Feeling posessive

Tealmoore

Hi

My in laws want to come up the weekend after our baby arrives - which is nice of them as they are clearly enthusiastic. They wanted to stay in the house with us for a few days but I asked my husband to make it clear they would need to stay in a hotel. I am not comfortable with having people in my house all day and night so soon after the arrival of our first child. It will be a massive adjustment for us and my house is too small for 5 adults and a newborn! Also I wont be comfortable breastfeeding in front of them and dont want to be banished to our bedroom when I should be comfortable downstairs with my hubby and baby. 

Anyway my husband finally got round to asking them if on this occasion they would stay at at hotel - they have agreed but after a lot of disapproval. One of the things being that that feel they can help us by staying here, but I disagree and feel it will make me very upset as I get anxious now just thinking about it. 

My main problem however is that because they live further away and my parents live 10minutes away they feel that they have "limited time" to spend with the baby and that we are restricting their access by asking them to stay in a hotel. For some reason this really bothers me, its probably just hormones but it feels like because they have traveled up they have a sense of entitlement to just spend all their time with our baby. This could be a nice thing however I worry that when they come up they will want to hold him all the time and feel that they can take him off me whenever because they have limited time with him before having to leave. I am now really anxious and feeling very posessive that they will be trying to take him off me to hold and fuss over when its actually my first few days of bonding too! 

Does anyone else worry about stuff like this or is it just me? 

nano1

I had no thoughts about this while I was pregnant, but developed anxiety for several months after ds was born for the exact reasons you've mentioned. My husbands family was so excited to finally have a baby in the family that they completely overwhelmed me and were constantly asking to hold him. I ended up carrying him in the moby wrap around them because I couldn't handle it any more. I felt so guilty for feeling that way, but my husband was really supportive and told me that I needed to listen to my instincts and that he would talk to them about how I was feeling overwhelmed.

It sounds like you know your boundaries, I would definitely stick to to them!

Tealmoore

Thanks I am glad its not just me!

I get the excitement, and it is lovely that the baby will be so loved by all the family and I do appreciate that. I feel there is a bit of competition going on between grandparents though, this will be the first grandchild on both sides and its unfortunate that the in laws live 5 hours away. They do get jealous of my parents living so close and have already expressed that when they are up they spend the time with the baby because they wont get to see him as often as my mum and dad. 

I just worry his mum will try showing me "better ways to do stuff" by constantly trying to take him off me or picking him up when he is asleep. I imagine this will be a bit better by Christmas when they are next up as I will have had time to bond and get used to him but sometimes I don't think they realise that coming up a matter of days after I have given birth I will still be getting used to him and wanting to bond and spend time with him - its really not about them. They should be there to support and help if needed but just because they travelled up does not mean they are entitled to every waking minute with him. 

Good call on the moby wrap - if they get bad I might just have to do the same and pop him in the baby sling that we bought to keep peoples hands off if I am feeling too overwhelmed! 

pgarci44

I totally feel the same exact way !!!! My in laws want to come and stay with us and just the thought of that gives me really bad anxiety. My house is really small... Just having guests over for a few hours is overwhelming. I can't imagine having so many people coming in and out of my house. Especially when I'm trying to adjust to motherhood. I'm a FTM and I'm trying to get everything set up so that I'm ready for baby. And having my family come up so soon is not what I had in mind. I want to spend time with my husband and our new baby alone.
I told my husband to tell his mom that I'll be giving the "okay" on when to come up. But don't be expecting it any time soon. I'm sure I sounded really bitchy but I don't care. I had such a stressful baby shower because I let other people take too much control. I want to be selfish about this and have my alone time with my husband. We don't get to redo these moments. So I want to make sure it's done on my terms.

nano1

I totally hear ya. My husband and I were just talking about how the first time they came to visit I had only been nursing for like 15hrs and was extremely uncomfortable and not confident about how I was doing it and his sister (40yrs old no kids) pulled back the blanket I had covering me so that she could look at him while I was nursing. I was mortified!!!!

