Pregnant after a Loss

Irrational requests

So my older sister shared with me this scenario she has dreamed up about a gender reveal. She was thinking she could come to my appt , be the only one to find out the sex and she would then take it to a friend who bakes cakes and have her make the gender reveal cake and then we ( mom & dad ) could find out when we cut into the cake.... Am i wrong for feeling that is a completely unreasonable and unrealistic idea?? She is mid 30's and doesnt have a family of her own and while i sympathize w her i think it's totally irrelevant. I am glad she is excited but i do not want anyone else to know before my husband and I. I told her that was not going to happen and she was not understanding. She was like "but why? " and when i told her she said "well i'm never going to get to do this". I think she really felt like it was completely rational. Her reaction was not like she thought it was a long shot or she was wishful thinking. Anyways guess i just needed to vent. Anyone dealing w family like this??

Re: Irrational requests

  • kimey1kimey1 member
    edited September 2015
    Really odd, but then again I get it. I think it's easy to think your sibling's pregnancy is just as much yours when you are a. Single b. Unmarried c. Never tried trying for a baby. I'm not even facturing in a loss.
    You could say "No, you're not going to get to do that. But let me know when you're pregnant and you want that. i'll do that for you." Lol
    Hopefully you can explain to her that it is a very private matter a.k.a. nobody's business until you and DH share it with them, including family members. After all, plenty of couples choose to go team green/yellow and find out when baby/babies are born! you could use that as an excuse too ;)
  • Bah! I saw that on one of those 19 Kids and Counting shows. I think that would be O.K. if you asked her, but I definitely wouldn't go along with that otherwise.
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  • You can just have the u/s tech write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. Then everyone finds out at the same time. Idk why your sister needs to know first. (Again if you want to do a reveal). This is 100% up to you and your husband.
  • Thanks ladies! This was completely her idea. I want my husband and I to find out when we have the U/s and be the first to know! I told her that and she was like you'll be surprised. I told her i would be surprised when they told me at my appt! She really seemed to feel entitled to it since she thinks she will never have children. That and a victim mentality is something we deal with when it comes to her. We have a very "interesting" family dynamic.
  • I feel like it would be a cute idea, if it came from you (ie you asked her to be the first to know so you could have a fun reveal). Maybe she's trying to make it fun for you guys but I can see how it's a bit weird and she should just honor what you want instead of being so pushy. I have actually thought about doing the same kind of thing by asking the dr to write it down and then we give it to a friend to help surprise us. Just trying to find a way to make this pregnancy a little fun for us amongst all the anxiety. But again I can totally see how it would be off putting for someone else to force that idea on you when you've already said you're not interested.

  • That's how my husband and I found out, at the doctor's office by ourselves. We were still surprised, though!
  • I totally get what @spatter1 said... If it's what your sis wanted YOU to do for HER- then yeah, great idea! But this is your baby and your decision with your husband! I'm sure she, and many many others, are going to be "suggesting" stuff on the regular now! Shake them off and go with your gut! You're already going a great job mama!
  • Your baby, your surprise. Do what YOU want. I personally don't want anyone to know before me and DH. It's too special. Besides, someone in their mid 30's still has time to have a family of their own.

    1: BFP 3/14/14; EDD 12/1/14; MMC with HB, D&C 5/8/14
    2: BFP 1/31/15; EDD 10/09/15; MMC with HB, Cytotec 3/16/15
    6/9/15 Diagnosed MTHFR Compound Heterozygous
    3. BFP 8/27/15; EDD 5/08/16

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • My sister kinda wanted to do the same thing! Smh. This will hopefully be our 5th live baby... (lost a baby in April at 11 weeks ) and we have 4 boys. She wants to be the only one to know what this baby will be and do some huge reveal. She even wanted to pressure me into the blood test.... um no.
    My hubby and I always go together... just us
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