People forcing themselves into the baby's life — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

People forcing themselves into the baby's life

Some thing I have started coming across lately is that people unrelated to me are asking me if the can be called Aunt/ Uncle. Some of them are teenagers (I work with student ministry), some are adult friends. I don't know how to politely tell them no and be open with them, without hurting them. The are people I care about, but I'm not extremely close with them, and by far am not comfortable with them even being around my child. I just want to know if anyone has experienced people pushing their way into your child's life and expecting to have some sort of label other than their name. Thank you for the insight and help. ☺️

Re: People forcing themselves into the baby's life

  • I think I would just laugh off the aunt and uncle comments for now. Maybe just be like, "Aww that's sweet," and then change the subject or start excitedly talking about something else. It will be a while before your baby is calling anyone anything. When the time comes, I don't think there is anything wrong with just telling people that you would prefer to reserve those terms for actual family members to avoid confusing your child. I think that people are just excited for you right now, and probably, those same people will chill out after the baby is born and hopefully it will end up being a non-issue. I understand your weird feelings about this though.

     
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  • Yup, I feel you. I'm a home care nurse and I've built up a good rapport with my regular clients - so when I was about to go off work they were saying things like "You should send me a picture when they're born!" "Let us know how things go!" "Bring them by for a visit sometime!" Huge no to all of those. Not only would those be huge issues with boundary crossing and could compromise my nursing license, these clients believe we have a closer relationship then we actually do.

    I didn't really have a response in the moment, so I just gave an awkward laugh and changed the subject, but I know I should have told them straight out that it's not appropriate. If you feel you can, just tell them your baby has enough aunts and uncles. It might make things awkward for a little bit but those people need to understand they're not that close to you or your family that they can force themselves like that. Better to nip this in the bud now than let them continue thinking they'll be a part of your baby's life!
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  • I am not sure you need to say anything about it. If your kid won't be around them much it will be a non issue. And if they are around them a lot and you call them "miss Ann" or whatever, your kid probably will too.
    narissa2013ariasbabyblogmaddisonwallacealanna3622
  • Agreed with other PPs. I'd hardly call this forcing. You're the one with the control over whether your kids calls someone aunt/uncle, you're the one who can decide if you bring baby over for a visit. If someone presses the issue then set a boundary but otherwise take it like you would if you ran into an old friend who says "we should get lunch!"- they're saying it to be nice, and there's likely little expectation of follow through.

    I've had 2 coworker-friends who keep saying they want to be the babys godparents. Obviously that's not going to happen and I take it as a joke, I don't think they're trying to intrude on my baby's life.
  • Thanks for all the responses, they are quite helpful! I feel much better about all of this after reading your advice. Thanks for the help ☺️
    ccoleemanBeverly0628essentialpeace
  • I'll be *explective* if someone tries to force their way into my child's life.
    I agree with PP as it seems they are being "polite/funny" as annoying as it may be....
    But, I will not be forcing anyone in my child's life.. And if they want to force their weasel selves into his life that can keep on weasel-ing cause it ain't happening.
    There are people who are supposed to be there for the mother during pregnancy... If they aren't there during pregnancy then what's the point for them to be there after baby is born? (I'm being bitter)
  • We don't have family close by (a couple hours away, but still very loving and involved) and our group of friends where we live are all very close. Our friends children call my husband and I auntie ____ and uncle ____. we see them very often, we are at all of their birthdays and holidays, etc. and they are so excited about their new baby cousin. They have no idea we aren't actually blood related. If they are people that you are close with, I don't see an issue with making your "family" bigger.
  • There was this guy that I graduated college with (just last year) and we were friends but not super close or anything, and I always had to remind him that we were JUST friends. I haven't seen him since we graduated and once he found out I was pregnant he got creepier. He was saying how he was going to knit a special blanket for her and how he's sooo excited about this pregnancy. You'd swear he was talking about his own baby. Needless to say I ended up telling him that I was uncomfortable with what he was saying since were not all that close. It was awkward but I felt so much better after I said something!
  • I'll be *explective* if someone tries to force their way into my child's life.
    I agree with PP as it seems they are being "polite/funny" as annoying as it may be....
    But, I will not be forcing anyone in my child's life.. And if they want to force their weasel selves into his life that can keep on weasel-ing cause it ain't happening.
    There are people who are supposed to be there for the mother during pregnancy... If they aren't there during pregnancy then what's the point for them to be there after baby is born? (I'm being bitter)

    Well....this isn't awkward.
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