Is your husband comfortable stepping in and saying something to them if they start to be overbearing?

grapesoda1111

I have this exact problem with my MIL. She lives 9 hours away and my parents live 23 hours away. Since my parents live so far away, they will be staying at my house (which is completely fine with me, if I need some space from them they have no problems leaving). But my MIL was never excited for us for this baby, and was very rude when we told her the sex of the baby. She now thinks I am "leaving her out" because my parents will be with the baby for the first month (EDD the 11th, mom is coming down the 7th, dad is coming down the 21st, both leaving the 30th). I want them to have that time
With the baby since they will hardly get to see baby otherwise. IMO 9 hours Is a day's drive for my MIL but she thinks it's a 2 days trip. (She's a fucking moron). I know when she sees the baby she will always want to hold her and tell me right from wrong, and how to do everything. I find that very annoying. If I want advice, I will ask for it. Especially if it is coming from my MIL. She wasn't a mother at all for DH growing up. When she comes, if my parents are here, she will stay in a hotel. If she is here and my parents aren't here, she will stay in a hotel. I have extremely bad anxiety and she does not help one bit. I totally understand where you are coming from.
Yikes sorry for my own rant OP.

But as others have stated, wear the baby! For nursing, go into your room or baby's room and shut the door. I know it isn't ideal, because you want to be comfortable in your own home, but I think it will help nursing and bonding with baby.

Eta: I already know I am going to be very, very possessive of baby when she is here.

nmwheel1

We had my in-laws and my parents stay when DD was born. Honestly, I preferred nursing her in the nursery vs out in the living room even when nobody was there. DH moved our big comfy lay-z-boy chair into the nursery and he would sit with me in there while I nursed her with the door shut. It gave me nice quiet time to focus on establishing breastfeeding.
We also encouraged the grandparents to go out for walks and enjoy the city when we needed our own space and quiet.
At 7pm all tv's had to be shut off so myself and baby could start getting sleep and baby was off limits from 7pm to 8am except to myself and DH.
This time (due date is Nov 21), I have mil here from Nov 14th to the 22nd and my mom from Nov 21 to sometime in Dec (with my dad eventually joining around end of Nov). I'm going to have the same rules as last time as they worked great! Also, I breastfed every 2 hours and if she fell asleep on me she stayed with me and didn't get passed off to someone else!
Just establish rules and enforce them! Don't be scared to stick up for yourself! And don't feel bad telling them you need quiet alone time for x amount of hours so they need to go and find something else to do for that time period.

grapesoda1111

Great advice @nmwheel1

Charismatic69

"baby was off limits from 7pm to 8am except to myself and DH." I actually love that idea @nmwheel1. I wish I could put that into practice now. DD is 4wks old today & im still anxious when people are here or holding her. I watch them like I'm a mad woman or I have to make myself busy to stop myself from taking her off people.

grapesoda1111

Charismatic69 said:

"baby was off limits from 7pm to 8am except to myself and DH." I actually love that idea @nmwheel1. I wish I could put that into practice now. DD is 4wks old today & im still anxious when people are here or holding her. I watch them like I'm a mad woman or I have to make myself busy to stop myself from taking her off people.

Agreed. I am also planning on implementing this rule!

Falchas

Just wanted to add that I felt the same way when I had my first.  In-laws came a few weeks after baby and I had my husband ask them to stay at a hotel, it worked out great.   If they are coming with the intention of helping (it sounded like they told you that), you might want to come up with some concrete suggestions once they get there: folding laundry, cooking a meal for you guys, grocery shopping... I know I was hesitant to ask for things, and thought I could handle it all myself.  But then found myself getting resentful when my in-laws just sat there staring at us.  This time around I've already given SO a list of suggestions he can make if his mother mentions helping out.

Oh, and I understand the not wanting to be banished to the bedroom while BF in you own house feeling, but I actually found that to be a fabulous reason to grab the baby and my kindle and have a perfectly legit excuse to have some quiet time while husband entertained, sometimes banishment to the bedroom will be exactly what you need!

poupoule

You are totally in your right mind ! My in lwas offered to come babysit for 4 to 6 weeks when she will be 3 months so I can go back to work and I already frel jealous, I havent even met our daughter yet lol !

