spouse less interested in sex — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

spouse less interested in sex

My fiance has lost much interest in sex. We are having a baby girl and he has been so great, he sings to her and talks to her, rubs my tummy. He said he feels weird having sex because his daughter is in me. I cant help but be hurt. I feel unattractive, though I know its not that. I just cant help but be down on myself because of it!
jferrer1212nanamp

Re: spouse less interested in sex

  • Aww, you're not alone. My hubby is the same way. That's all I can pretty much say (no real advice to change it right now) as this our first (baby girl too) & it seems mostly mental affecting it all. Just hang in there. Hopefully it's not forever :-) but yea, you're not alone.
    Shannon76Janmom
  • Same here. Some guys can block it out and others cant. We're still working on other ways of feeling intimate like massages.. etc. It's a learning curve. You're not alone.
    jferrer1212
  • Oh, massages sound good!! We're just trying to fit in quality time together, some "dates" & baby shopping, & keeping on same page... I think just going thru the emotions, holding hands, & sharing excitement & fears & concerns are important as we're "going through this" together :-) ok, sorry to sound corny ;)
    Leah6120
  • Yeah and then it doesn't get any better when you are giant and can hardly move and the belly literally gets in the way. Sigh. Sex gets such a boost with the hormones in early pregnancy and them dies at the end- that's my experience at least. But we have no trouble bouncing back after. Try to do other things that make YOU feel good- get your hair done, your nails, nice outfits etc. if you feel great I bet he'll come around ;-)
  • I think this is very common. Try not to take it personally-- easier said than done I know.
  • I'm going through the same thing I think, but my husband hasn't actually come out and said it. Ever since he felt her kick (about two weeks ago) our sex life has been almost dead. I will admit that sex is a bit uncomfortable physically for me, what with him not being able to put pressure on my stomach at all....I'm hoping we'll both get over it soon, the beginning of the second trimester sex was magical!! Hah
  • Same here my husband is being brilliant calling me beautiful, he finds the bump weird and has only just started to touch it. He keeps telling me he hope I get my figure back after the birth which makes me feel the size of a whale! My problem is with my first my ex cheated on me throughout my pregnancy and it was what split us - and I know it's paranoia that it will happen again. I trust my hubby but with raging hormones I am not being the most rational!
  • No sex here either! My husband was the same way with my first pregnancy, but this time it's a little different since I'm on pelvic rest. But with number one he didn't want to have sex after like 20 weeks when I really started showing. We had a girl too, and he said it was just weird and he didn't feel right sticking his dick in there. I begged and begged, but nope, he couldn't do it. Some guys are just that way and it's nothing to take personal. They worry about hurting the baby, no matter how many times you explain that anatomically it's impossible for their wiener to touch the baby, they always think their wiener is just that huge. Hahaa! Anyway I know it's hard not to take it personally but really try your best not to. You'll be back to normal eventually.


    djdawn29aChrissyD1203
  • Just thought I'd add another ditto to the conversation. I don't suppose I mind too much, because I'm frequently tired and also feel huge and unattractive. But I do long for more intimacy sometimes.
    ChrissyD1203
  • My SO has been pulling away as well. Not just in the bedroom but in general. I hope it's just pre-baby jitters and not something else entirely :(
  • It's been like this for me since we found out at 5 weeks; every two weeks at most. I've tried to talk seriously about it, tried little provocative messages, but nothing works. He isn't distant in any other regard, which is great, but twice a month SUCKS. Even when I'm exhausted and could take it or leave it, he's not allowed to not want it!!
    ChrissyD1203
  • I have been on pelvic rest but my dh is always up for sex. And if I were to use a vibrator without him, he would be very upset. He wants to part of any and all pleasure I have. Crazy man.lol
  • dc072175 said:

    It's been like this for me since we found out at 5 weeks; every two weeks at most. I've tried to talk seriously about it, tried little provocative messages, but nothing works. He isn't distant in any other regard, which is great, but twice a month SUCKS. Even when I'm exhausted and could take it or leave it, he's not allowed to not want it!!

    Yes, he is. No means no. Even joking that men can't refuse sex creates a double-standard. Men are entitled to their feelings and desires (or lack thereof) just as much as we are.

  • Can I be the person saying I wish!!! My husband sex drive hasn't decreases at all and it sucks not feeling sexual or attractive and having him want it all the time... Plus I'm tired constantly, so getting into it isn't the easiest anymore...
  • djdawn29a said:

    I have been on pelvic rest but my dh is always up for sex. And if I were to use a vibrator without him, he would be very upset. He wants to part of any and all pleasure I have. Crazy man.lol

    He would be upset if you used a vibrator? Does he never jerk off? Highly, highly doubt it.
    Leah6120
  • Yes he definitely does...hahaha..
  • #doublestandard
    Leah6120
  • He doesn't have to know ;)
  • Sheesh, sometimes I wish my husband was less interested...Sorry if that sounds insensitive. My husband IS freaked out by the thought of a baby "being up there," but it hasn't diminished his drive in the slightest. I'm the one who has asked for other manifestations of intimacy. Last night, I told him I just wanted to snuggle and talk, so we did. And it was one of our most lovely nights as of late. Like PP's have said, there are other, satisfying ways to be intimate. Just express to your SO that if he can't have sex, you would like to be intimate in other ways, and figure out what those other ways are. Good luck!
    Jan18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies

    **TW**
    BFP #1: 12/1/14 said goodbye 1/2/15
    BFP #2: 5/5/15
    EDD: 1/15/16
    Wren Marie born 1/7/16
    BFP #3 4/26/17
    EDD: 12/30/17
  • Mine is just the opposite. I have to admit i am the one who felt strange at first when I found out it was a girl. I dont know why? My hubby says he just blocks it out when we have sex. They will come around im sure...
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