Advice?

jesssaying

OH and I finally got our little bundle of joy on October 29th. After trying for over a year, we finally got her with the help of provera and Clomid. OH has two girls from a previous relationship: one is ten and the other is five. Theyre both great girls. The ten year old is very content when the baby is around but the five year old is very energetic. I don't blame her for being energetic and excited about everything but I get so paranoid when she is around DD... Literally I freak out because she (as many times as we tell her and have to yell at her) to not poke or squish too hard she does it anyways, every single time... I just don't know how we can get it through her head that She needs to be easy with the baby... Any advice?

chelseagrrl123

Maybe she would do well with some redirection. Her energy and enthusiasm for baby might make her a great helper. Little tasks or projects that might make her feel important and can help her show love in a more positive/productive way. Also if you haven't tried yet, give her a compliment sandwich. Verbalizing how you acknowledge she has such great feelings and love for baby, that it's great she has those feelings. That you understand those feelings are hard to control sometimes, but she can show her love in even better ways.

It sounds like a frustrating situation, but I think it is awesome that she seems excited instead of sad with there being a new baby. It's a new experience for you all, eventually it will get easier with time.

chelseagrrl123

Oh yeah! I forgot to add. She is probably experiencing "cute aggression" when you want to squeeze and squish animals or babies you think are SO cute. I remember feeling that way as a kid. She is still developing how to process those feelings and learning what is acceptable and what isn't. Plus side to all this, you must have one CUTE baby!

jesssaying

We do the compliment thing with her, ackowledging all the love she has for her new sister. We also give her small tasks and acknowledge her helpfulness with completing or attempting those. She just still seems so touchy feely and wanting to poke... It just makes me so nervous.

chelseagrrl123

Hmm darn! Well hopefully she will calm down after the excitement wears down. I'm sorry you have to deal with the extra nerves during a time that already can be pretty stressful!

KateLouise

chelseagrrl123 said:

Oh yeah! I forgot to add. She is probably experiencing "cute aggression" when you want to squeeze and squish animals or babies you think are SO cute. I remember feeling that way as a kid. She is still developing how to process those feelings and learning what is acceptable and what isn't. Plus side to all this, you must have one CUTE baby!

I think I have cute aggression with my 7 week old

OP my 3 yr old is like this. I try and re-direct her when she gets too squishy with the baby, and also point out if baby is obviously uncomfortable eg, "oh look he doesn't like that, you're hurting him, how about you....hold his hand/ kiss the back of his head/lie next to him and talk to him." and then praise with, "oh he loves that, looks how he's smiling/looking at you, look how cute you are together."

It sometimes works, but I do have to keep a close eye on her, but often she surprises me as well. Often if I'm in the shower, I''ll put baby on the floor so I'm nearby. I heard 3 yr old stop and talk to him, so I peeped out the shower to watch her, and she just lay beside him, and gave him a kiss and stroked his cheek. So she is learning.

I am finding though as he gets stronger ad more robust, she gets less gentle with him when holding him. Yesterday they were on the floor at my feet together, and I wasn't looking at them. 3 yr old suddenly says, "look Mum I can squish his head." and I look up to see her prodding at his fontanelle.

Hang in there, babies are fairly hardy.

jesssaying

It is hard.. She's just so happy about her new sister.. Sometimes she does surprise me and is so gentle but unfortunately MIL had the bright idea to physically let our five year old hold the baby.... We had just been letting her sit close or on our laps while we physically held the baby and it seemed to her that She was holding the baby. Ever since MIL did that the five year old is even grabbier. She now tries to pick up and hold... Obviously we pay close attention and nothing has happened... Yet...

tracij12

My older daughter is almost 4. She's generally super helpful and sweet with her baby sister but definitely has done her fair share of pulling on limbs and likes to be right in her face. We do a lot of redirecting, but when it doesn't help and she continues to do the same thing over and over I will often do it to her and ask how she likes it. I'm sure some would flame me for that but it seems to be working.

Bigboobsmcgee

My 3.5 year old is the same way and we just have to watch him with her all the time.

jesssaying

We have a constant eye on them but even when someone else is holding the baby the five year old walks right up and squeezes around her belly trying to pick the baby up. We have to yell at her and I hate doing that but she really isn't understanding that She can't do that and needs to be easy...

Bigboobsmcgee

jesssaying said:

We have a constant eye on them but even when someone else is holding the baby the five year old walks right up and squeezes around her belly trying to pick the baby up. We have to yell at her and I hate doing that but she really isn't understanding that She can't do that and needs to be easy...

Yelling probably isn't getting through to her and she's only 5 so even if she is listening when you tell her to stop, she isn't retaining it.

I'm wondering if your daughter is really that rough with the baby or if it's your nervousness more than anything. Do you have to say "no" to her so often? If she truly is being more rough than you would like then perhaps you need some consequences for her behavior? Maybe time out?

jesssaying

Youre probably right. I think my nervousness plays a big part..

Bigboobsmcgee

jesssaying said:

Youre probably right. I think my nervousness plays a big part..

My husband is WAY more nervous about our older child around the young one than I am but I get that you want your daughter to be careful.