First few weeks are even worse, they should understand that.... My in laws would not even offer that. The only reason they should come is if you ask for support and help.

itstheblackwidowbaby

You've gotten some great advice already! You could also suggest that the hubs work it into the conversation that your parents have limitations on them too. Have him mention that no one is allowed to just drop by for the first few weeks, no one gets to stay for an extended period of time in your house, ect. It's not that you're being rude, it's a space/privacy thing.

mrsaragon

I'm in the same boat. My family AND my husbands family plan on coming to visit when he's born. Lucky his mom and brothers are flying in so have sets dates that they will be here so I may not have to deal with them and the baby but my parents will be here no matter what. Everyone all together would total 11 people. I have a 2 bedroom house. No one will stay at a hotel and I'm already stressed the heck out and he's not even here yet. Only reason I am sucking it up is because my husband is supposed to be deploying soon after little guy is born and I know he wants to spend time with his family and wants them to see the baby. It's just super frustrating thinking of everything that comes along with everyone being here. I see myself locking myself in my bedroom. ALOT.

lopezalonso

I wonder if it would help you feel more comfortable if you had them hold off on their visit for a few weeks. This way you could bond and get acquainted with your baby a little bit before you had other people around. 

My inlaws live down the street and my mom lives 40 minutes away. I had a tough time with my MIL when DD was born because she kept stopping by unannounced and wanted to pretty much be my mom or the baby's mom. She was smothering me even though she thought she was being helpful and all of my attempts to establish boundaries were taken with offense. I learned to have DH 

'be the bad guy" as much as possible and to care less about pleasing her and more about me being comfortable in my home with my family. My family, my rules. 

aubreybouskill

Totally understand. My MIL and her best friend are flying out to stay for two weeks and we live in an apartment! So overwhelmed with the thought of four adults and a newborn being in such close quarters. I'm just hoping it will be helpful with cooking, cleaning etc. I absolutely adore my MIL, but it's definitely going to be a tough two weeks!

anilegna91

Using a baby carrier is a great idea, they don't feel like they can swoop in and steal the baby. And I was an absolute psycho after my son was born, it can be normal.

SoFlaMommie1128

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm going through a similar situation. My dad is the only parent who lives or of town, and actually booked a flight to visit around the time LO is due. I let my sister know if he does come then (as opposed to the visit I suggested he make in mid-December or closer to Christmas,) he's all her responsibility. That means, picking him up at the airport, he will have to stay at her house, she can bring him to us (whether were still in the hospital or at home) for limited periods of time to visit. There is no way anyone is staying at our house immediately after we are home from the hospital, for all the reasons PPs mentioned. I'll be getting used to breastfeeding, will be sleep deprived and have zero tolerance. You have got to place boundaries on family members who just don't get it. In my case, they say they respect mine and DH's wishes, but more often than not, they don't. And it's really my family that's mostly the problem. My In laws are much more understanding and supportive.

SoFlaMommie1128

And furthermore, always remember - you're the mother, you just gave birth to this baby after carrying him/her for the better part of the year. You call the shots and if someone doesn't like it, then they can grow up and deal with it.

McQuadesVA

When DD was born I really wanted just my mom to come for the first two weeks then MIL then my dad ( my parents are divorced). But nobody would hear of it. My FIL and MIL bought a camper and basically said a restraining order wouldn't keep them away From their granddaughter.... So I had a ton of people the very day she was born in my hospital room and in my house for two weeks straight. I got post pardom depression and cried all the time bc MIL kept taking her from me, I was stressed and breast feeding (while we got the hang of it later) sucked and she lost a ton of weight and we had to be hospitaliZed. This time with my son, I am more vocal already about what they can and simply cannot do. I get 12 weeks off, we don't live so far away so no one has to stay in my house, and the other day she rubbed my belly and said "how's my baby" and I simply said "my baby". I am going to do a better job at making sure they respect my wishes so that I can be calm and happy for the baby because it matters! It matters how momma is feeling babies sense when ur stressed and depressed. Don't let anyone rob you of your joy there is a nice way to politely tell them what you will need for them to do. And I have the example of what happened last time. Stand firm momma

MRSJESSICAX

I'm right there with you! So many friends and family texting to say they have booked flights and "cant wait to meet the baby when he is born" etc. That is all well and good i just want it to be on my terms. I have family who booked a holiday here for XMAS over a year and a half ago with big plans and itinerary and i think they will expect to be able to get to see bub as much as they want.. I want to learn about my baby and his routine. I want my baby, my husband to bond as a new family. Not to mention i want everyone coming near bub to have their vaccinations first.

Gahh stressing me out, i just want to bunker down.

