Only if you're paying! I can't imagine what that kind of thing must cost. I'm not really familiar with what a baby nurse is, anyway. Are you in the US? Do they live with you 24/7? What do they do?
Married 7.29.05 :: DD1 5.11.10 :: DD2 1.23.13 :: Baby Boy due 3.13.16!
I have heard of mommy helpers, and wet nurses... not baby nurses though. Of course, most people can't afford either one (and I am one of the 'most people')
I've seen this discussed before and there were definitely a lot of mixed responses on this. Personally, I don't see why anyone would hire a night nurse, even if they had ample funds to do so. Even now with my 2 year old I look back and think about those first nights home with her and I can't imagine missing out on that. Not only was it amazing time to learn and bond with her but my DH and I really connected in that time too. Like, "hey, this is exhausting but at least we have each other!"
I think the only time that would even be considered for me is if I had a crazy demanding job (like a pilot or something like that) where I needed to be back to work right away. But even with the crappy maternity leave in the US we still get typically 6 weeks at home and sleeping while baby napped was good enough to get through and be ready to go back to work after my leave was up.
Out of curiosity I looked up about how much this costs in the US. On average, it looks like night nurses run about $35/hour so you're looking at $280/night for 8 hours. If you used them only Monday through Friday the cost would be $1400/week. So if you were looking at let's say 3 weeks (8 hours/day for 5 days a week), the total would be at least $4200 and I'm assuming that's the kind of thing where you would add tip too. For me, that is about $4200 more than I would like to spend. But after looking into places that offer that service, there were quite a few agencies for this. It's probably not as uncommon as I thought.
It's not in our budget but even if it was I wouldn't. Like a PP said I wouldn't want to miss out on the first few weeks. Even if your baby is up all night they will sleep most of the day so you would have plenty of time to catch up during the day. I would however consider hiring a mother's helper (usually an teenager whose job is to entertain older kids) if I was going to be home alone and had toddlers/older kids that needed to be entertained.
If I had the money, a mommy helper would hang with us for the first 2 weeks. Between 2 newborns and a toddler, I am sure it would be a big help as I am sure dh won't take off more than the day I have them. He won't get paid while off and his is the only income for now
So the baby nurse title is misleading, they're not actually nurses. They're more so nannies certified in CPR that " specialize" in newborn care. Husband and I have pretty demanding jobs (work-hour wise). I work at a hospital and live in the US. I'm getting 20 days off maternity leave. Which is pretty pathetic to say the least.
Anyway my friend recommended getting a baby nurse. And then another friend said she got one and really helped her out during the nights, changing diapers, feeding, also served as a lactation consultant, light errands around the house and so on. Unfortunately I won't have my mom or MIL to help out during the first few weeks which is why I'm considering it.
Money wise I think we can swing it. They have 12 hour shift and 24 hour shift. I was thinking of doing the 12 hour shift. I was just curious if anyone else has done it? Or is considering it.
Maybe try posting this on another board like the tri boards or 0-3 months. I don't think you're going to get a ton of responses from people who have done this or are considering it (because of the cost or just not wanting to hire someone for a variety of reasons) so you might get more responses on the bigger boards. I will say in the last BMB I was a part of this came up a few times and some of the responses might be considered harsh.
Seems reasonable in your situation. I never really understood the 'night nurse' thing because if you breastfeed, your sweet @ss is up every 2-3 hours whether you're paying someone or not, so it seemed kind of silly. But I could totally see the benefit of having someone who knew what they were doing with a newborn there for some all-around help and pointers, especially if family can't be there to help.
At this point I'm more in the camp of 'I can handle the newborn- no problem, but who is going to take care of the other 3?!'
If I was going back to work after 20 days and my mom wasn't around to help I would *absolutely* consider this. The only person I know who has hired one has triplets (eek!) but it was a huge help for her during the first couple of weeks. How early do you need to decide? Maybe you can spend a week at home and see how things are going then make a decision?
We are doing it. We are the first of our friends and family having a baby, and we have no clue what we are doing. She will stay with us for a week and basically show us what to do, help us care for the umbilical cord and teach us how to care for the baby while keeping us sane. It's pretty common in NYC, feel free to reach out with any questions we did a ton of research.
Oh, and I should note that it's $220 a day, one hour break and you pay for all three meals but you can order in, cereal for breakfast etc. They are also responsible for cleaning.
