Older Child During Maternity leave

pinottoparenthood

Any second+ time moms want to weigh in on this? I'm contemplating what to do about my son while I am on maternity leave. He will be three. I work full time, so he is with a nanny on weekdays. I am trying to decide if I should keep him home with me during maternity leave or send him to the nanny.... and if I send him, how long/how often? 

On the one hand, I want time to bond with the new baby without distraction, as I was able to bond with my son in the beginning. I am concerned about trying to nurse/hold the baby a lot with a toddler running around. I also feel like it would be nice to give the nanny some hours so she's not left unpaid. On the other hand, I feel guilty sending my son off when I am home all day, and I do want to spend that time with him! I was thinking of just sending him in the morning, but then he takes a two hour nap in the afternoon so I won't see much of him! I don't really want to pay her to watch him while he's napping because that just seems sort of silly to me.

What are others planning to do about the childcare situation with older siblings?

mrstrax

My SIL sent our nephew (almost 2) to to daycare and talks about how it was one of the best decisions she made. He didn't know she was home because nothing changed other than our niece being there and got to keep his routine. Not to mention she got to sleep when baby slept and got that snuggle time. If you can afford it it may be worth it, especially if you don't have family planning to come help out that first week or two.

eredee

My husband and I were just talking about this. My son goes to daycare in the city in work in, which is an hour from our house. When I'm out with baby #2, it's kind of silly to drive all the way up there to drop him off andy husband doesn't work there so, he's not going to do it. But, I'm scared about caring for a newborn and an 18 month old at the same time.
I think I might ask my mom to come stay for awhile until I get the hang of things. Maybe you could ask the nanny to come a few days a week?

cmerribury

My son is in preschool (so it's slightly different—though probably just as expensive) and I intend to keep him there. I do want to spend more time with him while I'm off on leave with the baby, but I honestly think I'll end up feeling guilty about how to split my time and parking him in front of the TV a lot. Also, selfishly, I want to be able to nap when the baby does, and I won't be able to do that if he's home. 

Phoopy

My DS is in daycare 5 days / week and LOVES it. He comes home with stories and talking about his friends. He will be 3 years 1 month when the new one arrives, and I have no hesitation about sending him to daycare full time while I'm on maternity leave, despite it being so expensive - he would be bored (and jealous) at home with just me and a newborn all day instead of playing with his big busy daycare group. I think the decision is easy for me because DS loves daycare so much - if he didn't I would likely be considering other options such as dropping him to just a few days/week. 

Each family has its own rhythms and what works for one certainly wouldn't work for all.

When my BF had her second she pulled her DS (2 years) out of daycare for the duration of her maternity leave and loved the special time with the two kids together. She said DS was so excited about spending time with his mama and "his" new baby all day. 

(We're in the Netherlands so maternity leave is only 12 weeks after birth (plus mandatory four weeks pre-birth).

littlesocks

I'd say keep him going to the nanny. As you probably remember, maternity leave isn't easy. I can't imagine doing it alone with a newborn and toddler/kid that also needs/wants your attention.
Your son won't know any different and your nanny will be happy you aren't eliminating part of her paycheck she's likely relying on.
Plus, you can always keep you son home here and there or drop him off late/pick him up early on days you want to spend more time with him.

We have a nanny at home that watches my DD who will be two when LO arrives. THAT I am nervous about.

Cathhhh

My daughter will only be 18 months when baby is born. I think I'm going to keep her on her normal schedule since she thrives off of routine.

My mom is our nanny. So, since I will have a rcs. I think I'll have my husband drop dd off for the first 2 weeks. After that, my mom will either come pick her up or come up to our house to help out. Once I get baby in a better routine, I may keep dd some days.

Ready4theParty

For the first week or so we are going to keep DD at home. My mom will be staying with us so that works out. For the other six or so weeks she will stay with her normal routine. I think it's best for all involved.

pinottoparenthood

Phoopy said:

(We're in the Netherlands so maternity leave is only 12 weeks after birth (plus mandatory four weeks pre-birth).

"ONLY" twelve weeks? That sounds great! 

pinottoparenthood

Thanks for the input! I can add that he is in preschool for half the day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so he will for sure keep doing that. I'm thinking maybe I will send him mornings only to the nanny's house to kind of keep him in the routine, but he'll still get a little more bonding time with me and the baby than he would if he went full-time. SO glad I signed up for disability insurance so that my maternity leave won't be completely unpaid... otherwise it would be tight to pay for this!

sarahufl

I don't have kids, so I can't really weigh in. But I will say, you would get zero judgement from me for keeping him in daycare/with a nanny. It might be better for him anyway bc it won't disrupt his routine.

MrsCayEye

DS is in school/daycare the 3 days I work, and I plan on continuing to send him. His program ends in June like a normal school year, so he will be home with me again when this baby is 10ish weeks old. I SAH during the summer since I work in a school and he will resume some sort of preschool in Sept whether I go back to work or not.

littleredx2

We will be sending our children to school as normal this time around. When DS2 was born, we continued to send DS1 to daycare to keep him used to it and it worked well. I was able to bond with DS2 and would just pick DS1 up early or let him miss the occassional day to stay home with me.

