Circumcision opinions

missuscssmith

My husband feels very strongly against circumcision. All of my family and all male babies I know are circumcised. Is this an issue in anyone else's decisions? Does anyone have any support or opinions about one side or the other?
I feel like this is such a huge decision to make and it needs to be taken seriously.

(Oh, btw, we don't even know if it's a boy!! My DH just won't consider anything else so he brought it up and we were unpleasantly surprised by not agreeing on it)

saladflambe

2 of my brothers are not circumcised, 1 is circumcised. DH is circumcised.

Pretty sure we're circumcising. Haven't asked DH, but I don't really expect him to say no.

emma+karen

In the area of the country where my son was born, it isn't commonly done and no one asked us about it.  Since we didn't feel strongly about it, it just wasn't done.  He is totally fine.  My four male cousins are also all non-circumcised (even though their dad is) and have never had issues with it. 

It is a personal decision for sure, but I feel that the non-circumcised movement is growing.

Interestingly, every time we go to the pediatrician, she asks me (while looking at my son) if he's circumcised or not, and when I remind her he isn't, she says that sometimes it can be hard to tell because OB's now do it more often than pediatricians, and they don't do as good a job, and circumcised boys can sometimes look like they are not.  The way she put it was, "The OBs do it, and then they never have to look at it again."

I'm not sure if this helps or not, but just sharing my experience. 

MrsPrice519

When we were pregnant with ds we had decided early on that we would not circumcise. My husband is from England and they do not circumcise as a normal practice like we do here. I got a lot of complaints from my family but we were solid in our decision. It isn't medically necessary or more sanitary and since dh isn't I didn't see the point. Also, if this helps, I have heard of a case where the son didn't match the dad and the son was very confused why he didn't look just like daddy. It's a personal decision, and I left it mostly up to him since he is a boy and knows better than I do on that.

katykatykaty

It's early for this debate! We didn't do it with my son and won't if this one's a boy. I've never understood the "matching" argument... A little boy never looks like his dad when he's little. It seems silly to cut off a piece of skin for that reason alone.

lilyaster

This is a hot topic, but we chose not to circ our son. My DH and all my family is circ'd, but after researching and actually having watched the procedure as a nurse, we felt it was unnecessary. I'd rather my son make that choice. We also have a nephew whose circ was botched and he had to go back for reconstructive surgery on his penis as a toddler.  DS is three now and we've never had any issues or regrets.

dshannah

Because I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic we've agreed that the baby if a boy will be circumcised according to Jewish tradition, and baptized according to Catholic (which will happen in any case if it's a girl).

Using a conservative or reform mohel is not at all risky. The one thing my husband is not keen on is the bris--he calls it a penis party and thinks it's weird. So he's agreed to do it if we get a room in the hospital to host it and his family isn't required to come:)

Jesse835235

I may be naive here, or maybe things are just different in my part of the country, but do people really ask whether or not you are going to circ your baby?  I've never heard of anyone asking an expectant mother that.  Again though, it could be more of a regional thing.  Along the same lines, I assume my dad and brother are, but it has never, never been brought up.  I don't plan on asking them, and frankly, I don't care.

If we have a boy, he will have a circumcision.  I totally respect people who choose not to though.

LondonToSavannah

I had no strong opinion either way. Like a previous poster, my husband is British and they don't, so we didn't. 

My pediatrician said it is much more common now not to circumsice, and he thinks in the next 5 or 10 years it will be 50/50...so locker room stigma won't really be an issue if there is such a thing. 

camillaandcarson

I finally made a decision on the topic last pregnancy. I weighed both sides for a long time
https://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/11/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html?m=1

katykatykaty

Jesse835235 said:

I may be naive here, or maybe things are just different in my part of the country, but do people really ask whether or not you are going to circ your baby?  I've never heard of anyone asking an expectant mother that.  Again though, it could be more of a regional thing.  Along the same lines, I assume my dad and brother are, but it has never, never been brought up.  I don't plan on asking them, and frankly, I don't care.

If we have a boy, he will have a circumcision.  I totally respect people who choose not to though.

I've never been asked about this in real life. It's mostly just an Internet forum hot topic.

