids grow up to be insecure. In the end a baby doesn't care if you dress them in something more subtle or if it's a bright pink tutu. They care about getting all those wonderful snuggles and love from all the people that love them. I think it's quite petty to get upset when someone that already adores that baby gets something that isn't your preference. My two year old like to wear a tutu while "helping" her daddy chop wood. She's not concerned with gender norms or all this politically correct stuff. She's two and loves daddy and fluffy stuff lol
  • Whatever you do or don't do, you could still have miss america on your hands, however neutral modern zen you try to be, kids tend to be their own self regardless of their parental influences
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