PGAL check-in *discussions of loss* — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

PGAL check-in *discussions of loss*

How is everyone doing? Have most of us had our anatomy scans? How did you feel going in? If you got good news, did it help with the anxiety?


Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: PGAL check-in *discussions of loss*

  • Hey mama- had mine yesterday. Baby is very healthy with all of his important parts! Yes this helped a lot. This and the constant moving. He has been non-stop now and that has really, really helped.

    How are you? Have you had your scan? I forget if you know the sex of your baby- let me know. And again, thanks for posting these and the continued check-ins! Hope you are well xo
    cbou
  • Hi! Thanks for asking! We're having a little boy. <3 

    We had our scan yesterday. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time, but everything looked great! My sonographer was amazing at explaining everything. She kept assuring me that everything looked good so it was overall a wonderful experience. 

    I've really only felt him really low. I sometimes think I feel him higher but it's much less obvious. And I know he's a wiggler because they always have to chase him all over the place to get a heart rate with the doppler.  So when she said that my placenta is anterior it was an 'aha!' moment.


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    seckenrodecbou
  • So cute!! Also team blue here- so glad we both had healthy scans yesterday. My placenta is posterior and that's also contributing to the strong movement. DH has even got to feel baby which helps him accept that this boy is going to be our rainbow! Cheers to good news! Hopefully the rest of our contributors will have them same~
  • Congrats!
    I had my scan yesterday as well. We are having a lil boy. He measured in at 12 ozs. The ultrasound tech and doctor both said he was measuring fine and in great health. I was 18 weeks 6 days. He didn't want to be active though. He was curled up and hiding behind my belly button and the tech couldn't get him to move at all. He's already being stubborn.
    I was excited, nervous, and scared when I went in. When he didn't want to move around, even with being jiggled and pushed, I got scared really bad because I thought something was wrong with him, but the tech and doctor assured me that he was fine.
    My EDD is 2/24 but the Dr and tech are talking about me having him on 2/16 as I'm having a c-section.
    rainbowminionseckenrodecbou
  • I was wondering if anyone is thinking about an elective C-section just due to anxiety? My anxiety isn't all that out of control and this pregnancy has been blessedly normal. But I have spent the last 4 years talking to other loss moms online and have heard so many horrible stories about losing normal, healthy babies during labor. So that's my frame of reference, which I know isn't representative of the vast majority of births. Maybe I should just ask them to monitor the heck out him instead? Thoughts? Experiences?


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I was wondering if anyone is thinking about an elective C-section just due to anxiety? My anxiety isn't all that out of control and this pregnancy has been blessedly normal. But I have spent the last 4 years talking to other loss moms online and have heard so many horrible stories about losing normal, healthy babies during labor. So that's my frame of reference, which I know isn't representative of the vast majority of births. Maybe I should just ask them to monitor the heck out him instead? Thoughts? Experiences?

    Mine isn't elective. I had to have a c-section with my DS and I wanted to try a VBAC, but the hospital and Dr I chose this time won't allow a VBAC, so I'm having to have another c-section, which I'm fine with after seeing things about ruptures and so on with VBAC.
    Personally, I think I was a bit relieved when the Dr told me they won't do a VBAC. I've had 2 vaginal births and one c-section. I felt like the recovery from the c-section was a bit better for me than the vaginal births. But each person is different. I think it mostly depends on what your doctor/midwife/doula and you think and agree on with what would be best.

    I hope that helped. :-)
    rainbowminion
  • We had our A/S yesterday and I was so nervous... But everything looks great!
    We found out we're having a boy which I'm actually a bit upset about because it's going to make things more difficult emotionally - like going through baby clothes. I don't think I can put this baby in things I associate with the son I lost. And so far my boys have been born around 38 weeks and haven't been strong nursers, have lost weight and had a hard time putting on weight, etc. Plus boys are at a higher risk of SIDS for some reason.
    So... Otherwise I'm estactic to be having a little boy, it's just that it increases my anxiety for a variety of reasons.

    An elective csection crossed my mind (glad I'm not the only one!)- my first was a c section so I'd actually be allowed- but I've had 2 VBACs and I'd like to continue with that. I prefer vaginal birth and we want to have more kids so that's safest in the long run for me. And I'll personally have less anxiety if baby stays in as long as possible to keep developing.

    We may need to have more frequent check in's as we all get closer to the end!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Pregnancy Ticker
    rainbowminion
  • @purpletulip  I totally understand. I was so happy my baby ended up being the opposite sex of the baby I lost. I would have loved a girl unconditionally, but having a boy is so much less complicated emotionally for me. 

    An elective C-section feels so much more, I don't know, controlled than a vaginal birth. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. But I know that recovery is usually longer and rougher, and I've heard C-section can increase the risk of postpartum depression which is also a concern I have (because I worry about everything).


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Honestly ladies I hadn't even thought about delivery, but now I will!

