Lately, I've been having a really hard time maintaining a relationship with my older sister. Unfortunately, she is struggling through IVF during the same time that I'm pregnant. I'm trying really hard to be a good sister and a supportive friend to her by listening to her worries, and allowing her to vent or talk things through when she needs to. I never bring up things related to my pregnancy unless she specifically asks about it (which she does, sometimes), and I censor details about my life to try to spare her details about things that might upset her.
I know that this is heartbreaking for her -- in many ways it has completely consumed her life and changed her into a different person. I feel like I have made every possible effort to be sensitive to her situation.I made sure to plan out how to tell her I was pregnant, I never complain about pregnancy symptoms or other discomforts, and try to hard to keep her included without hurting her as much as possible. However, it doesn't feel like she's offering me the same courtesy. She's made quite a few insensitive comments that I don't think she realizes are hurtful. For example, when I went to my confirmation appointment, she said "I won't call you after the appointment in case you get bad news and you need time to process it." I was so shocked she would think that was appropriate to say out loud. She's also made some statements about our apartment being really small for a baby, how we need to save money, etc. which I know she is viewing as good advice, but it feels judgey, like she's thinking she is so much better prepared to be a mother than I am.
Now I'm getting really stressed about going home for Christmas and my baby shower. She has made several comments about how she can't really help with the shower because she might have to run out crying or leave to get some air. While I totally understand that this could be hard from her, it seems unfair that she's making these comments in conversation with me. Hearing her say that makes me feel like I have to downplay my excitement, or that it will be really awkward to open baby-related presents during Christmas with my family. In some ways, I'm beginning to feel hurt that her difficulties are ruining some of the enjoyment of my pregnancy. From some of her comments, I worry that if I just walk in the room with my baby bump, she's going to run out sobbing. How are we going to make it through a week of holiday celebrations?
Is it wrong to think that she should be censoring these comments while speaking to me in the same way that I try to shield her from hurtful pregnancy comments? Is there a nice way to tell her any of this, or do I just need to suck it up, create some distance from her, and hope for the best?