Pregnant after a Loss

When do you tell your other kids?

I'm sorry if this has been discussed,I searched and didn't find much. When did you or will you tell your other kids? My son is almost 5 and its early days yet. We have had some discussions on death due to pets passing as well as a friends mom. I'm just anxious about this... What are your thoughts?
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Re: When do you tell your other kids?

  • With our loss, we had to tell our 2.5 year old that baby had gone to heaven and wasn't in mommy's belly anymore. She finally accepted that our baby was really sick, but then she thought he\she was at the hospital. We finally cleared it up, but I feel she definitely had an attitude change and knew mommy was sad. So, we didn't want to tell her with this baby until viability, which I felt would give her enough time to wrap her head around the idea of a new baby and at that point I would probably just start to show. However, we had to take her to our 7 week ultrasound because we didn't have anyone to watch her. As soon as she saw the screen, she exclaimed that is my baby in mommy's belly and demanded a picture of her 'baby sister' which she has now accepted is not in fact a sister, but a brother. But at 5, your son may be able to notice more changes than a toddler, so you may have to tell him sooner than the 23 weeks that we were planning on waiting until.
  • We've been struggling with this a lot. My son is just shy of 5 and last year he was in the room with me when the doctor told me we'd lost the baby (we didn't think anything was wrong, or he wouldn't have been there). It was really hard to explain it to him, but because of the loss of some pets, etc. he eventually understood. With this pregnancy he's been asking me since about 8 weeks if there is a baby in my belly (with two losses in the last year and extra progesterone suppositories I looked pregnant really early) and we've been putting him off by saying we'll have to see what the doctor says. However, at this point (11w3d) he's convinced. I'm waiting for the results of some genetic testing (which I should get today) to confirm with him for good. I've been trying to protect him, but honestly I think it's been futile in my case because he's already talking to my belly and patting me. When I remind him that we don't know if there is a baby in there he says "I know, Mommy...I know." So, honestly even if this pregnancy isn't viable he's still going to be disappointed. So...that's a very long way of me saying that I think it depends on the kid. Best of luck!
    BabyFruit Ticker

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  • @cmerribury thanks for sharing that. I just checked your other post to see if you'd gotten results yet. I hope that if not today maybe you can call tomorrow and explain that you're anxious and would really appreciate not waiting through the weekend.

    I am going to wait until after we get the panorama back. I think at that point we will be past the point where I lost the other 2. It's so hard. I just don't want to break his heart. Or mine.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • @campbaby76 no news yet. :( I definitely going to call tomorrow (probably after lunch) if I haven't heard. I's a weekend, that would just be cruel, right? We have an NT scan scheduled for 10 am on Monday, so absolute worst case hopefully they'll know by then? My hubby wanted to tell our son tonight. I made him hold out one more night...

    That is EXACTLY where we are. Further along than the other two losses, I just imagine the look on his face last time every time I think of telling him.

    Being a mama is hard work, sweets. Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you.
    BabyFruit Ticker

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