Tealmoore

Yeh we have told the in laws now and they seem ok with it but they have booked a cottage 10 mins away for a week at christmas without asking us about staying for so long. Was not expecting that at all! I dont want people round all the time, I'm not the most social person as it is and my personal space is super important to me. I just like hanging out with my husband. Not a house full of people. Oh well, least it's not a week immediately after baby is here... Although they have not said how long they will come for

Craiggles

The funny thing about this scenario is that, really, it's a blessing to have a child that's so loved. But when you're worried about getting the space you need, making a plan in advance for a couple of visits is key. If you don't want to see them more than _ times, just don't invite them over or be honest when it's not a good time. Also, try to schedule some time for just yourself and let your SO take the baby at least once if that's an option. Good luck!

bellie1223

@Craiggles, it's so true about being lucky baby has so many people already who love her, and I try to remember this all the time! But while people often have good intentions, they seem to get lost on being so persistent in not respecting the parents' wishes. It seems like this is the case with OP, and with so many of us, especially first time moms. @Tealmoore, glad they are at least going along with you on not staying at your house and have booked a hotel. 

I am having such anxiety with this about my own mother (who lives 2 states away) and has already planned 3 trips out here within 4 months. We do not have the best relationship already, and she is stressing about "bonding" with the baby, and feels like we are trying to keep the baby away from her already because we told her we wanted some time to ourselves after bringing the baby home so we will not be having visitors stay with us (anyone, including her). I just know she is not going to be the helpful visitor who cooks and cleans, but the stressful kind that wants to hold the baby all the time and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I just hope this doesn't cause irreparable damage to our relationship if she keeps up her whining.  

Soyyoyary

I see a lot of MIL issues, but I wonder dont most of just feel more comfortable with our mothers and that's why we tend to be closer to them. In the future I can't expect my DIL to show me her boobs lol just a thought ...

Rules that's needs to be done and in force. I have family and friends who want to meet LO, just like with DD come visit me in hospital meet him, but no one is to come to house NOONE!! This is our time to get to know our newest member. When we are ready to come out we will let everyone know. We can text, no calls. DD birthday is close to Xmas the ones invited can visit then.

I don't think any mom should feel overwhelmed when they are getting to know their LO. Its already a hard job to be stressed. Good luck Luv set those rules..

grapesoda1111

bellie1223 said:

@Craiggles, it's so true about being lucky baby has so many people already who love her, and I try to remember this all the time! But while people often have good intentions, they seem to get lost on being so persistent in not respecting the parents' wishes. It seems like this is the case with OP, and with so many of us, especially first time moms. @Tealmoore, glad they are at least going along with you on not staying at your house and have booked a hotel. 

I am having such anxiety with this about my own mother (who lives 2 states away) and has already planned 3 trips out here within 4 months. We do not have the best relationship already, and she is stressing about "bonding" with the baby, and feels like we are trying to keep the baby away from her already because we told her we wanted some time to ourselves after bringing the baby home so we will not be having visitors stay with us (anyone, including her). I just know she is not going to be the helpful visitor who cooks and cleans, but the stressful kind that wants to hold the baby all the time and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I just hope this doesn't cause irreparable damage to our relationship if she keeps up her whining.  

Your MIL is worried about bonding with the baby? Does she realize its not her baby? We must have the same MIL. I could complain about mine for days honestly.  

Soyyoyary said:

I see a lot of MIL issues, but I wonder dont most of just feel more comfortable with our mothers and that's why we tend to be closer to them. In the future I can't expect my DIL to show me her boobs lol just a thought ... Rules that's needs to be done and in force. I have family and friends who want to meet LO, just like with DD come visit me in hospital meet him, but no one is to come to house NOONE!! This is our time to get to know our newest member. When we are ready to come out we will let everyone know. We can text, no calls. DD birthday is close to Xmas the ones invited can visit then. I don't think any mom should feel overwhelmed when they are getting to know their LO. Its already a hard job to be stressed. Good luck Luv set those rules..