Jesse835235

katykatykaty said:

I may be naive here, or maybe things are just different in my part of the country, but do people really ask whether or not you are going to circ your baby?  I've never heard of anyone asking an expectant mother that.  Again though, it could be more of a regional thing.  Along the same lines, I assume my dad and brother are, but it has never, never been brought up.  I don't plan on asking them, and frankly, I don't care.

If we have a boy, he will have a circumcision.  I totally respect people who choose not to though.

I've never been asked about this in real life. It's mostly just an Internet forum hot topic.

Whew!!!

tripledaggerWed95976

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

TheThornBird

I can't do it. I've done a ton of research, watch many videos, and the whole thing just feels so wrong to me and makes me queasy. Nothing against people who choose to, I don't judge, but I just can't imagine doing that to someone I love. Not my place to make that decision about someone else's body, and the procedure was pretty horrifying for me to watch. My OB also said there is no medical reason, and I just can't imagine subjecting my baby to that purely for cosmetic reasons. 

That being said, my SO is 100% for it. It's caused many fights; in my previous pregnancy, he threatened he would take the kid behind my back and have it done. So of course I threatened to not put him on the birth certificate and claim someone else is the father, ha. Don't be immature and childish like us  

It's so hard for me to see his point of view. I really don't get wanting your kid's penis to look like yours. Never have I seen a group of fathers, sons, and brothers get together, whip out their penises, and admire how much they look alike. And I don't get the confusion/awkward conversation argument; a kid is also going to ask why mom and dad have different parts, where babies come from, etc. Those conversations are just part of having a kid. 

 But like I said, no judgement from me towards y'all, you get to decide what is best for your baby. I'm just totally lost on how to handle my SO, and am praying that we have a girl.

Edited to fix the giant wall of text

lest12

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

lest12

I hate this conversation.  It's your son, it's your son's penis.  Do what you want.  I don't understand what in the world an internet forum is going to tell you that would make you change your mind.

chottomotto

DH is Jewish but not religious. For our son, we had a Bris to appease his family, but we just pricked the foreskin with a tiny needle for the ceremony instead of cutting any bits off. He is 2 now and potty trained with no problems.

soralette

Wow, it's super early for this debate. This subject gets super contentious for a lot of people.

We decided not to circumcise DS#1 and will not circumcise this one, either.

My husband didn't care either way, and one of my ex-boyfriends had had a botched circumcision -- and by "botched", I mean he was literally missing nearly the entirety of the head of his penis. So I've been leery of them ever since and didn't want even the smallest risk of something like that happening to one of my kids.

They're becoming way less common -- especially in my part of the US -- so I didn't see any real societal reason to do it, either.

Combined with the fact that they don't use any sort anaesthesia (just a little sugar water) for the boys... and the decision was made to leave it alone unless there was medical need to circumcise.

skiingstark

I told my DH it is his decision since he has a penis I do not.. He said he will figure it out once we find out if we have a boy or not.

Personally though I have never seen a non circumcised penis. I am a little afraid it will be weird to me, but I assume I will get use to it if that is what my DH chooses.

LemmyRN

When the procedure is done they will usually do both sucrose and non-nutritive sucking to relieve the infant's pain; this method has been researched and proven safe and effective.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/23360853/?i=2&from=/11854758/related

yogahh

We will circumcise if we have boys. DH is. Every guy I have ever seen was. Its the "norm" to me. Also, I would rather do it at an age that he wouldn't remember the procedure/pain, then have him decide later in life to have it. I feel like that would be more traumatic.  

Pranks

skiingstark said:

I told my DH it is his decision since he has a penis I do not.. He said he will figure it out once we find out if we have a boy or not.

I am planning to do the same! In fact don't even know if it's done here or not!!!

missnc77

I used to think everyone was circumcised, but it's becoming less and less the norm. My husband isn't (his family is british), and when I was having some girl talk with my mom and told her, she actually told me neither is my dad. Thanks for telling me that mom, but I was pretty shocked at that nugget of info.

I don't know what we're going to do, and my husband doesn't have a big opinion either way. I've done a little research, and so far the biggest negative I've found to not circumcising is the elderly can sometimes get infections if they are unable to clean themselves correctly anymore. Like I said, I always found it to be normal to be circumcised, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's really necessary in this day and age, especially living in a hygienic first world country. If I did it, I'd be doing it just because it's what everyone else does, and that doesn't seem like a good enough reason.

emma+karen

 

Personally though I have never seen a non circumcised penis. I am a little afraid it will be weird to me, but I assume I will get use to it if that is what my DH chooses.