Ok I understand if you really want to do this and you have the money, go right ahead BUT that is a lot of money (to me) and could go towards baby's college fund or savings account or something. It's really not that hard taking care of a newborn. DH and I have no family close by and survived the first 2 weeks by ourselves before mil was able to fly in and help. PPs made some good points: you're gonna want all those snuggles before it passes you up and if you're breastfeeding, you have to get up all the time anyways! To each their own but I think it's a waste of money.
i feel the same - if you're breastfeeding (which you mentioned she also serves as an LC, so i am assuming you plan on it), having someone else change the diaper for you just so you can get up to feed (and/or pump) anyhow seems really pointless to me. and i am super pro- extra snuggles and bonding at the beginning, lots of skin to skin time with mama AND daddy, even if you plan on formula feeding, so it also seems counter-intuitive to me that some nurse that isn't part of the close family would be getting to take away some of those moments from you, especially since yours are even further limited by your crappy maternity leave (which i am truly sorry about - that is not fair to you guys {{hugs}} ). in your situation, i would much rather spend the money on someone whose sole puropse would be to come in and clean and cook meals for me - a temporary live-in maid/chef? - so that i could maximize my short maternity leave and spend every moment with my baby. as far as newborn care goes (like umbilical stump that another person mentioned), it is pretty simple - just leave it alone. you can figure out the diapers and baths and stuff just like every other first time parent does; it isn't hard. and if you are birthing in a hospital, the nurses will go over all that with you anyhow - they can "teach" you the first few days and save your money. even a midwife at home can tell you about the stump care (leave it alone) and help with the first bath if you want. i hope this doesn't sound like i am judging someone for wanting to use this service, just giving my perspective on why it wouldn't be right for me. however i am all about a postpartum doula coming in and giving me a massage, helping me with some laundry or get a meal going while i snuggle my baby - our PP doulas are also LCs btw, helping with BF'ing when needed so that you don't to get out and go to a consult at the hospital/BF'ing clinic. and PP doulas are much cheaper (at least where i live they are) but they also aren't coming into your personal space for 12 hours at a time (which just seems like a big invasion to me right after having a baby, but again, i am a very private person, whereas others may not be). when i have anyone in my house, i feel like i have to be hosting and "on" and that is exhausting (for me) even when i don't have a newborn. and as for feeding them, well - i want to be fed, not have another person to worry about having food for, even if it is just extra cereal to buy.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
Ok I understand if you really want to do this and you have the money, go right ahead BUT that is a lot of money (to me) and could go towards baby's college fund or savings account or something. It's really not that hard taking care of a newborn. DH and I have no family close by and survived the first 2 weeks by ourselves before mil was able to fly in and help. PPs made some good points: you're gonna want all those snuggles before it passes you up and if you're breastfeeding, you have to get up all the time anyways! To each their own but I think it's a waste of money.
This. I think there is a misconception that most people have "help" the first few weeks but I guess I don't know many people who actually did. We didn't have that and honestly didn't really want that, it was nice to figure it out on our own without having someone there like my mom or MIL. Taking care of a newborn is not as hard as the movies make it seem! Its 90% common sense
Also, I know some husbands have crazy schedules and don't get time off like the mother usually does (my husband took a week of his own vacation off because I had a c-section but that was it) but they can still help. It's not like the mother needs to do every single thing for the baby. Aside from breastfeeding if you choose to do so, get your husband involved when he is home! You will need a break here and there and they should be helping more than your moms, MILs, or any hired help.
My husband was such a huge help at the beginning! When the baby woke up because she was hungry, he would get up and change her diaper and then give her to me to feed. That's what worked for us and I was so grateful for that. Now if your husband/bf won't be any help, I can see wanting to hire help! haha
i agree - we didn't have help with our first either; just common sense and figure it out as you go and you survive husband has been able to take a few days off each time, so that has been awesome.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
With my first my Mom came and stayed with us for two weeks, and my husband took off work and was there as well. When he went back, my Dad stayed for two weeks. With this one I'll have hubby home for two weeks with me (and he'll be shuttling our eldest to preschool and back) and my Mom for the two weeks after that. I understand that if you don't have family close, have a demanding job, and pitiful maternity leave that this may be appealing. Especially if you are a first time Mom.