This!  My MIL thinks she is my mom. The day me and DH got married she said "now you call me mom" fuck. no. Honestly I'm nervous about breastfeeding in front of DH and my mom (extreme anxiety issues) and my MIL just thinks she can be here all the time. If I wanted her here, I would invite her. Why don't they understand that the daughter is physically, having the baby, and typically they would want their OWN mother there. I just don't get it. I would never invite myself into future DIL hospital room, or to their home. 

rubirubi89

nano1 said:

I totally hear ya. My husband and I were just talking about how the first time they came to visit I had only been nursing for like 15hrs and was extremely uncomfortable and not confident about how I was doing it and his sister (40yrs old no kids) pulled back the blanket I had covering me so that she could look at him while I was nursing. I was mortified!!!! Is your husband comfortable stepping in and saying something to them if they start to be overbearing?

yikes! really? How did she not realize it was rude to pull back your blanket? or what exactly did she thing was going on under there? Smh 

SoFlaMommie1128

This thread is making me so stabby. I just can't stand people (parents, in-laws or otherwise) who don't have respect for boundaries and rules. It hits close to home for me, as mentioned above, since I'm currently dealing with this situation with my own parents. And to the point of having so many who love your LO, you are right and it is very true, however, there have to be rules so that you (the new mom) aren't sacrificing yourself for everyone's benefit.

savyjohn1

My own mom lives 5  1/2 hours away and will have to travel over a mountain pass to come see me. I live in Oregon, and there could be a lot of snow and bad roads by Nov 24 so she might not be able to make it. My mom is the do the dishes, cook clean up, way mello mom. My husbands mom on the other hand is only 45 minutes away, and is going to come and help with my two big kids while I am at the hospital ( getting them to school) etc. She is the "its my baby MIL",  and while she means well, all she wants to do is sit and hold the baby, which is my job.  She also doesn't understand why I cant just pump and let everyone else feed the baby. Its hard to set the boundary when she is really helping out with the bigs, and I don't want to seem like a B$#@%, but either help out, or go home!! She also asked if the big kids could just come stay at her house and miss school until we get home from the hospital. Ummmmm, no. I have other friends who will keep them if staying over one night at my house is too much to ask, and my son is already anxious about getting to come see his baby brother at the hospital. Sorry this rambled....its Monday!

McQuadesVA

My MIL is just like yours sigh, it feels threatening like she wishes I would die so she could have my kids

lopezalonso

@grapesoda1111 We have the same MIL!!!! I actually had to tell her, "you're not my mom" when I had DD. She took such offense to that. WTF! It's a fact! She also insisted on me calling her "mom" so I called her nothing for 2 years and after DD was born I started calling her grandma... Since I obviously couldn't call her by her name or she would slap my arm and correct me "It's MOOOOOOOM." STFU

brizer21

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I actually have the exact same situation, my family is 10 mins away and the in-laws are 4 hours away. I already have a DD and experienced this first hand.

I think it's pretty normal to feel possessive, I still feel that way and DD is almost 2. I know this time around MIL will be insistent on coming to help with DD, but I really don't want her here, besides she is NO help when it comes to other tasks. IE she thinks holding the baby all day long is helping me... Um no, how about cleaning, cooking dinner or anything else ?!

Unfortunately this is still my battle when she comes... This last time we kept DD home from daycare to spend time with MIL and I came home from work to a pile of dirty dishes, meanwhile I know DD takes a solid 3 hr nap. Don't worry, I'm 9 months pregnant you just sit and relax, I'll do them all

rubirubi89

lopezalonso said:

@grapesoda1111 We have the same MIL!!!! I actually had to tell her, "you're not my mom" when I had DD. She took such offense to that. WTF! It's a fact! She also insisted on me calling her "mom" so I called her nothing for 2 years and after DD was born I started calling her grandma... Since I obviously couldn't call her by her name or she would slap my arm and correct me "It's MOOOOOOOM." STFU

My MIL does that too. She actually yelled at me in front of everyone at my baby shower because I introduced her to someone as MIL. "ITS MOM!!!" No bitch, its not.

knolliepollie

I'm right there with you. I'm due 11/23 and DH's entire family is coming down for Thanksgiving. He's from a family of five siblings so with everyone's significant others it's 8 people. I really don't want them all at my house at the same time. Not to mention all the germs LO will be exposed to so quickly. DH doesn't think they will all be at our house at the same time. I'm hoping he's right.

agerstner

@Tealmoore

I just wanted to say that I could swear you were writing my story with my firstborn. I had so much anxiety over having my in laws come immediately after baby was born. It was also a bit of a sore point between DH and I because it was their 1st grand baby and my parents 9th. He didn't really understand why I would be so upset that they come immediately.

ANYWAY, they arrived 3hrs after I was discharged from the hospital. Less than 24hrs after my son was born (live out of town). I love my in-laws and in reality they are more helpful and stress free than my own parents BUT it was my first and I felt very possessive, was an emotional mess on discharge, and it was hard figuring out how to BF and sleep with a NB.

