Blended Family - Having the kids meet the baby

VexedMommy

I tend to bend over backwards to make sure that my SD feels an equal part of the family as my DD.  They're 9 (DD) and 10 (SD) so they definitely notice when things aren't equal.  That said, I'd like for both girls to meet the baby together.  I have full custody of DD and we only have SD after school most days and weekends.  BF does have the ability to pull SD (and DD) out of school during the day, but I don't want to cause a fight with SD's mom.  I worry that my mother (who will keep DD while I'm in the hospital) will bring DD to the hospital ASAP so they can both see the baby as soon as it's born.  I'd much rather both girls meet their little sister at the same time.  Any advice on how to go about arranging that or how to explain to my mother why it's so important to me? 

ETA: Also, if you think I'm worrying about nothing and the kids won't care or I'm placing too much importance on it let me know that too. 

MargaretC5

If you have your SD after school and weekends, then you would have her at some point during the day you are ready for the girls to visit, right? Could you ask your mom to wait to come to the hosipital until she could pick up SD also and bring both girls together?
Explain to your mom you would love for the girls to meet the baby together, and would love her help getting them there, so you and your SO and just focus on you and the baby.

CarrieOct15

I can't offer advice from a mom standpoint, but as a person who was both a step kid and a half sibling, I don't think I would have cared if one sibling got to meet the baby first, as long as I got to visit the hospital at some point, too. 

Also, just explain it to your mother exactly like you explained it to all of us, and I'm sure she would understand & respect that. I think it's pretty awesome that you go to great lengths to make sure your SD feels like she is part of the family. 

Gapeach83

Talk to SD and ask her how she feels about it. Some kids cate about that more than others. If she says she does care I would have a talk with your mom about how your SD feels. I know your relationship with your bf ex isn't the best so I don't think talking to her will help. How was SD with her other new sibling? Was she excited or did she shrug it off this can give you a clue too about how she will feel.

VexedMommy

Gapeach83 said:

Talk to SD and ask her how she feels about it. Some kids cate about that more than others. If she says she does care I would have a talk with your mom about how your SD feels. I know your relationship with your bf ex isn't the best so I don't think talking to her will help. How was SD with her other new sibling? Was she excited or did she shrug it off this can give you a clue too about how she will feel.

She was incredibly excited when her little brother was born in April and was actually there for the birth (Accidentally.  Her mom has kids in literally under an hour once labor starts and bf wasn't able to get to the birthing center in time because he stopped to pick up Gatorade for his ex.)  Spending time with her little brother has been pretty much the only reason she's not having major meltdowns when her mom picks her up in the afternoons.  She also has a step-sister on that side of her family who she rarely sees and SD has told me she thinks it's sad that her other sister doesn't get to see her brother very often.  SD actually told me that she wants to be a big part of her sisters life because she loves her so much already and is really excited about sharing a room with her.

mamavbs

I Remember we have similar stories with hospitals and visitors and feeling stressed last time... So perhaps you should take that time for yourselves (you and your bf). Enjoy the quiet and time with your new baby girl, it's probably going to be a very rare time having that uninterrupted little bit with her & you shouldn't feel guilty for lapping it up! I'm going to try and do the same and have my DS and DD wait a little while to visit.
Be honest and upfront with your mother, tell her you want both girls to visit together so could she wait until after school hours.
You may even luck out and labour at a time where this doesn't even matter!

I think it's really sweet how you care for and consider your SD, she's a really lucky girl and I hope she realises that when she's older :-)


Edit because I'm eating dinner and typing, resulting in rushed response and bad spelling

Gapeach83

VexedMommy said:

Gapeach83 said:

Talk to SD and ask her how she feels about it. Some kids cate about that more than others. If she says she does care I would have a talk with your mom about how your SD feels. I know your relationship with your bf ex isn't the best so I don't think talking to her will help. How was SD with her other new sibling? Was she excited or did she shrug it off this can give you a clue too about how she will feel.

She was incredibly excited when her little brother was born in April and was actually there for the birth (Accidentally.  Her mom has kids in literally under an hour once labor starts and bf wasn't able to get to the birthing center in time because he stopped to pick up Gatorade for his ex.)  Spending time with her little brother has been pretty much the only reason she's not having major meltdowns when her mom picks her up in the afternoons.  She also has a step-sister on that side of her family who she rarely sees and SD has told me she thinks it's sad that her other sister doesn't get to see her brother very often.  SD actually told me that she wants to be a big part of her sisters life because she loves her so much already and is really excited about sharing a room with her.


If your bf came to birthing center for her she should return the favor. Even if its just dropping SD off. But not everyone works that way. Definitely make a big deal to your mom how important it is that they see them together since SD is so excited.

urby87

I agree with PPs on just explaining your desires to your mom.  I'm sure she will understand that it's something you want to do to make sure your SD feels included in the process.

VexedMommy

It would be nice if she'd do that, but I really don't expect it from her. Will did it in part because someone needed to be with SD whereas that's not the situation here.

I will definitely talk to my mom about it and if worst comes to worst I can have bf pull SD out of school the next day if mom really refuses to wait.

itstheblackwidowbaby

I was going to say that if there's ever a good reason for SD to get pulled from school an hour or two early and not be sick, I think getting to meet her little sister would be it. I know that it's not ideal, but I think some things are worth missing school over. I bet that your mom will understand though!

Gapeach83

itstheblackwidowbaby said:

I was going to say that if there's ever a good reason for SD to get pulled from school an hour or two early and not be sick, I think getting to meet her little sister would be it. I know that it's not ideal, but I think some things are worth missing school over. I bet that your mom will understand though!

My DD1 teacher is already aware that I am due soon and she knows Evie might miss a day.

MercyC1130

Pretty much what all PP have said.
I have a stepsister and stepbrother and I have always noticed little things like that. I am a bit sensitive, I'll admit, but they have always gotten a leg up from my SM and dad. Something like what you are planning/hoping for would have meant a lot to me!
Your SD sounds really sweet by the way.

Bettytteb

I agree with all the PPs but just wanted to add that if it's not possible for DD and SD to meet baby together, it might be nice to make sure that SD's first visit is without DD so they can both get a special one-on-one meeting the baby visit even if its not at the same time.