It's not okay

leighann1

jefinley1 said:

I very very rarely see truely judgemental comments on this board. And normally when there are, even people who technically agree will call them out on being asshats. What I do see a lot of is people who struggle to deal with opinions or ideas that are different than theirs and then engaging in a productive conversation. The point of social media or any kind of communicative interaction is exactly that. If everyone just agreed with and validated you, the productivity of communication would effectively be that of a placebo pill. This however, seems to unfortunately be a larger societal problem. People are no longer taught or encouraged to think critically (which btw, if you've ever actually studied it, is how racism and sexism were and continue to be productively stopped; just saying "Stop being meeeeaaaannnn to me!" Never quite works according to the historical record.....) and challenge the deeply held convictions of themselves and others for the sake of progress and intellectualism. There is a huge difference between judgement and analytical and respectful questioning, especially when a dialogue or topic has been opened to a forum. @blsav23 If my midwife recommends I transfer to the hospital during labor, I hope to God I get a team of medical professionals just like you. I'm 37.5 weeks with one and I'm whining like a giant baby.

YES!! I just watched a video in my professional development class at work today (I teach high school), and it shows a group of 2nd graders learning how to respectfully and constructively critique a classmate's work and help them improve. Not an exact comparison, obviously, but it hits on a main idea I've had while reading through this thread. I think my (our?) generation in particular has been raised with gaps in that sort of critical thinking and feedback.

People in our society are so conditioned that any questioning, critiquing, or differing viewpoints or opinions is "mean" or "impolite" that we are closed off to any productive discussion or improvement. The kids in the video say things like "Well, I think he needs to do this differently. Not to be mean, but it's a little off in the this way." I couldn't help but think while watching it "Wow, how many times have I bristled when someone tries to help me understand something differently or improve my work? How many times have I held off on discussing a topic with someone and adding my perspective because I'm afraid I'll come across as mean?"  

Not that a woman's choice to have an induction necessarily needs improvement, but why would it be wrong to discuss, if the topic has been brought up? I guess I too am confused at where the judgement is coming from, if this is a specific reference to comments seen here, IRL, or just a vague blanket statement? If someone asks for advice "should I induce?" or "I'm thinking of inducing for X reason, what do you think?" then they are opening themselves up to many perspectives. If someone replies with "you're an idiot for wanting to induce" then that responder is a jerk... I don't really see that here though?

Has someone started a thread that says "I'm looking for advice on car seat covers, and by the way, I'm being induced on x date, but what are your opinions on car seat covers?" and then gets flamed for having a scheduled induction? I admit I don't read every single thread here, but I can't see that I've seen that. 

Just my two cents. 

blsav23

chris&haley said:

blsav23 said:

I have gotten a ton of judgment for having a scheduled c section at 38w2d for my twins. So many people have said, "Why aren't you having a vaginal delivery since they are both head down?" Umm...because too many things can go wrong & one could flip, resulting in a c section anyway. Plus, my OB, who has 40 plus years experience said, "If you were my daughter, I'd recommend a scheduled c section". I know doctor bashing is a hot topic right now (which, as a healthcare professional myself, really pisses me off) but I choose to trust this man who has a lot more education & experience with childbirth than me.
A patient, including pregnant patients, aren't just a diagnosis & each situation must be treated individually. As women, we need to support each other's choices & as moms, not be so quick to judge parenting styles.

Exactly! Even nurses who should know the implications of vaginal delivery of mono/di twins question why I A) didn't deliver vaginally and had my section at 36 +4. This was a choice my OB and I made based on my pregnancy and the problems that could arise.

That's ridiculous. Clearly, those nurses need education-not only on the risks that certain twin pregnancies specifically present but also on professionalism. They need to learn to stifle their opinions, particularly when they are not backed up by physician logic.
In any event, I am so happy you & your girls are happy & healthy!!