Now I look back and see everything they did for me (cleaning and cooking) and I'm very grateful. I still feel that it would have been nice to get a couple days to ourselves before they came but it is manageable and you can do it! It's not all doom and gloom. Sounds like they are fairly respectful people too so I'm hoping they chip in like mine did.

This round I'm not sure who is coming but I'm sure someone will be here. Also, don't be afraid to speak up for what you do need. I remember clearly my SIL almost sitting on me once to look at my son while I BF as soon as she arrived. This time, I will tell her to move away until I'm done. Like seriously girl! Personal space! So don't be afraid to be that person. People can take advantage because there is a "baby", but you are a person too and don't forget that.

I'll be giving out signed copies of my novel later Best of luck!

VexedMommy

Just some thoughts after reading this. 

Being "possessive" has very negative connotations.  What I have read from you ladies does not sound like you're being possessive at all.  It sounds like you are trying to maintain your personal space and provide yourself and your new family time to heal physically and mentally from a traumatic event.  (Even wonderful, blessed, highly anticipated events can be traumatic due to the dramatic amount of change experienced.)  You will be busy learning a variety of new skills and would not like an audience or be required to entertain multitudes during that time.  None of these desires seem out of line or as though you are being "possessive."  It sounds like you ladies are trying to do the best you can by your new family. 

archer0429

mrsaragon said:

I'm in the same boat. My family AND my husbands family plan on coming to visit when he's born. Lucky his mom and brothers are flying in so have sets dates that they will be here so I may not have to deal with them and the baby but my parents will be here no matter what. Everyone all together would total 11 people. I have a 2 bedroom house. No one will stay at a hotel and I'm already stressed the heck out and he's not even here yet. Only reason I am sucking it up is because my husband is supposed to be deploying soon after little guy is born and I know he wants to spend time with his family and wants them to see the baby. It's just super frustrating thinking of everything that comes along with everyone being here. I see myself locking myself in my bedroom. ALOT.

OMG I got anxiety for you just reading your post.  11 people in a 2 bedroom house?!?!  Hell, I would go to a hotel with the baby myself!

SoFlaMommie1128

VexedMommy said:

Just some thoughts after reading this. 

Being "possessive" has very negative connotations.  What I have read from you ladies does not sound like you're being possessive at all.  It sounds like you are trying to maintain your personal space and provide yourself and your new family time to heal physically and mentally from a traumatic event.  (Even wonderful, blessed, highly anticipated events can be traumatic due to the dramatic amount of change experienced.)  You will be busy learning a variety of new skills and would not like an audience or be required to entertain multitudes during that time.  None of these desires seem out of line or as though you are being "possessive."  It sounds like you ladies are trying to do the best you can by your new family. 

Thank you, @vexedmommy! Couldn't agree more!

savyjohn1

brizer21 said:

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I actually have the exact same situation, my family is 10 mins away and the in-laws are 4 hours away. I already have a DD and experienced this first hand. I think it's pretty normal to feel possessive, I still feel that way and DD is almost 2. I know this time around MIL will be insistent on coming to help with DD, but I really don't want her here, besides she is NO help when it comes to other tasks. IE she thinks holding the baby all day long is helping me... Um no, how about cleaning, cooking dinner or anything else ?! Unfortunately this is still my battle when she comes... This last time we kept DD home from daycare to spend time with MIL and I came home from work to a pile of dirty dishes, meanwhile I know DD takes a solid 3 hr nap. Don't worry, I'm 9 months pregnant you just sit and relax, I'll do them all

we have the same mother in law!!!

brizer21

@savyjohn1 I'm so sorry to hear that, we should exchange stories sometime

nano1

rubirubi89 said:

nano1 said:

I totally hear ya. My husband and I were just talking about how the first time they came to visit I had only been nursing for like 15hrs and was extremely uncomfortable and not confident about how I was doing it and his sister (40yrs old no kids) pulled back the blanket I had covering me so that she could look at him while I was nursing. I was mortified!!!!

Is your husband comfortable stepping in and saying something to them if they start to be overbearing?

yikes! really? How did she not realize it was rude to pull back your blanket? or what exactly did she thing was going on under there? Smh 

She also thought it was appropriate to be picking food off our "celebration meal" plates that the hospital brought in. I wish I had had the balls to say beat it!