    I lost twins who were boys too. I try to think that this little guy has two brothers in heaven looking out for him.
  • I've deleted and re-written this a couple times. I'm not sure what to share but feeling pretty bummed at the moment.

    Tomorrow is my first appointment with my ob since the anatomy scan and diagnosis of vasa previa. I'm not looking forward to it or feeling positive about it. Based on the conversation she and I had, she does not seem to understand what the condition is. I had such a hard time getting an ob to accept me as a patient when we moved  at 16 weeks because of my risk. The idea of having to find another physician at 22 weeks is daunting given all of the hoops I had to go through at 16 weeks. 

    The mortality rate is high enough with vasa previa that I can't idly sit by and agree with the ob to try for a natural birth or schedule a c-section at 39 weeks (3 weeks later than the recommended latest date). The feeling has started to creep in that this may not be our rainbow baby and it's heartbreaking when it does. 

    One of my closest childhood friends is pregnant right now too and only a few weeks behind me. While I'm so excited for her and her husband, it's been hard to see how seemingly easy pregnancy is for her. I have been restricted from all exercise except "gentle walking" by the MFM and it's frustrating when she texts me about how great her run was. Or how she thinks there's something wrong because she feels good. Or has no morning sickness. 

    Add to that I'm about a month into a new job and getting comments from a male scheduling assistant about how I'm probably not coming back after I have the baby. Or that I took the job just to have insurance or the jokes about maybe I just didn't know how where babies come from- as if I was irresponsible instead of working with a specialist to become pregnant (never mind the fact that I interviewed in December - [I was pregnant then too, but only about 9 weeks]). It also frustrates me because I spent 12 years from undergrad on earning a doctorate and got a job I love. I worked my butt off for this my education and this job - where/how does my pregnancy factor into that? (sorry to rant here)

    My mom doesn't seem to understand. My pregnant friend doesn't seem to understand. Don't get me wrong, I think they try, but hearing "Everything is going to work out fine" is not helpful. It would be nice if they could acknowledge this is a scary condition with poor outcomes when handled improperly. I'm trying to be positive about this pregnancy but more and more I'm feeling like I shouldn't get attached because I can't guarantee that she will get here safely. 

     With any luck, I'm wrong about my ob.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @sarahs06, oh sweetheart I'm so sorry to hear about all of that stress and anxiety. I can't imagine how scary all of this is, especially with all of the uncertainty about your OB on top of it and the stress at work. I hope you have a good appointment tomorrow. Keep us posted! Thinking about you!


  • @rainbowminion thank you for posting about elective c sections! I've been thinking the same thing and feeling crazy for thinking it. I feel like I keep accidentally stumbling upon articles about stillbirths and sudden losses around delivery which isn't helpful either.

    @SarahS06 that's all awful. I'm so sorry! I hope your OB either comes to her senses or you can find another one who actually knows how to deal with the condition--especially since it seems like a properly timed c section will greatly improve the outcome/reduce the risk to the baby. I very rarely advocate raising hell, but I think it's more than justified in your situation. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow--please keep us posted.
  • Hi! Thanks for asking! We're having a little boy. <3 


    We had our scan yesterday. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time, but everything looked great! My sonographer was amazing at explaining everything. She kept assuring me that everything looked good so it was overall a wonderful experience. 

    I've really only felt him really low. I sometimes think I feel him higher but it's much less obvious. And I know he's a wiggler because they always have to chase him all over the place to get a heart rate with the doppler.  So when she said that my placenta is anterior it was an 'aha!' moment.
    I have an anterior placenta too!! Although i feel more kicks and movements every day, they are still light feelings, but i know it isn't gas!
    The A/S, i was sooo nervous. SOs mom was with us, i felt really bad saying no to her because she's out of this world excited, and she doesn't know about our previous loss. We have a hb doppler so i knew everything was fine in that sense going into the a/s.
    It's a girl!!
    According to our midwife, baby girl is measuring a little small, which of course opens a whole new can of worry... baby is in the 24th percentile and at 19w4d she was 10oz.
    My hopes are getting higher, but there's still that thought and worry always lurking in the back of my mind. I don't think it will ever ever go away.
    rainbowminioncbou
  • @SarahS06 no one who hasn't gone through this understand, but we do and we are here for you!! I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but it seems like with a C section everything could be ok right?? Please don't lose hope even though it's hard, even more so without a trusted physician. I hope you can find one you like as soon as possible. Please keep us posted and I will say some prayers for you and baby girl!

    And eff your coworker. Seems like a DB. easier said than done I know, but try to avoid him or not let him get to you.
    rainbowminion
  • Hey ladies, glad to hear about the healthy little ones! I had my a/s 9/22 and our little girl was measuring right on track. Definitely helped calm my fears to see her moving around in there, with all her parts and pieces accounted for :) Feeling her kick has also eased my mind between appointments.