I will echo some of the other sentiments, however, and say that middle of the night snuggles (post-feeding) with the baby were some of my favorite memories. I often let him fall asleep in my arms after he nursed, and we'd snooze and snuggle, and it was sheer bliss. These days weren't the best sleep of my life, but I wasn't getting that anyway because I was nursing. I'm actually really looking forward to those middle-of-the-night bonding sessions this time around.
My mom is going to be my at home helper, and yes, she will be free. I may be just plain lucky to have a mom who can take a week out of her life to help me with work around the house while baby and I get some quality bonding time. I think having someone to help with laundry, meals and general house upkeep is more valuable than having someone help you with the baby. I want to do have all of those memories. It may be selfish, but you only have that newborn experience for a short time. Let's cherish it!
Would be nice to have a duola if no one is around to help out, especially if you end up with a c-section and takes awhile to recover. I was lucky enough to have my MIL around for the first week and then my mom for about 3 weeks after DD was born. If anything, it was nice to have someone cook for me and when I needed an afternoon nap, she was there to watch the baby. Hubby and I still took the night duties since no one could nurse her except me and diaper changing took a few minutes then we were all back to sleep. I'm not sure if the night portion is really necessary. Hubby only stayed home for a couple of days after the baby was born. He ended up saving that time for after my mom left and would take a day a week off so I wouldn't be home with DD by myself all the time. I think that ended up working out better for us.
My mom is also playing the part of home helper, and I really don't know what we would have done without her. Especially with the 2nd (and now 3rd) because entertaining an energetic toddler/other kids while dealing with a newborn and recovery is rough. But my mom is retired and able to come stay with us for free, for as long as we need her. It's such a blessing.
I suppose I would hire help if I had the money and didn't have family who could come help, but I think it would feel awkward to have a stranger in our lives during that very personal bonding time.
I'm in agreement with other posters that you will probably need more help with all of the "other stuff" than with the baby. However, I do think that hiring a non-family member (if you can afford it) is wise. Moms and mother-in-laws are great, but especially with a first baby they are probably going to want to help out with the baby more than anything else and that's only natural. Also, they have their own lives to live and jobs to do, so asking for a lot of help can be hard on them. I'm all for leaning on family for support, but only to a level that everyone can be happy with. Hiring someone else who isn't going to constantly want to hold your baby when you need to be bonding/feeding makes sense to me. I haven't been in the position to do it, but if I had my pick I would hire a cleaning lady for sure.
The "downside" of breastfeeding (if it can be called a downside) is that baby is going to want and need YOU. My husband would try and soothe our newborns and he was certainly helpful with diaper changes, etc., but I was still the one who had to get up and feed the baby because no one else can do it! DS was especially difficult and really only wanted mom, ALL the time, so having a baby nurse probably wouldn't have done much for me.
I think it's not a fair assumption if you have a nurse you plan on handing this woman your child and having her do everything. I plan on waking up and snuggling and cuddling my daughter, however having my anxiety issues helped by someone to tell me "no, you are not going to break your baby when you are swaddling her" is priceless. All the power to the moms that can do it themselves or have moms that don't work that can help them. But I can tell very early on that this week of teaching is for me.
I'm in agreement with other posters that you will probably need more help with all of the "other stuff" than with the baby. However, I do think that hiring a non-family member (if you can afford it) is wise. Moms and mother-in-laws are great, but especially with a first baby they are probably going to want to help out with the baby more than anything else and that's only natural. Also, they have their own lives to live and jobs to do, so asking for a lot of help can be hard on them. I'm all for leaning on family for support, but only to a level that everyone can be happy with. Hiring someone else who isn't going to constantly want to hold your baby when you need to be bonding/feeding makes sense to me. I haven't been in the position to do it, but if I had my pick I would hire a cleaning lady for sure.
The "downside" of breastfeeding (if it can be called a downside) is that baby is going to want and need YOU. My husband would try and soothe our newborns and he was certainly helpful with diaper changes, etc., but I was still the one who had to get up and feed the baby because no one else can do it! DS was especially difficult and really only wanted mom, ALL the time, so having a baby nurse probably wouldn't have done much for me.
Oh I can't agree more! My mom was really excited to help at first but she has a life back home too. She was pretty tired (really just bored) towards the end. I don't think she will be the one helping this time.
