ttc # 2

Klaz4143

So I had my first baby only back in February, but my boyfriend and I knew we wanted to have children close in age. We really wanted them about a year and a half apart, so we started ttc last month. As soon as the first test came back negative I was sad! I got pregnant the first time on the first try. Of course like the day after my negative test a pop up came on my screen about secondary infertility and now I am terrified. People keep telling me it is harder to conceive after 30 and I just turned 30 in April. Any other moms ever get so terrified about not conceiving their second like I am?  

LadyMillil

Klaz4143 said:

So I had my first baby only back in February, but my boyfriend and I knew we wanted to have children close in age. We really wanted them about a year and a half apart, so we started ttc last month. As soon as the first test came back negative I was sad! I got pregnant the first time on the first try. Of course like the day after my negative test a pop up came on my screen about secondary infertility and now I am terrified. People keep telling me it is harder to conceive after 30 and I just turned 30 in April. Any other moms ever get so terrified about not conceiving their second like I am?  

You got extremely lucky the first time. The odds of getting pregnant each cycle are 20% and it takes the average couple a year to conceive. While secondary infertility is a thing, not getting pregnant your first cycle for #2 is nowhere near being considered infertile. 

patriciahomol

gl momma I'm ttc#2 also right now. 

Be mindful that many women on here have been trying to conceive for years for their first baby.
Check out the newbie post at the top it has a lot of great information about the structure of this board and such.

PrimRoseMama

Klaz4143 said:

So I had my first baby only back in February, but my boyfriend and I knew we wanted to have children close in age. We really wanted them about a year and a half apart, so we started ttc last month. As soon as the first test came back negative I was sad! I got pregnant the first time on the first try. Of course like the day after my negative test a pop up came on my screen about secondary infertility and now I am terrified. People keep telling me it is harder to conceive after 30 and I just turned 30 in April. Any other moms ever get so terrified about not conceiving their second like I am?  

Fertility doesn't have an age concern until after 35. That is Advanced Maternal Age. (AMA)

Not getting pregnant the first time doesn't mean anything for your fertility. Calm down.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed

Welcome and good luck!  

Don't take this the wrong way but I think you're overreacting a bit to one BFN.  Getting lucky with your first was kind of a fluke. It can take a healthy couple a year to conceive and each month you have a 20 percent chance at success.  So, calm down and breathe.

Also, the age of concern tends to be 35 for conceiving and pregnancy, and even then it's definitely possible I have friends who had their FIRST at 36, and even 40.  I conceived my first at 32, delivered at 33.

I recommend reading the newbie guide at the top and joining the TFAS monthly threads for all the moms who are trying for a second, third, etc.

marajay6

It is a big jump to go from not getting pregnant right away to being worried about infertility! Secondary infertility isn't very common. Just be patient - you have just started TTC. Also, 30 is not too old - plenty of women have babies after 30.

There are many other women on this board that are also trying for #2, including myself. I also want my children to be close in age - my first will be 1 in a few weeks. However, my period took almost 10 months to return after pregnancy and is still no where near regular.

If you stay around, read the newbie blog linked in the pinned post above. Lots of good information.

said8me

FWIW - I just started TTC#2 at 34yo and was 31yo when I got KU with #1 (on the 7th cycle). Not at all terrified.

Klaz4143

I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone, sorry if I have! I have always been worried about conceiving, even my first. Yes, I was very fortunate to conceive so quickly. I have read the Newbie thread, it is good information. There are still people who worry and there is no need for other mothers to judge. I would just delete the post since I don't need people telling me to just calm down, but it is preferred if you don't. sometimes you can't help it if you worry, it's called anxiety (and I have it).

patriciahomol

PocketFullofShells said:

Klaz4143 said:

I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone, sorry if I have! I have always been worried about conceiving, even my first. Yes, I was very fortunate to conceive so quickly. I have read the Newbie thread, it is good information. There are still people who worry and there is no need for other mothers to judge. I would just delete the post since I don't need people telling me to just calm down, but it is preferred if you don't. sometimes you can't help it if you worry, it's called anxiety (and I have it).

You can't dictate how others respond to your post.

And if you did read the newbie post, then you didn't learn anything from it because it was stated several times that up to one year is normal.

I'm sorry, but I fail to find sympathy with your post when you can't even be bothered to think about the WHOLE community to which you addressed, which includes me. I cannot possibly identify with you whiny "omg I'm totally old and infertile because I didn't get knocked up on my second try" - thanks for considering my feelings and many others when you wrote this post. 

Don't delete - it's in poor taste and you've been quoted. Hopefully other newbs will see this post and learn NOT what to say to a bunch of internet strangers from a variety of backgrounds. 

This is why you're my favorite  ;;)

ShallowSeas

Its been one month. I understand the disappointment of a bfn, but c'mon.  Already thinking 'infertility' is a bit much.  Echoing PPs, a year to conceive is still within the 'normal' statistics.  

LadyMillil

Klaz4143 said:

I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone, sorry if I have! I have always been worried about conceiving, even my first. Yes, I was very fortunate to conceive so quickly. I have read the Newbie thread, it is good information. There are still people who worry and there is no need for other mothers to judge. I would just delete the post since I don't need people telling me to just calm down, but it is preferred if you don't. sometimes you can't help it if you worry, it's called anxiety (and I have it).

Yes, people worry. However, it is a little tactless to complain about infertility worries when the reason you are worried about infertility is because you didn't get pregnant your first month trying for #2. There are women here that are approaching the year mark of trying with no success. There are women here (like myself) who were recently diagnosed with infertility. Impatience =/= infertility

Maybe it's just me, but it also bothers me that you keep referring to other posters as mothers. Many of us are not mothers and referring to us as such is just another reminder that we haven't been able to conceive. 

Lulucooks

I'm on cycle 17 tfas and haven't even started worrying about secondary infertility yet and I conceived DD with ONE time having sex unprotected.

ShallowSeas

LadyMillil said:

Klaz4143 said:

I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone, sorry if I have! I have always been worried about conceiving, even my first. Yes, I was very fortunate to conceive so quickly. I have read the Newbie thread, it is good information. There are still people who worry and there is no need for other mothers to judge. I would just delete the post since I don't need people telling me to just calm down, but it is preferred if you don't. sometimes you can't help it if you worry, it's called anxiety (and I have it).

Yes, people worry. However, it is a little tactless to complain about infertility worries when the reason you are worried about infertility is because you didn't get pregnant your first month trying for #2. There are women here that are approaching the year mark of trying with no success. There are women here (like myself) who were recently diagnosed with infertility. Impatience =/= infertility

Maybe it's just me, but it also bothers me that you keep referring to other posters as mothers. Many of us are not mothers and referring to us as such is just another reminder that we haven't been able to conceive. 

Thank you @ladymillil!  Its like you read my mind.

11 months, 12 cycles here. I've never had a squinter of a bfp and I don't have any children.  I'm extremely close to the year mark and I'm not even thinking infertility.  Am I concerned? Yes. Do I think 'OMG I'M NEVER GONNA GET PREGNANT!"?  No.  I'm frustrated it's taking so long. That's it.