Feeling like my heart is broken/what ifs — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Feeling like my heart is broken/what ifs

Hi there. I experienced a very early miscarriage last month and I thought I was managing okay but the last couple weeks have felt like hell for me. I don't know why-if I was suppressing my hurt initially? My best friend found out she was pregnant the day after me (before my MC) and her pregnancy is happy and healthy (thank god). She has now told people about her pregnancy and is talking about her pregnancy a lot and it hurts my feelings.  I don't know if I am unjustified in this it just is a constant reminder of my pain. Hearing her updates makes me think about things that would be happening to me had I kept my pregnancy (hearing heartbeat, etc). Getting pregnant again wouldn't make this much better because I'm always going to wonder "what if" and want the baby that I had even though it was so early. After going through infertility treatments I want morning sickness. I feel so alone in this pain. Has anyone else had to deal with a close friend being pregnant while you were dealing with a loss? How did you handle it? Do I need to just suck it up and pretend to be ok?? I have so much guilt. Guilt over my loss and guilt when I tell people what has happened and they are uncomfortable.

**BFP and loss warning**

Me: 29
DH: 29
Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
DH: No issues.
Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
October 2015: IUI: BFN
January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !

Re: Feeling like my heart is broken/what ifs

  • I understand your feelings @mskeenan, When we MC my sister was 11weeks ahead of us (thank god her and her baby are doing well and we pray for them everyday) I couldn't talk to her at first and still haven't been able to see her...its been hard, she's my sister but I'm just not ready for it yet and I've explained it to her and she has made it clear she understands...I don't think you are wrong in your feelings...I remind myself that she is my sister and I love her and just because my pregnancy didn't go well doesn't make it fair for hers to be "ruined" (I didn't want her to feel like she had to keep exciting milestones in her pregnancy a secret just to save my feelings) depending your relationship with the friend maybe you could try explaining this to her...that you are very happy for her but are struggling still from time to time and just need her to know that...I would be surprised if she wasn't understanding and sympathetic to your feelings...I hope this helps, I'm sorry for your loss
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