    Re: elective c-section, I don't know a whole lot of moms who lost their babies during delivery. Most of the loss moms I know never got that far, so it hadn't actually crossed my mind. I think I'd like to deliver vaginally but it's too early to say that's what I'll do for sure. While c-sections can be planned in advance and are therefore somewhat more controlled, there are still so many unknowns (as with any pregnancy/delivery, and because I'm a FTM) that I'm not sure there's a clear benefit to having one myself. I think whatever you feel most comfortable with will probably be the right choice!

    @SarahS06 I'm sorry you're going through all that stress! I hope you're able to find a doctor you like and trust. I don't have any experience with vasa previa, but from the little bit of reading I did, it seems like most physicians have a standard procedure for monitoring and delivery. I'm hopeful that you are able to find a doctor with lots of experience managing and delivering vasa previa cases. Please don't lose hope! We're all here for support :) PS your coworker sounds like a real jerk-- that's harassment and definitely reportable behavior. It's something to consider-- you don't deserve to be ridiculed, especially when he sounds like he has no idea wtf he's talking about.

    image Lilypie - (zxAe)

    rainbowminionseckenrode
  • Thanks ladies for not making me feel like a complete weirdo for thinking about an elective c-section!


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • @SarahS06 - you have a lot going on right now and people around you aren't making it easier on you :-(

    I know it's stressful finding a new OB. I had to do it with my first in the 3rd trimester. Just remember that once you've got one that you like and trust, all that work is so worth it!

    I hope your appointment goes well today despite expectations. I did some reading online about vasa previa and it sounds scary. BUT the survival rate is 97% (according to one source) with a c section before labor starts, and there's no issues with the baby's growth before labor, so that's very encouraging!
    I know what you mean though about people saying "it'll be ok"... That doesn't address your worries.
    I hope you find a doctor that has a good, solid plan to get baby through this.

    If I were you I'd text your friend and ask that she stop mentioning her runs so much while you're pregnant. "Please stop telling me about these awesome runs! It's more of a reminder of what I'm missing out on" or something like that. I'm sure she'll understand and maybe realize you need some more support.

    As for work, I'd ask the guy to stop with the comments as well - maybe he's totally clueless and that's all it'll take to make him realize he's being a jerk- or go straight to your manager or HR. It's not acceptable for him to say those things.

    @rainbowminion - I feel you! I never even thought to mention it to anyone and when you brought it up I was like "wow, I'm not crazy!"
    The control aspect is what appeals to me too. I actually had a pretty good c section experience (it was a much easier recovery than one vaginal birth and a harder recovery than my other one) which makes it that much more appealing.
    I think with previous losses we're more fragile and just desperate to find something stable and controllable.
    Unfortunately, I think the reality is that a csection doesn't have less risk for mom and baby, but I bet your doctor wouldn't be surprised to hear you voice your thoughts, and maybe they can help you with your decision.



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Pregnancy Ticker
    rainbowminioncbou
  • First - thank you ladies. PGAL brain can be crazy making and your responses made it a little less so. 

    My appointment exceed my expectations. My ob explained she didn't have the full report when she responded to my questions and didn't want to jump the gun. She has a conservative approach (check again, re-check sometime around 32 weeks, steroid shot at 32 weeks no matter what the scans find, all with the likely outcome of a c-section by 37 weeks) and explained that while a natural birth is not completely out of the realm of possibility if things move, it's highly unlikely. She said her goal is to get me to 37 weeks but to keep in mind that she might be delivered before then. She was patient and made sure all of my questions were answered before I left.

    It's such a relief that it looks like I won't have to change obs and I'm feeling much more confident in her abilities/understanding of what's going on.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    rainbowminionmwmiller4seckenrodecbou
  • @SarahS06 that's such good news! I'm so glad your doctor has a legitimate plan you feel more comfortable about everything. Here's to that being the last bump in the road--goodness knows you deserve it!
    seckenrode
  • @SarahS06 I am SO happy to read your news after your previous comments. It's wonderful to hear how your Dr. was being more cautious and wanted to do more of the homework to make sure she had the best information for you. It sounds like you are in good hands. Positive vibes for you!

    We have our A/S next Tuesday when we will be 20 weeks. I am a little nervous, because although we can hear the heartbeat (from the monitor I told everyone about on a previous PGAL Check in post) I still worry that anything else could go wrong. Just trying to keep with the positive attitude we have had so far and keep hoping for the best. It's exciting because I think I am starting to feel the baby ;)

  • I had my A/S yesterday and sobbed in the waiting room beforehand, but everything looked good and we are having a little girl. I'm feeling a lot more optimistic. I'm still not feeling much movement, but I know that will come later. I have barely thought about my birth plan because I'm taking everything a little bit at a time.

    @SarahS06 - I'm glad your appointment went well. I agree that you need to say something to your insensitive friend and colleague. You are going through enough to not have to deal with that.

    I'm glad all of you ladies had great A/Ss! I hope the good news keeps coming!
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