Funny...I had seen circumcised penises before, but now I'm so used to my son's non-circ'd penis that my nephew's circumcised one looks odd to me when I change his diapers.  Of course, being in a same-sex relationship I've never seen a grown man's penis, so I can't really compare on that level.

katykatykaty

lest12 said:

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

So much this. These debates are fine until someone posts something like this. Maybe crawl out from under the rock you're living under and make some new friends. It's just a piece of skin... But we should all definitely cut it off just so classy women like you don't feel uncomfortable.

And also you're flat out wrong about it being "above and beyond the social norm here in the USA."

Htow89

My sister has two boys and neither are circumcised. I asked her why they decided against it, as all the males on our side are. She said her DH isn't and they didn't see the need for their boys to have it. My nephew (4) knows how to keep it clean and I'm sure my youngest nephew (9mo) will learn the same. Some people base it on religion others it is just a preference. My SO and I are both in agreement on the issue and will have baby circumcised (if we have a boy). I just think it's cleaner, but it's just a preference

BlueJuice

We don't have any boys yet, but if this baby is a boy, we won't be circumcising. DH is, but is not a fan, and we don't generally believe in body modifications for our children until they are old enough to consent and participate in the decision. 

 I think this decision is becoming commonplace enough that by the time our infant children are adults, uncircumcised penises will be perfectly ordinary in American culture.

missnc77

katykatykaty said:

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

So much this. These debates are fine until someone posts something like this. Maybe crawl out from under the rock you're living under and make some new friends. It's just a piece of skin... But we should all definitely cut it off just so classy women like you don't feel uncomfortable. And also you're flat out wrong about it being "above and beyond the social norm here in the USA."

Funny thing is, I didn't even realize my husband was uncircumcised until the second time we had sex. And when I realized it, we talked about it for about a minute, then we got it on. Now it's not even really something I think about. I mean, clearly it works in all the right ways.

thismakes4

I have 3 boys. I had the first one circumcised and the other two weren't. In my opinion, it's not a big deal. They know that they are different from each other and they don't mind. As long as everything works down there, I'm happy.

lalala2004

If we have a boy we intend to for the ease of cleanliness. Some adolescent/pre adolescent boys just don't have good hygiene.

However, if one parent feels strongly against it, I don't think you should do it. It's not completely necessary, so why cause a fight?

I also intend to have it done outside the hospital by a mohel or pediatrician.

chottomotto

I asked my pediatrician and several teachers at daycare about circumcision before my son was born. They said only half of the kids they see were circumcised and they were seeing more and more natural penises over the years. They all said they didn't know of any problems caused by staying natural. So not circumcising isn't rare and doesn't seem like something a child would be teased about.

Kurrant

Pretty sure circumcision is the rarity in New Zealand. I'm basing this off what others have said as I have only seen one Kiwi penis. We won't be doing it if we have a boy. My husband and I both see it as unnecessary. We plan to consider moving to the USA within 5 years and even if it was a done deal I wouldn't feel comfortable letting social pressures make my choice for me. I'm not even sure it's as much of a thing as people make it to be...maybe slightly less than half the USA penises I have seen weren't done.

laurenmdrn16

With my son, I left the decision up to MH. I actually have a lot of experience related to circs since my maternity preceptor hated me so I spent the entire rotation assisting with circs. I assisted on 5 OB circs, 3 pedi circs, and 2 bris with a moyel (sp?). I also had to catch a fellow nursing student when he passed out watching one! I also worked in a SNF doing personal care on elderly men with both natural and circs. And I have a friend who was circ'd at age 23. Since all of my knowledge is anecdotal, I don't think it should replace personal feelings or beliefs, but I am more than happy to share more details if you want.

sillyfox

DH is not circumcised and if we have a boy I told him I would leave it up to him and he said he feels strongly against it. I never really thought much about it other than before I dated him I thought circumcised penises are nicer to look at. But he said it is genital mutilation with no pain meds for purely cosmetic reasons. And to that point, I have to agree, it sounds pretty absurd when it is put that way. Long answer short - if we have a son he will not be circumcised.

.Kelly.

