The pregnancy journey as a father — The Bump
May 2016 Moms

The pregnancy journey as a father

Hi everybody im a first time dad I'm 26 my fiancé is 25 and our baby is due 16th of May although we haven't had a proper dating yet and we couldn't be sure on the last period but I'm super excited and anxious and nervous. Just want to get to that 12 week mark!
Just to give you all a mans perspective on this so far this journey has been extremely hard as it wasn't expected and at first my partner took it hard, for me though it was always a blessing . And so the first couple of weeks knowing was very emotional now all is good in that respect we have been together for almost 9 years so I know we are both ready and capable of being great parents and starting this new chapter of our life together. It has however thrown a real spanner into the works because we were engaged to be married in March next year and now with her being heavily pregnant when that time comes it looks like the wedding will be postponed . We are 10 weeks today and wow has it been a journey so far. I am trying me best to make life as comfortable and easy as possible. I work basically everyday and have had to pick up all the house chores as well as cooking everyday. She feels exhausted constantly although worse at the end of the day so it's been hard to come home exhausted myself and have to clean and do all the cooking all of which I am happy to do and I let her know this although she feels like she is letting me down because I am doing everything atm but I reassure her it's fine she is growing our baby . What makes it really difficult is because of all the changes in her body she doesn't like to be touched and I'm really struggling with not being able to kiss or cuddle her, understandably she is carrying my child and I feel an overwhelming affection toward her right now so it's hard. 2 weeks to go and we can start telling our friends and family so I cannot wait ! And then hopefully her hormones will settle down s little and she won't feel so exhaust and rotten all the time or so the baby books and sites tell me haha fingers crossed . Would love to hear from more dads or mums on how their partner is doing with the pregnancy ?
Charla1224artteacher19

Re: The pregnancy journey as a father

  • Some days, my husband is lucky to keep his head...

    He has done nothing wrong. He's awesome. I'm just a hormonal mess that would like to bite some heads off...
    LFAF Dec 2016 Awards: Queen of All the Food; LFAF PopTart Packer; Most Vulnerable & True to Self
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP Aug 31, 2015
    EDD: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016


    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
    mrszoesslionstigersbearsmrstmoosevalerie4786
  • Just wanted to say you sound like a fantastic partner and your fiancé is very lucky to have you! I know it's rough picking up the extra slack, but believe me it will pay itself back tenfold in your relationship. And I know the lack of affection is tough, but believe me, I'm the most touchy feely person normally and for so long it felt so awful to be touched. Plus kissing grossed me out unless my SO brushed his teeth, ha. Luckily the second trimester is right around the corner- I've been feeling a million times better the past few days, so I'm sure she will soon, too!
    sophieophieoh
  • schicksalschicksal
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited October 2015
    You're not the only one, I'm a guy too FWIW. BTW you might want to look into changing from the default profile picture. 

    Today has been a good day for us. She was all over the announcement picture idea I came up with and is editing her favorite out of the pictures we took right now. I've also been getting lots of leftover hummus lately since it comes in a small container and she wants only a little of it. No complaints here.
  • Intimacy suggestion: Check with your partner and ask if she'd like back rubs and hair-stroking. No strings attached, no further intimacy required, cannot possibly lead to sexy times, and absolutely no quid pro quo.

    Even when I'm at my grossest, those usually make me feel better, and it's a good way of showing affection through touch even when sexual intimacy is off the table.
    BlueJuice
  • schicksal said:
    I've also been getting lots of leftover hummus lately since it comes in a small container and she wants only a little of it. No complaints here.
    Ha, I think this is my husband's favorite part of our pregnancies! Once I have an appetite again I'm always really hungry and order too much food, then get full well before I'm finished. He gets all my leftovers, including things like pie that I would normally never be willing to share. :D
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    mrszoess
  • @BlueJuice my husband said he's gonna gain more weight than I am but he won't have a baby to show for it ;) "you want the rest?" has become a nightly problem lol
  • yogahh said:
    You're not the only one, I'm a guy too FWIW. BTW you might want to look into changing from the default profile picture. 

    Today has been a good day for us. She was all over the announcement picture idea I came up with and is editing her favorite out of the pictures we took right now. I've also been getting lots of leftover hummus lately since it comes in a small container and she wants only a little of it. No complaints here.
    Dude, you're a dude? Love having dads to be here!
    Yeah I mentioned it on the really long introduce yourself thread, but that's probably the only place. FWIW I've been able to answer a lot of "is this normal" type questions from my other half based on other threads here from people who are roughly as far along as she is. We're both looking forward to being able to eat normally than anything else at this point.
    mrstmoose
  • BlueJuice said:
    schicksal said:
    I've also been getting lots of leftover hummus lately since it comes in a small container and she wants only a little of it. No complaints here.
    Ha, I think this is my husband's favorite part of our pregnancies! Once I have an appetite again I'm always really hungry and order too much food, then get full well before I'm finished. He gets all my leftovers, including things like pie that I would normally never be willing to share. :D
    We're both looking forward to a return of being able to eat normally again. I mostly cook Indian food but the spices aren't working well for her at this point. Neither is meat in general for some reason, or chicken and stars soup. I need to cook soon to use up the chicken before it goes bad... smells haven't been trouble so far and we have a good vent hood. She has smelled immaginary things a couple of times though.
  • You sound like my husband. I'm always apologizing for needing to lay down again and not cooking because all good just sounds awful right now and blah blah blah. But he doesn't mind, and didn't the first time around.
    Things do get better for most women as far as having energy, and being able to eat whatever instead of what you can.
    imageimage
    1st born June 2013
  • Thanks, she's normally an extremely picky eater and lately there hasn't been much at all on her menu. I think in general she was trying to branch out and try a few new things, but growing up she said her mom never put up a fight and just let her eat whatever (or she would make a separate dish for her) and she's already decided she won't give in like that when we have kids.

