Baby Shower Rant — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Baby Shower Rant

Ladies I had the most frustrating thing happen last night. My mom and step mom are throwing me a baby shower, which I know nothing about. Apparently the invites went out because I got a nasty comment from my Dad's best friends wife. She told me all the reasons she will not attend my shower. In a nutshell she said the way I thanked her husband at our wedding was not appropriate. He officiated the wedding. I didn't give him a gift and I didn't put him in the program (which I honestly didn't even know). I ordered them off etsy and just filled in the info where promoted. She insulted me for including dead people.... My grandparents and aunt and uncle.. But not him. She said I cared more about dead people. AND she said that her husband was more emotionally invested in my ceremony than I was. She said she thinks I need to be more grateful for what others do for me me and she just is so resentful of me that she can't be happy for me.

Who the f does that? A 50 something year old woman wrote this to me in Facebook a year after my wedding. Perhaps I messed up and didn't thank him appropriately, why would you wait a year to call me out and say nasty things. Don't come to my shower... I am not offended. But I am offended that you felt the need to belittle me in the process.

Sorry for my long rant. I have just been so upset that I needed to get it off my chest.
Hipshaker

Re: Baby Shower Rant

  • Yeesh.  Doesn't sound like the type of person I'd want coming to my shower anyways.  I think it's a little strange that they held onto this grudge for so long, yet he wasn't even the one to say something--it was his wife....






    TTC #1 10/2014
    Low progesterone
    BFP 05/2015
    Baby boy born 01/2016
    Currently: NTNP





     
    Meg920CaraBooniewassuphoesMamabeagle
  • That's terrible. I'm sorry! Doesn't sound like it is even worth responding to. I wonder if your dad's best friend ever mentioned it to your dad. If you do anything (and I don't think you need to), you could always just talk with him directly and let him know you understand he was hurt and felt unappreciated at the wedding and that you are sorry and appreciate everything he did.
    Meg920
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  • She made a point to tell me he doesn't know, so I don't even think it's worth saying anything at this point. I would talk to him but j am way too emotional about it now and I wouldn't want to say something mean about his wife.

    I just find it so odd. Perhaps I made a mistake. I am truly sorry that I did, but to tell me you can't ever share in my joy is a little harsh. You can't define someone by a mistake they made. Interestingly enough, this woman had an affair and ended up marrying him. If people judged her by that action, in sure she wouldn't appreciate that....
    ChrissyD1203
  • Youch! I don't have any advice for you other than to brush it off and to enjoy your shower without her. Offering an apology is all you can do, but if she's this mad a year later about someone else's hurt feelings I'm not sure how much an apology is going to fix anything. Some people just like to be mad. Like it's not even her grudge, dang!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Meg920ChrissyD1203HollyUWS
  • Meg920 said:
    She made a point to tell me he doesn't know, so I don't even think it's worth saying anything at this point. I would talk to him but j am way too emotional about it now and I wouldn't want to say something mean about his wife. I just find it so odd. Perhaps I made a mistake. I am truly sorry that I did, but to tell me you can't ever share in my joy is a little harsh. You can't define someone by a mistake they made. Interestingly enough, this woman had an affair and ended up marrying him. If people judged her by that action, in sure she wouldn't appreciate that....
    My dad and I are really close so I'd definitely bring it up to him and see if he was truly hurt and apologize. But third party like that? Wtf?
    Meg920
  • Omg you guys are the best. I seriously just needed to hear it from someone else too. I honestly think there's a deeper issue. She called me out for not calling her husband to tell him I got engaged like 3 years ago. I didn't call all of my parents friends lol I think it's odd. I suspect it's deeper than that. If this makes her feel better about herself so be it. I certainly don't need that kind of negativity in my life and I wouldn't want my child to be around people like that. She is a 50 some year old woman yelling at 27 year old pregnant lady via fb chat lol. And she is made because I didn't show enough gratitude to her husband. Ugh
  • It sounds like she gave you the perfect reason to NEVER have to talk to her again! Win! I would not reply and just leave it at that. Done.
    Meg920Vamason89
  • I would just drop it. Its frustrating but if she has nothing better to do the still be upset about it and to go out of her way to let you know then let her be mad about it... Don't let it bug you like it bugs her, if anything giggle at the fact that she took such offence to something she could have just tactfully brought up... Got to love those old grumpy ladies :)
    Meg920
  • I would forward her message to her husband, including a message saying that you had no idea he felt that he was so unappreciated and didn't get his proper due at your wedding. And also stating that the venom expressed by his wife was shocking and unexpected, and you'll thank him to keep her home on the shower date so that she won't find herself further offended by some imaginary slight.
    kristen2bMeg920AchaeBlueyedsky
  • Ew!! Just ew!! I agree with @Scullahoo that this lady just needs a reason to hate on you. I have an aunt like this...she's obsessive and neurotic and gets all upset when people don't follow "proper etiquette" but she herself is SO tasteless and rude. To be clear, I don't think you did anything wrong, but if she thought you did, NOT the way to handle it.

    Especially is most of her greivence about the situation is that her husband wasn't properly appreciated or given a gift. She seems crass and nasty and I also say good reason to just stay away..... don't even bother responding. And don't take it personally, she's a weirdo!
    Meg920[Deleted User]
  • l4rkl4rk member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited October 2015
    I would forward her message to her husband, including a message saying that you had no idea he felt that he was so unappreciated and didn't get his proper due at your wedding. And also stating that the venom expressed by his wife was shocking and unexpected, and you'll thank him to keep her home on the shower date so that she won't find herself further offended by some imaginary slight.

    I would do the first part of this--messaging her husband to say you didn't realize he felt that way, was genuinely oblivious to wedding etiquette and then I would actually apologize and express how much it meant to you that he was there for you on that day. If they are dwelling on it a year later, I think it's worth saying sorry for. It is kind of a burn to not have officially acknowledged him, even if unintentional. BUT, once the apology is done, I would move the F on and never initiate a conversation with that woman ever again. 

    I guess I don't actually see the benefit of being spiteful in this circumstance. It might feel good for five seconds to vent your frustration, but it's the low road. You won't feel good about it when the anger wears off (even if that does take years).
    BlueyedskyMeg920
  • These people just take them with a grain of salt. Family members are comical. They bring the most drama. As previously mentioned, she isn't the kind of person you want around you and baby.
    Meg920
  • nlwz123 said:

    Yeesh.  Doesn't sound like the type of person I'd want coming to my shower anyways.  I think it's a little strange that they held onto this grudge for so long, yet he wasn't even the one to say something--it was his wife....



    I totally agree,you only want people who truly love and care about you to help celebrate YOU. sometimes people get so wrapped up in focusing on the baby that hasn't even been born yet today forget but there's a person carrying that baby.people need to be more respectful about a stressful situation. I would count it as her loss and your gain.
  • I'm a big supporter of NOT responding to rude Facebook messages.

    A former friends fiance/baby daddy messaged me calling me a cunt, I suppose for not calling her about her pregnancy, engagement or birth. But we hadn't talked in almost two years and had drifted apart naturally, and never had a fight.

    If you haven't done anything yet, please just ignore it. Nothing good will come of responding to that nonsense.
    willashbabyMeg920
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