Searching for Funeral costs instead of creating a registry — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Searching for Funeral costs instead of creating a registry

Today I am 18 weeks. We found out 6 weeks ago that our son had downs and most likely a major heart defect that would take his life. We have less than a week to go before he has congestive heart failure.
I can't believe I am searching funeral costs as I sit here tonight.
My son doesn't even have a name.
I can't bear to pick one.

I know he will die any day, and I know I need to be ready, but how can you ever be ready for something like this.

Re: Searching for Funeral costs instead of creating a registry

  • tinypikachutinypikachu
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    Oh my goodness, I'm so incredibly sorry. It seems so unfair sometimes that others get to take home their babies and here we are dealing with what to do to move on from this heartache. I hate that you have to deal with losing your baby boy and, even worse, having to wait until he passes.

    There might be nothing I can say that will help you feel better but I am praying for you and your little one. I am sending so much love your way and I hope you can find comfort someway, somehow.

    I lost my LO early on, at 5.5 weeks, and it was absolutely heartbreaking. DH and I decided to give our baby a name because that baby was, to us, a part of our family since we found out we were pregnant. It might help you to name him, it might help you to not name him at this time. It is up to you and there's no right or wrong answer. It helped us move on and having a name serves as a sweet way to remember our babe when we want to talk about it.

    Give yourself a lot of time to grieve and really take care and be kind to yourself. We are here to provide as much support as we can. Hugs for you!

    Edit: words
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  • I am so very sorry for your baby boy. It is so heartbreaking knowing this and waiting.

    Like @AlwaysAuntNeverMom said, there isn't much we can say, just that we are here with you and to support you in any way we can.

    I lost two angels both at 9-10 weeks. They were missed mc so they both passed without me knowing.

    I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for this situation, even after you know it is happening. Just be honest with your emotions, there is no correct way to react, as long as you let yourself feel. I send you much love and I will be thinking of you and your family.

    Again, we are here for you...
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • I am so very very sorry. As others said, there isn't much we can say, but know that we're here if you need support or to vent. Thoughts and prayers for you, your sweet baby, and your family.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16

  • My heart goes out to you. It is just not fair. I wish I had words of wisdom, but just know that we are here if you need to cry/vent/scream.

    I'm so very sorry for your loss.
  • I am so so sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking & unfair. I am currently going through my 3rd loss in 13 months it is awful.

    Sending you much strength & love... 

    Me: 38 DH: 42.
    Married: 9/2008.
    4/2010 - BFP (Natural)
    12/2010 - DS born.
    10/2014 BFP
    10/2014 Confirmed MC at 5 weeks
    5/2015 BFP
    8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks  :'(
    11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
    3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
    4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
    DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
    AMH .65
    8/2016 FET #1 BFN
    9/2016 IVF-ER #2  1 normal embryo.
    11/2016 IVF-ER #3  0 Embryos
    2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
    5/2017  BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!

  • That is a very difficult diagnosis. 

    I understand you must feel like the world is caving in or exploding right now. And while you have this very scary diagnosis, it may not be the end of your little one's life right now. You really have to plan for what to do if he is born alive and what to do if he is not. There is a new book that would be a great investment as you tread through these murky waters - The Prenatal Timebomb. It goes through having a difficult diagnosis and what you may need to plan for. 

    Let's say baby lives - You may need to have an emergency c-section at some point, so be prepared for that. Baby may need heart surgery, so be prepared for that. 

    Let's say baby does not live - You may want a photographer present from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, or a videographer if you happen to know one. You may choose not to have a funeral and to simply have a memorial service. You can opt to let your baby undergo a partial or full autopsy, or not. You could have your child's body cremated or not. 

    I am a Baby Loss Family Advisor and can help guide you through this time and present you with various options. Feel free to email me if you have any questions or would like information on more resources: [email protected]  Much love and light to you during this difficult time!  
  • I'm so sorry, I'll be praying you and your baby
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