registry awkwardness — The Bump
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registry awkwardness

Hi everyone,

This is my first thread! :)

To my understanding, a registry is primarily a shopping list for the MTB. It's not necessarily supposed to be a list of "buy this for me" expectations, right?

For that reason, I feel a little awkward when people start grilling me about my registry. "where are you registered, what's on your registry, why aren't you registered at so-and-so instead, you really should do this or that"
This usually happens after someone discovers that we're registered at Amazon. Apparently my husband's side of the family is not tech savvy at all, and many of them think it's really strange that we would have an online registry. 

But here's my thing. If people are gracious and generous enough to buy us ANYthing, then that's wonderful. I don't want people obsessing over the registry or thinking they have to buy the EXACT thing from the EXACT place, or that they are required to buy us anything at all. And I'm not going to go to the trouble of creating a second registry just to make it easier for people to spend money on us.
I try to redirect them to the hostess of my baby shower but many of them haven't met her in person yet and I guess they feel more comfortable talking with me about it. So I end up getting stuck explaining how to use Amazon and why it's convenient, etc.... which boils down to a "this is how you buy me stuff" conversation. It just feels so awkward and surreal and tacky.

I almost want to tell people that I'm not registered anywhere but I can see how that would present logistical issues also.
Anyway I hope I'm making sense... 

Advice?

Re: registry awkwardness

  • While your view towards registries is correct, some people are strictly registry only shoppers.

    That said, i can kind of understand your in-laws POV. I am a big fan of online shopping, I have Amazon prime and do honest delivery for diapers and other baby stuff/cleaning supplies. However, when it comes to baby gifts, I much prefer shopping in person. I love looking at all the sweet baby things. My go-to gift is a big basket filled with some registry items and some things I love. So not sticking to the registry is Nbd to me, but some people really worry about it.
    VOR[Deleted User]MrsYoung9311
  • Just make a small registry online for a store. It takes about 15 minutes...

    CharminglySouthernVORfwtx5815Mamabeagle
  • VORVOR
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic
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    While your view towards registries is correct, some people are strictly registry only shoppers.

    That said, i can kind of understand your in-laws POV. I am a big fan of online shopping, I have Amazon prime and do honest delivery for diapers and other baby stuff/cleaning supplies. However, when it comes to baby gifts, I much prefer shopping in person. I love looking at all the sweet baby things. My go-to gift is a big basket filled with some registry items and some things I love. So not sticking to the registry is Nbd to me, but some people really worry about it.
    All of this.  You're spot on about what a registry is about.  But - it being ONLY online, yes, that can actually make it harder for some people.  Whether they are tech savvy or not, if they simply prefer to go and pick stuff out themselves and really SEE the items, having a brick and mortar registry is nice. 

    If you know that you have friends and family like this, then I think it's a nice thing to do - setting up a registry at a local store.  Then you can say "I'm registered and Amazon.com and Target (or wherever)" and I'd bet you that all the quesitons/ all the "you should do ___" will end.
  • I can understand where you're coming from and you have the right use about its purpose. I'm of the mindset that if someone asks you about it, it's perfectly fine to give them the information. After all, if they are asking, its likely they want use it as a guide. That said, I can see how the less tech savvy people would make it sort of awkward to explain. Honestly, as much as it might be a pain in the butt, I'd probably make a small registry at Target, Babies R Us, or another store that they could shop from.
    I agree making a smaller registry on Target, Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby. I understand going to a store and picking out something. I like to stick to a registry and if the store is nearby I like to order it online and go pick it up if I am attending a shower, engagement party, etc. Actually for my wedding I made multiple registries in case a store is not around someone. 

    I am registered at Buy Buy Baby which there are not tons of store everywhere so I will have the same problem if someone does not like to shop exclusively online. If you have an amazon registry, maybe take some items off and add them through a registry that has a physical store for your in-laws who are not tech savvy with amazon. If someone is grilling you about your registry, just tell them where you are registered and that's it. There is no need for you to explain where, what and why you registered at certain places or for certain things. The registry is nice for a guide on what to get you, that's really it. I know it is weird to "ask" for a gift which if someone buys you anything, that is great! 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    MrsYoung9311
  • I knew they weren't super tech savvy but they do use laptops and smartphones, etc. Also most of them live over 8 hours away so Amazon seemed like the practical choice. I definitely did not expect the reactions I have been getting.

    But I didn't realize that some people are "strictly registry shoppers." I figured people would just shop wherever they want to get similar items.

    Thank you for your insight. I'll have to be more flexible about creating another registry.