When DS3 was born, we decided to save some money by keeping the older two guys home during my 4 month leave (daycare would hold our spot for a $50 one time fee). Honestly, it was a terrible decision for us. I feel like I missed out on the one on one time with DS3 so much and my older guys really had a hard time with the change of routine and an even harder time when it came time for them to go back to school. I also know that I wasn't able to teach them things while they were with me since I was still adjusting to our new family.

This time, even though it will be a bit rough once I'm not getting paid, we are going to continue sending the older guys to daycare. My oldest starts school in August so I definately want him to continue having the structure so he's ready for that change and my other two guys really enjoy their class/teachers and the fun activities they do. Plus it gives me one on one time to really get to know the new baby. I've already started putting money aside so that we are prepared.

Ellenlbishop

I'm also torn what to do with DD. currently she's with a nanny at our house. I had planned on putting her in daycare in September anyway so she could have a more structured learning and social environment (she'll be 2 in April) before I got pregnant, but it would certainly be nice to save the extra money for a few months while I'm not working and keep her home. I also don't think continuing the nanny will be helpful if I'm home bc she's very attached to me and will want to all the time with mom. I am considering starting her part time at local daycare in April when LO arrives. Has anyone transitioned from at-home care to the part time or full time daycare successfully when second baby arrived? I feel like either option will be a big change from what she's used to. Part time (2-3 days/week) may help her transition full time daycare in the fall.

sprocketsngadgets

I'm pretty sure we're going to continue having DD in daycare. She should be about 19 months when baby is born. She pretty much never sits still so I can't imagine trying to wrangle her, take care of a newborn, keep everyone from annoying DH (who works from home), and giving our two dogs at least a little attention so they don't go on a jealous destructive rampage. Luckily she loves daycare and it's not obscenely expensive, so it should be fine

MyCousinVinny

We kept DD1 in daycare while I was on maternity leave and it was the best thing for us.  It gave me that time to bond plus it kept her routine on point.  We didn't want to change her routine AND have her adjust to her new sister.  

We also didn't want to take the chance that our spot would be filled, as our daycare does not hold spots for extended time off.

dkny155

pinottoparenthood said:

Phoopy said:

(We're in the Netherlands so maternity leave is only 12 weeks after birth (plus mandatory four weeks pre-birth).

"ONLY" twelve weeks? That sounds great! 

I was thinking the same thing! Plus 4 weeks pre-birth is awesome!! Enjoy it

Tippy05

We have two and they'll both stay in school/daycare when this LO arrives.  It's better for them (it keeps them in a routine and isn't too much of a shock to them) and to me (gives me time to heal/rest and bond with the new baby).

I did the same when DS2 was born.  DS 1 stayed in daycare during the day and came home to us at night.  Sure, it would be nice to save a couple bucks to keep them out for a while, but it would be too crazy at home to try to care for 3 kids under the age of 5.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.  

momofmanyinthemitten

I'm a SAHM, but thought I'd throw in my thoughts. DD1 was 2 when DS was born. I found it very difficult to juggle cooking, cleaning, and caring for two for the first few months. It would've been nice if she had been in daycare part time during that time. Adding baby #3 to the mix was easy peasy, thank goodness.

amaniupendo

We will stick to morning preschool. My husband is a sahd so afternoons will be awesome family time.

Meggs2559

This is a big discussion in our house also. My initial thought was to keep our son home with me either once the baby was born or at least for the summer (I'm a teacher). However, he is super routine-based and doesn't handle change too well. My husband thinks it will not be fair to him since he loves school and loves his friends. We won't be able to do too much with a newborn so he will be bored like other posts said. I'm leaning more towards keeping him in, at least either part time or shortened hours. I think it will be best for everyone. Although I do feel mothers guilt for staying home while he's at school.

mumidi

My DD is 4 and in pre-k this year. Well likely continue sending her full time until June then either keep her home for the summer or only send her two days (I'm a teacher and won't go back until next school year).

TheBorg7of9

Send him to the nanny. This is not even a question. I had only part time help for my second and it was so hard. You can always pick him up early if you want or have the nanny go with you and the kids to the zoo or something.

K&Elizabeth

My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. I'm leaning toward sending her to daycare (which she LOVES) for probably the 1st two weeks that the baby is here to get myself situated. After that, I'd like to have her home. We'll see how it goes, though.

ashleymarie1027

Daycare/nanny! Our DS will be 19 months and we're definitely keeping him in daycare, no question. I'm really looking forward to at home bonding time with the new baby (especially since I'll kind of know what I'm doing this time), and DS really enjoys daycare.

TheBorg7of9

One day alone with a toddler and a newborn, you'll be begging them to take her.