What were your deciding factors to persue treatment to get a BFP?

MNturnsVA

I've just recently met with an RE & had my HSG done, waiting for DH SA to come back. The RE said that he basically recommends treatment immediately based on the fact I'm 35 & we've been trying for going on month 7. I feel like if it can a "healthy couple one year to get a BFP" what is the rush to jump into treatment? I guess we fall somewhere in a gray area of the bring over 35 rule & the it can take a couple a year rule.....just feeling very confused & I want to make the right choice. This is something I wanted 2 years ago but we had to wait to start TTC for a few reasons. So now we are TTC & I also hate my job. I've had to stay where I am for many reasons as well, so that is not helping. My DH is 43 & has a very high cancer rate in his family. There are so many things telling me to pull the trigger & move forward but I feel like that would be rushing it. I know there are many people out there that move forward & spend their life savings only to have to stop treatment. And then they get lucky on their own. Any advice, insight, thoughts or your stories are appreciated.

KidShrink

I think he may have said that because above age 35, they recommend consulting after 6 months. I was 29 when we were referred, and had been trying for exactly one year. I'm also very type A, so I was happy to get things moving (even though I spent the entire weekend before our appointment crying because I felt so defeated not being able to get pregnant like 'everyone else'). Keep in mind that treatment can start with just oral meds and monitoring, TI if all is good with your husband's SA. We did that for 3 cycles. Then moved on to surgery for me, and then IUI. Starting treatment is a big step, but you don't have to go to IVF (now, or hopefully ever), depending on what your diagnosis is. Take it one step at a time, as you feel it.

HBamama2B

There's valid scientific evidence for the 35 rule and why they switch to 6mths. Whether you choose to have ART and to what extent (medicated Timed Intercourse or IVF or any of the million things in between) is up to you and DH, no wrong choices there. But in the mean time, I would suggest that you continue to have monitored cycles and tests to verify that you could get pregnant on your own.

jilligan14

I was 34 when I first wen to the RE and found out I had PCOS. He wanted to put me on Clomid right away but I was determined to get pregnant naturally. Fastforward to 2 years later and I'm just now starting my first medicated cycle (Letrozole, trigger shot and TI). It was quite the process to get here, though. I cried a lot because I soooo wanted to have a natural conception but then I realized that my dream of having a baby was bigger than how I ended up actually conceiving that baby. So I decided to just go for it and now I'm super excited to see how my body responds and if it makes a difference (I hope so!). Anyway, I'd say do all the tests, hear what the RE has to suggest and then take your time to make a decision. Only you will know what's right for you and your DH. Good luck with it all!!

MNturnsVA

@jilligan14 Funny you say that because in the minutes after I posted this, it means more to me to get a BFP sooner than later than how that BFP happens. I thought about DH being older & I really don't want to be alone sooner than later with a child. I'm glad DH has been on board for the most part because I'm really feeling like I'm emotionally tired of this already & I know we haven't been trying long at all, so please forgive me for saying that. I know my wait has not even been that long. I've also read something's about this process taking over your life & I don't want it to be like that either, even though I already feel like it somewhat is. Thanks for your input ladies!!

PCOSat25

The process doesn't take over your life all at once. It is totally gradual. Like the others said generally women start with oral medications. Maybe one or two ultrasounds for monitoring a cycle and time intercourse. Two appointments a month/cycle definitely did not take over my life. As options are exhausted treatment definitely becomes more time consuming. Tests. Regular blood work. Frenquent phone calls with the pharmacies and doctors office. More frequent ultrasounds. IUIs. Maybe IVF. My point is that any individual where to look at what some of us are doing later on in treatment, that individual would OF COURSE be overwhelmed at the beginning. But you don't start out with all the craziness. It builds over time at a rate and you and your DH decide. You will either be comfortable with it and continue on OR you will get to a point where you and DH feel like you have put in what you can, and stop.

Every cycle is a new change. Every cycle can be a break if you need it to be. You will make the decision that is right for you and hopefully will see that BFP sooner rather than later

khochanadel

It's the RE job to be blunt. If (s)he thinks you need treatment immediately, I would at least see what the game plan is before i reject it out of hand.

Fwiw- I thought we had lots of time and could conceive naturally too if we worked hard enough, but we found stage 4 endometriosis during my treatment and turns out I was already on borrowed time at 32.

Not trying to scare you, just saying if there is a sense of urgency it's probably not unwarranted. If you think it is, I would get a 2nd opinion.

MNturnsVA

@khochanadel You are right. I appreciate honesty vs sugar coating & I know that fir some people going down this path does not result in an immediate BFP & can take even more time than just one month or 2 months of trying whatever option it may be. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I can't imagine. But that thought process is how I feel about my DH. Both of his parents have been gone now, dad for almost 8 years @ the age of 65? And mom passed 2 years ago @ the age of 62, both from cancer. His older sis has been diagnosed with stage 4 Breast cancer & they are saying she's got @ max 5 years, she's 47. So one of my biggest fears is that I could very well be alone sooner than later as my DH is 43. I think a lot of my concerns were that I wanted this to happen naturally, but I had concerns in the back of my mind about our ages. DH said this AM he's worried about his SA. Which if it comes back negative could have an impact too on our next moves. If it's something we can fix but will take time to fix, I know I'm going to have a hard time with that. However, I'm just thankful we are being as pro active as we are. Thank you sharing your experience with me.

KLake42

It sounds like you're at the gathering information stage.  Find out how your husband's sperm is, get all the labwork done for you both.  If everything is normal, then you really get to decide-- try some more on your own, or see about getting a boost from science.  It's your choice.

If my blood work were all normal (it isn't, I have low reserve) and if I had access to free sperm (I don't, I'm gay and using frozen donor sperm), I'd have continued trying naturally for a year before seeking interventions. 

As it is, I've had 7 medicated IUIs, all BFNs, and I'm moving on IVF.  I'm only giving it one round before moving to partner IVF, using my wife's eggs (her blood work is better than mine, and she's a bit younger).  I'd like a kid with a genetic bond to me, but I'll give that up to have a kid.  And if needed, we'll just try to get her pregnant-- I'll give up the pregnancy experience to have a kid.  And we'll put a spending limit on it, so we can still afford adoption if it doesn't work.  The goal is a kid.  We'll compromise on all the ways we prefer to get there, if it means making that goal more realistic.

And I also have a spouse who lost both parents young to cancer (lung cancer, or at least that's how it started, both in their 50s).  They both smoked, and she doesn't, so I hope that's the key.  But you can't let that take over your thinking-- any of us could die in a freak accident any day, and nothing is guaranteed.  I'm not saying it's not a real thing to worry about, but just that you have got to limit how much worrying you allow yourself to do. 

wifeinraleigh28

Since I'm dealing with a MFI issue we pursued fertility treatments after just a few months of trying and are immediately following our RE's recommendation to do a medicated IUI. With such low chances I don't want to waste any time at all despite the fact that we COULD get lucky. Our insurance also covers 3 rounds of IUI. If it didn't things might be different.

Wicked4589

As someone that has been through IVF, it does take over your life in s sense that you have to do a lot of injections and tests. However it's only for a short time. And it starts to just become a way of life. Even then it's for a month for extraction. It sounds so scary but it really isn't as bad as you think. Of course we all want a natural conception in one month. But that isn't a reality so we do what we have to do.