  • You could also say they could use the Amazon registry as a guideline...
  • Baby'smom said:
    You could also say they could use the Amazon registry as a guideline...
    Hah, yeah that is what I have been doing but people still get hung up over it. Oh well.. 
  • VORVOR
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic
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    But I didn't realize that some people are "strictly registry shoppers." I figured people would just shop wherever they want to get similar items.


    Where you're flexible and don't care if they get it directly from the registry or not, I've seen MTBs who complain when people DON'T buy the stuff directly. Because they either end up w/ duplicates, or people get them something "similar" but not exactly what they wanted, etc. 

    It's one of those "you can't win" things and why it's just better to have options so that people can do what they want and not fear about upsetting you!
    DrillSergeantCatCharminglySouthernDesignermomma
  • VOR said:


    But I didn't realize that some people are "strictly registry shoppers." I figured people would just shop wherever they want to get similar items.


    Where you're flexible and don't care if they get it directly from the registry or not, I've seen MTBs who complain when people DON'T buy the stuff directly. Because they either end up w/ duplicates, or people get them something "similar" but not exactly what they wanted, etc. 

    It's one of those "you can't win" things and why it's just better to have options so that people can do what they want and not fear about upsetting you!
    There was one a few weeks back that said she was excited to be "a rude b****" to anyone who didn't purchase off her registry. You seem laid back about it, but some people really want to give you what you want so they want to purchase off a registry. I also recommend starting another registry at Target or wherever is popular near you.

    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBabysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
    CharminglySouthernsmount2011kimey1
  • I registered on Amazon and BuyBuyBaby. I also put a note on my Amazon registry that items could be purchased anywhere and that the list could just be updated that it was purchased elsewhere. That worked fine for my savvy friends. For anyone else they just asked the shower host (my Mom) and she would update the list to help prevent duplicates. So far so good. 
    Proud Mommy to Benjamin
    1/11/16
    8.4lbs
    21.5 inches
  • Omg my mom was just telling me that I need to register at Walmart also rather than just having my Amazon Registry. I view registries like you do- this is my list of what I'm going to buy. I'm a Prime member so I'm going to buy it from Amazon.

    After the 2nd time Mom told me I should register at Walmart, I told her this: I don't think I need another registry because Amazon gives people the option of marking items "purchased from another store." People don't have to order online. I figured most people are going to buy whatever clothes/bibs/blankets/toys they want or think is cute anyway (on the registry or not). If someone wants to buy something big, it's easier on Amazon because they ship it straight to my house (I'll be traveling over 600 miles for my shower and there won't be room to take a whole bunch of big stuff back anyway).

    She finally saw my point.

    Also for this reason, clothes aren't even on my registry.
    MrsLeanMeanCleanMrsYoung9311
  • 3 things...

    - You're absolutely right about what the registry is for.  I add everything for the completion bonuses.
    - I agree with the PPs that a Target/BBB/Walmart/BRU registry will stop the comments, and won't hurt.
    - I feel like an ASS, cause technically I have 4 registries. BUT it's because I'm a huge bargain shopper and hate the thought of people spending a ton of money on me, so I comparison shop for them and add the best priced item to the store registry.  

  • I agree with what the previous posters have mentioned. You mentioned that they all have smartphones and laptops, but for some people, trying to find that type of stuff is overwhelming. My mom pretty much knows how to use the internet, but if I was to tell her that I had an Amazon registry, she would end up calling me to just ask me what was on it, or make me walk her through step-by-step on how to find the registry in the first place. 

    I agree with making a small registry somewhere, and put on there the things that you will need duplicates of (diapers, wipes, shampoo/body wash, etc). If someone sees your registry and there is nothing they want to purchase, then they can find something that they just like, or get a gift card and a book or something. 

    I am a STM who once lived in a small house and got rid of a ton of items because we didn't have space to store it, and we were unsure if we would have another. Well, we are expecting again, and know that we will need to re-purchase a lot of items, so we have a Amazon registry as our list to purchase from (for our PERSONAL use). I wont be having another shower (obviously), but my friends/family are the type to still expect there to be a registry so they can buy a gift. So I just did a tiny one at a store, that just includes a handful of items under $20.
    _____________________________________________
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This thread is 2.5 months old. She's probably already had her shower. No need to revive zombie threads.

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    Bringmemylongswordhoecwk
  • This thread is 2.5 months old. She's probably already had her shower. No need to revive zombie threads.
    Ah sorry! I honestly didn't even look at the date! It was at the top of the shower boards so I figured that it was newer.
    _____________________________________________
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This thread is 2.5 months old. She's probably already had her shower. No need to revive zombie threads.
    Ah sorry! I honestly didn't even look at the date! It was at the top of the shower boards so I figured that it was newer.
    The person before you brought it back up.

    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBabysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
    jxwong
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