With MIL, there's always a dilemma if she tells you one thing and you just don't want to do it her way. With my mom, I'm completely comfortable to tell her no, but with MIL, it can be awkward. My MIL is quite understanding for the most part so I don't run into that problem with her, but I certainly know people who have experienced it.
So yes! It's important to make sure people will be happy with it, and if they aren't, they don't have to feel bad. My mom ended up changing her flight to leave a week earlier (she originally planned to stay for a month). I was perfectly ok with it but I know she felt a little guilty inside.
We survived without a baby nurse, but I had many nieces and nephews and I was used to babies. If you are totally new to babies and have no family around I could see having a nurse or nanny to so some teaching. However, Most people do ok on their own and weathering the newborn stage has its own rewards.
I've never considered having a nurse come to the house. My mother always came and is going to for the first week or 2 depending on how I physically feel. I however have a housekeeper that comes twice a week that does all the house cleaning and laundry(cheaper than a nurse). Plus I do my grocery shopping online when everyone sleeping and have delivered so don't have to try wiggling that in.
I don't know how you ladies let your moms and MILs stay with you during that time! I seriously shudder at the thought of either of mine living with me or spending a substantial amount of time with me right after I have my baby. I'm extremely independent and only want my husband's help.
My husband will take a week off work, and other than wishing he could spend more time at home with us before going back, I'm so good with that. Luckily both my mom and MIL live in the same city as us, so if I change my mind or need something before my husband can take care of it, they're easily there...but I just feel like they would drive me crazy.
I've never heard of anyone around here having any type of nurse or helper in home other than a nanny or night nanny. Nannies also aren't common amongst anyone other than very well off. In my area it's family help, in home daycares, churches, and daycare centers. Nannies or nurses are definitely not the norm. If you have the funds and feel like it would be a help, though, go for it! Anything that helps you feel more confident and comfortable is only a positive. You know yourself and how you handle new and stressful situations, so set yourself up for success and don't worry about what others think or do!
Thanks for the feedback ladies! After speaking to DH we decided to get the baby nurse. If we feel like we're missing quality time we can always scale back. We never had exposures to babies, only toddlers. I already found a few agencies with very good prices near me. I'm in NJ. My OBGYN said they're very common in our area. It just really helps to have support. Very excited!! Thanks again.
Awesome! Maybe some time after, you can come back here and give us a review in the experience (pros and cons and such), since about half of us had never heard of this. Would be really interested in your thoughts This sounds like something that would be a job I'd really enjoy doing once my kids were older and I still had baby fever haha - I love taking care of people, and bonus if I get an occasional newborn snuggle too!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
I had one. Loved it. I bf for 18 months. They're super helpful and it doesn't take away from bonding. I bonded just plenty. I also had time to nap and recover. They wash all the bottles and do laundry. It's fantastic. Post c section w a busy working hubby I couldn't have done it alone
Msantana87
member
Re: Baby nurses
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
Anyway my friend recommended getting a baby nurse. And then another friend said she got one and really helped her out during the nights, changing diapers, feeding, also served as a lactation consultant, light errands around the house and so on. Unfortunately I won't have my mom or MIL to help out during the first few weeks which is why I'm considering it.
Money wise I think we can swing it. They have 12 hour shift and 24 hour shift. I was thinking of doing the 12 hour shift. I was just curious if anyone else has done it? Or is considering it.
March '16 February Siggy challenge- After Pregnancy hopes
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
I think if you have the funds to do it and the desire, you should go for it.
I would also hire a housekeeper though ;-)
My husband will take a week off work, and other than wishing he could spend more time at home with us before going back, I'm so good with that. Luckily both my mom and MIL live in the same city as us, so if I change my mind or need something before my husband can take care of it, they're easily there...but I just feel like they would drive me crazy.
I've never heard of anyone around here having any type of nurse or helper in home other than a nanny or night nanny. Nannies also aren't common amongst anyone other than very well off. In my area it's family help, in home daycares, churches, and daycare centers. Nannies or nurses are definitely not the norm. If you have the funds and feel like it would be a help, though, go for it! Anything that helps you feel more confident and comfortable is only a positive. You know yourself and how you handle new and stressful situations, so set yourself up for success and don't worry about what others think or do!
This sounds like something that would be a job I'd really enjoy doing once my kids were older and I still had baby fever haha - I love taking care of people, and bonus if I get an occasional newborn snuggle too!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!