    Having energy come back will be nice, I don't like running the vacuum while she's napping so it's been about 3 weeks since I've been able to really clean up around the house. As a neat freak it's really bugging me.
  • I think what MH is noticing and has voiced is that he will have to start taking a more active role in caring for our 2yr old son while I am either exhausted and wiped out with pregnancy or caring for a newborn. And he is stoked!! My son has always been Dada's little buddy, wants to be just like him, follows him around, prefers cuddles from Dada, likes Dada's stories best etc. But, MH was working two jobs and left the house at 6am and didn't get home until 11pm (I know, major suck!). BUT... he just got a great job opportunity that allowed him to quit his 2nd job and I have been getting booked like crazy for gigs (this slight pregnancy-induced nasal congestion is totally working wonders for my resonance in the mask and voice!) so we can even save up a bit while he gets to come home and be the daddy he always wanted to be but never felt he could because he was working all the time. As I get bigger, he will start taking on more tubby time (ain't no way I'm bending over a tub with a slippery, squirmy kiddo and a belly like a beach ball!), and possibly bedtime and general lugging around of the child. My son is so excited that Dada is going to be home more and I think it will help him ease into the transition of having a baby brother/sister who usurps most of Mommy's time. 

    And I remember how much MH loved the crazy cravings phase! Usually I am the health police and put my foot down on take-out and junk food. We both could stand to lose a few pounds so I have taken it upon myself to keep us on the healthy track. But when I was pregnant with my son, I could hear MH celebrating when I would call and beg him to pick up burgers and fries and shakes on his way home from work. He knew I would only eat like 1/2 and he would get the rest! He isn't so happy about this HG because I literally vomit just attempting to cook anything and if I smell grease on him from McD's or some other fast food, I insist he change and shower because it turns my stomach. Hopefully, as the HCG dips back down I will be able to have a nice home cooked meal ready when he comes home from work...at 5:45pm not 11pm!!!! Can you tell I am excited?!

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    itsStackie
  • mrszoess said:

    @BlueJuice my husband said he's gonna gain more weight than I am but he won't have a baby to show for it ;) "you want the rest?" has become a nightly problem lol

    DH actually did gain more weight than I did with our first. I was eating constantly during 3rd tri and he felt like he needed to eat if I was eating. I lost all my baby weight but he never lost his!
    =))

    mrszoessBlueJuice
  • Yay for dad's to be on the board! It's refreshing hearing how the men respond to our moods and changes other than what our SO's say!
  • Indian food  :x
    LFAF Dec 2016 Awards: Queen of All the Food; LFAF PopTart Packer; Most Vulnerable & True to Self
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP Aug 31, 2015
    EDD: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016


    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
    DutchLucyLu
  • I love seeing dads on here! Yay! 

    FWIW, you sound like you're doing everything right. I am in the same stage as your fiancee. I have no energy to do anything and DH is picking up the slack. He's a rockstar in my book. Just know that she really does appreciate everything you are doing. I like the back rub and hair stroke idea without any strings attached. Another idea is to watch a movie together and sit next to each other on the couch. Inevitably, she will want to lay on or near you. Hopefully the sexual intimacy will come back in the 2nd tri, as it does for most women (not all, some never lose it). 
    itsStackiePranks
  • PregghersPregghers
    100 Love Its 10 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    edited October 2015
    How great to have dads on here! 
    I'm just going to add one thing.  This may not be the case with your fiance, but maybe it is.  My SO and I are on very different excitement levels lately.  He is over the moon excited about this baby, and I'm just filled with anxiety. While he's daydreaming about playing peek-a-boo with a toddler, I'm obsessing over fitting daycare into our budget and everything that could possibly. (Literally everything,  I asked him the other day what we would do if the kid is an a$$#0le. He just laughed. I'm actually worried that I might not like the kid.)  
    So while I'm exhausted and feeling terrible, the biggest barrier for me is my mind is worried.  We do best when he acknowledges my concerns and works to ease my anxiety. He sat down and fixed our budget this weekend and I had a huge weight of my shoulder. There was lots of snuggling after that.  So I guess my advice would be not to assume that the biggest barriers are that she's physically not feeling well. She might mentally need some extra support too. 

  • You sound like you are doing a great job! I am going to echo PP who suggested the back rub/hair playing with no strings attached. That was a major issue with H and I when I first got pregnant. I didn't want anything to do with sex and started feeling like it was a chore. My desire has since skyrocketed. Just know that the lack of wanting affection is normal and has nothing to do with you!

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