We didn't circ our first son and we won't circ this one if it is a boy. No religious need for it (Episcopal), no medical need for it, it isn't the norm anymore overall in the US (though that depends on region), and it isn't the norm in the majority of the world. Without the religious reason there isn't a valid argument that outweighs the risks of the procedure. There are no medical benefits in the developed world but there are downsides (delayed bonded, decreased breastfeeding following the procedure, pain for the infant, etc). 

beff12

I think if we have a boy we'd circumcise. FWIW, I've spoken to nurses (of adults) on this topic and they've said things can get complicated medically on occasion when you need to treat a non-circumcised patient, especially if they're in need of a catheter. I still don't think it's a huge deal either way though.

eandt1111

I do not understand circumcision aside from it being a religious belief. My husband is not circumcised and never experienced locker room bullying. I've heard sex is more enjoyable when you're uncircumcised as well.

mariaalene

lest12 said:

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

I'm not sure why people are so offended by what she said. If something is not the norm around you then it's gonna make you uncomfortable. If you started dating someone and you found out he had a glass eye, or colostomy bag, or seizures, you would be uncomfortable at first. If you're super strict Amish and you go to Miami where people wear... BIKINIS ... You're gonna feel uncomfortable. She never said she wouldn't go out on a second date with him or call him a freak or anything. The issue is that she said here in the USA. I think many of us are from America and it seems the the norm is different for many locations.

The norm in my area is to circumcise. I've never seen or known anyone to be uncircumcised. I've even heard girls in the locker room making fun of a boy with an uncircumcised penis (idk whether he did or not, but that was supposed to be the insult). I think that is what she is trying to protect her son from. It's really sad but it's true it happens.

I've watched a video of a circ once. It looks terrible. It is mutilation in the same way as how some countries cut off girls clitorises. So if you ladies are right that it's becoming more norm to keep it then that's fantastic. But right now it's not the norm where I am and I would do it. I also mentioned it casually to dh one time. He said he would take the kid and get it done behind my back if I didn't agree.

katykatykaty

mariaalene said:

lest12 said:

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

I've watched a video of a circ once. It looks terrible. It is mutilation in the same way as how some countries cut off girls clitorises. So if you ladies are right that it's becoming more norm to keep it then that's fantastic. But right now it's not the norm where I am and I would do it. I also mentioned it casually to dh one time. He said he would take the kid and get it done behind my back if I didn't agree.

------quote fail-------

This makes no sense to me. You say that it's mutilation and that you've seen it done and it's terrible and two sentences later you say you're still doing it because it's the norm. Good thing cutting off one arm isnt the norm or else your kid would be walking around with one arm!

mariaalene

katykatykaty said:

mariaalene said:

lest12 said:

I am so glad that we have internet forums, so that people can ask such personal questions, which gives people the opportunity to post insensitive and insulting things like this:

 

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I'm Jewish so our son will be circumcised However, even if I wasn't Jewish we would still circumcise. It Is above and beyond the social norm here in the USA and i feel it could leave the boy open to be ridiculed. Honestly, if I went to sleep with a guy for the first time and discovered he wasn't circumcised I would feel really really uncomfortable at first (I Also know countless women who feel the same way)--- so I don't want my son to go through that experience when he grows up. Circumcisions are totally safe so I don't see the problem with it but I of course respect anyone's decision not to circumcise

I've watched a video of a circ once. It looks terrible. It is mutilation in the same way as how some countries cut off girls clitorises. So if you ladies are right that it's becoming more norm to keep it then that's fantastic. But right now it's not the norm where I am and I would do it. I also mentioned it casually to dh one time. He said he would take the kid and get it done behind my back if I didn't agree.

------quote fail-------

This makes no sense to me. You say that it's mutilation and that you've seen it done and it's terrible and two sentences later you say you're still doing it because it's the norm. Good thing cutting off one arm isnt the norm or else your kid would be walking around with one arm!


Why would I want my child to be bullied bc he's different than the other kids? It happens. And children commit suicide bc of bullying. It is good that cutting off an arm is not the norm and it's just an unnecessary flap of skin

concreteayngel

Thankfully DH and I both are agreed to circumcise if it's a boy. As a woman, it's what a I prefer in a partner, and DH is circumcised so it's what he knows. Also, I would feel like such a creeper having to peel back the foreskin on my infant son in order to clean him.